Why Don't Women Like Me?

Medically reviewed by Arianna Williams, LPC, CCTP
Updated May 1, 2024by BetterHelp Editorial Team

If you're struggling with dating, finding a partner, or making connections with women, you might wonder if there's anything wrong with you. It can be challenging to feel rejected, alone, or isolated. However, there are ways to look more profoundly into why you might not be making the connections you seek and how to put yourself out there to women. Regardless of your sexuality, consider the following tips.

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Wondering how you can be more attractive to others?

Why don't women like me? 

There are many reasons you might struggle to make connections with women, including but not limited to the following:

  • A lack of confidence
  • Difficulty with social interaction
  • Mismatching desires
  • Personality
  • A lack of attraction 
  • Mismatching sexual orientations 
  • The way you're presenting yourself 
  • A lack of growth 
  • No future plans 
  • A lack of hygiene 

Below are a few tips to keep in mind to attract others to you that may be beneficial. 

Tips for attracting others to you 

If you're struggling to feel attractive to women you're interested in, consider the following tips, regardless of your gender or background. 

Consider what you have to offer 

When it comes to relationships, what are the qualities you possess that would make you a unique partner? It can be helpful to start by deciding your positive attributes and what you want to showcase to the world. 

Each person can have positive traits. However, if you don't notice your own positive traits, it can cause low self-esteem. Perhaps your strengths require a closer relationship than what might be noticeable briefly. Be honest with yourself, and be exhaustive. A few traits that a person might have include the following: 

  • A great sense of humor 
  • Kindness
  • Intelligence 
  • Consideration 
  • Wisdom 
  • Financial prowess 
  • Listening skills 
  • Art skills 
  • Dancing abilities 
  • A love for children 
  • Patience 
  • Understanding
  • Resilience

Consider how you want to present yourself 

Although physical appearance can be an aspect of attraction, it may not only involve your body type or attributes. It can also make up how you present yourself to others. Take pride in your appearance and dress in a way that makes you feel confident and comfortable. 

Stay true to who you are. If you want to wear bright colors, a gothic style, neutrals, minimalist attire, or vintage clothing, wear them. A person who likes you may like you for you, regardless of how you express yourself, and you may come off more confident as a result. 

Increase your confidence 

Confidence is often considered an attractive and contagious trait. You may attract more individuals when you show that you're comfortable in your skin, able to accept boundaries, and comfortable letting a relationship progress naturally. Arrogance or low self-esteem may show to others and cause them to feel less attracted. 

It can be helpful to practice a comfortable and natural smile and be aware of any habits you may have that suggest you don't feel confident, like biting your nails. Eye contact may also display confidence. Look at a person in their eyes without staring at them to show that you are interested in them. 

In addition, know the difference between confidence and arrogance. Try not to talk too much about yourself, act as if you're better than others, or ignore the person you're interested in. Treating staff at public locations with kindness can also show a lack of arrogance. 

Getty/AnnaStills

Consider your skills 

Consider your skills and interests when looking for a potential partner or friend. Many people have ideas about what "all women like." However, stereotypes can be harmful and limit your possibilities. Every individual is unique, so find out what makes you unique.

If you enjoy conventions and cosplaying, consider meeting people at a convention. If you enjoy mathematics and science, consider joining a STEM group at your local college. Find people who find your skills exciting and enjoyable. In addition, try to be open to meeting people outside of your bubble, as you may be surprised by the people who find you cool as you are. 

Be responsible and dependable 

Women may not be interested in meeting an irresponsible or immature partner. If you want people to be attracted to you, show you are responsible and in control of your life. Show up when you say you will, respond to messages, and value your outside commitments. Being obsessed with a new relationship or dropping everything in your life for someone might be seen as intense and unattractive. 

You can earn trust over time by showcasing that you are dependable. Try not to lie to anyone you're interested in about what you can handle. For example, if you're not looking to raise a child, dating a single parent might not be the best idea. If you're not looking for a polyamorous relationship, it may be best only to date monogamous partners. Be honest about what you need and stick with it. Don't settle for someone out of a desire not to be alone. 

Practice politeness 

When dating others, be polite and consider your surroundings. For example, if you're at a restaurant, be kind to your waitstaff and tip generously. If you're going somewhere in public with a woman you're interested in, consider opening the door for her or offering her your jacket. Anyone of any gender can offer these kind gestures and show politeness and care for those they're interested in. 

Be positive 

Negativity can be a turn-off for some people. If you're talking about how much you hate your life, don't like your appearance, or wish you were different, the person you're talking to might feel uncomfortable. If you often complain, consider replacing your complaints in your head with positive thoughts. 

For example, if you're at a restaurant with a woman, you might try to find a way to compliment the establishment or waitstaff. You can say, "I've never been here before. I love the lights they have up." In addition, you can compliment your date. Try to make the compliment specific to the person and not relate it to yourself or what you want. For example, you could say any of the following: 

  • "Your lipstick shade is gorgeous; what made you pick it?" 
  • "I love the color green on you; it matches your eyes." 
  • "Is there a story behind that necklace?" 
  • "Thanks for picking this restaurant; I love it!" 
  • "I'd love for you to make me a playlist; I love your music taste." 
  • "You're so smart; I'd love to learn more about why you chose your degree path." 
  • "Your voice is so calming."
  • "I love your sense of humor." 

Another aspect of negativity might be in your overall attitude about your ability to attract other people. If you believe "all women" are not interested in you for any reason, you might be setting yourself up for failure. Try to be open to the possibility of finding someone you like who likes you back. In addition, give others a chance to show you who they are. 

iStock/Jelena Stanojkovic
Wondering how you can be more attractive to others?

How to find support 

If you're struggling to connect with women due to social anxiety, fear, negative thinking, or another concern, you might benefit from reaching out for professional guidance. A therapist can be accommodating, as they often give unbiased feedback. In addition, if you struggle with social anxiety or leaving home for appointments, you can try online counseling. 

Through a platform like BetterHelp, you can get matched with a therapist with expertise in the area you're concerned with. Therapists often have training in attraction, attachment, relationships, and dating and can offer research-backed advice. In addition, you can choose the format of therapy that works best for you, whether through video chat, phone calls, or live messaging. 

Online therapy is effective, according to many published clinical studies. It reduces the symptoms of mental illness, and it can offer guidance for stress, relationships, and other topics. Other studies have found that online therapy can reduce loneliness, isolation, or depression resulting from being alone and may be as effective as in-person options. 

Takeaway

If you feel that women are not attracted to you, you might be struggling with a few areas of dating. You can consider the above tips or contact a licensed therapist for further guidance and support as you navigate relationships.
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