How To Be Yourself In Social Situations And Foster Personal Growth

It can be challenging to know how to be yourself with other people. Wanting to impress others or worrying that your personality isn't likable may lead to changing your behavior or masking your true self to please others.

No matter the cause of your difficulty showing up as your true self, there may be ways to learn to develop this skill. Either on your own or with the help of a professional, you can get to know yourself better and work on being comfortable in your skin, as well as finding people who accept you as you are.

What does it really mean to be yourself?

Being yourself can be seen as acting authentically and living in accordance with your own beliefs, values, and present moment emotions. For example, you may say no to social plans that don’t align with your interests. 

It’s important to acknowledge that your identity may not be fixed. As a human being, you can evolve and grow over time, as well as experience fluctuating states of emotion from day to day. Being able to express your truth on any given day, whether happy, sad, or relaxed, is one way people may honor their true self. Being aware of your current thoughts, feelings, and emotions, and making choices that align with your state of mind can feel rewarding.

Why being yourself around others can feel so hard

It can be difficult to be yourself around others, especially if you have a history of challenging past experiences, such as being judged, bullied, or misunderstood.  

Fear of judgment and people’s opinions

Sometimes it can be hard to remain authentic when you fear the judgments and opinions of others. In an effort to be liked by others, you may act out of character and conform to the behaviors of others. For example, people may adopt the attitudes and behaviors of peers to make a good impression and be accepted.

Negative self-talk and self-doubt

Those who find it difficult to be themselves in social situations may be described as havingsocial anxiety. People with social anxiety may engage in negative self-talk and experience self-doubt, with research suggesting that highly anxious individuals tend to agree with negative self-beliefs. 

The mental health cost of pretending to be someone else

People who are anxious in social settings may be more likely to avoid interactions and wear masks, such as concealing true feelings to act appropriately or mimicking social cues. However, living inauthentically to   impress others can be taxing on your mental health.

Pretending to be someone else or masking during social interactions may lead to various mental health symptoms, such as emotional disconnection, anxiety, burnout, and sadness. Therefore, it can be helpful to prioritize your own happiness, creating a life filled with personal choices, rather than living for someone else. 

Learning to feel comfortable in your own skin

To start feeling more comfortable in your own skin, you may focus on developing self-awareness, self-compassion, and healthier ways to interact with the world around you. 

• Foster self-acceptance by questioning negative self-talk and accepting flaws without having to live up to others’ expectations

• Stop comparing yourself to others and recognize that everyone is on a different timeline for personal success and well-being.

• Treat yourself like a close friend or family member since self-compassion may buffer against social anxiety and reduce patterns of negative self-talk. 

• Encourage body and emotional awareness by practicing deep breathing, body scans for relaxation, and paying attention to simple body movements (such as each footstep).

• Reframe mistakes as opportunities for growth and develop a growth mindset, where you believe characteristics, intelligence, and abilities can be developed.

How to start the journey of self-discovery

Various tools can be used to start a journey of self-discovery, such as mindfulness practices and therapy. These methods of care foster self-awareness so you can live a more fulfilling life. For example, mindfulness interventions can reduce anxiety. Journaling can also be used to reflect on your journey and imagine steps you can take to build your best life. 

Letting go of other people’s opinions without isolating yourself

To be understood and accepted you may want to conform to the standards of others. For example, you may drink alcohol to appease others when, in reality, you want to stay sober. However, letting go of other people's opinions can be freeing. Below are some ways to let go of other people’s opinions without isolating yourself:

• Set boundaries by respectfully saying no to plans that don’t bring you joy, while making plans that align with your interests.

• Maintain realistic expectations by being open and honest in conversations so people know what to expect from you as a friend and what activities you will partake in. 

• Choose supportive relationships that respect your individuality, accept your personal choices, and support overall well-being

• Define your values and prioritize activities that align with them, such as spending quality time with friends or volunteering for local organizations.

• Stop judging others and understand that, possibly, people care less about you than you think, and support your independence. 

Being yourself in conversations and relationships

Learning to express yourself honestly and authentically may lead to more satisfying relationships and improve general well-being. Because people can see who you are, they can make genuine connections with you instead of with the person you're pretending to be. Being yourself can also improve your happiness, helping you to develop more satisfying relationships, love yourself despite criticism, and enjoy time alone.

Be authentic despite people’s opinions 

You may inspire others when you are confident in your abilities. Following your dreams, working to achieve a goal, or putting yourself out there and partaking in activities you enjoy can be positive examples for others.

Earning the respect of others

When you gain the courage and determination to be yourself, you may further earn the respect of others. Some people may be so worried about gaining the approval or acceptance of others that they achieve the opposite. 

Showing authentic self-expression in every social interaction

People who go out of their way to be something they're not to get others to like them may eventually slip up and show parts of their authentic selves. If you want to be looked upon favorably by others, gain their respect by being confident, honest, and upfront about your personality. Show others that unkindness, rumors, drama, and other social challenges don't change your confidence in who you are. 

When you learn to be yourself, the individuals around you may sense it. Like people can pick out someone eager to please and gain favor, they may also be able to pick up on confidence easily. Confidence is often natural when you've practiced it and truly feel it. 

No matter how self-confident or well-positioned you are, you may encounter people who do not like you, even if their opinion is wrong or not based on logic. Not being swayed by the opinions of others doesn't mean that you can't or shouldn't defend yourself or apologize when necessary. However, it can mean that criticism won't ruin your day or change who you are deep down. In addition, not being liked doesn't change whether you are worthy of connections. Social connection is an essential aspect of being human, and making connections with others can improve your health and well-being. If someone doesn't like you, you can try again with someone new.  

Recognize your similarities

One way to reduce social fears when you try to be yourself in an unfamiliar situation is to think about how you are similar to the people you're interacting with. You may impart common interests, live in the same city, or have mutual friends. If you can't think of what you have in common, it may help you to calm down by recognizing that they are people with human needs and desires, too. Connecting with your humanity may remind you that you aren't alone, and other people might also be worried about how they appear to you. 

Respect each other’s

Each person is a unique individual. However, it can be easy to look at the behaviors and thoughts of others using your lens and lived experiences. To reduce worries about being yourself, respect who other people are without expecting them to be like you. Seeing the uniqueness in others may help you become more comfortable with your uniqueness.

Living a life true to yourself over time

To foster personal growth and a life of fulfillment, you may want to build a lifestyle that is aligned with your future goals and gives you time to enjoy hobbies and activities that promote joy. 

Planning for the future

Taking time to plan out your future can help you stay motivated on a day-by-day basis. You may ask yourself if what you’re doing will still feel important in 10 years time. Life may be unpredictable so it can be important to remain flexible, but breaking down long term plans into small manageable steps can be helpful, such as writing 500 words a day for a book you’re creating. 

Creativity, play, and fulfilling activity

Through creative expression, sport, and other things that bring you joy, you can live a life true to yourself. As your goals and interests change, so may the activities you spend time on and the people you surround yourself with. However, the power to choose how to spend your time may remain. To keep things light and fun as you get older, you may:

• Create art, music, poetry, and other creative outlets that express your thoughts and identify over time.
• Engage in hobbies you enjoy such as cooking, gardening, sports, and crafts to boost mental health and cognitive function. 
• Stay playful by trying new things and stepping outside your comfort zone to build confidence and independence.
• Volunteer for organizations that mean something to you, such as wildlife rehabilitation or homeless shelter support.
• Pursue your passions, whether in business, art, or building a vibrant community.

How therapy can help you be more yourself

Therapy can be an outlet where people can explore their identity and develop greater self-understanding in a supportive environment. Interventions used in sessions, such as mindfulness and cognitive restructuring, may help you approach social situations with more self-assurance.

If you're finding it difficult to be yourself in social situations you may be experiencing low self-esteem or social anxiety. Research suggests that low self-esteem can lead to depression, anxiety, emotional instability, and other mental health symptoms. These symptoms can affect daily functioning and relationships, so seeking professional support may be worthwhile. 

Cultivating mental health with BetterHelp

If you struggle to find available in-person therapy, you can also reach out to a professional online through a platform like BetterHelp. Studies show that it is common for those who participate in online counseling to report increases in self-esteem due to their therapist's support. There are therapists available in several specialties so various mental health concerns and symptoms can be addressed during online therapy sessions. 

With an online platform, clients can set therapy goals upon signing up and often get matched with a therapist within 48 hours. In addition, clients can choose between phone, video, or live chat sessions and receive worksheets from their therapist to fill out after sessions.