How To Be Yourself With Other People

It can be challenging to know how to be yourself with other people. Wanting to impress others or worrying that your personality isn't likable may lead to changing your behavior or masking your true self to please others.

No matter the cause of your difficulty showing up as your true self, there may be ways to learn to develop this skill. Either on your own or with the help of a professional, you can get to know yourself better and work on being comfortable in your skin, as well as finding people who accept you as you are.

Ways to be yourself around others

There are many ways to get more comfortable in your skin when spending time with others, including the following. 

Recognize your similarities

One way to reduce social fears when you try to be yourself in an unfamiliar situation is to think about how you are similar to the people you're interacting with. You may impart common interests, live in the same city, or have mutual friends. If you can't think of what you have in common, it may help you to calm down by recognizing that they are people with human needs and desires, too. Connecting with your humanity may remind you that you aren't alone, and other people might also be worried about how they appear to you. 

Respect your differences

Each person is a unique individual. However, it can be easy to look at the behaviors and thoughts of others using your lens and lived experiences. To reduce worries about being yourself, respect who other people are without expecting them to be like you. Seeing the uniqueness in others may help you become more comfortable with your uniqueness. 

Focus on self-love 

If you don't like who you are, you may struggle to be yourself with others. Those who actively dislike who they are often want to hide those undesirable qualities that make them believe they are inferior. You may not be thrilled about the possibility that others will see the real you, even though you want to be accepted.

This challenge can cause a conflict within you that keeps you from relaxing enough to show your friends and community who you are. To show who you are with others, practice self-care, self-compassion, and self-confidence by partaking in activities on your own time that make you happy in who you are. 

If you've struggled in the past with social isolation or people not accepting you as you are, you're not alone. However, self-love and self-confidence may help you better understand when people aren't healthy for you. Those who don't accept and love you as you are may not give you the acceptance you seek. If you find that acceptance in yourself, the opinions of others may not seem as harsh. 

Talk to a professional 

Appreciating who you are may be difficult to do on your own. You may be able to identify several qualities you enjoy in yourself. However, fully embracing these qualities and practicing self-love can be easier said than done. A counselor can validate your self-worth and highlight other qualities you might not have considered. In therapy, you can partake in activities that allow you to connect with who you are, learn more about your personality, and start setting healthy boundaries to find healthier connections with others. 

Potential benefits of loving who you are 

Learning to express yourself honestly and authentically may lead to more satisfying relationships. Although loving yourself may not lead everyone to like you, being authentic can ensure your connections are with people who do. Because people can see who you are, they can make genuine connections with you instead of with the person you're pretending to be.   

Practicing self-love may allow you to get out of your head and be present in social situations. Being yourself can also improve your happiness. Developing more satisfying relationships, loving yourself despite criticism, and enjoying your time are a few positive impacts. Below are other potential benefits to loving yourself and being authentic. 

Inspiring others 

You may inspire others when you are confident in your abilities. Although others may seem to have their lives together, they may also struggle to be themselves. Societal messages can cause individuals to believe they aren't worthy unless they lie about who they are. Unrealistic standards may be put in place that make individuals believe they have to conform to find special places, have unique experiences, or achieve specific goals.

For this reason, it can make a difference when someone sees someone they care about isn't afraid to be themselves and embrace who they are. Being yourself can inspire someone like you to feel pride in themselves. Following your dreams, working to achieve a goal, or putting yourself out there and partaking in activities you enjoy can be positive examples for others.

Earning the respect of others

When you gain the courage and determination to be yourself, you may further earn the respect of others. Some people may be so worried about gaining the approval or acceptance of others that they achieve the opposite. 

People who go out of their way to be something they're not to get others to like them may eventually slip up and show parts of their authentic selves. If you want to be looked upon favorably by others, gain their respect by being confident, honest, and upfront about your personality. Show others that unkindness, rumors, drama, and other social challenges don't change your confidence in who you are. 

When you learn to be yourself, the individuals around you may sense it. Like people can pick out someone eager to please and gain favor, they may also be able to pick up on confidence easily. Confidence is often natural when you've practiced it and truly feel it. 

Not being swayed by the opinions of others

No matter how self-confident or well-positioned you are, you may encounter people who do not like you, even if their opinion is wrong or not based on logic. These people might be jealous or have a challenge going on in their lives that has nothing to do with you. People who are confident in themselves may not become extremely upset or change their personality if someone doesn't like them.  

Not being swayed by the opinions of others doesn't mean that you can't or shouldn't defend yourself or apologize when necessary. However, it can mean that criticism won't ruin your day or change who you are deep down. In addition, not being liked doesn't change whether you are worthy of connections. Social connection is an essential aspect of being human, and making connections with others can improve your health and well-being. If someone doesn't like you, you can try again with someone new.  

How to find support and increase your self-love 

Some people may struggle to improve their self-love. If you find it challenging to love yourself, consider seeking support from a mental health practitioner. 

Clinical researchers have debated for decades the extent to which self-esteem should be improved via therapy. A research study found that young people with low self-esteem were more likely to develop mental and physical illness, commit crime, and live in poverty than those with positive conceptions of themselves. This study showcases how therapy may be of benefit, as it can reduce these risks. 

If you struggle to find available in-person therapy, you can also reach out to a professional online through a platform like BetterHelp. Studies show that it is common for those who participate in online counseling to report increases in self-esteem due to their therapist's support. 

With an online platform, clients can set therapy goals upon signing up and often get matched with a therapist within 48 hours. In addition, clients can choose between phone, video, or live chat sessions and receive worksheets from their therapist to fill out after sessions. 

Therapist reviews

“Dr. Okuda is extremely professional and amazing! She helps me realize who I am and gives me the space to be myself. I truly feel as though I've grown with her guidance.”

“Jackie is so supportive. Through my challenges, she is encouraging and has a unique way of looking at situations with a different perspective. Jackie has helped me grow through my obstacles and has given me confidence.”