Things To Talk About With A Guy: Conversation Starters To Ease Nerves

Good things to talk about with a guy can often include your surroundings, his interests, and light, fun questions. As you get to know each other, deeper topics like values and goals may follow. In most conversations, genuine curiosity and thoughtful follow-up questions may matter more than the perfect opening line. Whether you're on a first date, texting someone new, or deepening an existing connection, reviewing options for icebreakers, text-friendly questions, and deeper topics can often be helpful.

Tips for building confidence in conversations

Effective communication can seem like an elusive skill, which may leave many people feeling uncomfortable, nervous, or embarrassed when starting conversations. This may be especially true for young people, introverts, or individuals who experience social anxiety.

If you have trouble projecting confidence when talking to other people, it can often help to be yourself. Many people appreciate authenticity and honesty, so consider letting the guy you're speaking with see the real you.

Talking with someone new may also go better than you expect. In experiments published by the American Psychological Association, conversations between strangers felt less awkward than expected and more connecting than predicted.

In addition, here are a few specific strategies that may help you feel more at ease:

• Take a few deep breaths to help settle nerves; the NIH's National Center for Complementary and Integrative Health lists deep breathing as a relaxation technique.
• For in-person conversations, maintain eye contact and an open posture, which can help engage your conversation partner.
• Use your surroundings to come up with a topic if you experience an uncomfortable silence.
• Try summing up the other person's main points or asking a follow-up question to show you're listening.
• Consider joking about an awkward silence to lighten the mood.

Having a few topics ready can also boost your confidence, and the icebreakers below offer a place to start.

Icebreakers and things to talk about with a guy

For many people, the hardest part of the conversation is the beginning. When you're approaching someone new, common context can give you something to talk about before you know each other well.

Comment on your surroundings

It can be hard to talk with a stranger when you don't know much about them yet. Still, you're in the same place, which offers an easy starting point. A few examples:

• At a live music show: Consider asking how he first heard of the band.
• At a coffee shop: You might ask what he usually orders or comment on the atmosphere.
• In a bar: You can ask if he's celebrating something or just out with friends.
• At a party: You can find out how he knows the host.

Ask about his interests and hobbies

Many people enjoy talking about their passions and hobbies. Asking what he does for fun may tell you a lot about him and let him talk about something that excites him. Consider a few questions like these:

• "What do you like to do on weekends?"
• "What's a hobby you've been wanting to try?"
• "Do you have any hobbies you're really into right now?"
• "What's your favorite way to spend a free afternoon?"
• "Is there a skill you'd love to learn someday?"

Tell a story or ask for one

Sometimes, the best way to get over the awkwardness of starting a conversation is to dive right in. If you've got a funny or unusual story, you might open with a playful line like, "The strangest thing happened today."

You can also invite him to tell a story of his own. Try asking, "What's the wildest thing you've ever done?" or "What's a story your friends always ask you to tell?"

Give a genuine compliment

If you've approached a guy you don't know, it might be because you think he's attractive. A compliment may be a bridge to more substantial topics. For example, you could say he reminds you of a handsome actor, then ask about movies he's seen.

How to keep a conversation going with a guy

Asking follow-up questions and offering something about yourself in return can often help a conversation with a guy keep its momentum. Building on his answers rather than jumping to new topics may also help. Mixing in comments and stories, noticing what's around you, and letting short pauses happen may help keep things flowing. Some specific tips include:

1. Ask about what he said. According to the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, asking follow-up questions was linked to being better liked.
2. Offer something about yourself. The same researchers noted that asking many questions without opening up in return may reduce liking.
3. Use statements, not only questions. A quick comment or story after their response can keep things from feeling like an interview.
4. Build on his last answer. If he mentions a trip, for example, you might ask how he liked it and where he'd go next.
5. Comment on the moment. The food, music, or something nearby can offer a new thread.
6. Let a pause happen. A short silence can be normal and may give you both time to think.

Fun and playful questions to ask a guy

Keeping things light might take some pressure off and make a conversation more enjoyable for both of you. To keep the mood playful, consider a few of these questions.

1. If you could have any superpower, what would it be?
2. What's the most spontaneous thing you've ever done?
3. What's a movie you can watch over and over again?
4. If you could only eat one food for the rest of your life, what would it be?
5. What's the strangest talent you have?
6. If you could instantly become an expert at something, what would you choose?
7. What's the best gift you've ever received?
8. If you could travel back to any decade, which would it be?
9. What's your go-to karaoke song?
10. What fictional world would you most want to live in?

Questions to ask a guy over text

A good first text to a guy often refers to something you talked about or have in common. Follow it with an open-ended question he can answer in more than one word. For example, you might mention a show he recommended and ask what he thought of the ending.

Texting may give you a little more time to think about your reply and less pressure to respond right away. The right questions can often keep a text conversation flowing without feeling forced. Here are some text-friendly options:

1. What's been the highlight of your week so far?
2. What are you watching or listening to these days?
3. What's something that made you laugh recently?
4. If you had a free day tomorrow, how would you spend it?
5. What's a place you'd love to travel to next?
6. What's your idea of a perfect weekend?
7. What's something you're looking forward to?
8. What's a small thing that always puts you in a good mood?
9. What's the best meal you've had lately?
10. What's something you've been thinking about a lot recently?

Flirty questions to show romantic interest

Showing romantic interest can feel a little vulnerable, and that can be completely normal. If you're comfortable turning up the warmth, a few playful but respectful questions can help signal how you feel. However, keep in mind that comfort levels can change during intimate moments, so the University of Colorado Boulder emphasizes the importance of checking in along the way and respecting a "no" if you receive one.

Some examples of flirty questions to ask a guy in the right moment include:

1. What's your idea of a perfect date?
2. What first attracted you to me?
3. What's something that instantly makes you like someone?
4. What's your favorite way to spend time with someone you care about?
5. What's the most romantic thing you've ever done?
6. What makes you feel most appreciated in a relationship?
7. What's a small gesture that means a lot to you?

Topics to get a guy talking about himself

Once you're past introductions, certain subjects may encourage a guy to open up. The categories below might help you find one he enjoys.

His career and work life

Showing interest in what he does for a living may invite him to say more. His job can also lead to talk about his passions, education, and dreams for the future. Questions like these may help:

• "What do you enjoy most about that?"
• "How did you first get interested in that?"
• "Do you see yourself staying in that career?"
• "Can you describe a typical workday for you?"

Movies, TV, and entertainment

Entertainment can be a favorite topic of conversation for people of any gender. A simple approach is to mention a recent movie or show you liked and ask if he's seen it.

Even if he hasn't, you can ask what he has watched. You might also ask, "What's a show you could rewatch any time?" or "Is there a movie that really stuck with you?"

His background and where he's from

It might not feel very original to ask, "Are you from around here?", but where a person comes from often shapes who they are, so this question might help you understand them better. You could also ask about his favorite childhood memory or what advice he'd give his younger self.

Deeper questions to build emotional connection

If you'd like a deeper emotional connection with a guy, more profound topics may help, though these often work better once you've built some rapport. According to UC Berkeley's Greater Good Science Center, pairs who exchanged increasingly personal questions reported more closeness than pairs who asked small-talk questions. Guiding a meaningful conversation is a skill you may strengthen over time with practice or support.

Questions about values and gratitude

What someone values can reveal a lot about who they are. When you're ready to go deeper, consider these:

1. What in your life makes you feel most grateful?
2. Who has had the biggest influence on the person you've become?
3. What does a good life mean to you?
4. What values did you grow up with that you kept?
5. What's something you're proud of that most people don't know about?

Questions about dreams and the future

Talking about the future may offer insights into a guy as well as signal your interest in a more meaningful bond. Questions like the following may reveal his goals and the life he imagines.

1. Where do you see yourself in five years?
2. Imagine you could spend a week in any vacation destination with your best friends. Where would you go?
3. What does a meaningful life look like to you?
4. What's one big goal you're working toward right now?
5. If money weren't a concern, what would you spend your time doing?
6. Where would you most like to live someday?
7. What's something you hope to accomplish in the next few years?

Hypothetical questions that reveal character

Imaginative scenarios can touch on deep-seated values in a way that feels playful rather than heavy. For example:

1. If you could magically learn the truth about one thing, what would it be?
2. If you could have dinner with anyone, living or deceased, who would it be?
3. If you could change one thing about the world, what would it be?

Questions about relationships and what he's looking for

Talking about partners and dating can show what matters to him. These questions may fit better once there's some trust between you:

1. Do you prefer texting or calling to stay in touch?
2. What do you value most in a partner?
3. What does a healthy relationship look like to you?
4. What are you looking for right now?
5. How did your family handle disagreements when you were growing up?

Once you've spent some time exploring these deeper topics, it can also help to know which subjects might be worth saving for later.

Topics that may be better saved for later

Certain subjects may land better once you've built more rapport. It can help to hold off on the topics in the table below until you both feel comfortable. These conversations may develop naturally over time, so consider reading his comfort level and moving at a pace that suits you both.

Signs he's enjoying the conversation

Cues that a guy is likely engaged in your conversation may include:

• He asks follow-up questions about what you've said.
• His answers go beyond one or two words.
• He adds stories or experiences of his own.
• He leans in or makes eye contact during in-person conversations.
• He reaches out later to continue the conversation.

People show interest differently, so it can help to look at the overall pattern rather than one signal. If you're curious about nonverbal cues, these body language signs of attraction may offer more context.

How online therapy can help with conversational confidence

Does the thought of bringing up these topics with a guy you like still make you break out in a cold sweat? Sometimes the real challenge isn't knowing what to say, but having the confidence to say it. Online therapy can offer a supportive space to practice communication skills, work through social anxiety, and build confidence from the comfort of home. With platforms like BetterHelp, you can connect with a therapist via live chat, phone, or video, choosing the format that feels most comfortable.

Some providers on BetterHelp may be in-network with certain health plans. Eligible individuals have an average copay of about $23 per session; coverage varies by plan, provider, and therapist availability. Without insurance, BetterHelp's flexible subscription costs $70 to $100 per week, billed weekly or monthly. Pricing is based on your location, referral source, preferences, therapist availability, and any applicable discounts. Any discounts apply only to individuals who aren't using insurance.

BetterHelp also offers psychiatry services through UpLift as a separate option, where a licensed psychiatric prescriber makes medication decisions after an evaluation. Therapists on BetterHelp don't prescribe medication, and medication is prescribed via UpLift only when clinically appropriate and is not guaranteed.

What the research says about online therapy

Online therapy can often be similarly effective to in-person therapy for addressing common mental health concerns. For example, a 2024 systematic umbrella review of studies on the topic suggests that online therapy "can generally reduce symptoms of a wide range of conditions."