Advice On How To Talk To A Boy
By: Patricia Oelze
Updated February 14, 2020
Medically Reviewed By: Kristen Hardin
Learning how to talk to a boy you like is scary. If you are shy, introverted, or suffer from social anxiety it can be especially difficult. What if they ignore you? What if you have no idea what to say or say something wrong? Or even worse, what if they laugh at you?
Did you know that there are ways that you can get used to talking to boys, without feeling so nervous or scared? It is completely normal to feel nervous about talking to a boy and you are not alone. You just need to learn some tips and get some confidence. It may take a little time but eventually talking to boys you like won't be so hard.
Advice on How to Talk to a Boy
1. Be Yourself
You shouldn't change your whole personality or the way you talk just to make a boy like you. Boys you date should like you for who you are, and how can they get to know you if you act completely out of character every time that they are around? You have to be comfortable being yourself. If you are not able to feel confident being yourself, you will probably be too nervous to make a connection with the boy you like. Further, if you act like someone other than yourself, then the boy you like will not know the real you and that is not fair to you or to him.
It can help if you have a friend you trust with you who can get the conversation going if you know they won't purposely make the situation more awkward for you. Just remember to let your authentic personality shine through and the right boy will notice. Remember, even if the boy you like does not end up liking you back, it does not mean that there is anything wrong with you or that you need to change. It just happens sometimes, just like you probably do not like every boy you meet.
2. Practice With Friends
Before you jump right in and approach the boy you like, you might want to practice making conversation with friends. Think about what you will say when you run into him, questions you can ask to strike up a conversation, and what you will do if you get suddenly nervous or say something embarrassing. Your friends can also give you advice on things that have worked for them and you can all talk about how it is awkward sometimes and share your experiences so everyone remembers this is a completely normal way to feel. Practicing with friends can be a fun exercise that gets you laughing at the whole situation, which can take some of the pressure off. It can also make you less nervous for the real thing.
3. Woke Up The Courage
Practicing with friends might get you ready to start a conversation with the boy you like, maybe not. You might need more time to work up the courage, and that's fine. During the time when you are planning to start a conversation, think about ways that you can get more comfortable with the idea. If you have any male friends who you aren't nervous about talking to, maybe ask them for things like look for in a girl or what boys like to talk about. Practicing positive visualizations can also be really helpful. Unfortunately, it is more automatic to imagine something going wrong than it is to imagine what you hope will happen actually happening. So, do an intentional positive visualization! Imagine yourself feeling confident and secure, approaching the boy you like, and getting the happy result that you want with him!
You might also need to work on your own self-confidence, to realize that you are worth the relationship you want and that the boy you like would be lucky to have you. Sometimes we need help to do this. You can reach out to a close family member or trusted friend. You want to pick someone you know will be honest and kind to you. If you would prefer, you can also talk to a professional counselor. Counselors are really good at giving their clients tools and skills to help build confidence and self-worth. Remember, things might not work out the way you want, but that doesn't mean that you made a mistake in trying or that you did something wrong. As mentioned earlier, not all connections work out. Either way, if you approach your crush, you won't be left wondering what would have happened if you had just said, "hi", right? Also, you will get good practice for the next time and gain more confidence.
4. Speak To A Counselor
If you are very shy, introverted, or suffer from social anxiety, talking to a boy you like might be especially challenging. If this is the case, you might want to seek out counselling to help you get over any issues that are making it hard to interact with other people and form meaningful relationships.
Luckily, there are many different options and resources that are available these days to help you find a therapist. In addition to local directories, affordable online services like BetterHelp professional services at the touch of your fingertips.
BetterHelp is a platform for online counseling and has thousands of verified and vetted counselors ready to help you gain the confidence and skills you want to have to be able to talk to boys without debilitating anxiety. The counselors can also help you figure out what you want in a relationship and how to find and maintain healthy relationships. Another thing counselors can do is help you practice with role-plays, such as was suggested you to do with your friends. The difference is, counselors are trained and have experience to offer more guided feedback and suggestions. If you think that online counseling is a good fit for you, you can get started anywhere you have an internet connection. All you need is a smart phone, a tablet, or a computer. You can talk with your counselor on video or phone sessions, or use the messaging and live chat features.
If you have never been in a serious relationship before, you might be nervous just thinking about talking to a boy. Even if you have been in a relationship before, you could still be struggling with confidence about the way you interact with boys. That's okay. It's totally normal to fear to approach a crush or someone you like at first. Once you have taken the first step, which is admitting that you are afraid, the next step is to work on getting rid of that fear. After that is initiating the first conversation. Keep practicing and remember this is a skill that takes time! Be patient and gentle with yourself. And have fun!
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