How Do You Get Over Someone You Think You Can Never Get Over

By Danni Peck |Updated August 17, 2022

It does not seem to matter whether you have been together for a few weeks or a few years; getting over someone you love can be one of the hardest things you will ever experience. It is impossible to tell your heart what to feel even if your brain knows what is best. The truth is that getting over someone takes time, no matter how long you were together, and no matter the reason that the relationship ended. Even if the decision was yours or if you know the breakup is for the best, it does not change the fact that breakups are painful, and you will need time to grieve and mourn. Here are some strategies that can help you to navigate the healing process.

Remember The Bad Times

It is important that you have a balanced memory and a rational perspective of your relationship. Some people have the tendency to remember only the good times and put their ex on a pedestal. This can be an unhelpful way to think if you’re trying to move on from someone you love and can set up the idea that you will never find another relationship as good. Some people have the tendency to focus only on the bad things. This is not healthy, either. You learned a lot in your relationship, about yourself, and what you want from your next relationship. Just because things ended does not mean you cannot keep the memories of happy times.

Remember that acknowledging the negative times you had with your partner will remind you why you two are not together anymore. This prevents you from putting your ex on a pedestal or feeling like you made a mistake. It can also help you not to spend all your time hoping the two of you will get back together. Remembering these things will help you maintain a balanced perspective, especially when navigating how to get over someone you never dated.

Remove The Reminders

Stop staring at those photographs and sleeping with your ex partner’s t-shirt. Take all the things that remind you of your ex and hide them. You do not have to throw them away. Just put them where you cannot see them. For instance, put them in a box and stash it somewhere you won’t often see it, like the top shelf of a closet. It’s nearly impossible to get over your ex by constantly seeing reminders of them. For at least 30 days, unfollow your ex on all social media platforms. It may not seem like a big deal to creep on their Instagram stories, but the more you continue to see them, the harder it will be to move forward. It is also important to have a plan in place for what you will do should you get the urge to text your ex or reach out through social media. Is there a friend you can call instead? Can you get out of the house and go to the gym as a way to distract yourself? Maybe you and your ex will be friends again at some point, but you first owe it to yourself to give yourself time to heal and move on.

Be Around Other People

At first, it is perfectly okay, healthy even, to spend some time alone after a breakup. You may need time to be by yourself to process and accept this life change. However, be cautious about letting this alone time go on so long that you find yourself isolated. When you are ready, do something. Get out there. Join a group or club online. Try not to focus on meeting someone else right now. Instead, consider focusing on yourself. Find a hobby that will fill your time and make you feel good. Another option is to volunteer at an animal shelter or food pantry.

No Rebounds

No matter how you choose to get over your ex, do not jump right into another relationship right away. It may be tempting to find someone new to avoid having to acknowledge uncomfortable feelings surrounding the breakup. However, putting a band aid over your pain does not allow you the opportunity to heal. Taking the time to focus on yourself allows you to evaluate the relationship and what you learned from it that you can take with you as you continue your journey. It can also allow you the time to re-center, and assure you are mentally and emotionally healthy when the next person comes along.

Focus On Your Health

Like you may have read in the BetterHelp How To Move On From A Relationship And Start Healing article, self-care is often a helpful area to focus on after a breakup. Making healthy choices can help you feel better physically and also emotionally. Consider beginning an exercise routine to boost your endorphins while reducing anxiety and depression symptoms. Or, make changes to your diet. What we put into our bodies has a direct connection to how we feel.

Talk To Someone

It is important to remember that you do not have to do this alone. Breakups can be hard, and the more people you have who can support you and lift you up, the easier it will be to move on.

It never hurts to talk to someone, whether it is a friend, a family member, or a new person you meet online. The more you talk about how you’re feeling, the less it will hurt. There are also chat rooms where you can talk to people who are in the same situation as you. Sometimes, sharing your story can help both you and the person you share with.

You can also benefit from talking to a trained therapist or counselor online to help you process your feelings. Between the two of you, you can find solutions to move forward in a healthy way from your ex.

Not everyone who goes through a breakup will reach out for counseling. But those who do often say that it helped them move forward faster and in a healthier way. You can talk to your counselor about your relationship and what went wrong. Your counselor can help you keep your thoughts rational. Sometimes during a breakup, it’s all too easy to decide that everything was your fault or that you were not good enough. This is where a counselor can really help. Your counselor will help you explore what you value in relationships and help you get back on track. It may be that you can benefit from doing some work on raising your self-esteem. And, if your breakup is especially difficult to recover from and you start to show signs of depression or anxiety, a counselor can be immensely helpful in the recovery process.

Consider Online Counseling

In 2020, more and more people are turning online in search of a convenient way to speak with a trusted therapist without having to leave the comforts of home. Recent studies show that electronically delivered cognitive behavioral therapy reduced depression and anxiety symptom severity more effectively than face-to-face therapy. The analysis considered 17 randomized controlled study trials, “evaluating the clinical effectiveness of eCBT compared to face-to-face and considered a wide range of outcomes including severity of symptoms, adverse outcomes, clinically relevant outcomes, global functionality, participant satisfaction, quality of life, and affordability.”

On BetterHelp, you can get matched with a counselor right away based on your specific needs and preferences. You can easily connect from a smartphone, tablet, or computer and communicate in a variety of ways, including live phone, video, and chat sessions, as well as messaging. You can always feel safe talking with a BetterHelp counselor because they take your confidentiality seriously and are committed to upholding your privacy, no matter what. All correspondence between you and your counselor is secure, and you can choose to remain anonymous if you prefer. Below are some reviews of BetterHelp counselors from people experiencing similar issues.

“Alta has been amazing in providing me with the tools needed to help get past fear, guilt and anxiety. She has such a gentle and caring way of providing the support I need to make some pretty major life changes. I dont feel blocked by past problems and am truly enjoying finding joy again. Her guidance has been such a gift!”

“La Keica Boyd has truly helped through a tough time. She helped me move on from my past relationship and helped me understand that it’s ok to be selfish sometimes. She really pushes you to be a better you. I truly am very grateful for her help and would recommend her to anybody!”

Move On With Your Life

It is very important to have realistic expectations. Do not expect to get over it right away. It takes time, especially if you two have been together for a long time and especially if the breakup was a surprise or not your choice. It is a cliché, but time really does heal wounds if you are also taking care of yourself. It may take longer than you would like, but eventually, you will realize that you are not thinking of your ex as much as you used to. And then one day, you will wake up and think, “wow, I feel really good today.” And then you will think about the progress you have made. It may feel slow at the time, but it will all add up.

Below are commonly asked questions on this topic:

How do you get over someone you still love?
How do you get over someone quickly?
How do you really get over someone?
How do I get over someone I still?
What are the 5 stages of love?
How do you let go and move on?
How do I get over him ASAP?
Can you forget someone you truly love?
How do I move on?
How do I stop thinking about someone?

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