How To Stop Loving Someone

By Mason Komay|Updated June 14, 2022
CheckedMedically Reviewed By Wendy Boring-Bray, DBH, LPC

Love is often idealized, which makes some love almost feel like a buried treasure. We often search for love in the wrong places. The truth is that love, in various forms, is all around us. However, being in love with a person who brings only suffering and drama in your life is not worth the misery. Throughout this article, we will help you discover how you can stop loving someone that you should not.

therapy to help you

Ask Yourself How You Really Feel About Your Relationship

Reasons Why You Shouldn't Love Someone

Everyone has their reasoning for wanting to stop loving someone. If you're unsure about your situation, here are a few reasons why you may want to consider avoiding devoting your love to a particular person.

They Love Someone Else

There are multiple reasons why you should direct your attention elsewhere when the person of your affection is in a relationship with someone else. You are likely setting yourself up for disappointment and frustration if you try to interfere. If they are happy and committed, then you are in love with an imaginary situation that is simply not meant to happen. In addition, the entailed drama would likely carry over into any relationship you form with this person if one were to form.

Odds are that they love the person they are with. Otherwise, they would have left them before starting a serious relationship. As with nearly every relationship where a partner is cheating, it's usually because they are not having their needs met, so they find someone else to fill them. If this sounds like you, then you were essentially what they needed at the moment and not necessarily what they were looking for in a long-term relationship. Although it's bitter, it is certainly not your fault.

They're Abusive

Abusive partners can seem quite charming at times, which is exactly how the cycle of abuse works. They pull you in just enough so that you aren't expecting the next episode of violence. If you notice a pattern of abuse from your partner, be cautious, and plan a safe way to leave.

This is an area that you should never accept regardless of the circumstances. There are different types of abuse, such as physical, emotional, and sexual. If you are enduring any form of abuse, you must leave immediately and seek help. Abuse causes long-lasting emotional trauma and can manifest as a physical ailment, depression, anxiety, or some other form.

Many victims state that they cannot leave the abuser out of fear of retaliation, but some entities can help keep you safe. You do not need to live in fear; help is available.

You're In A Relationship With Them Already, And They Ignore You

This is a catch-22 because you are in a relationship to share your life with a partner, but your partner is not interested in you. Giving love to someone who is not actively giving it back is a futile effort. Giving love selflessly is a beautiful thing to do, but a relationship only works when both people participate.

One way to recognize if you are in this type of relationship is to acknowledge what type of conversations you have together. Do the conversations revolve around both of you or just your partner? Do they inquire about how your day went or what you would like to do on the weekend, or is silence their choice of communication when it comes to you? If you feel lonely when you are together with your partner, this is a good indication that they are ignoring you and that you have a one-sided relationship. Consider this as a wake-up call to find someone that is just as interested in you as you are them.

They're Your Friend's Ex

While this may seem like a well-known, unwritten rule, it happens. Unless you are prepared to possibly lose your friend, avoid dating their ex. It doesn't matter what they feel or says about their ex. Whether they hate them, still love them, or feel indifferent towards them, try avoiding the situation altogether. It will likely strain your friendship, and your new partner may feel awkward attending events where their ex is.

therapy to help you

They're Your Ex

Sometimes the second time around works better than the first because both partners have matured, grown, and are better equipped to commit to a relationship. Yet, most of the time, a second-chance relationship doesn't work. Remember, you broke up for a reason the first time. It's important to understand that most individuals do not change their habits unless it benefits them. This means that old habits that once annoyed you could still be present. It doesn't matter which one of you left or came back. All that matters is that you are both on the same page when it comes to reconciling and discussing potential pitfalls in a relationship.

They're Not Interested In You

If you make it known that you are fascinated with a person, and they have absolutely no interest in you, then don't bother wasting your time and energy. Perhaps they will eventually see what you have to offer and how terrific of a person you are, and maybe they won't. But until they do, save yourself the rejection and spend your time instead with people worthy of your attention.

How Do You Stop Loving Someone?

You can follow these tips to help release your heart from the grip of an inappropriate love.

  • Start by writing down all the reasons you love the person. Then, write down if you are seeing the same level of commitment from them.
  • Remind yourself of the reasons why it probably wouldn't work.
  • Distract yourself from other activities. Soon, those activities will become the things you naturally give your attention to.
  • Be honest with them about your intention to leave them alone.
  • Avoid constantly checking in on them.
  • Replace the future scenarios in your head. Create a new ideal future that doesn't involve that person.
  • Take time to invest in yourself. You are the person that you will have the longest-lasting relationship with. Embrace yourself and make yourself a priority. After all, you can't fully love someone until you love yourself.

 

Ask Yourself How You Really Feel About Your Relationship

Realizing that a relationship is not working out can be devastating and produce feelings of grief. It is important to allow yourself to have these feelings and go through them rather than avoid them or place blame on yourself. Avoiding them can cause feelings of depression or failure. If the relationship did not work out, try not to think of yourself as a failure. After all, you were successful in navigating a situation that was not working well for you and your needs. This is a quality of strength, not a failure.

If you are feeling depressed about detaching yourself from someone, there is help available. Talking with a counselor can help you to sort through your thoughts and feelings and teach you how to secure a healthy relationship that will work well and fit your needs. For help finding more satisfying relationships with friends and romantic partners, chat with a certified counselor.

Alternative Solutions

Deciding to seek counseling is a significant first step to living a healthier life. However, if you don't feel like you're ready right now, consider trying some of these alternative solutions below.

Set Standards

You might be head over heels for someone, but are you sure that they can meet your needs in a relationship? If you're not sure what exactly you want, it might be time to set a few standards for yourself so that you can paint a clearer picture of what you're looking for in someone.

Explore Other Options

Sometimes it's easy to get so caught up in pursuing one person that you forget entirely about all of the other options. Simply because one person doesn't seem to be interested in you doesn't mean that there isn't someone else with their eyes on you. Don't be afraid to explore your other options before deciding to settle down with someone.

Focus On Love For Yourself

Although you should never allow someone to give you the impression that you need to change anything about yourself, you may find it beneficial to take on some self-care. In other words, take your time being single to focus on yourself. Who knows - you may even discover a new hobby or interest.

Consider Online Help For Love

There is no shame in getting help. BetterHelp offers discreet online counseling with professionals who do care about you. Our vetted therapists are here to help you conquer any of your relationship issues, no matter how hopeless you may feel. Whether you're going through a bad breakup or you just can't seem to get over someone, we're available to help you live a healthier life, on your schedule. You can access BetterHelp from the comfort and privacy of your own home (or wherever you have an internet connection). Below are some reviews of BetterHelp counselors, from people experiencing similar issues.

Therapist Reviews

"Julia is a very open-minded, understanding, and warm-hearted person. She listened with kindness and without judgment. Her advice helped me tremendously through a bad breakup and ensuing personal problems. Her advice and understanding have been very helpful in guiding me to a healthier mind frame."

"A year ago I was experiencing difficulties in my relationship, which highly affected my psychological state and interfered with my work. At one point, I decided to try BetterHelp.com. My counselor Dr. Brewer helped me to see some things I couldn't on my own and encouraged me to prioritize myself. It was a huge help for me at that point, which led to the decisions I am happy about."

Online Therapy Can Help You Stop Loving Someone You Love

Letting go of someone before you ever have the chance to fall in love can be challenging. There might be several reasons why they might not feel the same way for you, but under no circumstance should you assume that there's something wrong with you or that you should stop loving someone because they don't return your feelings. A Healthy and fulfilling love life is possible - you just need the right tools. You can take the first step today.

Love Can Sometimes Hurt With Someone - How Therapy Can Help

Start learning to stop loving someone.

Helpful mental health resources delivered to your inbox
For Additional Help & Support With Your Concerns
Speak with a Licensed Therapist
The information on this page is not intended to be a substitution for diagnosis, treatment, or informed professional advice. You should not take any action or avoid taking any action without consulting with a qualified mental health professional. For more information, please read our terms of use.