Why Unrequited Love Hurts And How To Heal

Loving someone who doesn’t love you back is often referred to as unrequited love, and it happens to most people at some point during their lives. When you care deeply for someone who doesn’t reciprocate your feelings, it can be challenging to cope. The rejection and potential grieving process that can be involved with unrequited love may be difficult to experience, but keeping busy, maintaining a solid support network, and learning to love yourself can help. If you’re having a hard time getting over unrequited love, then you may wish to consider working with a mental health professional through online therapy.

Unrequited Love Can Be Painful.

Talk About It With An Online Therapist.

What Is Unrequited Love?

Unrequited love refers to a situation in which one person has strong feelings for another, but the feelings aren’t returned. It may be the case that the object of the person’s affection is not even aware of their feelings. There can be a fine line between unrequited love and infatuation since both typically involve people that are not in a relationship. However, love usually involves a deep sense of caring and affection for another, as well as a desire for the person you love to be happy, while infatuation mainly focuses on the self and what you are interested in or admire.

That said, unrequited love does not only happen to those who are single or those who are in love with a friend who doesn’t feel the same way. Unrequited love can also happen to people who are in relationships. People can change and may grow apart over time, which can mean that one partner falls out of love with the other or does not feel the same way they once did.

While this isn't the usual definition of unrequited love, it can be the most common one couples will encounter. This type of unrequited love can be very difficult because people may be hesitant to admit that their feelings have changed. In some cases, they may seek other avenues of affection, such as infidelity, rather than explain to their partner that their feelings have changed and risk losing the relationship altogether.

Falling out of love can happen in a relationship for many reasons. Communication may have broken down, the couple may have different interests, or there may be previous issues, like unfaithfulness, that have damaged trust and made one partner more closed off or unavailable. Despite the cause, it can be possible to fix a relationship where love has been lost if both partners are willing to try. Online couples therapy may be an effective method of repairing the relationship.

Why Rejection Can Be So Painful

Unrequited love generally involves a rejection of some sort, and rejection can induce psychological pain capable of damaging your self-esteem. In general, no one wants to think of themselves as unlovable, so being rejected can cause us to question why we are not good enough or what is wrong with us. It can be challenging to realize that rejection is often only a reflection of the other person and not something we have control over.

Physiologically, rejection uses the same neurological pathways as physical pain.

The idea of rejection goes back to survival instincts honed during prehistory, when humans lived in tribes. At that time, rejection by the tribe could mean death, as you would likely not survive on your own. The feeling of rejection caused pain, much the same way as putting your hand into fire. Those that didn't feel pain with rejection may have been less likely to survive. The brain can release natural painkillers (the same as those for physical pain) during a rejection situation, such as unrequited love, because it processes the pain as physical pain.

Grieving Over Unrequited Love

When you experience unrequited love and the rejection that can come with it, you may be launched into a grieving process over the future you had hoped would occur with the object of your affection. You may wonder whether things will ever get better and whether that person will ever come to realize how great a relationship with you could have been.

Grief and loss can bring their own set of pain. Grief is often a very personal experience, and when grieving over unrequited love, it can be hard for others to understand because you may be experiencing deep sadness over an imagined future. There may also be feelings of fear, anger, denial, and other emotions associated with grief over unrequited love.

The grief that can occur due to a death or a breakup typically has a definitive “before” and “after” the loss, which can make it easier to come to terms with. In the case of unrequited love, however, the situation may not be as clean-cut, so it can be more challenging to reach a place of closure and acceptance.

Accepting Unrequited Love: Healthy And Effective Coping Strategies

While time can arguably be the most valuable resource when experiencing grief over unrequited love, there are other tools you may have at your disposal that can be used to cope with the pain of rejection. Here are three strategies you can try if you are experiencing unreciprocated love.

1. Keep Yourself Busy

Similar to a breakup, remaining busy may help you keep your mind off the challenging emotions you’re experiencing. By engaging in work, having fun with hobbies, spending time with friends, and bonding with family, you may help yourself understand that life goes on and give the pain a chance to fade.

2. Build A Solid Support Network

Please remember that you are not alone in experiencing unrequited love. Many people may have walked in your shoes before, and many more are likely to follow. You may even find that many people you know have experienced a similar situation before, and they may be able to offer up insights and advice. Try to surround yourself with a strong support network of people who can be there for you as you work through the grief and other emotions surrounding the situation.

3. Strengthen Your Relationship With Yourself

While having a relationship with someone else can certainly be rewarding, we often forget that we have someone there for us all the time: ourselves. Perhaps it would be helpful to take this opportunity as a chance to learn more about yourself and to fall in love with who you are. You may very well be surprised by what you find.

Online Therapy Can Help You Cope With Unrequited Love

Sometimes, unrequited love can be so upsetting that you may find it hard to leave the house. If this is the case, then online therapy may be the right path for you. You can attend sessions and receive help from a licensed professional from the comfort of your own home, as long as you have an internet connection.

The feelings experienced as a result of unrequited love can be akin to grief. This study showed that online therapy was an effective intervention for participants experiencing grief, as well as those with symptoms of depression and post-traumatic stress due to loss. It was also noted that online therapy’s accessibility and low cost could be beneficial for many people experiencing these issues after losing someone they cared about.

Conclusion

Unrequited love refers to a love that goes unreturned. It can be quite a challenging experience to cope with, but keeping busy, relying on a support system, and working on yourself as an individual may help. Online therapy is another potential method of working through the feelings surrounding your unrequited love and learning about healthy coping skills.