Why Unrequited Love Can Hurt And How To Heal
Loving someone who doesn't love you back is called unrequited love, and it happens to many people at some point during their lives. It can be challenging to cope when you have strong romantic feelings for someone who doesn't reciprocate your feelings.
The rejection and potential grieving process that may be involved with unrequited love can feel difficult to experience, but keeping busy, maintaining a solid support network, and learning to love yourself can help. If you're having a hard time getting over unrequited love, you may consider working with mental health resources, such as a therapist.
What Is Unrequited Love?
Unrequited love refers to a situation in which a person has strong feelings for another, but the feelings aren't returned. It may be the case that the romantic interest is not aware that the other person has feelings for them.
There can be a fine line between unrequited love and infatuation since both typically involve people that are not in a relationship. However, love usually involves a deep sense of caring and affection for another, as well as a desire for the person you love to be happy, while infatuation may focus more on the self and what you are interested in or admire about another.
Unrequited love does not only happen to single people or those in love with a friend who doesn't feel the same way. Unrequited love may also happen to people who are in relationships. People can change and may grow apart over time, which can mean that one partner falls out of love with the other or does not feel the same way they once did.
While this isn't the usual definition of unrequited love, it may be the type that couples encounter. This type of one sided love can be complicated because people may hesitate to admit that their feelings have changed. In some cases, they may seek other avenues of affection, such as infidelity, rather than explain to their partner that their feelings have changed and risk losing the relationship altogether.
Falling out of love may happen in a relationship for many reasons. Communication may have broken down, the couple may have different interests, or there may be previous issues, like unfaithfulness, that have damaged trust and made one partner more closed off or unavailable.
Despite the cause, it can be possible to fix a relationship where love has been lost if both partners are willing. Online couples therapy may be an effective method of repairing the relationship.
Why Rejection Can Feel Painful
Experiencing unrequited love may involve a rejection of some sort, which can induce negative emotions and psychological pain, potentially damaging your self-esteem. Many individuals do not want to think of themselves as unlovable, so being rejected can cause them to question why they are not the love interest of their desired partner. It may be challenging to realize that rejection is often only a reflection of the other person's feelings and not something we have control over.
Physiologically, rejection uses the same neurological pathways as physical pain. The idea of rejection goes back to survival instincts honed when humans lived in tribes. At that time, rejection by the tribe could mean death, as you would likely not survive on your own.
The feeling of rejection caused pain, much like putting your hand into a fire. Those that didn't feel pain with rejection may have been less likely to survive. The brain can release natural painkillers (the same as those for physical pain) during a rejection situation, such as unrequited love, because it processes the pain as physical pain. Recognizing the signs of unrequited love and setting healthy boundaries can help you navigate this difficult situation and begin the healing process.
Grieving Over Unrequited Love
When you experience unrequited love and the mixed signals that can accompany it, you may be launched into a grieving process over the future you had hoped would occur with someone. Feelings of heartbreak may arise as you wonder whether things will ever get better and whether that person will ever realize how great a romantic relationship with you could have been.
Grief and loss can bring their own set of physical pain. Grief is often a personal experience, influenced by one's attachment style. When grieving over unreciprocated love, it may be challenging for others to comprehend your negative emotions because you could be experiencing deep sadness over an imagined future. Fear, anger, denial, and other emotions may also be associated with grief over unrequited love, affecting your ability to develop romantic feelings and maintain healthy relationships.
The grief that can can occur due to a death or a breakup typically has a definitive "before" and "after" the loss, which may make it feel simpler to come to terms with. In the case of unrequited love, however, the situation may not be as clean-cut, so reaching a place of closure and acceptance can be more challenging.
Accepting Unrequited Love: Healthy And Effective Coping Strategies
While time may be one of the most valuable resources when you feel heartbroken over unrequited love, there are other tools at your disposal to cope with the pain of rejection and work on developing romantic feelings in a healthy relationship. Here are three strategies you can try if you are experiencing unreciprocated love and yearn for mutual attraction and reciprocated love.
Keep Yourself Busy
Like a breakup, remaining busy may help you keep your mind off the challenging emotions you're experiencing. By engaging in work, having fun with hobbies, spending time with friends, and bonding with family, you may help yourself understand the other person's feelings and give the pain a chance to fade.
Build A Solid Support Network
You are not alone in experiencing unrequited love. Many people may have walked in your shoes before, and many more could follow. Delve into social psychology to better understand these experiences. You may even find that people you know have experienced a similar situation before, and they may be able to offer up insights and advice.
Try to surround yourself with a strong support network of people who can be there for you as you work through the grief and other emotions surrounding the situation, and as you seek reciprocated love.
Strengthen Your Relationship With Yourself
While having a relationship with someone else can certainly be rewarding, you may forget that you always have someone there for you: yourself. Perhaps it would be helpful to take this opportunity to learn more about yourself and fall in love with who you are. Spend time nurturing your self-worth and you may very well be surprised by what you find.
Online Therapy May Help You Cope With Unrequited Love
Unrequited love may feel so upsetting that you find it hard to leave the house to attend therapy sessions at a private practice. If this is the case, online therapy may be the right path for you. You can attend sessions and receive help from a licensed professional from the comfort of your own home, as long as you have a stable internet connection.
The feelings experienced because of unrequited love may be akin to grief. This study showed that online therapy was an effective intervention for participants experiencing grief and those with symptoms of depression and post-traumatic stress due to loss. It was also noted that online therapy's availability and low cost could benefit many people experiencing these issues after losing someone they cared about.
If you’re ready to try online therapy, platforms such as BetterHelp may be beneficial to you. Read the counselor reviews below from users who have experienced similar concerns.
Counselor Reviews
“Nothing inspires therapy like fresh heartbreak. Dr. Scott is grounded, sound, full of wisdom. If you’re serious about improving your mental health, definitely go with Dr. Scott. I have no regrets.”
“Taylor has helped me accomplish things and helped me through severe breakups, helped me realize my personal growth and achievements, and how much the little things in our lives matter to us. I couldn't have gotten where I am today without his help, but I'm grateful to him and to the support he's given me.”
Takeaway
Unrequited love refers to a love that goes unreturned. It can be a challenging experience to cope with, but keeping busy, relying on a support system, and working on yourself as an individual may help. Online therapy is another potential method of working through the feelings surrounding your unrequited love and learning new healthy coping skills.
Common Questions People Ask
What Does It Mean If Love Is Unrequited?
Unrequited love is when one person loves another, but that love is not returned. If you’ve ever been in this position – and most of us have, at least once! – you probably know that liking someone who doesn’t feel the same way about you can be difficult to accept.
Experiencing unrequited love can stir up a great deal of challenging emotions and complex feelings of guilt, shame, anger, and sadness that can sometimes lead to mental health struggles. If you’re having a tough time coping with these or other relationship issues, consider reaching out to a mental health professional.
What Are Some Signs Of Unrequited Love?
There can be several ways a person can experience one-sided love. In some cases, people may develop an unhealthy obsession with a celebrity or a person they’ve never met. Others might develop strong romantic feelings for a close friend or colleague that doesn’t reciprocate their interest. Others can have lingering feelings for an ex after a breakup. In many cases, unrequited love can cause distress, shame, guilt, and emotional pain. In fact, for many folks, the heartbreak that comes with learning that the person that they love doesn’t love them back can be just as painful as a breakup.
If you suspect that the person that you like doesn’t feel the same way you do, looking out for the following signs of unrequited love can help you get a clearer picture.
- They don’t seem eager to spend time with you, or you are the one who’s always reaching out or making plans.
- You feel like you give everything but get nothing in return.
- You feel underappreciated.
- They tell you they are interested in or dating someone else.
- They never want to text, talk on the phone, or go out together.
- They tell you that they want to have a friendship instead of a romantic relationship.
- They avoid physical contact.
- They only want to spend time together if there are other people involved.
Is Unrequited Love Really Love?
Generally, love has more to do with how you feel than how the other person feels. If you are in love with someone that doesn’t reciprocate those feelings, your feelings of love can be real, albeit one-sided.
How Long Will Unrequited Love Last?
Unfortunately, there’s no set time frame for getting over a love interest that doesn’t love you back. Some people who have experienced unrequited love say that they’ve spent years struggling with it, while others have moved on within a matter of weeks or months. The good news is that there are things you can do that may help you move on for good.
- Stop all contact with the person and prioritize spending that time doing things that bring you joy and happiness.
- If you have mutual friends, do not ask about or bring up the person to avoid getting your hopes up once again.
- Form new friendships and discover things that interest you.
- Do not give up on love! After you’ve taken your time to grieve, you may consider finding a new romantic interest that likes you for who you are. Remember that in healthy relationships, both partners should feel loved, respected, heard, and seen.
What does unrequited love do to a person?
Does unrequited love ever go away?
Why is unrequited love toxic?
Why is unrequited love so painful?
Who falls in love faster?
Why is unrequited love so addictive?
Is unrequited love the same as a crush?
What is the best way to handle unrequited love?
Why am I so attached to someone who hurt me?
What is the psychology of unrequited love?
Is unrequited love trauma?
- Previous Article
- Next Article