"I miss you". These three words are simple, yet poignant. There are many reasons to long for someone who is gone from your life, either physically or emotionally. Maybe the relationship ended, and you felt like you didn’t have the right closure. Or perhaps you are still in a relationship that’s heading towards the end, and you are already missing and mourning the emotional loss of your partnership.
These are all plausible reasons why you might be feeling nostalgic and missing someone in your life right now. Tools like confiding in close friends, journaling, talking to a therapist, or meditating can all help you process, cope with, and move past the pain of missing someone.
The Pain Of Missing Someone Is Real
"Nostalgia Is A Powerful Drug" - Kate Christensen
If you're reading this and missing a certain someone, understand that
nostalgia is a powerful emotion. When we remember someone we've lost, it's natural to focus on the good times and forget the negative ones. You may want to recall happy memories when you remember someone important to you, whether that was an ex-lover, a former spouse, or anything in between.
This means we are likely to keep missing our loved ones when we're nostalgic for them. One of the ways to cope with longing for someone who is gone is to stop idealizing them. If you find yourself stuck in a nostalgic rut and continue to miss someone, you may want to consider adopting a more balanced perspective of the relationship.
Breakups can cause you to miss a loved one. You may have spent a lot of time with your partner, and now they're gone. In the
United States, about 35% of marriages end in divorce. According to that statistic, it's relatively common to separate from a long-term partner. There will likely be a loss there. If you don't have children, you may not see that person again or remain friends, and this can be a terrible feeling. But you can get through missing them. Many people have emerged from breakups as happier and more fulfilled individuals. One way to work through the pain is by talking to a close friend, family, or a therapist, whether that's online or in your local area. How To Stop The Pain Of Missing Someone: Mind Over Matter
There may be no magic pill or wand to wave away the pain when you miss someone. But there are things you can do in your daily life to help cope with, manage, and reconcile the pain you're feeling. Below are seven tips to help you get through the pain:
The Pain Of Missing Someone Is Real
Do Not Expect The Pain Of Missing Someone To Go Away Overnight
There is often an
adjustment period when a person you care about is gone. The feelings you have after a breakup are complex behavioral, biochemical, and physiological phenomena. Even if it was your decision to cut it off, there will still be times you will miss and think about this person. This can cause you to have negative emotions occasionally. It could even become an obstacle to going forward in your life.
At first, you might find yourself missing this person up to 50 times a day. After a few weeks, you may notice that you are only thinking about the person 10 times a day. Eventually, you might realize that you do not miss them as much anymore. Learning to cope with missing someone may take a few weeks to a few months, depending on the relationship and your coping mechanisms.
Accept The Pain Of Missing Someone
When you miss someone dearly, there are going to be days when all you want to do is lie on the bed and cry.
Accepting the pain can help you to get rid of it. For example, talking about it with a friend or even a counselor may help you understand your feelings better. Conversely, suppressing your feelings can cause them to show up again later. They may manifest in a different way and affect your mental health or future relationships. Acknowledging your feelings and working through them can help you move forward. Embrace The Good
Try to think about the good things that may come out of your situation. For example, maybe now you can go out with your friends more, binge watch that new show you have been wanting to see, catch up on your reading, or enjoy other hobbies. Remember why you are in this situation. If it was a breakup, then there were likely some issues in the relationship. The decision to end things with that person may have been a smart, healthy choice for your future.
Get Rid Of The Reminders
You may still have mementos of the person around your house. If you miss someone, consider avoiding those things that could remind you of them, at least for a while. It might also be time to erase their number and any photos of them from your phone. You can also mute or remove them from your social media accounts. Consider hiding things away where you cannot see them. This will prevent triggers that could cause a setback on an otherwise good day. Most people will benefit from an out-of-sight-out-of-mind approach when trying to move on from past relationships.
Keep Your Mind Busy
If you miss someone, consider finding positive distractions that will help take your mind off things. Join a club, find a new hobby, enjoy an old one, or spend more time with family and friends. These can all be effective coping strategies. Another option is to join a gym or exercise group. There is plenty of research, including peer reviewed studies, suggesting that the physical effects of exercise boost your endorphins, which
can make you feel better. See This As A Reason To Be Social
It’s okay to spend some time grieving on your own when you miss someone, but consider re-introducing social situations when the time is right. Get out and talk to your friends and family. Go to the grocery store, mall, wherever. Just get out there and spend time with other people. If you can enjoy life in the moment, you may begin forming brand new memories that make you feel good.
The Pain Of Missing Someone Is Real
Move Into The Future With Hope
Eventually, you may realize that you are thinking of the person you miss less and less and it’s becoming easier to deal with the separation. You may even find someone else whom you care about. Remember that you deserve to move on and live your life on your terms. And if you are having feelings for someone, then it may be the time. There is no magic time limit on when you can decide to start forming new relationships and new memories.
Therapy Can Help
It's natural to reminisce about the ones we've lost, as well as cry over them, especially if they were a special person in our lives. But when you work with a licensed therapist, you can talk about your fond memories of your loved one and learn how to cope with missing someone. You can discuss the sadness or grief you feel that they're not around anymore.
You might be in the process of getting divorced and trying to figure out how to heal from that separation. When you miss another person, there may be pain involved because of the positive memories from the past. If you’re feeling stuck, a therapist can help you get through this challenging time, learn to process your feelings, and appreciate what's in your present.
When you’re missing someone, it can be difficult to reach out for help, though, especially in-person. You simply may not have the energy to leave the house, for example. Or you might feel hesitant to tell your feelings with a stranger in a clinical setting. You may find that online therapy is a better option for you. This form of remote counseling can be accessed from home or anywhere you have an internet connection. It can also be more convenient since appointments are available around the clock.
Internet-based therapy is also backed by current research in the field of psychology and mental health. A
comprehensive meta-analysis demonstrated its effectiveness in treating a wide range of mental health disorders and challenges. The study probed various populations and modes of therapeutic intervention and showed no significant difference in outcomes as a result of online therapy versus more traditional in-person counseling.
Read below for some reviews of BetterHelp counselors:
"Jennifer is amazing. I feel like I hit the jackpot with her. She has helped me tremendously through this very difficult time in my life. She provides perspective and insight that is hard to see when you're in the middle of things. She is easy to talk to, not judgmental, and very knowledgeable. I highly recommend her."
"I have been working with Danny Drew as my counselor for several months now. He is very accurate in the direction of the counseling session. He is very kind, calm, and listens very well. He is very coherent with all the work we have done. I trust his guidance. He is very respectful of my ideas and beliefs. He knows how to hold the space very well. He is a great counselor."
The therapists at BetterHelp understand how hard it is to move forward when you're coping with a loss or trying to heal from a breakup. Still, you can value the time you had with the person you're missing, learn to enjoy your life now, and keep moving forward.
Take the first step today.