How To Know When To Give Up On A Girl

By Toni Hoy|Updated April 13, 2022
CheckedMedically Reviewed By Wendy Galyen, LCSW, BC-TMH

So, you think you've found the perfect girl. She has great looks, an awesome personality, and other attractive qualities that make you swoon. Maybe she's giving you a little attention in return, but for whatever reason, she just doesn't seem that into you. You keep sensing that you are getting some mixed signals. Her responses leave you wondering if she sees a future with you, not right now, or not ever. Here are some clear ways to take off the rose-colored glasses and know when to give up on a girl who is clearly not ready for a relationship, at least not with you.

Learn To Love Yourself And Attract The Right Romantic Relationship For You

Identifying Must Haves and Deal-Breakers

If you've based your past relationships solely on chemistry, that may be a reason they've never worked out. It's time to dig a little deeper, and discover the qualities in a woman that are your "must haves." Are you looking for someone who shares your faith? Is it important to you that she has a strong and loving relationship with her parents and siblings? Can you name some qualities that would make for an awesome partner, wife, or mother to your children someday? It's also important to identify any obvious deal-breakers in a relationship. Some might refer to this as a 'non-negotiable list for prospective dating partners.'

The truth is that our hearts are fickle, and it is entirely possible for us to fall in love with virtually anyone, regardless of whether she is a good fit for us, long term, or not. So you will do yourself a huge favor by being more selective from the outset; thereby protecting your heart from the possible torment of loving someone not suited to you. Of course, there is no way for us to completely know the future, or be 100% confident in our choices, period. However, this seems to be all the more reason to limit the field, to have a greater likelihood of a healthy relationship, does it not?

Don't be surprised if it's hard to establish a list of needs and wants. If you're having trouble getting to the heart of the qualities that will truly make you happy, why not contact a licensed therapist at BetterHelp.com to help you work through it? It could turn out to be the most important step of your life.

When your dream girl meets all of your criteria, and you're still getting a lukewarm vibe, look for signs that the relationship isn't going to go deeper so you can save yourself unnecessary time, energy, and emotion pursuing it to no avail.

Evidence of Genuine Interest

Every relationship is different. Each dating partner is unique. Every relationship will illuminate different aspects of both your personalities. And each relationship will evolve in its own, individual, manner. So it is not reasonable for us to assume that what confidently communicates interest in one person will always be exactly the same in all persons. At the same time, there are certainly some actions, attitudes, and qualities which more strongly suggest trustworthy interest from the other person towards you.

After all, romantic relationships tend to begin with some neurochemicals which create a 'buzz' that is pretty hard to ignore. It is in the early stages of a dating relationship when all you can think about is the other person, you want to be with her all the time, all you can think about is her, you can't wait to see her. Your heart pounds, you have butterflies in your stomach, and you wish you didn't have all those other annoying life responsibilities that interfere with your focus on her! It is common for there to be some variation between the two of you in how, when, and how intensely, such thoughts and feelings overtake you, but there should be some consistency between the two of you.

It is true that men tend to fall in love more quickly than women and to fall 'harder' than the average woman. This provides an additional reason for you to allow yourself a little time to see if her feelings will begin to more closely approximate your own, giving evidence that the relationship is worth pursuing. This should include at least some, if not most, of the following:

  • She responds in a reasonable time to your communications. This is pretty much evidence of just simple, common courtesy in any relationship. You should not expect less in a woman who is genuinely interested in you.
  • She initiates contact with you as well.
  • She is attentive to you when you are together. This means looking you in the eyes when you are speaking. It further means that she is actively engaged in your conversations. It is not only you talking, and her just nodding her head in blind agreement.
  • She prioritizes you appropriately, based upon the stage of your relationship. This does not, necessarily, mean that you come ahead of everything, or everyone, in her life. If you are still in an early stage of dating, it may not be appropriate for you to expect her undivided, constant focus and attention. But you should be at least one of her top priorities.
  • She accepts more opportunities to be with you than not.
  • She reciprocates invitations, meaning that she extends invitations to you as well.

And, of course, it is always recommended when you are in a relationship you think could be going somewhere, to just ask clear, straight, questions. You might just receive clear, straight, informative responses.

Signs for When to Give Up on a Girl

Relationships develop over time, but there's no reason to continue pursuing a relationship that clearly isn't going anywhere. So, while you may want to allow some time for her neurochemicals to catch up to yours, if that does not begin to occur within a reasonable period, it may be time to accept the preponderance of the evidence and move on. What are some tell-tale signs that it's time to give up on a girl and move on?

  • Is she texting her friends during your dinner date?
  • Is she slow to answer your texts, emails, or phone calls?
  • Does she regularly cancel on you or always cancel at the last minute?

These are likely signs that she places other people and things in her life before you. A girl who wants to be with you will be focused on you. She will carve time into her schedule for you regardless of how busy she is.

Does she accept your invitations to a concert or evening gala, but reject an invitation to an afternoon picnic or outing at the zoo? These may be indications that she is an opportunist, who is using you for her own personal gain rather than what you have to offer her in a relationship. Such a girl is waiting for someone else to come her way whom she thinks is better than you. When that time comes, she's likely to dump you in short order.

Be sure to take her words at face value. A girl who rejects you outright just isn't interested. And even if she is, do you really want to have to try to figure out such mind-games?

Knowing Your Worth

Learn To Love Yourself And Attract The Right Romantic Relationship For You

Knowing your worth means having the same compassion for yourself as you would have for others that about whom you care. Do not accept a relationship where a woman treats you as sub-par. Hold the expectation that she will treat you as special as you treat her, and stick to it.

Be the man you want to be. Never allow others to determine your own thoughts, intentions, expectations or actions. Be your best self. First, this will help increase the likelihood of finding a woman who is a good fit for you. Second, confidence is highly attractive. Be comfortable with who you are, trusting that you will be far better off with someone who appreciates the genuine you, rather than attempting to become someone you think she wants you to be. The reality is that you can only do that for so long anyway. So, eventually, the relationship will end, either because you become exhausted in your attempts to be someone you are not; or because she realizes you are not who you pretended to be. Either way, you will save you and her heartache by being authentic from the beginning.

Keeping these things in mind can help you to navigate new relationships and determine if you should invest additional time or not.

Helpful mental health resources delivered to your inbox
For Additional Help & Support With Your Concerns
Speak with a Licensed Therapist
The information on this page is not intended to be a substitution for diagnosis, treatment, or informed professional advice. You should not take any action or avoid taking any action without consulting with a qualified mental health professional. For more information, please read our terms of use.