So, you think you've found the perfect girl. She has great looks, an awesome personality, and other attractive qualities that make you swoon. Maybe she's giving you a little attention in return, but for whatever reason, she just doesn't seem that into you. You keep sensing that you are getting some mixed signals. Her responses leave you wondering if she sees a future with you, not right now, or not ever. Here are some clear ways to take off the rose-colored glasses and know when to give up on a girl who is clearly not ready for a relationship, at least not with you.
Identifying Must Haves and Deal-Breakers
If you've based your past relationships solely on chemistry, that may be a reason they've never worked out. It's time to dig a little deeper, and discover the qualities in a woman that are your "must haves." Are you looking for someone who shares your faith? Is it important to you that she has a strong and loving relationship with her parents and siblings? Can you name some qualities that would make for an awesome partner, wife, or mother to your children someday? It's also important to identify any obvious deal-breakers in a relationship. Some might refer to this as a 'non-negotiable list for prospective dating partners.'
The truth is that our hearts are fickle, and it is entirely possible for us to fall in love with virtually anyone, regardless of whether she is a good fit for us, long term, or not. So you will do yourself a huge favor by being more selective from the outset; thereby protecting your heart from the possible torment of loving someone not suited to you. Of course, there is no way for us to completely know the future, or be 100% confident in our choices, period. However, this seems to be all the more reason to limit the field, to have a greater likelihood of a healthy relationship, does it not?
Don't be surprised if it's hard to establish a list of needs and wants. If you're having trouble getting to the heart of the qualities that will truly make you happy, why not contact a licensed therapist at BetterHelp.com to help you work through it? It could turn out to be the most important step of your life.
When your dream girl meets all of your criteria, and you're still getting a lukewarm vibe, look for signs that the relationship isn't going to go deeper so you can save yourself unnecessary time, energy, and emotion pursuing it to no avail.
Evidence of Genuine Interest
Every relationship is different. Each dating partner is unique. Every relationship will illuminate different aspects of both your personalities. And each relationship will evolve in its own, individual, manner. So it is not reasonable for us to assume that what confidently communicates interest in one person will always be exactly the same in all persons. At the same time, there are certainly some actions, attitudes, and qualities which more strongly suggest trustworthy interest from the other person towards you.
After all, romantic relationships tend to begin with some neurochemicals which create a 'buzz' that is pretty hard to ignore. It is in the early stages of a dating relationship when all you can think about is the other person, you want to be with her all the time, all you can think about is her, you can't wait to see her. Your heart pounds, you have butterflies in your stomach, and you wish you didn't have all those other annoying life responsibilities that interfere with your focus on her! It is common for there to be some variation between the two of you in how, when, and how intensely, such thoughts and feelings overtake you, but there should be some consistency between the two of you.
It is true that men tend to fall in love more quickly than women and to fall 'harder' than the average woman. This provides an additional reason for you to allow yourself a little time to see if her feelings will begin to more closely approximate your own, giving evidence that the relationship is worth pursuing. This should include at least some, if not most, of the following:
And, of course, it is always recommended when you are in a relationship you think could be going somewhere, to just ask clear, straight, questions. You might just receive clear, straight, informative responses.
Signs for When to Give Up on a Girl
Relationships develop over time, but there's no reason to continue pursuing a relationship that clearly isn't going anywhere. So, while you may want to allow some time for her neurochemicals to catch up to yours, if that does not begin to occur within a reasonable period, it may be time to accept the preponderance of the evidence and move on. What are some tell-tale signs that it's time to give up on a girl and move on?
These are likely signs that she places other people and things in her life before you. A girl who wants to be with you will be focused on you. She will carve time into her schedule for you regardless of how busy she is.
Does she accept your invitations to a concert or evening gala, but reject an invitation to an afternoon picnic or outing at the zoo? These may be indications that she is an opportunist, who is using you for her own personal gain rather than what you have to offer her in a relationship. Such a girl is waiting for someone else to come her way whom she thinks is better than you. When that time comes, she's likely to dump you in short order.
Be sure to take her words at face value. A girl who rejects you outright just isn't interested. And even if she is, do you really want to have to try to figure out such mind-games?
Knowing Your Worth
Knowing your worth means having the same compassion for yourself as you would have for others that about whom you care. Do not accept a relationship where a woman treats you as sub-par. Hold the expectation that she will treat you as special as you treat her, and stick to it.
Be the man you want to be. Never allow others to determine your own thoughts, intentions, expectations or actions. Be your best self. First, this will help increase the likelihood of finding a woman who is a good fit for you. Second, confidence is highly attractive. Be comfortable with who you are, trusting that you will be far better off with someone who appreciates the genuine you, rather than attempting to become someone you think she wants you to be. The reality is that you can only do that for so long anyway. So, eventually, the relationship will end, either because you become exhausted in your attempts to be someone you are not; or because she realizes you are not who you pretended to be. Either way, you will save you and her heartache by being authentic from the beginning.
Keeping these things in mind can help you to navigate new relationships and determine if you should invest additional time or not.
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)
How do you know when to give up on a relationship?
Learning how to understand dating and relationships isn't always easy. If you're already at the point of wondering if it's time to give up on a relationship, chances are, it’s probably time to move on. If feelings of frustration or resentment outweigh feelings of peace or contentment when you are with your partner, this may be a sign that the relationship is not healthy. Additionally, if you've lost interest in the relationship or you've realized the amount of time that you're putting in isn't worth the effort -- it's time to stop pursuing the relationship.
When should you give up on a girl?
The idea of giving up on a girl you care for can feel overwhelming. For your own mental well-being, it is important to be aware of the signs that it’s time to give up on a relationship. If you are interested in a girl and she is not showing any interest in you, or is ignoring you, this may be a sign that it’s time to move on. If you have been in a relationship with her and she broke up with you, don’t push her by trying to get back together. Even if you were together for a long time, if she says she is not interested or that it’s time to move on, listen to her.
Do you give up on someone you love?
The thought of giving up on someone you love can be very hard. It’s important to understand that there is a difference in giving up on a relationship because someone else isn’t interested or giving up on someone you love, perhaps because of lifestyle choices. With reference to the context of this article, giving up on someone who has no desire to pursue or continue a relationship with you may be the best thing you can do for yourself and for your overall mental health. The bottom line is that not everyone that falls in love ends up together. If someone does not show interest in pursuing a relationship with you, stop chasing them and let them go. If you are following their social media accounts or are one of their online friends, unfollow and unfriend them. Although it may be hard to give up, the longer you pursue someone who is not interested in a relationship, the harder it will be to heal emotionally from the letdown.
How do you give up on someone you really love?
It’s understandable that it’s hard to give up on someone you really love. The first thing to consider is whether the relationship you have been pursuing is healthy for you. Although it’s difficult to think about and accept, if you are trying to win a girl who is showing little to no interest in you, you may eventually end up hurt. If you love someone but feel it’s time to give up on the chances of having a relationship with them, the first thing you need to do is distance yourself from them. Do not call or text. Don’t show up in places that you used to frequent together. Avoid reaching out to their family or personal friends. Although this may seem hard, the more distance you put between them and yourself, the easier it will be to start letting go and learning to move on without them in your life.
When should you walk away from a relationship?
If a relationship has become verbally or physically abusive, it's time to give it a break and stop pursuing the relationship without the help and guidance of licensed therapy experts. Maybe you didn't realize how volatile your relationship had become. When it gets to this point it's important to take a break, stop pursuing the relationship, and seek professional help in order to move forward. Stop talking to your partner and start talking to a therapist to get answers.
What are good reasons to end a relationship?
There are many reasons that ending a relationship may be a good idea. For example, if you have a feeling that things just aren’t quite right or if you aren’t happy, these are signs it’s time to consider ending the relationship. In a healthy relationship, couples should be able to talk about problems and respect differences of opinion. Therefore, if you argue more than you get along, this could be a sign that the relationship is no healthy. Even if you like a girl a lot, lasting relationships are built on mutual respect and trust. Relationships that aren't built on strong foundations will likely fail without professional intervention and support. If you are experiencing any type of abuse (physical, emotional, sexual or financial), you need to reach out for help and end the relationship.
How do you know when she is no longer interested in you?
Being in a relationship with someone who seems to have lost interest in you can leave you feeling hurt and confused. Also, if you have been pursuing a relationship with a girl and she isn't showing any interest in calling you, texting you, or hanging out with you, these are all signs that she's lost or losing interest. Some signs that a girl has lost interest in you may include:
If she is doing any of these behaviors, you should take the time to step back and stop pursuing her. Give her time to think about what she wants. You should stop pursuing a girl who shows no interest in a relationship with you in order to make room for someone who is.
How do you know if a girl likes you but is hiding it?
Trying to figure out if a girl likes you or not can be frustrating at times, especially if you really like her. A few things that may indicate she likes you, even if she’s trying to hide it, may include her body language, she is always there to talk to you or listen to your problems, all of her friends know you by name, or she seems “extra friendly” or flirty when talking or texting you.
Should you never give up on someone you love?
Trying to decipher the feelings of someone else and wondering if it’s time to give up on them is not always an easy task. If you love someone, you probably work hard to keep them happy and to nurture your relationship with them. No matter how much you love someone, there may be a time when you wonder if it’s okay to give up on a relationship with them. If they stop talking to you or show other signs of disinterest, these m ay be signs it’s time to give up on the relationship. Also, if the relationship is causing you mental or physical stress, it’s time to weigh the pros and cons of staying involved or giving up. It‘s important to understand that giving up on a relationship does not make you a quitter and does not mean you cannot have a healthy relationship later. Giving up on an unhealthy relationship is a sign of strength and it shows that you are determined to protect yourself.
If you are unsure of how to proceed or you feel conflicted about whether it’s time to give up on someone you care for, you may find that talking to a counselor or therapist can give you more insight. A mental health professional can help you find effective ways of communicating and dealing with your emotions so you can make a healthy decision for yourself.
How do you know if a relationship is worth saving?
If you are in a relationship and are wondering if it’s worth fighting for, the first thing to consider is what has made you question the value of your relationship. Successful relationships take time and effort from both people. A few signs that your relationship is worth fighting for are:
The simple fact is, only you can say whether your relationship is worth fighting for. If you truly care for your partner and your relationship is struggling, talk to your them. If your partner seems to want to work things out, it may be a good idea to engage a counselor or therapist for couples counseling. A counselor who specialized in couples therapy can help you both examine your own thoughts and feelings so that you can make a decision of what the future holds for your relationship.
How do you know when a guy is giving up on you?
If a guy suddenly stops pursuing a girl, chances are, he's lost interest. Guys who are interested in pursuing a girl and who want to have a lasting relationship make it a point to communicate, be available, and spend time with the girl they're interested in. If he seems distant or uninterested, cancels plans at the last minute, or seems easily aggravated with you, these could also be signs that he is giving up on a relationship with you.
How do you let go of someone who doesn't want you?
Pursuing a girl who isn't interested in you can be exhausting and heartbreaking. Learning how to let go of someone who doesn't share your feelings is critical for your growth and finding the right partner to share your life with. If you're having trouble letting go -- talk to a relationship expert like a licensed counselor or therapist.
How do you let go of someone you can't be with?
Letting go of someone you can't be with can be hard. The best way to get over someone you can't be with is to be honest about what you're feeling. Look at the situation from both sides and understand that you're saving yourself pain and heartache by ending the relationship. If dealing with feelings related to letting go is too hard for you to do on your own, it may be helpful to talk with a counselor or therapist who can help you work through your feelings.
How do you leave someone you love but can't be with?
It’s not always easy to leave someone, especially if you love them. Unfortunately, not all relationships are meant to be forever. If you are faced with a relationship that is ending but you still love the person, it is important for you to take time to let yourself heal. If it’s possible, try to avoid frequenting places that the two of you went together. Also, don’t call or text unless it’s truly important and unavoidable. If you are having a hard time dealing with the loss of this person, consider talking to a counselor or relationship therapist.
What are bad signs in a relationship?
Signs of a bad relationship are constant arguing, one-sided or mutual disrespect, lying, other forms of dishonesty and abuse. Relationships can become toxic when these factors are present. This can make them confusing and overwhelming. If you're experiencing any of these issues in your current relationship -- talk to a licensed relationship expert to find ways to cope.
What are the three C's in a healthy relationship?
The three c's in a healthy relationship are -- communication, compromise, and commitment. Without the three c's implemented by both people in the relationship -- it's highly unlikely that the relationship will survive or thrive.
What are the signs of a toxic person?
Some signs of a toxic person are inability to admit fault, selfishness, lack of cooperation, and refusal to be a team player. A relationship is a team effort and if one partner isn't willing to do the work, it's impossible for the other person to carry the relationship without support.
Why do most relationships fail?
Many relationships fail because they lack the three c's of communication, commitment, and compromise. Both parties in the relationship have to be willing to discuss issues that arise, commit themselves to resolving those issues, and be willing to compromise in order to find a mutually satisfying resolution. Without these components it's unlikely a relationship can succeed.
What is a toxic relationship?
A toxic relationship is one that causes negative consequences for one or both parties in the relationship. Relationships that are wrecked with constant arguments, disagreements, physical and/or verbal abuse or drug use are destined for failure without professional intervention and behavior modifications.
What are bad reasons to break up?
If you haven't had an open and honest conversation with your partner about the status of your relationship, this isn't an ideal time to break up. It's important to determine if the issues that come up in your relationship can be resolved before one or both of you tries to bail.
How do you know if a person is no longer interested in you?
People usually show clear signs of losing interest in intimate relationships. If your lover is no longer spending time with you, showing you affection, or not answering your calls or texts, this is an indication that they aren't interested in the relationship anymore.
How do you make a girl interested in you when she is not?
Relationships are built on mutual attraction among other things. Trying to force someone into an attraction that doesn't naturally exist -- is a recipe for disaster. Ask yourself, do you really want to be with someone that you have to force, convince, or trick to love you?
How do you know if a girl is not interested in you through text?
If responses to messages you send are few, far-in-between, or non-existent, this is a sure sign that a girl may not be interested in you. There are a few exceptions in the case that she is actually really busy. Other than that, it's important to remember that people make time for things that are important to them.
What does a woman's silence mean?
A woman's silence can mean many things and depends on the nature of the circumstances. What caused her to become quiet? Did you have an argument? Is she busy at work or school? Or simply not interested? A woman who is interested in you will usually indicate her interest by calling or texting from time-to-time. If she isn't doing this she's either extremely busy -- or not interested.
How do you know when should you give up on a relationship?
Any number of things could indicate that it’s time to give up on a relationship. The most obvious signs may be if abuse is present or if your partner begins to show toxic traits. If you experience more stress or feel emotionally drained, these are signs that the relationship is having a negative impact on your emotional well-being. Also, if you feel like you have to constantly tell yourself how great your partner is or how wonderful the relationship is, chances are you are only fooling yourself. In a healthy relationship you don’t have to convince yourself that the relationship is a positive thing.
If you are considering ending a relationship but aren’t sure what to do, you may find that talking to a counselor or mental health professional can help you sort out your feelings. Talk to your partner and tell them how you feel and be willing to listen to them.
Is texting everyday clingy?
It really depends on what your normal routine with one another is. If you normally talk every day and she has not indicated that she wants to limit contact, then texting every day is not clingy. However, if you only talk a few times a week, increasing the frequency of texts or calls may come across as clingy. The best thing to do is to have some pattern of communication (daily, every other day, or weekly) and stick to it so that she doesn’t feel like you are smothering her. Remember, effective communication should go both ways. If she wants to talk more often, she will reach out to you.
What does it mean if a girl replies slow?
If a girl is responding slowly to your messages, it could be for a few reasons. The first and most simple reason is, she could be busy. Although most people have a cell phone with them most of the time, that doesn’t mean that everyone can stay on the phone or respond to messages immediately. If she is at work or in a class, she may need to wait to answer you. On the other hand, if you are concerned that she may be responding slowly because of a lack of interest, it may be necessary to evaluate your previous communication with one another. For example, if she used to call or text you often or she answered your calls and messages quickly and no longer does, she may be losing interest. It’s important to try to not jump to conclusions. If you are concerned about the way a girl responds to you (or does not) talk to her about it, if you can. If she does not want to talk, that may be a sign it’s time to let go of the relationship.
How do you win a girl's heart through text?
You can definitely use text messages to help you show a girl you are interested. However, you should not rely solely on the use of a text if you really want to win her heart. If you want to use text messages to help get her attention and win her heart, make sure that you don’t go overboard. Remember, it’s much easier to judge a person’s response if you are talking to them in person or on the phone than it is by reading the words on a text message. So, if you feel like she is coming across as annoyed or like she doesn’t want to talk, don’t jump to conclusions. A few simple rules for texting a girl and getting the kind of response you hope for:
What do you do when she is no longer interested?
One of the most difficult things about life relationships is knowing what to do when someone is no longer interested in you. As hard as the reality may be to accept, if she is no longer interested, you need to respect her wishes. Continued contact, as innocent as your intentions may be, may come across as if you are stalking or harassing her. Trying to push a relationship with someone who doesn’t have the same feelings as you lead to anxiety or depression for you. Take care of your mental health by focusing on things that interest you such as a hobby or going out with friends. It may be natural to think about her from time to time, but if she is clearly no longer interested, it will be best for you both for you to realize it’s time to move on.
How often should I text a girl I like?
It really depends on what your relationship with one another is like. If you are good friends and text often, it’s okay to continue that pattern unless she makes you feel that it is not. If she usually doesn’t text you after a certain time at night, it’s a good idea that you respect her by not sending her messages after that time.
How do I keep a girl interested while texting?
If you are trying to keep a girl interested while texting her, be sure to be courteous and consider that her time is valuable. If she wants to engage in a conversation via text, that’s fine. However, if she seems busy, don’t push the issue. Be creative. Compliment her, and joke with her. Don’t be vulgar or use obscene language and references. Even if on the off chance you meant those things as a joke, it is sometimes hard to differentiate a person’s tone when reading a text. Lastly, don’t let your only communication be through text messaging. If she is important to you, put forth the effort to communicate with her one on one.