The Effects Of Infantilization And Being Treated Like A Child

If you've ever felt belittled by the way someone spoke to you or dehumanized by low expectations, you're not alone. Infantilization is not just about treating someone as younger than their age; it's about stripping away their sense of agency and competence. This can occur in various contexts, from family dynamics to professional environments, impacting the ability to see oneself as a capable and autonomous adult. 

Here, you will learn about the multifaceted causes behind this tendency, recognize its characteristics, and explore the steps you can take to foster a culture of respect and empowerment.

What is infantilization?

Infantilization occurs when an adult is treated as though they are less capable, less intelligent, or less independent than they truly are. While many aspects of infantilization can be subtle, it can have lasting emotional and psychological effects.

Infantilization definition in psychology

Infantilization refers to the process of treating someone significantly older, often an adult, as if they are much younger than their actual age, thereby exerting influence on them and denying them the respect, responsibilities, and autonomy appropriate for their stage in life. This treatment can manifest in various ways, such as through communication that diminishes the individual's competence, imposing unnecessary restrictions on their behavior, or by making decisions for them that they are capable of making themselves.

Infantilization vs care or support

Infantilization is not the same as offering care or support. People who offer care do so while respecting the person’s right to make their own decisions and supporting them in doing so. Infantilization does not empower individuals; it restricts independence and removes autonomy.

Common examples of infantilization

While there is no one specific situation that can describe all iterations of infantilization, there are several common types. Here are a few forms of infantilization that may be used knowingly or unknowingly.

Infantilization in relationships and families

Infantilization can appear in relationships in many ways, including:

• Disapproval: Expressing disapproval shows that you don’t trust the person's intelligence or decision-making skills, and that only you know what’s best for them. In parenting, frequent disapproval can send the child the message that their instincts, desires, or choices are invalid, incorrect, or not to be trusted. It can affect the child's maturity, causing them to doubt themselves, their intuition, and their gut feelings, which can make adult life difficult.
• Interference: Another form of infantilization involves going beyond expressing disapproval and actually taking matters into one’s own hands, preventing them from making their own decisions. For instance, a parent could actively sabotage their adult child’s romantic relationship because they believe that it’s not a good match and that they should be with someone else.
• Excessive criticism: Hurtful comments can undermine a person's self-confidence, often under the guise of helping them. Clothing choices, weight gain, choice of career or partner, and many other aspects of life can all become subject to heavy criticism. Eventually, the child or other person who is being negatively addressed may come to truly believe that all their choices are incorrect and that the only person who knows what’s best for them is their parent/partner/etc. 

Infantilization may also manifest as sexism, verbal abuse, denial of emotional support, and even gifts that aren’t age-appropriate. All of these types of actions have the potential to undermine the other person’s self-confidence and self-worth and deeply damage the relationship. 

If you or a loved one is experiencing abuse, contact the Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233). Support is available 24/7.

Infantilization in the workplace and society

These same types of infantilization can occur in social or professional settings, though they may appear differently due to the nature of the relationship. Bosses, supervisors, acquaintances, and coworkers can dismiss input, interfere with projects, or excessively criticize appearance, work quality, or ideas, which can have long or short-term effects on a person’s career or place in society.

Infantilization and child development

How adults treat children can impact their emotional growth, autonomy, and independence, impacting them well into adulthood.

How infantilization affects a child’s development

Infantilization limits a child’s ability to handle age-appropriate responsibilities, essentially depriving them of opportunities to learn to make choices or problem-solve. When an adult steps in and constantly does things or speaks for a child, it can take a toll on the child’s development, self-confidence, and independence. Over time, the child may begin to believe they are incapable of making decisions or speaking for themselves, which can slow growth.

Infantilization and delayed emotional maturity

When parents try too hard to protect children from any adversity or challenges, it can interfere with their ability to cope on their own. This can delay the child’s maturity and cultivate learned helplessness, in which the child relies on others to manage even small challenges.

Infantilization of older adults and vulnerable populations

Infantilization may also affect older adults and vulnerable groups, many times in care settings where people may be encouraged to be more submissive, and perpetrators may wish to exert control.

Infantilization in nursing homes and healthcare settings

In environments such as nursing homes and other long-term care facilities, caregivers may speak to older adults in patronizing ways and make decisions about their care without their consent. Staff and family members may make choices that affect the individual without asking for their input, depriving them of the ability to make their own decisions, which can result in a loss of independence, self-worth, and dignity.

Infantilization has been observed in senior living facilities, with practices including:

• Confinement
• Baby-talk
• Diminutive nicknames
• Child-like decor
• Didactic interactions
• Reprimands
• The use of toys
• A significant reduction in control, autonomy, choice, adult status

Why well-meaning care can become harmful

In many cases, this type of infantilization may begin with good intentions, especially when short-term challenges temporarily affect a person’s autonomy or decision-making ability. However, when this type of support consistency overrides the person’s autonomy, it can reinforce dependence. This type of influence over another person, even when it’s done with the person’s well-being in mind, can cause long-lasting mental and emotional health challenges.

Why people infantilize others

The causes of infantilization can vary. When it happens in milder forms or infrequently, the person may genuinely not realize they’re doing it or that it’s unwelcome. In cases like these, it can be a mistake or misstep that’s correctable through awareness and communication. This may be the case with adult children and senior parents or caregivers and those they’re caring for. 

Control, insecurity, and power dynamics

In some cases, infantilization plays a role in creating a chronic relationship dynamic. It may be linked to certain underlying issues or even mental health disorders that can take more effort and intentionality to unearth and begin to adjust. Some researchers have also associated infantilization with narcissism.

Parents with narcissistic tendencies or narcissistic personality disorder may not want their children to grow up and stop being reliant on them or having to obey them, so they’ll attempt to prevent that from happening. Partners who display narcissism may also be so hooked on the feeling of being needed or the power they have over another person that they may do anything to try and maintain this dynamic.

Cultural and social conditioning

Some aspects of society can also play a role in infantilization. Some social norms may reinforce stereotypes based on age, gender, status, or disability, with these stereotypes encouraging the assumption that certain groups of people are not capable of making their own decisions. These aspects of society can make infantilization seem normal, even though it limits others' autonomy.

Effects of infantilization on mental health

A parent consistently infantilizing a child throughout their upbringing and even into adulthood can have serious consequences. One study found that helicopter parenting behaviors, such as infantilization, correlate with a higher likelihood that students will feel burned out in school and lack self-control.

Short-term emotional effects

Overprotective parenting has also been associated with child anxiety, decreased self-esteem, and hindered social skills. By not allowing children to experience failure and navigate challenges independently, overprotective parents may inadvertently prevent their children from developing resilience and problem-solving abilities. In the short term, they are likely to feel unheard, powerless, and/or dismissed by the adults who are supposed to be supporting them.

Long-term psychological consequences

Because infantilization does not allow a child’s maturity to develop naturally, it can continue to affect them throughout their lives. They can grow into adults who struggle with low self-esteem and high anxiety, who rely on others to make their decisions. Over time, this can erode independence and resilience, affecting many aspects of life.

How to tell if someone is infantilizing you

Infantilizing is not always blatant; in fact, it can be quite subtle. Knowing how to identify patterns of infantilization can help you determine if your independence and autonomy are being undermined.

Behavioral and language cues

Some signs that someone is infantilizing you may include: 

• They don’t allow you to make your own decisions. 
• They frequently speak to you in a condescending way. 
• They dismiss your opinions. 
• They question your ability to handle even simple tasks. 
• They check up on you after you complete a task to make sure you did it “right.”

How to respond to infantilization

If you feel that someone is infantilizing you, there are some things you can do to advocate for yourself.

Reclaiming autonomy and boundaries

If you’re experiencing infantilizing treatment from someone in your life, a good first step may be to set boundaries. This process involves pushing back when the person tries to employ one of the infantilizing tactics we mentioned above, or otherwise makes you feel like you’re helpless or incapable of running your own life.

Consider starting by making clear, calm statements about what you will and will not tolerate. Avoid discussing the reasoning behind your decisions, since this often simply serves as a way for the other person to try and convince you otherwise. Stand firm, insist that you are capable of making your own decisions, and walk away if needed.

When to seek professional support

If you are experiencing feelings of self-doubt or low self-esteem, or if you need help figuring out how to advocate for yourself, set and maintain boundaries, and push back against infantilization, working with a therapist can help.

Therapy and support for recovering from infantilization

It can be challenging to overcome the effects of infantilization and learn to advocate for yourself without support. Working with a professional can give you the support you need to build your self-esteem and overcome these challenges. 

How therapy can help rebuild confidence

If you’ve been or are currently being infantilized in a relationship, it can take a toll on your mental health. Infantilization may impact a child’s maturity and a child’s development, with effects that can continue to affect you well into adulthood.  Meeting with a therapist may help you rebuild your confidence, learn to set boundaries and find out what red flags to watch for to help you avoid these dynamics in the future. If you’ve realized that you’re infantilizing someone in your life, a therapist can help you understand the psychology behind this behavior and work toward change. 

Getting support through BetterHelp

Traditional, in-person therapy may be an option for those who are comfortable with this format. For those who prefer to receive treatment from the comfort of their own home, online therapy is another option. With a platform like BetterHelp, you can get matched with a licensed mental health professional who can help you work through long- and short-term challenges you may be facing via phone, video call, and/or online chat. With research suggesting that virtual therapy is no less efficacious than in-person methods, this may be a viable option for those who prefer it.