Discovering Their Story: Questions To Ask When Getting To Know Someone
Building a robust and meaningful relationship with someone may require more than just spending time together. One way to possibly understand and connect with another person can be by engaging in genuine conversation, exchanging stories and asking thoughtful questions.
In this article, we'll discuss various questions you can ask someone to get to know them on a deeper level, potentially fostering a stronger connection.
Building a strong connection
Building a strong connection with others can be incredibly important in people's lives. Strong connections can provide emotional support, which can be essential for mental health and well-being for many. Individuals with a network of supportive relationships may be able to better navigate life's challenges, possibly maintaining a sense of balance and confidence that can elevate their quality of life.
Strong connections can also contribute to personal growth and self-improvement. Engaging in meaningful conversations with others can lead to new insights, ideas and perspectives that you wouldn’t have otherwise encountered, which can challenge you and broaden your perspective. Additionally, these connections can provide constructive feedback and encouragement, helping many to feel encouraged enough to strive for self-improvement.
Lastly, studies have shown that individuals with strong social connections may have lower stress levels, which can contribute to better overall health. This reason alone is enough for many to begin evaluating their social habits and relationships, often encouraging some to broaden their networks with quality connections.
Why ask questions when meeting someone new?
While you can start the conversation with virtually any topic, asking questions can demonstrate curiosity, interest, and a desire to understand someone's perspectives and experiences. Additionally, asking deeper, more engaging questions can stimulate conversations, strengthen your connection, and create lasting memories.
When engaging in conversation, it can be helpful to practice active listening as you go. This generally looks like giving someone your full attention, empathizing with them when necessary and reflecting on the other person's words. By doing so, you can show them respect and care—possibly creating an environment where both parties can learn from each other and feel comfortable expressing their thoughts and feelings.
General questions: How to start a conversation
Initiating a conversation with someone new or deepening your connection with a familiar person can sometimes feel challenging. However, starting with general questions can effectively break the ice and might foster a comfortable environment for more meaningful discussions.
The questions listed below can help you explore common interests, similar experiences and mutual values, possibly laying the foundation for a stronger connection. In this section, we will present some general questions that can spark engaging conversations, possibly helping you get to know others more personally.
Possible questions: Hobbies and interests
What hobbies or activities do you enjoy in your spare time?
Are there any new hobbies or interests you'd like to explore?
What kind of music, movies, or books do you enjoy?
Hobbies can reveal a person's priorities, such as a commitment to physical fitness, creativity or intellectual pursuits. This question also can allow for the identification of common interests, which can serve as a foundation for deeper conversations (or strengthened interpersonal connections).
Inquiring about potential new hobbies in this way can encourage people to voice their desires, ambitions and areas of curiosity, possibly revealing their willingness (or lack thereof) to embrace change and adapt to new experiences. Discussing potential new hobbies can also foster a sense of possibility and excitement, which might contribute to a more engaging and stimulating conversation.
Exploring an individual's preferences in music, movies and books can offer a window into their personality and emotional landscape, it can also go a bit deeper—possibly reflecting on an individual's values, beliefs, experiences and emotional states that they may seek or find solace in. Discussing these preferences can unveil similar tastes or introduce new cultural experiences to one another, further deepening the connection between the conversational partners.
Possible questions: Work and education
What do you do for a living, and what inspired you to choose that career path?
Have you pursued any additional education or certifications in your field?
These two questions can be a more practical way to delve into an individual's professional life, aspirations and commitment to personal development. They can provide insights into a person's sense of purpose, ambition and motivation, while possibly revealing their values and priorities.
Asking about an individual's profession and the inspiration behind their career choice can also encourage them to talk about their personal stories and aspirations. This question can reveal significant aspects of their character, such as their determination, ambition and passion for their work. It can also offer insights into key areas of their personality, such as their problem-solving abilities, adaptability and willingness to face challenges.
Additionally, inquiring about an individual's pursuit of further education or certifications can demonstrate an interest in their “zone” or lane of professional development. This can encourage them to open up to you a bit more, reciprocating the question and finding common ground in areas of professional interest. If they don’t currently hold a job, you might choose to redirect—asking them about possible career choices they would make if given the opportunity.
Possible questions: Values and beliefs
What values are most important to you in your personal and professional life?
Do you have any spiritual or philosophical beliefs that guide you?
Using the above questions to start or continue a conversation can reveal someone’s priorities, ethical stance and the criteria they use when making decisions. Additionally, these questions may offer insight into one’s motivations, commitments and the qualities they might seek in relationships and work environments.
As these questions are a bit more in-depth, they may foster a deeper understanding and connection between conversational partners compared to more “surface-level” topics.
Tolerance may be important to keep in mind here, especially if your conversational partner holds different beliefs than those you hold. Empathizing and actively working to find common ground can solidify bonds, which can help all participants of the conversation to achieve a more fulfilling outcome.
Possible questions: Personal growth
8. What's an important lesson you've learned in life?
9. How do you handle stress or difficult situations?
Asking about a vital life lesson or being vulnerable about coping techniques and experiences can encourage individuals to reflect on and discuss pivotal experiences that have shaped their understanding of themselves and the world. This question can reveal their ability to learn from setbacks, adapt to changing circumstances and grow. It also can offer insight into their values, priorities and personal philosophies, as essential lessons often stem from experiences that challenge or reinforce these beliefs.
As you ask this question, it can be helpful to remember the importance and value of holding space—especially if you find yourself talking about topics that might be difficult to speak about. Checking in with your conversational partners and assessing their comfort throughout the conversation can help to ensure that everyone feels respected over the duration of the conversation.
Possible questions: Relationships and family
10. What qualities do you look for in a friend or romantic partner?
11. How do you maintain strong relationships with your family?
Asking about the qualities an individual looks for in a friend or romantic partner can encourage them to reflect on and talk about their preferences and values in relationships. This question can also reveal their priorities, such as trust, honesty, loyalty or emotional support in relationships—possibly providing insights into their expectations and compatibility with others.
We do want to note: This question generally encourages the person to talk about their experiences and practices in building and sustaining familial bonds as they recount their previous experiences. Proceeding with caution, empathy and tact can be helpful, as some people may find this topic to be sensitive.
Possible questions: Personal preferences
12. If you could have any superpower, what would it be and why?
13. What's your go-to snack or favorite food?
Asking about an individual's desired superpower can encourage them to engage in imaginative thinking, possibly prompting them to discuss their aspirations or fantasies. This question can also reveal aspects of their character, values and priorities.
Secondly, discussing favorite foods or snacks can lead to conversations about similar culinary experiences, cultural differences in food preferences and the role of food in social bonding. This can further deepen interpersonal connections in an informal and enjoyable context—as food is a common topic for many. If you choose to go this route, be sure that you come prepared with your own set of culinary preferences and superpowers. You may be asked to reciprocate!
Possible questions: Life goals and dreams
14. What's something you've always wanted to accomplish but haven't yet?
15. Where do you see yourself in five or ten years?
Asking about an unaccomplished goal or aspiration can encourage conversational partners to reflect on or talk about their dreams and desires. This question can reveal their priorities, values, ambitions, and willingness to pursue and achieve challenging objectives. It may also offer insights into barriers or obstacles they might be working to overcome, possibly offering you another avenue of conversation or encouragement.
How online therapy can help
By working with a trained therapist, individuals can develop a deeper understanding of themselves and others, possibly leading to improved relationships and communication skills. Additionally, therapy can help individuals learn to control their emotions, which can be a key factor in maintaining healthy relationships.
While this can be a positive outcome, the process of starting on this goal can feel overwhelming to begin. Many might appreciate the convenience that can come from therapy that is done virtually, helping them to avoid feelings of nervousness that may occur when they seek support outside the house.
Additionally, online therapy has been suggested to be effective in helping individuals who have experienced trauma or significant life changes that may impact their ability to communicate. Through therapy, individuals can cultivate healthier coping mechanisms and deepen their comprehension of themselves and others by exploring their emotions and experiences safely. As a result, they can establish stronger and more profound relationships with others, which may feature higher levels of deeper, more efficient communication.
If you are experiencing trauma, support is available. Please see our Get Help Now page for more resources.
Takeaway
What are 10 good questions to get to know someone?
Getting to know someone involves asking questions that can help you understand their personality, interests, and values. Here are 10 good questions to get to know someone:
- What do you love to do in your free time?
- What's the most interesting place you've ever been?
- What's your favorite book or movie, and why?
- What's something you're passionate about?
- What do you value most in your friendships or relationships?
- What's a goal or dream you're currently working towards?
- What's a memorable experience from your past that has shaped you?
- What's your favorite way to relax and de-stress?
- If you could have any superpower, what would it be, and why?
- What's the best piece of advice you've ever received?
What are interesting questions to ask?
Interesting questions can lead to engaging and thought-provoking conversations. Here are some interesting questions to ask:
- If you could travel back in time to any historical event, which one would you choose and why?
- What's the most unusual or exciting food you've ever tried while traveling?
- If you could have dinner with any person, living or dead, who would it be, and what would you ask them?
- What's a skill or hobby you've always wanted to learn but haven't had the chance to yet?
- If you could visit any place on Earth (or beyond), where would you go and what would you do there?
- What's a book, movie, or song that had a profound impact on your life?
- If you could wake up tomorrow with a new ability or talent, what would you choose?
- What's the most valuable lesson you've learned from a challenging experience in your life?
- If you could live in any era or time period, past or future, when and where would you choose to live?
- What's a question you've always wanted to ask but were too afraid to?
What are the 5 big questions of life?
The "5 big questions of life" can vary depending on individual perspectives and philosophical or existential outlooks. However, some common overarching questions that have intrigued philosophers, thinkers, and people seeking meaning throughout history include:
What is the meaning of life?
This is perhaps the most fundamental and enduring question of all. People have pondered the purpose and meaning of human existence for centuries.
What happens after we die?
Questions about the afterlife, the nature of consciousness, and what happens when life ends have been central to many belief systems and philosophical discussions.
What is the nature of reality?
This question delves into the very fabric of existence, including inquiries about the nature of reality, the universe, and our place within it.
What is the source of morality and ethics?
This question explores the foundations of right and wrong, good and evil, and the principles that guide our behavior and decisions.
What is the nature of consciousness and self?
Understanding the nature of consciousness, self-awareness, and the mind-body relationship is a deep philosophical inquiry.
These questions are not meant to have definitive answers but rather to stimulate contemplation, self-reflection, and exploration of the human experience. Different belief systems, philosophies, and cultural backgrounds may offer varying perspectives on these questions. Individual answers to these questions can also evolve throughout a person's life.
What are 21 juicy questions?
"Juicy questions" typically refer to questions that are more personal, intimate, or provocative. Here are 21 such questions that you might consider for a more candid or in-depth conversation:
- What's your deepest, darkest secret that you've never told anyone?
- Have you ever had a crush on someone you shouldn't have?
- What's the most adventurous or daring thing you've ever done?
- What's your ultimate fantasy or dream that you haven't told anyone?
- Have you ever had a supernatural or unexplainable experience?
- What's your favorite intimate or romantic memory?
- Who was your crush growing up?
- What's the most embarrassing moment that you remember?
- If you could go back and change one decision in your life, what would it be?
- What's your go-to guilty pleasure, something you enjoy but might not admit to others?
- What is the most romantic thing a person has done for you?
- What's the most romantic gesture you've ever made for someone?
- What's the most significant lesson you've learned from a past relationship?
- Have you ever been in love, and how did you know?
- What's the biggest lie you've ever told, and why did you tell it?
- What's a secret talent or skill you have that not many people know about?
- If you could meet any celebrity, who would it be, and what would you ask them?
- What's the most rebellious thing you did as a teenager?
- What's your biggest fear, and how do you cope with it?
- What's a childhood dream that you haven't given up on?
- What's the craziest or wildest event you've ever attended?
What is the 20-question challenge?
The "20 Questions" challenge is a classic word game or guessing game in which one person thinks of an object, and the other participants (often one or more people) take turns asking up to 20 yes-or-no questions to determine what the object is. The goal is to guess the object within the 20-question limit.
Here's how the game typically works:
- One player thinks of an object, keeping it a secret from the other participants.
- The other participants take turns asking yes-or-no questions to narrow down the possibilities and guess the object.
- The player who thought of the object can only respond with "yes," "no," or "I don't know."
- Participants continue asking questions until they guess the object correctly or until they've asked 20 questions without a correct guess.
What are 5 random questions?
Here are five random questions that can spark interesting conversations or reveal more about a person:
- If you could have any animal as a pet (regardless of practicality or legality), what would it be, and why?
- What's the most unique or unusual job you've ever heard of, and do you think you'd enjoy it?
- If you could travel back in time to witness any historical event, which one would it be, and what would you hope to learn from it?
- What's your favorite season, and what do you love most about it?
- If you had to survive on a deserted island and could only bring three items, what would they be, and why?
Random questions like these can lead to engaging and unexpected conversations, as they encourage people to discuss their preferences, dreams, and imaginative thoughts. They may also be tied to building relationships.
What are trending questions?
"Trending questions" are typically questions that are currently popular or relevant in the context of a specific event, topic, or trend. These questions often reflect what people are currently interested in or curious about. The specific trending questions can change rapidly, depending on current events, popular culture, and emerging trends. To find trending questions, you can follow current news and social media trends, and you may discover questions related to:
- Current Events: Questions related to major news events or developments.
- Pop Culture: Questions about the latest movies, music, TV shows, or celebrity news.
- Technology: Questions about the newest gadgets, apps, or tech trends.
- Health and Wellness: Questions about fitness, nutrition, mental health, or wellness trends.
- Social Issues: Questions about important social and political issues of the day.
- Holidays and Seasons: Questions related to upcoming holidays or changing seasons.
- Emerging Trends: Questions about new trends in fashion, travel, food, and more.
How do you ask deep questions?
Asking deep questions goes beyond making small talk and requires careful consideration and a genuine interest in exploring meaningful and thought-provoking topics. Here are some tips on how to ask deep questions and improve conversation:
- Start with Open-Ended Questions: Begin with questions that cannot be answered with a simple "yes" or "no." Open-ended questions encourage more profound responses.
- Ask About Personal Experiences: Inquire about the person's personal experiences, values, and beliefs. Questions that tap into emotions and experiences often lead to deeper conversations.
- Use Thought-Provoking Phrases: Frame questions using phrases like "What do you think about...," "How do you feel when...," or "Can you describe a time when...," as these encourage reflection and discussion.
- Explore Philosophical or Ethical Themes: Questions related to ethics, morality, purpose, and the human experience often lead to deep conversations. For example, "What do you think is the meaning of life?" or "What is the right thing to do in a morally complex situation?"
- Consider Hypothetical Scenarios: Present hypothetical scenarios or "what if" questions that encourage the person to think about different possibilities or moral dilemmas.
- Ask About Goals and Aspirations: Questions about long-term goals, dreams, and aspirations can reveal a person's values and motivations.
- Listen Actively: Pay close attention to the person's responses and ask follow-up questions based on their answers. This shows that you are genuinely engaged in the conversation.
- Create a Safe and Non-Judgmental Environment: Make it clear that you are interested in hearing the person's perspective and that there are no "wrong" answers to these deep questions.
- Be Patient: Deep conversations may take time to develop. Allow for silence and reflection if needed.
- Respect Boundaries: Understand that not everyone is comfortable discussing deeply personal or philosophical topics. Respect the other person's boundaries and comfort level.
What are 50 random questions?
Here are 50 random questions to ask people that can spark interesting conversations:
- If you could have dinner with any historical figure, who would it be, and what would you ask them?
- What's your all-time favorite movie, and why?
- What was your first job?
- What's your favorite family holiday tradition?
- If you could time travel, would you go to the past or the future, and why?
- What's a book that had a significant impact on your life?
- What is your favorite family recipe?
- What's your go-to comfort food?
- Who is your best friend and why do you like them?
- What's your favorite way to relax and unwind?
- What is your biggest pet peeve?
- What's the most ridiculous outfit you have ever worn?
- What's the most memorable concert or live performance you've attended?
- Do you like a surprise party? Why or why not?
- What's the best gift you have ever received?
- If you could only eat one cuisine for the rest of your life, what would it be?
- What's a childhood memory that always makes you smile?
- If you could meet any fictional character, who would it be, and why?
- What's your favorite season, and what do you love about it?
- If you could change one thing about the world, what would it be?
- What's the most interesting fact you've learned recently?
- If you could have any animal as a pet, what would it be?
- What's your philosophy on life or a personal motto you live by?
- If you could eat one food forever what would it be?
- What's a skill or hobby you're proud of?
- If you had a free day with no responsibilities, how would you spend it?
- How many pairs of shoes do you own?
- If you could have a conversation with your younger self, what advice would you give?
- What's your favorite ice cream flavor?
- If you could witness any natural phenomenon, what would it be?
- What's a dream or goal you have for the future?
- If you could travel back in time, what period would you visit?
- What's a technology or invention you're excited about for the future?
- If you could solve any global problem, what would it be?
- What's a skill or quality you admire in others?
- If you could learn any language instantly, which one would it be?
- What's a hobby you enjoy that surprises people?
- If you could have any job for a day, what would it be?
- What's a favorite childhood memory that you have?
- If you could have a conversation with someone from another culture, who would it be?
- What's a historical event you find fascinating?
- If you could explore any part of the universe, where would you go?
- What's a small act of kindness that made a big difference in your life?
- If you could spend a day in a fictional world, which one would it be?
- What's a unique travel experience you'd recommend to others?
- If you could have a meal with any family member, past or present, who would it be?
- What's a favorite tradition in your family or culture?
- If you could change one thing about your daily routine, what would it be?
- What's a talent or skill you'd like to learn in the future?
- If you could meet any living person, who would it be, and what would you talk about?
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