Advice On How To Stop Loving Someone

Updated March 18, 2020

So, you want to know how to stop loving someone. How do you make feelings stop or change? It is not an easy task, but it is possible to overcome your romantic feelings toward someone with a little bit of effort and patience.


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Love is a strong emotion, and it can be hard to let go of your love for someone. There are many reasons why you might want to stop loving someone. While the word "love" brings about positive images, it is not always a good thing.

It could be that you have fallen for someone that you can't be with. You could be trying to stop loving someone who cheated on you or who is abusive towards you. Maybe you're in love with someone who has no idea. Maybe you love someone who did a terrible thing and you cannot reconcile loving them knowing the thing that they did. Those reasons are an important part of choosing an appropriate solution to the problem.

Here Is Some Advice on How to Stop Loving Someone:

Spend Some Time Apart

One of the biggest ways that you can stop loving someone is to stop spending time with them. If you are in love with a friend and hang out with them all the time, your feelings continue because you are around them constantly and see everything you like about them and growing more connected to them. This is just one example. If you are trying to get over someone who you used to date, trying to be "just friends" with them and spending time together, doing things you did while dating, will only prolong the sadness and confusion you feel and will not likely reduce the feelings of love that you have for that person.


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If you want to stop loving someone, you need to meet other people (not just romantic interests, but widen your social circle of support and friendship) and start doing things to keep your mind off that person. If you are in this situation, it is the perfect time to do something that you have always wanted to do, like taking piano lessons, join a gym and create a fitness or workout goal, or start trying to sell crafts that you enjoy making. Really, anything that you think about doing, but feel you have never had the time to actually do it. Eventually, you will find out that you can be happy without the person and maybe realize that they weren't right for you in the first place. The reason that you needed to make this change and stop loving them will likely become more clear to you.

Tell the Person How You Feel

This might not work in every situation, but sometimes telling someone you love them is a good way to get past your feelings. Think about it. When you tell someone you love them, either they say that they love you back or they say they do not have those same feelings for you. But this way you know for sure. The other benefit to telling them is if they do not feel the same way about you, they will likely have boundaries with you and take time and space so that you do not continue to get stronger and stronger feelings for them. It is painful, but it is also very painful to have feelings for someone who ultimately will not return them. Basically, it's more painful right now, but in the long run, you will be better for it. Of course, use caution with this approach. If you think that you are in love for your boss, for example, telling them would likely not be the way to go. In that case, it will be really helpful in talking to a close friend, family member, or therapist to help you work through these feelings.

Yes, heartbreak is painful and no one wants to be heartbroken. The thing to remember is, once you have the answer you can start to work on healing and moving past it. Which ultimately, is far better for you than continuing to have feelings for someone who does not share the same feelings for you. Additionally, the sooner you know, the less time the feelings for this person will grow and it will be faster to heal.


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Talk To A Counsellor About Your Feelings

Sometimes we try everything and still, we can't seem to get past our feelings for someone. If you are convinced that the person you love is for you even though you know it's wrong or will not work out (they don't feel the same way about you, they are with someone else, etc.), a counselor can help you sort out your feelings. A counselor can provide you with feedback, suggestions, and support. A counselor can also help you challenge any irrational thoughts and ensure that you are thinking logically and rationally.

Seeing a counselor is healthy. It is not just for people with serious mental health issues or problems. Many times, we can know the right answer or what we should do, but our feelings are not in sync with our thoughts and actions. Sometimes we need the help of someone who is not involved to see things clearly. If you feel that you would like to try online counseling, BetterHelp is an online alternative to traditional counselling that is convenient and affordable. All you need to get started is a smart phone, tablet, or computer. You can talk to your counselor in a variety of ways: live phone, video, and chat sessions, as well as messaging. The messaging feature can be especially helpful when dealing with this particular issue because you can send your counselor messages as you need to and get feedback much faster than you would wait for your next scheduled session.

Conclusion

Learning how to stop loving someone is hard. Love is such a strong emotion that we tend to hang on to it even if we know that it isn't right. Letting go and coming to terms with your feelings and with the situation in front of you, is the best way to deal with it.

Time heals. Take some time apart to decide what it is you need and want. Identify what your ideal partner really looks like. Go out, meet new people, and after some time your feelings should start to dissipate. Life will go on and you will love again, and because of this experience, you will have a greater understanding of what you need and want out of a relationship.

In the meantime, don't be afraid of reaching out for support if you need it. Talk to friends and family. Speak with a counselor who is trained to help people work through their thoughts and emotions. You do not have to suffer alone and reaching out for help can make this process go by much faster.

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