How To Make The Seven Rules Of Life Work For You And Find Happiness

Life can be complicated and challenging, but you can make it a bit easier by following some simple tips like the “7 Cardinal Rules of Life,” developed by Stephen R. Covey. These rules can remind you what to focus on and where to invest your energy to enjoy life more. They generally include bits of wisdom like making peace with your past, taking charge of your own happiness, avoiding comparison, and choosing to smile and have a positive attitude, even when times may be tough. While these rules of life can provide guidance, a licensed therapist can help you address any underlying challenges or conditions that may be keeping you from finding happiness, fulfillment, and personal growth. You can reach out for professional help by seeking out a local therapist or matching with one through an online therapy platform.

To get the most out of life and cultivate personal growth, Stephen R. Covey suggests seven "rules". The rules are:

1. Make peace with your past so that it won't disturb your present.
2. What other people think of you is none of your business.
3. Time heals almost everything. Give it time, the pain will pass.
4. No one is in charge of your happiness except for you.
5. Avoid comparing your life to others and judging others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
6. Stop overthinking. It's all right if you don't know all the answers. They will come to you when you least expect them.
7. Smile; you don't own all the problems in the world.

Rule 1: Make peace with your life’s past

The past can affect your present in unhelpful ways. An essential aspect of mental health can be continuously looking ahead to the future and new, positive opportunities. You might not be able to change the past or forget it. However, letting go of the past can keep you moving forward each day and help you deal with challenges more effectively. Here are some points to consider on that journey:

• Forgive other people for offenses or past mistakes.
• Forgive yourself for your missteps.
• Let painful memories fade by choosing different thoughts.
• Accept what has happened in your life, and learn from pain.
• Make new commitments each day.

Rule 2: Move beyond what other people think of you

We can never know another person's thoughts. When we fall into the trap of constantly worrying about what others think, we may lose focus on our goals and miss new opportunities and connections. Instead, try to keep a positive attitude and be true to the best version of yourself to attract the kind of people who belong in your life. 

Rule 3: Allow yourself time to heal

The best approach in life is often to let things heal without interference. Life may seem difficult now, but by not dwelling on the past, you can often move forward and find happiness. While it can be essential to acknowledge painful and damaging experiences from the past, healing tends to be more likely when you do not let the past take over and remove your focus from the present. Sometimes, when we don’t know the correct answer to a problem or what to do about it, a successful approach can be to pay attention to what makes us feel better in the moment and let time heal old wounds.

Rule 4: Take charge of your happiness

Happiness can be a subjective feeling that is often hard to measure. Nonetheless, research has found that people who believe they are in control of their happiness are generally more content in life than those who think their feelings of satisfaction rest in the hands of others. 

Additionally, allow yourself to just be at times, rather than focusing on constant productivity or thinking about what you should do. Slowing down and taking the time to nourish your inner life as a human being can help you connect with yourself and the world at large, bringing a sense of peace and contentment.

Rule 5: Avoid comparing yourself to others, and don’t judge others

Comparing yourself to others can quickly separate you from your natural talents and accomplishments, potentially robbing you of joy. In addition, spending time judging the behavior and choices of other people may also move you away from focusing on your own journey and challenges. In addition, we can never truly know what obstacles and problems another person lives with. A more productive path may be to view each day as an opportunity to celebrate who you are and what you have. Choosing contentment and focusing on the good in your life can make a big difference in overcoming habits of comparison.

Rule 6: Learn to manage your thoughts and avoid overthinking

Rehashing negative interactions, continually revisiting the past, and ruminating on negative ideas and stuff you cannot control can all be unhelpful behaviors. Brain researchers have found that these habits can damage the brain and nervous system, possibly contributing to an increased risk of developing Alzheimer’s disease. They also discovered that prolonged negative thinking usually has a measurable effect on the ability to reason and recall events. 

Repetitive negative thinking tends to be common in people with sleep disorders, anxiety, depression, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), and excessive life stress. However, it can be important to note that all of these mental health disorders typically respond well to treatment.

If you are experiencing trauma, support is available. Please see our Get Help Now page for more resources.

A quick reset when you feel stuck in your thoughts 

While it can seem difficult to stop thinking about something negative that has happened or reliving it, a few helpful strategies may help. When you feel stuck in your thoughts, you can try the following mindfulness techniques:

• Naming the thought, such as worrying, obsessing about work, rehashing 
• Recognizing the thought as just a thought
• Reminding yourself that you are not your thoughts
• Practicing deep breathing exercises to calm your nervous system
• Noticing what's around you, such as what you see, touch, hear, and smell 

Rule 7: Smile and let go of what you can’t control

In general, there are things within your control and things outside of your control. When people or circumstances are outside of your control, recognizing this and not trying to control the situation can improve your mental well-being. Taking responsibility for things you can’t control can make you unhappy. Accepting the right level of responsibility can help you function within your limits. In addition, psychological research suggests that smiling, even when you don’t feel like it, can help you feel better, boost your immune response, and even help you live longer. 

Tailor the seven rules of life

You can apply these simple pieces of advice to practically every circumstance in your life. For example, many people find that letting go of burdensome ideas and unnecessary responsibilities can be beneficial to their health and sense of freedom. In addition, others may find that overcoming offenses and being patient with themselves can be vital forms of self-care. 

Turn each rule into a weekly habit

To incorporate these rules into your life, consider making a conscious effort to develop new habits. Below, you’ll find several ways to apply these helpful rules to your daily life: 

• When a negative memory from the past enters your mind, practice a self-compassion exercise.
• When you catch yourself worrying about what others think, express yourself in a way that feels genuine, true, and meaningful to you.
• When a painful memory returns, acknowledge the pain and do something enjoyable in your present life, such as going out with a friend, taking a walk, or going for a bike ride.
• When you find yourself blaming others for your feelings, do something that feels empowering and nourishing.
• When you compare yourself to others, focus on applying yourself to something concrete that relates to your goals and dreams.
• When engaging with social media, avoid doomscrolling or focusing on the kind of social media post that makes you feel stressed.
• Try smiling for no particular reason and see what happens. 

When these rules are not enough

By following these rules for life, you might find that tension and worries melt away, giving you a new perspective on life and the energy to live to your full potential. However, if you are having trouble letting go of negative thought patterns and are struggling to find joy and meaning in life, and want to talk to someone, you might consider working with a therapist to address any underlying concerns.

Signs you may need more support than self-help tips

While self-help tips can offer valuable benefits to mental health and well-being, a person experiencing an anxiety condition or clinical depression may need more help to deal with their symptoms. Some common signs that you may need more support include:

• Feeling a sense of hopelessness and helplessness
• Feeling low and sad most of the time
• Finding it hard to enjoy life and activities you used to enjoy
• Low self-esteem
• Constant irritability, anger, and intolerance of others
• Having a difficult time making decisions
• Having little or no motivation
• Difficulty concentrating
• Withdrawing from the company of others
• Having thoughts of self-harm or suicide

To be diagnosed with depression, a person usually has to experience symptoms every day for most of the time for at least two weeks. 

Benefits of online therapy to discuss life rules

Online therapy generally eliminates some of the most common barriers to therapy. Therapy through BetterHelp can empower you to connect with a licensed professional who has experience in the types of challenges you’re living with, and it generally enables you to attend sessions from the location of your choice at a time that fits into your existing schedule. You can also personalize the therapy experience to your comfort level by choosing between video conference, phone call, or online chat options for your appointments.

Effectiveness of online therapy

Online therapy can be an effective form of treatment for a variety of mental health disorders and concerns. According to a 2022 meta-analysis, online therapy is generally just as effective as its in-person counterpart, and those seeking professional help may rest assured that either option can provide a valid form of treatment.