Seeking Support: How To Tell Your Parents You Need Therapy

Your decision to seek therapy is an important one, and many young people don’t consider how to improve their mental health. You may be convinced that you need the services of a therapist, and you might be wondering how to communicate that to your parents. Telling your parents you need therapy is likely important for your well-being. Mental health issues are one of the biggest burdens faced by adolescents and young adults, and recognizing that therapy might benefit you could be a sign of a mature, proactive response to mental concerns. This article will discuss how to tell your parents you need therapy and what you can do if they are not supportive. 

Start with a self-evaluation

Before talking to your parents, it will likely be helpful to have a firm understanding of what you want to communicate and how they might respond. You should also consider your practical needs outside of mental health. Take time to consider the following categories: 

Why you need therapy

Your parents will likely want to know precisely why you think you need therapy, and you should be prepared to give them as much information as you can. You might have a very clear idea of why you want therapy, or you might simply want to “feel better.” Taking time to think about your mental and emotional health will likely form a solid need-based foundation for the conversation with your parents. You might want to consider asking yourself the following questions:

• Why do I want therapy now?
• Why will it be good for me?
• What can I get out of it? 
• What will therapy improve in my life?
• What have I already tried to address my concerns?

Stating your needs clearly will likely improve your chances of receiving a positive response from your parents. Many parents, naturally, become concerned if their child approaches them about wanting therapy. Providing as much information as possible will likely help them understand that you have considered your needs deeply and genuinely believe therapy is the right option. 

Are there practical concerns?

It’s likely you’re still relatively young, maybe a teenager or young adult. A person’s ability to meet their own needs varies drastically at that age. For example, if you are a teenager still living at home, you might need your parents to provide financial support, transportation, and legal permission to attend therapy. If you’re a young adult on your parent's insurance, you might need to make them aware of billing statements or other documents that might appear. 

You may or may not be aware of your parent’s ability to help you overcome external barriers to therapy. If you think they might bring up practical barriers, like financial strain or a lack of insurance, it might be helpful to familiarize yourself with common solutions to those problems. Are there therapists who will see you on a sliding-fee scale? Is public transportation an option? Do you have any ability to shift your schedule to help accommodate your parent's support? 

Preparing for the conversation

After you take time to consider your own needs related to therapy, it will likely be helpful to put a similar amount of consideration into the conversation with your parents. Here are some steps that might help you plan effectively:

Plan the conversation

You’ll likely find it easier to tell your parents about wanting therapy if you know exactly what you want to say before the conversation begins. Of course, you may not be able to stick to your plan completely, but knowing what you want to say in advance can help you get back on track. Writing down your main points and carrying them with you into the conversation may be helpful. In addition, you might want to think about which form of communication will work best. You don’t have to talk to your parents about therapy face-to-face if a phone call, email, or text messages work better. 

Practice what you’re going to say

Running through some of your main points before communicating them to your parents will likely be helpful. If the conversation will take place in person, you might want to spend time in front of a mirror practicing what you want to say. Practicing aloud also helps you refine your message and catch errors or confusing areas. If the conversation will take place in writing, it will likely be helpful to try writing out a few different versions of your main points and seeing which one feels best to you. 

Request your parents' attention

You can certainly begin your conversation about therapy without notice if you think your parents will be receptive, but it might be helpful to give them a heads-up that you want to have a serious discussion with them. Asking for their time and attention might also help them feel involved in the process, giving them extra opportunities to support you. 

Having the conversation

If you’re asking for your parent's time and attention, it's important that you provide open, honest information. Explain everything you learned in your self-evaluation: the state of your emotional health, why you want counseling, concerns that you may have a mental illness, and any other information you think will be relevant to both you and them. When you inform your parents you need therapy, it may come as a surprise, or it may be something they expected. Prepare yourself to answer questions and recognize that your parent's concern may be very sudden. 

Perhaps the most important thing to communicate during your conversation is that you are asking for help. You are coming to your parents for support, guidance, and empathy. This is especially important if you feel your parents are completely or partially responsible for the reasons you want therapy. Try to avoid coming off as confrontational; very few parents are perfect, but most love their children and want them to be happy. 

If you feel the conversation is not as productive as you hoped, it’s okay to end the conversation and try again another time. Your parents might need time to process what you’ve told them and might react before they’ve considered what you’ve said. Go slowly if necessary and give your parents ample time to talk to you about your concerns. 

What to do if your parents aren’t supportive

Some parents aren’t big supporters of psychotherapy. If you’ve expressed your needs, told them how therapy could help, and they still won’t approve, it may be more challenging to find mental health support. However, it is likely still possible to find help. If you are in high school, consider reaching out to a school counselor with your concerns. School counselors are licensed professionals who often provide mental and emotional support to students. School counselors don’t usually treat or diagnose mental health conditions directly, but they can provide helpful resources and guidance to most students. 

You might also consider reaching out to a trusted adult outside the school system, such as a close family member. They might be able to offer you emotional support or guidance. Depending on your family dynamic, they might also be able to recommend how to raise your concerns with your parents differently. 

You can also think about talking to your doctor about your concerns. Many medical professionals are adept at helping parents see the benefits of certain treatments, including psychotherapy. If you don’t have a doctor you see regularly; you can go to a health center or free clinic to talk to professionals who may be able to offer guidance. 

Can online therapy help?

Online therapy - meeting with a therapist remotely, typically using videoconferencing - might make accessing a therapist easier. You can see an online therapist from home, removing barriers related to transportation and reducing the time commitment required to get therapy. Depending on where you live, you might also be able to access therapists not available in your local area. Online therapists use the same evidence-based techniques as traditional therapists, like acceptance and commitment therapy.

Online therapy has become increasingly popular in recent years, spurring researchers to investigate whether it works as well as in-person therapy. The results of that and previous research agree with the opinion of most mental health professionals; in most cases, online therapy is just as effective as traditional therapy. 

Takeaway

Talking to your parents about therapy might be an intimidating experience, but asking for help is an essential step toward feeling better. The process might be easier if you think carefully about what your needs are before you start a conversation with your parents about therapy. Rehearsing the conversation might also be helpful, as would coming prepared to answer questions. Your parents might support you immediately, or they may need some time to accept your needs. Regardless, most parents care about their children and want them to be happy. However, some parents, even if they love their children, might still be against therapy. In that case, reaching out to teachers, school counselors, local clinics, or medical providers might be helpful.