Is It Normal To Have Older Sex Partners?

Updated August 28, 2020

Medically Reviewed By: Debra Halseth, LCSW

Do you find yourself more attracted to older people than you do individuals that are your own age? Some people seek out sex partners that are a bit older than them rather than just dating their peers. If you prefer older sex partners, then you might be wondering whether your preferences make you weird or not. Some people worry about the stigma of dating or sleeping with someone older, but others do not. You’ll find that it isn’t that unusual to date older people, though. Many young adults find older adults to be appealing lovers, and there are many reasons for this that need to be considered.

Dating Older People Is Fairly Common

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First, you should know that having older sex partners is actually reasonably common. Many young men and women find themselves drawn to older people. A young professional might be attracted to someone a bit older that has a certain level of success and sophistication. There have been many male celebrities in recent years that have married or dated older women. Likewise, you’ll also find many famous examples of younger women dating older people.

This doesn’t mean that some people won’t judge you, though. Some people think that dating someone who is twenty years older than you or older is strange. Everyone is entitled to their opinion, but how you feel about someone doesn’t need to be dictated by what society thinks. Generally, dating older people is seen to be a relatively common and innocuous thing in modern times. When the age differences start to get more extreme is when you’ll begin to see more people raising their eyebrows. Regardless, this doesn’t mean that you need to shy away from an older adult just because they’re several decades older than you.

Some People Find Older Adults To Be Better Mates

Some people do find older adults to be better mates overall. You see, people get more mature as they age, and they approach life differently. The things that you want when you’re younger are often different than the things that you want when you’re older. Some young people have a tendency to be more impulsive and aloof, whereas older individuals might be steady and dependable. This isn’t always going to be the case, but that is something that many people who are attracted to older adults feel.

You might be drawn to dating someone more mature because you’re seeking a connection that is based on something more profound. An older lover might know what they’re looking for in a way that people your age usually do not. They have more life experience as well, and this can make them more appealing in specific ways. You might find yourself drawn toward dating older people just as much for their minds as you are because you’re attracted to them.

Sex With Older Lovers

It’s also notable that certain people seek out older adults as sex partners because they have more experience. You might date someone older and find that they are better at having sex than many of the younger partners that you have been with so far. This could be because they have simply gained more experience due to years of learning how to enjoy the act of having sex. It’s not unusual for younger adults to enjoy sexual activity with older partners. These older adults are often very giving lovers and will ensure that sexual activity is very pleasing for both of you.

This doesn’t mean that all older adults are going to be amazing in bed, though. It’s just true that some people gain experience due to having more years of sexual activity. This could lead to a more satisfying love life overall if sexual activity is something that you’re looking for in your relationship. Many older adults are still close enough to their prime to have good sexual stamina as well. You shouldn’t discount the sex drive of a slightly older adult, but you can expect some sexual issues to pop up if you date someone older than middle-aged.

Just remember to practice safe sex no matter what age your partner is or what sexual activity you’re participating in. Notably, sexually transmitted diseases are on the rise among older adults in America. You can take precautions against sexually transmitted infections to protect both you and your older partner. Remembering to do this is always for the best whenever you’re thinking about sexual activity with someone.

Your Family Might Feel Weird About It

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Having older sex partners might be normal for you, but it could be weird for your family in many ways. If your older lover is close to your parent’s age, then this is going to make them feel very strange about the situation. Sometimes these relationships can work out perfectly well, but other times, they might wind up feeling too odd to work out long-term. It all depends on how secure your connection is and whether you both genuinely want the same things.

Avoiding Drama

Another reason why young adults seek out older lovers is that they want to avoid the drama of people their own age. You have probably experienced bad breakups in your past, and you might even know how difficult it is to be cheated on. Sometimes young adults make a lot of mistakes due to not knowing what they want and having problems committing. Older adults might not have issues like this, and it could make it easier for you to simply enjoy your time together. You can seek out an older adult to try to build something with substance instead of getting caught up in drama with one of your peers from college.

Dating older people isn’t necessarily without drama, though. It’s possible that dating someone older could cause a different type of drama than you’re used to. For example, this older person could have kids that are only a bit younger than you are. In some cases, people have wound up dating men or women that have kids that are the same age as them. This can make things awkward when it comes time to meet the family.

Your older lover could have an ex-wife or ex-husband that they have to deal with as well. If they have younger children that still live at home, then there’s a chance that you will have to interact with your lover’s ex. It can be tough being the younger boyfriend or girlfriend, and you might not always be treated kindly by certain people. Even family members of your older partner could treat you poorly at first due to not trusting you. They could be worried that you’re out to hurt your partner and that your intentions aren’t pure.

Essentially, the drama is going to occur sometimes, no matter how hard you try to avoid it. Some young adults seek out older adults to prevent drama only to find that it’s worse. You should date someone based on how you feel about them instead of worrying about extraneous factors. At the end of the day, the only thing that matters is how your older lover makes you feel. If you love each other, or if you feel that love could eventually bloom, then it’s worth pursuing to see what becomes of the relationship.

Age Difference Problems

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Perhaps the biggest thing that can make these relationships problematic will be age difference problems. You might have a great start to your relationship but will discover that age differences keep you apart in specific ways. Sometimes older adults will struggle to relate to the type of music that you like or other things that you’re into. This isn’t always the case, but it has been an issue for many couples with significant age gaps. If you’re dating an older adult, then the differences between you could start to create some tension over time.

You’ll need to put effort into understanding each other and accepting your differences. Two people don’t need to like the same things or do everything together to be a good couple. You can love someone and enjoy them while still having your own life outside of the relationship. It’s also possible to take an interest in each other’s hobbies to come closer together. It just depends on the people involved in the relationship and how much they want to work to make sure that the relationship will thrive.

Relationship Counseling Might Help

Every relationship is going to have its ups and downs. It’s important to feel like you have support when you need to get through a tough time. Your older lover might be a perfect match for you in some ways, but that doesn’t mean that you won’t have hurdles to overcome. It’s going to be good to look for professional help when your relationship is struggling to reach the next level. A therapist can help you with couples counseling, and this will make it easier to solve issues that have been holding you back.

You can even make use of online couples counseling at BetterHelp if you’re looking for discreet assistance. For many couples, online counseling is the most convenient option because you’re able to get couples counseling without leaving the house. It’s a good choice for busy professionals, but some might prefer in-person counseling with a local therapist. Either way, you’re going to be able to get the help that you need to ensure that your budding relationship will thrive. Dating older adults can work out just fine, and you can overcome any age differences with the assistance of a caring couples therapist.


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