How Does It Feel To Fall In Love? Recognizing The Signs
According to research, the rush of falling in love may be just as scientific as it is magical. When entering a new romantic relationship, it is common to experience a wide variety of emotions. From nerves and butterflies to passion and elation, it can be difficult to pinpoint the precise feelings of falling in love.
In this article, we will explore what experts say are the telltale signs of falling in love, what does love feel like, and the brain chemistry that may explain the phenomenon.
The science behind falling in love
According to a 2010 study conducted at Rutgers University, the feeling of falling in love can feel similar to the euphoric sensations brought out by illicit drugs. When falling in love or feeling a strong sense of romantic attraction, the brain releases chemicals ranging from dopamine to oxytocin, adrenaline, vasopressin, and even cortisol.
Oxytocin, commonly referred to as “the love hormone,” can make a person feel less inhibited than they normally would. While researchers note that the release of oxytocin affects a different part of the brain than alcohol use, the behavioral outcomes can often look similar. It is often said that love can cause a person to do foolish things. This is likely because oxytocin can work in a similar way to having a few drinks in that it might make a person loosen up and behave more boldly than usual.
While falling in love can feel euphoric, it can similarly create feelings of stress or anxiety. For example, the feeling of butterflies in stomach before a big date may be equated to the release of cortisol, the stress hormone, causing blood vessels in your stomach to contract. If you experience a racing heart, this may also be due to brain chemistry. This is why some people may find it difficult to eat during or before spending time with a romantic interest.
Though science can account for quite a few of the initial feelings of falling in love, recognizing true, lasting love can take a considerable amount of thought and understanding of your own individual emotions.
Recognizing feelings of romantic love
The nature of love is both powerful and ever-evolving. Furthermore, love takes many forms, and falling in love often looks different for each person who experiences it. While the initial feelings of love can create a sense of euphoria, lasting love typically takes time and effort to both build and maintain that emotional connection. If you are feeling uncertain about your feelings for a person or partner, there are a few things to consider.
The length of the relationship
While research shows the honeymoon phase of a relationship may last anywhere from six months to two years, developing the deep and honest love needed for long term relationships tends to take time. For example, if you were first attracted to their physical appearance and feel like it was love at first sight, it may be best to hold that thought and give the relationship a bit more time before you wonder about the future.
Spending time with the person feels effortless
It is not uncommon to feel reluctant to participate in certain social engagements, whether they are related to work or your personal life. When you are truly in love, spending time with your romantic partner in your daily life will typically be the highlight of your day, and you may feel sadness when you are apart. While sexual activity is an important part of a relationship, this time together should also be spent doing other things. For example, you may spend time exploring your partner's interests and want to divulge your own in return. As the initial nerves of new love subside, spending time with someone you love will typically serve as a safe, happy, and peaceful place for you as you begin to form a deep connection.
You feel like you can be yourself (and they feel the same way)
No matter who you are, it is likely you tend to guard parts of yourself when meeting new people, joining a new social group, or entering a professional setting. While you may continue this behavior to some degree in the early stages of a relationship, the more comfortable you feel with time, the more likely it is that you are, in fact, in love. Feeling that you are entirely free to be yourself and that your partner enjoys who you are without fear of judgment or abandonment can be a great indicator that you are in love.
You feel safe, confident, and supported
Romantic relationships can be tricky for many. While no relationship is complete without ups and downs, feeling confident that your relationship can overcome hardship is often a good sign that you are in love. Additionally, feeling a sense of safety and support in your relationship, even in small gestures, is typically a mark of true and healthy love.
Again, the nature of love is evolving and cannot be defined by a specific set of deep feelings, as love means something different to everyone. If you are struggling to recognize or pinpoint your feelings toward a person, it may be helpful to explore them with a professional.
Benefits of online therapy for a romantic relationship
Many people hold the desire to find true and lasting love. While falling in love can be a beautiful thing, it can also create stress and confusion. If you are having difficulty recognizing feelings of love, an online therapist may be able to help.
While technology has continued to improve in recent years, so have therapy and telemedicine. If you are someone who has noticed a pattern of difficulty in relationships or is struggling to identify your feelings in a current relationship, online therapy may offer more expeditious reach to a professional than typical in-person therapy could.
Effectiveness of online therapy
Falling in love and navigating a long term relationship can be complex and challenging. Oftentimes, underlying mental health conditions such as depression or anxiety can make the exploration of strong feelings or navigation of a relationship especially difficult. In these cases, seeking guidance from a mental health professional can be most beneficial to your relationship and your well being.
Fortunately, recent studies have shown that internet-based cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is equally as effective as in-person CBT. Cognitive behavioral therapy, commonly referred to as “talk therapy,” aims to reframe the negative thought processes that can contribute to symptoms of anxiety or depression. Additionally, CBT can serve as a guide to exploring potential feelings of love in a healthy way.
Takeaway
If you are feeling the rush of romantic love for a new partner, basic brain chemistry and science could hold the reason why. Still, if you are very early on in a relationship and struggling to recognize how it really feels to fall in love or if they feel the same way, you may want to simply try giving the relationship more time before worrying about whether this is long term love.
Taking an inventory of your feelings on your own or with the help of a therapist can be especially helpful in recognizing just how it feels to fall in love.What is the best feeling of love?
Love is a complex set of feelings and behaviors driven by physical passion, emotional intimacy, and/or cognitive commitment. It can drive many sensations and intense feelings, such as:
- Attachment
- Gratitude
- Joy
- A sense of calm and warmth
- Deep connection and closeness
- Defensiveness
- Purpose
- Excitement or butterflies
- Passion and attraction
- A sense of acceptance and safety
- Affection and comfort
Many people appreciate that love can provide inspiration, courage, joy, romantic passion, and a deep sense of contentment. However, love can also drive some negative emotions. For example, you may feel sadness, depression, anger, confusion, obsessiveness, or jealousy. In some cases, partners may develop emotional dependency and separation anxiety when apart. If your love regularly exhibits signs of negative feelings, or if they begin interfering with your well-being or daily functioning, it may be a good idea to seek help from a licensed therapist.
What are the feelings of romance and love in humans?
- Zick Rubin, a social psychologist, developed a love and liking scale to measure love attributes. He identified the following elements that are central to romantic relationships:
- Attachment: Wanting to be close to, and approved by, your partner
- Caring: Valuing your partner’s interests, needs, and happiness as highly as your own
- Intimacy: Emotional closeness and vulnerability
Non-romantic love, on the other hand, is characterized by admiration, respect, warmth, and intimacy.
How can you describe love?
Love is a complex group of emotions and behaviors characterized by passion, intimacy, and commitment. Biologically, love creates a sense of closeness, attachment, and deep consideration for others, which drives partner preferences, libido, bonding, and cooperation. Love is a biological necessity for survival, and it increases the life expectancy and quality of life of individuals.
Despite its importance, psychologists disagree about how to describe love. While some believe that love is an emotion, others describe it as a physiological driver that motivates us similarly to hunger, thirst, and sleep.
How do you express your love feelings?
There are many ways to express your love for someone, which generally fall into the following categories:
- Words of affirmation: You can express love by verbally telling your strong feelings with them. You could say, “you give life more meaning,” “I’m grateful I get to have life with you,” “I love you,” or “you are a wonderful person.”
- Quality time: In addition to telling them how you feel, you can show them by putting away your phone while they’re talking to you, planning an activity to do together, or playing your favorite romantic songs while making dinner together.
- Acts of service: You can also express your love by taking care of things they’ll appreciate. For example, you might clean out the garage, get the car washed, or pack their lunch for them.
- Gifts: Gifts do not have to be expensive to be meaningful. Show that you’ve been thinking about them by picking up their favorite drink, making them a handmade present, or making reservations at a restaurant they’ve wanted to try.
- Physical touch: Many healthy relationships benefit from physical expressions of love, not just romantic love. Giving them a foot rub, a hug, a gentle pat on the shoulder, or holding their hand can be reassuring, comforting, and loving.
What is the deep meaning of love?
Love can go beyond physical attraction and infatuation. On a deeper level, love extends to truly caring about their happiness, wanting to be near them, and developing a strong emotional connection. It may include:
- Accepting them as they are
- Expressing your feelings and giving them space to have theirs
- Commiting to growth
- Trusting each other
- The knowledge and comfort that they will prioritize you the same way that you prioritize them
How do you define love in two words?
Love is complex and difficult to describe in two words. However, these descriptors may capture the essence of different types of love:
- Familial love: Devotion and affection
- Love between best friends: Loyalty and commitment
- Infatuated love: Passionate and idealized
- Long-term romantic love: Affection and attachment
What is the deepest form of love?
Not all types of love feel the same way. Ancient Greeks identified eight different types of love, which help distinguish the love you feel for your parents, your friends, and your romantic partners:
- Eros: This love characterizes passionate sexual attraction and lust, which is common in the early stages of romantic relationships.
- Pragma: Pragma is enduring love which is characterized by commitment, though it may not include romantic attraction.
- Ludus: Love that could be characterized as flirtatious may be called ludus or playful love. It may be fun and lighthearted, lacking in strong emotional intimacy or commitment.
- Agape: Universal love is love that’s compassionate for all living beings, without the expectation of anything in return.
- Philia: Deep emotional intimacy and commitment characterize philia. This love is common between best friends.
- Philautia: Philautia is self-love, which refers to a deep sense of self-worth, self-esteem, and consideration for oneself. By practicing self-compassion and positive self-talk, you can begin strengthening your love for yourself.
- Storage: This is the type of love parents feel for their children and vice versa. Storage is a form of unconditional love for immediate family members.
- Mania: Obsessive love is called mania, which may include unhealthy possession, jealousy, preoccupation, and neediness that can be characteristic of codependent relationships.
Some people consider agape (universal love) as the deepest form of love, as it requires both self-love and selfless love for all beings.
How to tell if you love someone?
It can sometimes be difficult to tell if you like someone or love them. In many cases you will “just know” when you love someone. But, if you’re having doubts, you can use this list to consider how you feel about them:
- You think about them frequently
- When you’re with them, you feel relaxed, comfortable, and safe
- You enjoy doing things together, even if they’re ordinary activities (like grocery shopping or exercising)
- You desire being around them
- You care about them for who they are, not who they could be
- You give your vulnerabilities with them
- You want to hear about their life
- You make plans for the future with them
- Your feelings for them grow and deepen over time
What is the form of true love?
Consummate love is considered the most complete form of love, according to Robert Sternberg’s, Ph.D., triangular theory of love. While other types of love lack intimacy, passion, and/or commitment, consummate love balances a high level of all three measures. People in a long-term relationship may experience this form of love when their sexual desire, emotional union, and commitment to one another are high. However, this love can be difficult to maintain. As said by Sternberg, “Without expression, even the greatest of loves can die.” Maintaining consummate love requires active work to express feelings, reinvigorate passion, and commit to mutual respect, consideration, and honesty.
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