A Guide To Understanding The Eight Different Types Of Love

Exploring the eight types of love may help you develop self-awareness, emotional growth, and healthier relationships. With knowledge of the eight types of love, you may improve your ability to relate to your emotional state and appreciate the various forms of love in your life.  

Appreciating diverse forms of love may offer a mechanism through which you may communicate and understand your feelings. It can provide clarity during uncertainty and potentially enhance empathy toward others’ experiences with love and relationships. It may also allow you to appreciate the broad spectrum of affection and different perspectives on what being in love may look like for yourself and others.  

The eight types of love

Love can encapsulate a wide array of emotions and experiences. It is a central force in human life that influences how individuals relate to themselves and their world. Through the lens of the ancient Greeks, philosophers and psychologists have identified eight distinct types of love, each with unique characteristics and influences. 

The ancient Greeks understood the multifaceted nature of love in a detailed manner, breaking it down into eight different types ranging from familial love to self-compassion. Understanding these nuances may help you expand your perception of love, enriching your experiences and awareness. Below are these 8 kinds of love and their definitions:  

1. Eros: Eros signifies the passion and desire present in relationships. It can be intense and possessive but may lead to a profound bond when balanced.
2. Philia: This form of love signifies friendship and camaraderie. It embodies loyalty, common goodwill, and mutual respect.
3. Storge: Representing familial love, storge is the affection between family members, such as parents and their children. It encapsulates comfort, acceptance, and familiarity.
4. Agape: Agape love includes selfless, unconditional love. Agape is often linked to empathy, acts of kindness, and love for overall humanity.
5. Ludus: Ludus is playful or uncommitted love. It encompasses flirtation, teasing, and light-hearted interactions without expecting commitment.
6. Pragma: Pragma signifies enduring love or long-standing love. It is often about making compromises, showing patience, and accepting the realities of long-term commitment.
7. Philautia: Also known as self-love, philautia is about caring for one's personal health and psychological well-being. It encourages self-compassion and self-esteem.
8. Mania: Mania is a type of obsessive love causing imbalance and dependency, often characterized by jealousy and possessiveness. 

Romantic love: Eros

Eros, one of the eight types of love according to ancient Greek philosophy, represents passionate, romantic love. It is named after the Greek god of love and desire, signifying the intense attraction and infatuation that often characterizes the early stages of a relationship. Eros is a type of love that is deeply connected with physical attraction, sexual desire, and an intense emotional attachment for a romantic partner. For that reason, it is closely associated with sexual passion and physical love. 

However, Eros is not only about physical lust. It also encapsulates the emotional intimacy and deep affection romantic partners feel for each other. It's characterized by a sense of oneness and a mutual desire to share life's best and worst moments. Eros stimulates the heart and mind, fueling a deep emotional connection.

Despite its positive aspects, Eros may carry challenges. Its intensity can lead to thrilling emotions, obsessive tendencies, and an overwhelming desire to possess the loved one. It can blur the line between healthy attachment and unhealthy boundary-crossing. Therefore, while Eros contributes to healthy relationships, balancing this intense form of attraction with other forms of love can be crucial to maintaining them. 

Affectionate love: Philia 

Philia, often interpreted as deep friendship or brotherly love, is one of the eight types of love. According to the ancient Greeks, this love is characterized by a strong bond, mutual respect, and a sense of camaraderie. It is the love you may feel for family, friends, siblings, and colleagues you respect, who have the same values as you. 

The term "philia" was first introduced by the ancient philosopher Plato, and it represents a love valued for its quality of virtue and loyalty rather than the physical attraction often associated with other types of love.

Plato's interpretation of philia was broad, encompassing the deep, non-sexual relationships people share with close family, friends, and other important individuals. For Plato, philia epitomized the powerful emotional bond that does not depend on physical attraction or romantic attraction. This form of love thrives on common values, interests, truth, and experiences. It's a love that blossoms naturally with time, patience, and mutual understanding. Even strangers can become best friends when the relationship is nurtured.

The concept of “platonic” love, often misconstrued in modern times, is derived from Plato’s dialogues about love. While the term is often associated with a non-romantic relationship between two people, he proposed that love begins in the physical realm but can eventually transcend into a non-physical connection between two souls. People in romantic relationships may also experience this type of love. 

Playful love: Ludus 

Ludus, also called "playful love" or the “honeymoon stage,” is often experienced in the early stages of a relationship or upon first meeting someone. This type of love is characterized by flirtation, teasing, and light-hearted fun, often making it an element in the initial stages of a new bond. Some even describe Ludus as child-like romantic feelings because they are so full of energy and anticipation. Ludus love allows individuals to explore their connection without the immediate pressure of more profound emotional commitment. It can provide an enjoyable foundation for a longstanding love and enable a couple to develop common experiences and memories that can strengthen their bond over time.

However, while this form of love can be exciting and joyful, it may not be the sole foundation of a deep, lasting relationship. Ludus can be a love catalyst for more profound forms of love to emerge as the relationship matures beyond feeling giddy. It's a transitional stage that allows for growth and exploration in a relationship. While it may not last forever, it can play a significant role in shaping the dynamics of relationships.

Obsessive love: Mania 

Mania is traditionally characterized by an intense passion and obsession with a partner. Individuals experiencing manic love may find themselves in a constant state of unease, driven by various fears and insecurities that may include a lack of self-esteem, fear of abandonment, or lack of boundaries. These intoxicating and thrilling emotions can lead to extreme behavior in an attempt to maintain the love and attention of their partner. It's often marked by possessiveness, jealousy, and a lack of personal identity, with the individual's self-esteem largely dependent on their relationship.

Though intense, manic love for someone can feel like love at first sight, the toll of obsessive love can be significant, with the potential for destructive outcomes if the person facing it doesn't gain insight or seek help. Achieving balance and ensuring love doesn't eclipse self-worth or the importance of other relationships and aspects of life can be crucial. Balancing love with personal growth, healthy boundaries, and self-care may be vital in ensuring more fulfilling and healthier forms of love can be experienced.

Everlasting love: Pragma

Pragma is the type of love detached from the more physical body aspects of love and looks at relationships through a purely pragmatic and realistic lens. Partners experiencing pragma have made a conscious and deliberate decision to love each other and work through the inevitable ups and downs that occur throughout the development of a deeper bond. Pragma is less about intense passion and more about deep understanding, compromise, and mutual respect. 

Pragma love, derived from the Greek term “pragmatic,” is a love style that emphasizes practicality and realism over passionate love and unbridled emotions. It is characterized by enduring love, mutual respect, and similar values. Pragma lovers take a rational approach to their relationships, considering factors like compatibility, similar goals, and potential challenges throughout the life of the partnership. They prioritize long-term success and realism over infatuation or physical attraction, demonstrating a profound understanding of the compromises, efforts, and understanding required to make a relationship work. Married couples who’ve been together for life’s greatest joys and lowest lows are an example of Pragma lovers. 

Pragma doesn’t focus on the fiery heat of desire but the warm glow of a long-burning flame. It encapsulates knowing and accepting your partner for who they are and loving them all the same. Pragma, or enduring love, is about choosing your partner daily and being mindful of selfish projections and tendencies that may reduce empathy and unconditional love. It's a universal, loving kindness that recognizes the beauty in imperfection, and it may be more common in long-term relationships. 

Unconditional love: Agape

Agape, or unconditional love, is a form of love that is wholly selfless and transcends all expectations or conditions. This type of love is often associated with a deep connection beyond physical or material attachments. It represents a profound sense of care and compassion for another, irrespective of their actions or behaviors. Agape love is about acceptance and forgiveness, disregarding any human flaws or shortcomings.

People can cultivate agape love through various methods. Transcendental meditation (TM) and loving-kindness meditation may promote a sense of universal love and compassion and enhance awareness surrounding love. In one study, researchers found that these forms of meditation can strengthen brain areas associated with emotional processing and empathy. They also note that when combined with psychotherapeutic interventions such as cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), meditation may provide valuable strategies for addressing psychological challenges that involve interpersonal processes such as social anxiety, marital conflict, and anger. 

Transcendental meditation is a unique technique that promotes a state of relaxed awareness. The goal of TM is to transcend or rise above the mind's activity into a state of pure awareness. This practice may be adapted to develop more profound love, healthier boundaries, or find peace. Transcendental meditation may be practiced in various ways, with the primary goals being relaxing the body, quieting the mind, being aware of thoughts, and noticing when distractions arise. 

Another method to cultivate unconditional love is through the practice of loving-kindness meditation. This form of meditation encourages individuals to focus their thoughts and emotions on a desire for well-being and happiness for all, not just themselves or those they are close to. Through regular practice, loving-kindness meditation may expand one's capacity for agape love, promoting greater empathy and compassion for others regardless of their circumstances or behaviors.

Self-love: Philautia 

Philautia, or self-love, is a form of affection that often gets overlooked in a fast-paced world. It is the recognition and appreciation of one's self-value and worth, a vital precursor to the love people extend to others. Without a fundamental level of self-love, one’s ability to form healthy, fulfilling relationships with others may be compromised. Philautia also consists of how you view yourself and how you perceive your body and mind. It can include considering the balance between self-esteem and hubris or exaggerated self-confidence or pride. 

Philautia encourages introspection and self-reflection. Developing a strong self-love, boundary setting, and self-compassion practice may help you build resilience and healthy confidence to bring to your relationships.

Family love: Storge 

Storge, often referred to as familial love, can play an integral role in one’s life. It is the deep affection that can be built naturally through consistent, common experiences and time spent together with family members. The moments of joy, sorrow, accomplishments, failures, and the myriad of experiences people share may cultivate this love. 

Storge can also extend to those you consider chosen family or individuals with whom you share a deep, platonic connection and consider an integral part of your life. This compassionate form of love, manifested in concern, care, and unconditional support for one another, nurtures and strengthens the bond of the family, both given and chosen. Storge is often connected with agape love and the concept of unconditional love beyond ego involvement. 

What is the value of understanding the different forms of affection?

Each form of love can hold a unique place in one’s life and impact individuals differently. Striking a balance among the eight types of love may enhance your self-understanding, interpersonal relationships, and overall emotional well-being. 

For instance, while eros love can spark passion and excitement, philia love reflects the deep bonds of friendship and understanding often necessary for long-term partnerships. When these types of love are in harmony, you may experience a more holistic emotional landscape, potentially leading to richer and more meaningful interactions. When they are out of harmony, you may notice a dependence on physical intimacy as compensation for a lack of a friendly or intellectual connection. 

Understanding and balancing these forms of love may also catalyze greater introspection. It can allow individuals to delve deep into their emotions, beliefs, and attitudes toward love, creating opportunities for self-awareness and personal growth. By examining how you express and receive love, you may learn more about your emotional needs, capacity for affectionate love, and how you relate to others. This introspective journey may reveal relationship patterns and guide you toward clarity in your love experiences. 

Support options for love and relationships

Being aware of the state of various relationships in your life can be a crucial step toward achieving this balance. Recognizing each relationship's unique role, whether characterized by the familiar love of storage, the selfless love of agape, or the enduring love of pragma, may help you better appreciate their value. It can also highlight areas for improvement, especially where a particular type of love may be lacking or in excess. 

Therapy may be a helpful resource if you want to improve your relationships. However, not everyone has time or money for in-person therapy. In these cases, online therapy may be a beneficial resource. By creating a safe, non-judgmental environment, online therapy through a platform like BetterHelp for individuals or ReGain for couples provides a cost-effective way for individuals to explore their emotions and relationships. This self-awareness can be pivotal when seeking to understand the types of love people experience and their associated emotions. 

In one recent study, researchers revealed that online therapy may help individuals address and improve relationship satisfaction and associated mental health challenges. Couples could work through conflicts and misunderstandings through structured, professional guidance, fostering a more profound connection and overall relationship satisfaction. This study emphasizes the potential of online therapy as a practical tool for improving mental well-being and nurturing healthier relationships.