Divorce While Pregnant: Family Law & Mental Health Considerations

Divorce is rarely easy, but going through the divorce process while pregnant may present unique challenges. Pregnancy is often a time of anticipation and preparation, but when a marriage is ending, it may also bring feelings of uncertainty and stress. In addition to managing the physical and emotional challenges of pregnancy, a person may need to navigate legal issues, financial adjustments, and co-parenting concerns.

Managing divorce proceedings while pregnant often involves a multifaceted approach that may include connecting with a family law expert and working with an in-person or online therapist while also leaning on friends and family. This support network may help provide guidance and a foundation for moving forward after divorce. Below is a closer look at key legal and emotional considerations for divorce while pregnant plus how to get support in the process.

Can you get divorced while pregnant?

The following states may require the spouses to wait until the baby is born in order to file a divorce petition or have a divorce finalized:

• Arizona
• Arkansas
• California
• Missouri 
• Texas

Also, while Alabama, Delaware, Hawaii, Indiana, Maine, Mississippi, Nebraska, South Dakota, and Wyoming don’t have a ban on getting a divorce while pregnant, some judges prefer to delay the final decree in these states until the baby is born. 

Even in states where divorce while pregnant is legally allowed, there may be additional rules to be aware of. You may need to research the regulations in your specific area.

Legal considerations for divorcing while pregnant

When married parents file for divorce while one is pregnant, working with an expert in family law may be beneficial. Some legal considerations that a family law expert may assist with include child custody, parental rights, and alimony or child support agreements. A lawyer may also help the couple understand when they might be able to receive the final decree of divorce from a judge based on the laws in their state.

Child custody and parental rights

One key legal consideration related to getting a divorce while pregnant is the matter of physical custody and parental rights once the child is born. These can vary depending on the couple's situation and the desires of one spouse versus the other spouse, but the final agreement may involve one of the following:

• Joint legal custody, where parents both have a legal say in the decisions related to raising the child
• Sole legal custody, where one parent makes the decisions related to raising the child

If applicable, determinations will also need to be made regarding which parent will be allowed to spend time with the child during which periods. A lawyer can work with both parents before the child is born to establish a custody agreement that can go into effect after the birth. 

Alimony and child support

After the divorce is complete, one parent may be required to pay child support and/or alimony to the other. The dollar amount of these types of financial support is usually based on the paying parent’s income. A lawyer can help the couple navigate their state’s specific laws, as different states may have different regulations regarding divorce and child support. 

For example, California law typically requires that legal paternity be established before a divorce can be finalized and matters like child support can be sorted out, while presumed paternity may be enough in other states. A family law expert can help guide a couple through this side of divorce, helping both parties understand their rights and responsibilities. 

The legal aspects of divorce may cause stress and feelings of overwhelm. Meeting with an online therapist regularly throughout the divorce process may also help a person work through emotional challenges as they arise.

Tips for developing future parenting plans

If possible, developing a plan for shared custody and co-parenting of the child once they are born may help reduce stress in this area after divorce. In some states, planning for shared custody starts with tests to establish paternity as required by law. In addition to consulting with a lawyer on these matters, the below strategies may be helpful to consider as you plan for the future.

Communicate openly with your child’s other parent

Although it may not always be possible, establishing open and honest communication with your ex-spouse after divorce may help limit conflict and reduce stress as you parent together (if applicable). Improved communication might also help foster a positive co-parenting relationship, which may improve the child’s mental health. 

Develop a parenting plan

In addition to developing healthy communication, it may also be beneficial to create parenting plans or guidelines that each parent agrees to follow. By being on the same page, both parents may be able to help set up a stable home where their child can feel supported and understand the rules and expectations. 

How can divorce while pregnant impact a person emotionally?

Going through a divorce while pregnant can be an overwhelming experience for both the birthing parent and the other parent, potentially bringing a unique set of emotional challenges. The combination of hormonal changes, the stress of ending a marriage, and the uncertainty of the future can take a significant toll on mental health in the pregnant partner, while the other spouse may face divorce stress in addition to anxiety about future custody and family life. Some of the possible emotional and psychological impacts of divorce while pregnant may include: 

• Stress and anxiety related to worries about the future, finances, co-parenting, and legal proceedings
• Grief as a result of losing a person close to them, especially as they begin a new phase of life through parenting
• Loneliness and isolation, whether because of social withdrawal, physical distance from loved ones, stigma, or a lack of a support network in general
• Emotional challenges, trouble sleeping, and other concerns caused or exacerbated by pregnancy, which may intensify feelings of sadness, frustration, or anger
• Trauma, in some cases, like leaving a marriage because of physical abuse, emotional abuse, or other types of domestic violence
• Self-doubt and low self-esteem as a result of identity-based challenges or struggling to envision a life beyond the marriage
• Guilt and shame, which may stem from fears for their child’s future or judgment from family members or friends
• Attachment and bonding issues between either parent and the child due to high stress levels related to the divorce

Particularly if the birthing parent doesn’t have support, resources, and strong coping skills to help them navigate this period, they may be at risk of developing additional mental health challenges like depression or substance misuse (formerly “substance abuse”). 

Practical tips for navigating a divorce while pregnant

Some practical strategies may help you navigate a divorce while pregnant with the least amount of friction and stress possible. Examples of these strategies may include:

• Seek legal representation early. Divorce is a legal matter, and working with a lawyer who has experience and expertise in family law may help ensure that your legal rights are upheld. Connecting with a lawyer as soon as possible may help you effectively navigate the legal side of the process.
• Engage in financial planning. Planning for how partners will manage the medical costs of the birth as well as the cost of feeding, clothing, and otherwise raising the child in the coming years can be important.
• Create a birth plan. A birth plan may outline where the birth will take place, who will be present, how decisions will be made regarding the child’s name and medical needs, and any custody and visitation considerations for after the birth. 
• Consider housing and living arrangements. If the divorcing partners currently live together, deciding where the birthing parent and the child will live after the birth can be key for safety and stability.

How a strong support network can help you navigate a divorce

Divorce can be a highly stressful event and time of major transition in a person’s life. Leaning on your support network of friends and family members may help you manage the stressors of both divorce and parenting a newborn. Loved ones may be able to provide:

• Emotional support, like a listening ear or a distraction from stressors
• Practical support, like accompanying you to lawyer meetings or medical appointments and helping prepare meals

In addition to connecting with friends and family, there may be online or in-person support groups available to help guide a person through divorce. These groups are often led by a therapist or trained volunteer who may support individuals through common concerns related to divorce. This type of group may help a person realize that they’re not alone and receive insights and tips from people who understand.

Using mindfulness to manage stress

Coping with stress and anxiety related to divorce and pregnancy can be challenging. Implementing mindfulness and relaxation practices may help you manage the difficult emotional impacts of this experience.

First, activities like deep breathing exercises may help reduce the stress response in the moment. You might also consider incorporating mindfulness practices into your daily routine to potentially improve your ability to manage strong feelings over time. Activities such as journaling can help you track feelings of stress and identify situations that increase or decrease these feelings. 

Can a therapist help you navigate a divorce?

Navigating a divorce—especially while pregnant—can be emotionally difficult. In some cases, partners might find it beneficial to connect with a couples therapist for divorce counseling as they work through the family issues and emotional challenges of the process. Or, one or both spouses may benefit from working with a therapist individually for support on their own emotional journey. 

However, a person who is navigating a divorce may not have the mental energy to search for a therapist and commute to and from in-person appointments. Online therapy may be a more convenient way to receive care in such cases, since platforms like BetterHelp for individuals and Regain for couples allow you (or you and your partner) to connect with a licensed therapist from the comfort of home. 

Online counseling may also make it easier to find a therapist who is a good fit for your needs. When you sign up for BetterHelp, you’ll be asked to fill out a brief questionnaire about your needs and preferences in a therapist. Then, BetterHelp will match you with a licensed provider accordingly. If the therapist on the other side of the screen ends up not being a good match, you can switch any time for no additional charge. This process may be simpler than doing research to find therapists in your area and contacting each one individually.

Is online therapy effective?

Online therapy may be an effective format for receiving mental health support. For example, one study suggests that online therapy “can support sustained and clinically meaningful improvements in depression and anxiety” in many cases.