Forming A Lasting Bond: How To Be Mature In A Relationship

People often hear terms like “mature partners” and assume they only apply to older people. While life experience can be a factor in a mature relationship, you don’t necessarily have to be a certain age to practice mature love. Cultivating maturity through your actions and words can set the stage for a healthier, happier relationship, and a licensed therapist can help you emulate this valuable trait.

What does maturity look like in relationships?

Before you can be mature with your partner, understanding how a mature adult would behave in a healthy relationship may be helpful. Maturity can mean different things to different people, but it often includes a few key elements in a relationship.

Boundaries

Boundaries can be thought of as people’s personal limits. These may be a bit like the ground rules in a relationship. “I don’t want my partner looking through my phone without permission” and “I need time alone to decompress after work” can serve as examples of boundaries. Being able to respect your partner’s boundaries and establish your own can be important parts of a mature relationship. 

Emotional maturity 

The American Psychological Association generally defines emotional maturity as “a high and appropriate level of emotional control and expression.” In a relationship, this can mean being able to identify and express what you’re feeling in a healthy way. A mature man or woman in a relationship doesn't just possess emotional maturity; they actively demonstrate it through actions and decisions. For example, if your partner does something to upset you, the emotionally mature response might be to explain your feelings calmly instead of losing your temper. 

Communication

Having open communication and mutual respect is often a sign of maturity. This may involve a person’s ability to admit mistakes and be honest about their emotions. In addition, being a good communicator could mean letting your partner know when something is bothering you and expressing yourself without using manipulation or aggression. Having mutual hobbies may be a practical way to work on communication, as doing activities you both enjoy can offer a natural and relaxed setting for open dialogue.

Seeing your partner’s perspective

A mature person may seek to understand their partner's perspectives, even when they don't always agree with them. Considering the other person's feelings and putting yourself in their shoes may help you resolve problems more easily. This may also mean searching for a middle ground rather than taking an "all-or-nothing" approach to disagreements. Understanding that everyone makes mistakes, including yourself, can promote a more forgiving and compassionate attitude towards your partner.

Selflessness

Selflessness can be defined as the willingness to put another person’s needs above your own. Your own happiness can certainly be important, and ideally, partners are able to find solutions that benefit both of them. That said, sometimes, maturity means being able to prioritize your partner’s well-being, even when it may not be convenient for you. 

The importance of having mature relationships

Beyond longevity, mature relationships can benefit couples in other ways. These benefits can set the stage for a healthy dynamic between partners, especially in long-term relationships. Some examples of benefits can include the following:

• Promoting each partner’s personal growth 
• Making it easier to resolve conflicts
• Making it easier to communicate
• Allowing partners to support each other without being dependent on each other
• Fostering trust, commitment, and emotional intimacy

In some cases, lacking maturity in a relationship can even contribute to negative mental health effects, like symptoms of depression and anxiety. This can demonstrate why maturity isn’t just something for older couples. In fact, it can often be what makes a relationship sustainable at any age. 

How to be mature in a relationship: Tips for couples

Building maturity in a relationship can be a lifelong journey, so it may be important not to view it as a “one-and-done” task. That said, the following tips may make it easier to be a mature partner.

Get familiar with emotional independence

Learning to identify your emotions can be the first step to developing emotional independence and awareness. Practice noticing what different emotions feel like in your body. Spend time being mindful of your emotional responses to things, and work on avoiding “knee-jerk” reactions to what your partner says or does. 

Embrace serious conversations

If one partner feels like a certain topic is a big deal, it's important to address it on a deeper level. You might also consider sitting down with your partner from time to time to discuss your feelings about the relationship. What’s working? What isn’t? Is there anything bothering you that you haven’t brought up? Make a habit of discussing issues as they come up rather than letting them fester. 

Balance your needs with your partner’s

It can be important to take care of yourself first and foremost. Knowing your true self and working to set boundaries can be healthy parts of a mature relationship. However, if you notice that your partner has been making most of the sacrifices in the relationship lately, consider how you can support them. Give them emotional support where you can, and try to remember that their well-being is important, too.

Look for healthy ways to resolve conflicts

When you run into a conflict in your relationship, stay calm and think about how you can resolve it respectfully with a positive attitude. In many cases, taking responsibility for any wrongdoing can lead to a deeper connection between partners. Practice patience and active listening, and focus on finding common ground or a compromise you can both live with. Resolving conflicts can be healthier than trying to win every argument, which can lead to holding grudges and potentially make problem-solving in the relationship worse. 

Get outside advice

If you’re not sure how to be more mature in your relationship, it may help to seek others’ opinions. Consider asking for tips from someone whose relationship you admire. Reading up on the basics of healthy relationships can be useful as well.

That said, the volume of information available about what makes a mature relationship can sometimes seem overwhelming. If you’re struggling to put these tips into practice, relationship counseling may help. A licensed professional may be able to give you and your partner suggestions on how to communicate better, develop emotional awareness, and keep your relationship healthy.

Therapy for developing a mature relationship

A relationship coach can play a key role in helping both you and your partner develop a mature relationship. For example, they might help you become more understanding and patient while working through problems that arise. Sessions with a therapist or relationship expert trained in counseling psychology can also help you develop and practice important relationship skills. For instance, they might recommend focused quality time with one another to develop skills in communication and conflict resolution in a mature relationship.

Benefits of online therapy

It may not always be easy for couples to coordinate their schedules around in-person therapy. Having children or living in remote areas can make this even more difficult. Online therapy platforms generally let you work with a therapist from wherever is most convenient for you, potentially making it more available to seek help. 

Effectiveness of online therapy

Research has shown that online therapy can be effective at improving relationship satisfaction. A 2021 study found that online couples therapy generally produces the same results as in-person couples therapy.