I Love My Kids, But They Are Driving Me Crazy: Parenting Mental Health

As with many relationships, being a parent may have ups and downs. Going from the awe of holding your newborn in your arms for the first time to dealing with loud crying or a toddler tantrum can feel jarring. However, you're not alone. Many parents experience parental burnout, and there are ways to get help. 

You’re not alone in feeling this way

If there’s one thing we parents know, it’s that raising kids can be difficult. You can love your children fiercely and still feel overwhelmed by the end of the day. Many moms and dads deal with these feelings from time to time. 

While you are coping with your own struggles, you may be glad to hear that you are not alone. According to a 2024 U.S. Department of Health and Human Services report: 

• 33% of parents reported high levels of stress in the past month, compared to just 20% of other adults
• 41% of parents say that most days, they are so stressed that they cannot function
• 48% say that, on most days, their stress is completely overwhelming

It can be important to realize that these statistics do not represent any kind of failure but rather reflect just how challenging parenting can be. 

Why parenting can feel overwhelming at times

Parenting can be one of the most rewarding jobs in the world, but it can also be one of the most relentless. Something that may be particularly challenging about parenting is that there are no days off. Once you are a parent, you are a parent all the time. Even the most dedicated and experienced parents may face moments when they feel like they have had enough.

The early years and constant demands

While parenting may never be easy, the early years can be particularly challenging. Infants and toddlers require constant care and supervision, and during this season of parenting, sleep is at a premium. It can be difficult to keep up with housework, and sometimes, the mess can be overwhelming. Dishes can stack up, food may be either untouched or thrown all over the floor, and laundry piles can seem endless. You may feel like you’re playing catch-up all week and are too tired to care on the weekends. In these situations, it can be easy to feel overwhelmed.

When multiple roles collide

For many parents, a significant part of the challenge is parenting alongside everything else. Whether you have a demanding job or are trying to keep up with managing a household, your time and attention can be in short supply, and it is not always possible to juggle everything effectively. 

At some point, managing these competing demands can feel impossible. You may be missing quality time with your husband, wife, or partner, or if you’re a single parent, you may feel isolated from your friends and crave downtime that never comes. 

It can be helpful to remind yourself that the collision of these roles and the feeling of being pulled in multiple directions is not a sign of poor time management or a lack of trying. It may simply be a consequence of having high expectations with inadequate support.

I love my kids, but I don’t always like parenting

Although it can be difficult to say out loud, many parents love their children yet struggle with the parenting role itself. It can be common to be a devoted mom or dad while also finding some days, weeks, or seasons particularly challenging.

Although these feelings may not be unusual, many parents may feel guilty about admitting to them. There may be many reasons for this. For example, the expectation that a great mom or dad should find the role entirely fulfilling can be perpetuated on social media, where other parents may post highlights of their lives, making it seem like the role comes easily to them. This type of messaging can imply that parents are supposed to enjoy and embrace parenthood without acknowledging the struggle, an idea that can make coping with the stress of being a parent even more challenging.

Common moments that push parents to their limit

The challenges of parenting vary depending on many factors, but one of the most influential may be the children’s developmental stage. For example, while you may worry about sounds and sensory overload with young children, by the time they reach middle school, other stuff might upset you, like them starting to pull away to spend more time with friends, or no longer wanting to hug you or hold your hand in public.

While no stage of parenting is easy, each comes with its own challenges, and some may be more manageable than others.

Specific ages and stages

Here are some common moments that can be particularly challenging at different stages of parenting, whether you have one or two kids (or more).

In infancy, parents may struggle with: 

• Sleep deprivation
• Infant fussiness
• Breastfeeding challenges
• Relationship strain from shifting attention to the baby
• Working to establish new routines

During the toddler years, new challenges emerge, including:

• Temper tantrums and challenges in managing emotions
• Defiance and boundary testing
• Picky eating
• Separation anxiety
• Transitioning from a crib to a toddler bed

As children enter elementary school, the shift in challenges may be noticeable. Things like sleep difficulties or temper tantrums may take a backseat to other things, such as: 

• Screen time
• Academic struggles (for example, a kindergartner may have difficulty learning how to read, while a second grader may struggle to learn how to read an analog clock)
• Difficulties maintaining daily routines, particularly before school and before bed

In middle school, children reach their preteen years, which can bring a whole new set of challenges, like:

• Emotional and physical changes that accompany puberty
• Peer pressure
• Continuing academic challenges
• Managing screen time and the influence of social media
• Increased distancing from parents

In high school, children seek even more independence, which is one reason this age can be particularly hard for parents. Other difficult moments may include:

• Balancing the need for autonomy with safety, which can lead to conflicts over curfews and other house rules
• Peer pressure, particularly concerning substance use
• Academic performance
• Balancing social life with other responsibilities

Taking a step back to see the bigger picture

Practical ways to calm down when kids are driving you crazy

If you're feeling frazzled by your children's behavior, there are a few parenting tips to try that may support you in dealing with parental burnout in a healthy way. 

1. Meet guilt or frustration with compassion

If you experience anger followed by guilt for not being more patient, consider leaning into your guilt with compassion and empathy for yourself. 

You might try repeating the following affirmations to remind yourself that your feelings aren't inherently "bad."

• I am human; I can only do so much.
• I am doing my best, and I am proud of myself.
• It's okay to feel guilt.
• It's okay to feel stressed or frustrated with my children.
• I make mistakes sometimes and choose to do better in the future. 
• I love my children, and I love myself.
• I deserve to care for myself, too.

2. Break your routine or implement one

While aiming to change how your children act may not always work, some tactics could positively impact their behavior and your feelings. Adjusting the way you've set up your routine is one tactic that may improve both areas. 

For example, if you have your family on a strict routine, you may choose to mix things up occasionally. You might find it refreshing to your mental state, and your kids' behavior could improve if you're able to change how your day functions or where you spend time. 

On the other hand, if you primarily operate without a routine, implementing one could benefit your family dynamic. If your children have a more predictable structure to trust, you might find that it has a calming effect on them and you.

3. Shift your response 

Do your best to support your children and teach them skills for handling different situations. Additionally, know that you may not be able to control the way they behave or react to things.  

Focusing on your frustration with their behavior and wishing it were different may seem unproductive or lead to a sense of powerlessness. You can focus instead on your own response to the situation and mentor your children by demonstrating positive behaviors and being a role model. 

4. Don’t forget about self-care 

Self-care can be quite helpful when you are frustrated or burnt out as a parent. While it may seem challenging to find alone time when you are taking care of kids, even carving out a few minutes here and there for an adult "time out" could help you reset your emotional clock.

Some ways to practice self-care may include reading a few pages of a favorite book, treating yourself to a bite of chocolate, or exercising. You may also choose to watch your favorite movie or write in a journal. At times, taking a break for some “me time” may refresh you, because it’s just that: yours. It can help you feel ready to re-enter a frustrating situation with renewed energy or a different perspective.

5. Make time for physical activity

Making time for anything as a parent can be challenging. However, the significant benefits of exercise can outweigh the time investment. To make engaging in physical activity more available, you might even be able to bring your family along with you when you exercise. 

You might choose to exercise when your children are being cared for at daycare, school, or by your partner. Or you might exercise by taking walks or playing soccer with your family. 

Exercise can benefit the physical and mental health of everyone in your family, including your children. It may also help your family members feel more connected to each other and increase moments of joy between you and your children, which could alleviate stress or frustration. 

6. Find or practice a hobby 

Feeling tied down to the demands of others day in and day out can seem exhausting if you don't have breaks. While it may take some intentionality and planning to fit it into your schedule, finding a fun hobby that's just for you could be beneficial for your mental health. Research shows that “engaging in hobbies offers a break from daily stressors and fosters a sense of purpose and fulfilment, ultimately enhancing the quality of life.”

7. Form connections with other parents

According to the Center for the Study of Social Policy, supportive social connections in the lives of parents are associated with "positive parental mood, positive perceptions of and responsiveness to one's children, parental satisfaction, well-being, a sense of competence, and lower levels of anger, anxiety, and depression." 

Forming a social network of other parents who understand and discuss the frustrations and joys of parenting can have a significant positive impact on your perspective. Other parents may provide emotional support, a listening ear, and advice.

Making friends with your neighbors or joining a local parents' group can be great ways to find connections like these. You might also join parenting classes or attend your child's school’s parent board. If Christianity is part of your life, you can also consider joining church groups or other organizations to meet new people while exploring the teachings of Jesus Christ.

8. Seek the support of a therapist

Family life can be hard work, and it can be normal to experience frustration with your kids. If you’re wondering, “How does anyone with kids stay sane?” speaking with a therapist might be beneficial. The guidance of a trained counselor may help you learn to manage the complicated emotions that might arise when you are stressed as a result of parenting demands.

A therapist can help you discover tools and strategies to handle frustrating situations in a healthy way. In addition, if you're experiencing symptoms of anxiety, depression, or other mental health conditions that are related to or exacerbated by your role as a parent, a therapist may have expertise in supporting people with those conditions. 

Many busy parents find online therapy a valuable option for mental health treatment that fits more easily into their schedules. Through online therapy, you can connect with a therapist who is a good fit for you personally, based on your answers to a questionnaire. Once you are matched with a therapist, you can communicate with them via phone, video, or chat. 

Research suggests that virtual therapy can provide benefits similar to in-person sessions. Additionally, therapy online is often a practical option for busy parents. Other studies demonstrate that online therapy is effective for families who experience stress or other interpersonal concerns.

If you're interested in being matched with a therapist, consider a virtual therapy platform such as BetterHelp. These platforms can offer a vast network of counselors specializing in various areas of support.