Relationships Later In Life: How To Navigate Older Love
It can be common to assume that relationships, especially romantic ones, become less important in older age. In reality, relationships can play a key role in staying mentally and physically healthy as you get older. So what should older adults know about dating and intimacy, and how can they set themselves up for happy, healthy relationships? Let’s explore these questions together.
Older love: Facts and fiction
Even as the aging population grows and technology makes dating more accessible, stereotypes can still shape society's views of older relationships. Whether you’re interested in starting a relationship at an older age or you want to support others who do, it can be important to separate these myths from reality.
Myth: Older adults don’t need romantic relationships
Because many older adults live alone, it can be easy to assume that relationships matter less with age. However, the truth may actually be the opposite. According to the Center for Disease Control (CDC), isolation in older age may contribute to a higher risk of heart disease, stroke, and premature death. It may also increase the risk of depression, anxiety, and other mental illnesses.
SOn the other hand, satisfying relationships may have the opposite effect. In a study published in 2023, researchers gathered data from 694 women for 20 years. They found that those who had satisfying social relationships (such as family members, coworkers, and partners) were less likely to develop chronic health conditions. This illustrates why relationships may be more than just a nice thing to have while aging; they might even protect your health.
Myth: Sex and intimacy are just for younger couples
Fact: Although there’s a common view that older couples aren’t physically intimate, this is not the case. The University of Michigan’s National Poll on Healthy Aging found that 54% of adults aged 65-80 who were currently in relationships reported being sexually active.
Physical intimacy—such as sex, holding hands, hugging, and kissing—can be healthy for people of any age. According to the National Council on Aging, intimacy can have several benefits for older couples, such as lower blood pressure, a potentially longer lifespan, and better healing. It may also lower stress and help prevent depression.
Myth: Relationships are the same no matter what age you are
Fact: Although love can be important for people of all ages, there may be different considerations for older adults when it comes to romantic relationships. These can include physical changes, like menopause and erectile dysfunction, but they may also relate to work, life, and mental health. For example, retired couples may have more free time and different financial obligations than younger adults.
Older adults may also be more likely to have children and other family obligations, which can play a role in their romantic relationships.
Tips for cultivating healthy relationships later in life
Whether you’re in a relationship as an older adult or you would like to support someone who is, the following tips may help you foster a healthy, sustainable connection.
Look for ways to stay intimate
Maintaining physical intimacy as an older couple can pose unique challenges, but it can be valuable for your well-being. Aim to communicate your needs with your partner openly and honestly and seek medical advice if you have physical concerns.
It can also be worth remembering that sex is just one way to be intimate. Other ways to foster closeness with your partner may include massage, cuddling, or holding hands.
Plan ahead
It can be a good idea for older couples to think ahead about how they want their relationship to evolve. This may mean having honest conversations about logistics, like living situations, retirement, and healthcare. Getting on the same page early on can be important so you have enough time to make preparations.
Embrace shared interests
Having hobbies can be especially important later in life. Whether you’re in a new relationship or a long-standing one, getting involved in shared activities with your partner can be valuable, both for your connection and your mental health.
Consider finding a regular hobby group, community organization, or volunteer cause you can both participate in. This may serve as a chance to spend quality time together and build social connections—and it may even improve memory.
Keep the spark going
No matter how long you’ve been with your partner, maintaining—or reigniting—the romantic “spark” may improve your relationship satisfaction. Look for ways to build romance into your routine. That could mean surprising each other with gifts, going on regular date nights, reflecting on your relationship, or planning new adventures together. Practicing gratitude for each other and your bond can be another way to keep the romance alive.
Be open with each other
Communication can be a key part of a healthy relationship at any age, but it can be especially important later in life. Being honest with your partner about your physical, mental, and emotional concerns may help you stay on the same page. Aim to bring up aging-related issues early so you can work together to address them proactively.
Tend to other relationships
Other family relationships and friendships can sometimes complicate relationships between older adults. It can be important to navigate these relationships as respectfully and openly as you can. When in doubt, consider sitting down with the people involved to talk through any disagreements or old arguments. It can be helpful to practice active listening, take breaks when you need to, and try to listen to everyone’s perspective. Remember to set boundaries and maintain them.
Seek counseling if you need it
As we’ve seen, relationships between older adults can run into unique complications. Navigating these can be tricky but getting counseling—either as a couple or individually—may make it easier. A licensed counselor may be able to give more personalized advice for managing the challenges of romance and maintaining a healthy relationship.
That said, it may not always be practical to seek counseling in person. For older adults, mobility issues and other logistics may make it hard to commute to a therapist’s office. Online therapy platforms like BetterHelp (for individuals) and ReGain (for couples) let you receive counseling from the comfort of your home, in several convenient formats. This may make them a useful alternative for older adults.
Studies have found that online relationship counseling may be as effective at improving relationships as in-person therapy. In a 2021 study, 30 couples took part in a couples therapy program, either in-person or via videoconferencing. Researchers found that online counseling led to equal improvements in the couples’ relationship satisfaction and mental health.
Takeaway
Despite common misconceptions, maintaining healthy relationships later in life can be a key part of aging well. Romantic relationships—including intimate ones—can have a range of benefits for older adults, although you may need to give special consideration to age-related concerns. By maintaining physical and emotional intimacy, practicing shared activities, staying open, and planning ahead, you may be able to make the most of romance in your later years.
If you’re having any concerns about your relationship or mental health, counseling may be another option to consider.
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