What You Can Discuss With Your Boyfriend

Medically reviewed by Nikki Ciletti, M.Ed, LPC

Updated April 24, 2024by BetterHelp Editorial Team

Conversation often plays a significant role in relationships, and engaging in good conversation with your boyfriend can help you build a stronger bond, gain a deeper understanding of each other, and address any issues you may be experiencing. You might talk about topics that help you get to know each other, current affairs and pop culture, thought-provoking subjects, lighthearted topics, or intimate matters. Thinking about things to talk about can be challenging and conversation starters may feel unnatural at first, especially if they require a serious answer. A couples therapist, whether online or in person, can help you and your partner improve your communication skills, even if you don’t have the healthiest relationship right now. Below, we’re providing several thought-provoking topics and conversation tips that can help you better understand your boyfriend and strengthen the connection you share.

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Are you having trouble talking with your boyfriend?

Here are some topics that may help

Tips for conversing with your boyfriend

Bringing up interesting ideas to your boyfriend can show him that you have a genuine interest in his thoughts, passions, and aspirations. Because you likely already know each other fairly well, these conversations can allow you to dive deeper than you might with new acquaintances. As you work to communicate with your boyfriend, keeping a few tips in mind can help you foster engaging conversations.

When you talk with your boyfriend, try to listen actively to what he’s saying. Providing nonverbal affirmations, such as head nods, can indicate that you’re paying attention. Try to maintain eye contact and avoid formulating a response while he’s talking. Instead, listen intently, and when he’s finished speaking, consider summarizing each main point to signal that you understood. Then, you can provide your own perspective on the topic.

Choosing a conversation starter

In addition to utilizing these tips regarding how to converse with your boyfriend, it can help to have some ideas regarding what to discuss with him. Subjects of conversation with a partner can vary widely. You can ask your boyfriend everything from his favorite coffee shop to the best meal he ever had to the most memorable birthday gift he received as a child.

Personal life stories

One way to get to know each other on a deeper level might be through exchanging interesting stories from your real life. You could ask your partner about their upbringing, family members, best friends, biggest fears, or any significant experiences they have had. Likewise, you could talk about your experiences or describe the craziest thing that has happened to you and pay attention to their reactions and opinions.

Learning more about your boyfriend’s most treasured memories, childhood best friend, or closest family members can help you better understand who he is. And discussing your personal life stories—whether they’re related to your first car or your favorite thing about your childhood—can help him connect with you.

Interests and hobbies

Discussing a shared interest or personal hobby can help to keep the conversation going. You could inquire about how your boyfriend likes spending time and discuss any interests you may not have explored yet. This could help both of you find common ground and better understand what brings happiness to the other. For example, you might find that scuba diving is one thing you’ve both always wanted to do. You also may use a more lighthearted conversation starter like asking about their favorite fictional character, their favorite season, or what their favorite subject in school was.

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Aspirations and dream job

Another way to get to know each other might be by discussing aspirations and dreams. You could ask your boyfriend what his long-term career goals is or his dream job. This may provide an understanding of each other's motivations and aspirations and enable you to offer your partner support in achieving them. You may also discuss thoughts around future kids and whether you want children or not.

News and current events

Staying informed on current events and discussing them with your partner could be a good idea. Try asking them their thoughts on current affairs. This could even spark a deeper discussion on how these developments could affect your plans and future together.

Popular culture

Discussing popular culture can be interesting. For example, you can ask him what TV shows he’s watching, movies he’s recently enjoyed, or the last thing he listened to on a music streaming service. This might give you a better understanding of each other's tastes and preferences; and asking him the last movie he watched can help you come up with ideas for your next movie night.

Thought-provoking discussions

Thought-provoking discussions may challenge our beliefs, perspectives, and assumptions and encourage us to think deeply and critically about a topic. Having these deep discussions with your partner can help you grow closer, you may even schedule discussions in one-week segments to get a better understanding of who your partner is.

Philosophy and ethics

Philosophical and ethical concepts, such as the meaning of life, morality, and beliefs in religion, could be discussed. While these can be controversial, remembering to respect each other's opinions and creating a safe space for both of you to express yourselves can prevent conflicts from occurring.

Society and culture

Discussing society and culture, including your political views, your opinions on social issues, and your perspectives on current events, could be insightful. Not only could it help you and your boyfriend understand each other more deeply, but it could also help you broaden your perspective of the world in general.

Science and technology

You could also discuss science and technology, including recent advancements and their impact on society. This could provide an understanding of each other's perspectives and foster discussions about the future.

Lighthearted topics

Life can be stressful and overwhelming at times, and finding ways to relieve stress and bring joy and laughter into our lives is often important. One way to do this can be by engaging in lighthearted topics. You may ask about their dream vacation, fashion sense, or favorite food they have eaten which may spark fun conversations.

Consider asking him what his “perfect day” might entail or how his dream house would be designed. Or ask him about funny stories involving him and a friend. It is also fun to discuss your own annoying habits or choose one “deal breaker” that you have when entering a relationship. These conversations can be not only easy to broach but also informative, potentially helping you understand how your boyfriend prefers to spend his time, what his goals are, or simply where he likes to eat.

Humor and jokes

Lightening the mood by telling jokes and funny stories could be a good idea. You could ask your boyfriend about his favorite jokes, funny memories or to tell you about his most embarrassing moment. Bringing a smile to each other's faces and laughing together by making something funny happen, can be a great way to start your conversations.

Trivia and quizzes

Another idea could be to test each other's knowledge with trivia and quizzes. You could ask your boyfriend questions on various subjects, such as history, science, and popular culture. Doing this might be a fun way to learn new things together, and it could even prepare you to attend a trivia event together!

Dog person vs cat person

Conversations that are both lighthearted and apt to provoke strong opinions can be a great way to prompt your boyfriend. The cat person/dog person debate is a universal one that can tell you a lot about a person. He may, like many other people, love talking about his favorite animals, particularly if he has his own pets. You might want to also ask follow-up questions about cats or dogs he had as a child.

Intimate topics

Intimate subjects, including about past relationships, can be personal, sensitive subjects often considered inappropriate for public discussion. When discussing intimate ideas such as your last relationship, it can be essential to approach the subject with empathy, understanding, and respect.

Feelings and emotions

Discussing your and your boyfriend's feelings and emotions can be beneficial for both long- and short-term relationships. You could talk about your thoughts and feelings about how the relationship is progressing, especially if you are on the long-term relationship end of things and listen to his reactions. Knowing where each of you stands could help both of you feel closer and understand each other better.

Sexual preferences

Talking about sexual preferences and desires may be essential to understanding each other. You could ask your boyfriend about what he is attracted to and talk about your own desires. Doing this might help you feel safer as you build an intimate connection.

Memorable moments

Intimate moments could be discussed, such as your first date night, first kiss, or any other special moments you’ve experienced together. You could also ask your partner about their favorite memory and share interesting stories from your life. This could be a way to reminisce and relive special moments together.

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Are you having trouble talking with your boyfriend?

Here are some topics that may help

Try online therapy for better conversations

Online therapy can be a great way to enhance your conversations with your boyfriend and improve your relationship. By speaking with a licensed therapist, you can learn how to communicate more effectively, address issues healthily, and understand each other more deeply. Attending therapy sessions online can be especially convenient as you can speak to a licensed professional from anywhere you have an internet connection and schedule sessions at a time that works for both you and your partner.

As this study explains, there’s generally no difference between the efficacy of online couples therapy and the efficacy of traditional in-office couples therapy. Either option can be an excellent way to improve communication within your relationship and get expert guidance regarding any issues you may be experiencing.

Takeaway

Conversations can be a vital component of any relationship, and taking the time to have meaningful conversations could help you form a deeper connection with your boyfriend or partner. If you worry about running out of discussion topics, consider utilizing some of the above prompts. You might talk about personal life stories, interests and hobbies, aspirations and dreams, news and current events, pop culture, philosophy and ethics, society and culture, science and technology, humor and jokes, trivia, emotions, sexual preferences, and memorable moments. If you’re having trouble with effective communication, online couples therapy may be an excellent way to strengthen your skills.

Frequently asked questions

Read more below for answers to questions commonly asked about this topic.

What is a good topic to talk about?

In some relationships, the conversation flows naturally, however, this isn’t always the case. Just because you and your new partner are struggling to make conversation doesn’t mean that it is a bad fit, here are some good conversation topics to get you started:

Interests and hobbies
Aspirations and dreams
Current affairs and pop culture
News and current events
Family

These topics may provide a way to get conversation flowing so that you can break the ice and get to know your partner a bit more.

What are smart talk topics?

While it is a good idea to talk about fun topics to start a conversation, there are also a few smart talk topics that really let you understand who your partner is and what they value. Some topics that you may discuss include:

Plans for future children
Religious values
Upbringing and family values
Attributes of a good partner
Society and culture
Feelings and emotions
Science and technology
Intimate topics

Using a conversation starter from this list may be more challenging, but it is important to listen with genuine interest because it may give you a better understanding of your partner and how their life has shaped who they are. These topics also provide an opportunity to add follow-up questions or to exchange your views as well.

How do you start an interesting conversation?

Starting an interesting conversation doesn’t have to be challenging, here are some conversation tips that may help spark engaging conversation:

Find a place to have the conversation: a coffee shop, park, or at home are all good places to start talking. It may be a good idea to avoid places where conversation is challenging such as a movie theatre or sporting event.
Choose a Relevant Topic: Select a topic that is relevant to both you and the person you're talking to. Consider their interests, background, and the context of the conversation.
Ask Open-Ended Questions: Pose an open-ended question that can't be answered with a simple yes or no. This encourages the other person to exchange their thoughts and experiences, leading to a more dynamic conversation.
Communicate Personal Stories: Open up about your experiences, anecdotes, or insights related to the topic. This can create a more relatable and authentic atmosphere.
Show Genuine Interest: Demonstrate curiosity and active listening by asking follow-up questions based on what the other person tells. This signals your engagement and encourages them to delve deeper into the conversation.
Find Common Ground: Identify common interests or experiences and build the conversation around those commonalities. This creates a sense of connection and rapport.
Bring Up Recent Events: Discuss recent news, trends, or developments in your respective fields or areas of interest. This ensures your conversation is current and relevant.
Explore Hypothetical Scenarios: Pose hypothetical questions or scenarios to encourage creative thinking and imaginative discussions.
Use Humor: Incorporate humor and light-heartedness into the conversation to create a comfortable and enjoyable atmosphere.
Express Your Opinion: Discuss your viewpoint on the topic, but do so respectfully. This can invite others to relate their own perspectives and generate a healthy exchange of ideas.
Talk About Goals and Dreams: Discuss your aspirations, goals, and dreams, and encourage the other person to do the same. This can lead to meaningful conversations about future plans.
Acknowledge Emotions: Address emotions and feelings related to the topic. Expressing empathy and understanding can lead to deeper conversations.
Ask for Advice or Opinions: Seeking advice or opinions from the other person can make them feel valued and contribute to an engaging discussion.
Stay Present: Put away distractions and focus on the conversation. Show that you're invested in the dialogue.

Remember that not every conversation needs to be profound; sometimes, casual chitchat can be just as enjoyable. Adjust your approach based on the context and the relationship you have with the person you're conversing with.

What is the most popular topic?

There are many topics for conversation between couples, some of the most popular include:

Travel and Adventure: Discuss your dream travel destinations, exchange memorable trips, and plan future adventures together.
Relationship Goals: Talk about your relationship aspirations, what you value most in the relationship, and how you can continue growing as a couple.
Favorite Memories: Reminisce about your favorite moments together, whether it's a special date, a funny incident, or a heartwarming experience.
Movie and TV Shows: Tell your favorite movies or TV shows, discuss plots, characters, and even consider watching something together.
Bucket List: Talk about the things you both want to accomplish in your lifetime, whether they're personal goals or experiences you want to discuss.
Cooking and Food: Discuss your favorite dishes, try out new recipes together, or plan a special meal for each other.
Family and Friends: Exchange stories about your family, childhood memories, and discuss how you both envision integrating your lives with loved ones.
Hobbies and Interests: Talk about your hobbies, and interests, and explore opportunities to engage in activities you both enjoy.
Future Plans: Discuss your plans for the future, from career goals to where you see yourselves living, and how you want to support each other's dreams.
Personal Growth: Talk about your self-improvement journeys, whether it's learning a new skill, overcoming challenges, or pursuing personal development goals.

What is the most interesting topic?

The most interesting topic will vary widely for each person. To find a topic that interests your partner it is important to listen to their interests and ask probing questions to discover what they might like to talk about. Once you find a topic that your partner finds engaging you may ask questions, add your own opinions or ideas, and keep the conversation flowing.

Discovering interesting topics that both you and your partner want to discuss is an important part of relationship building. It is a great way to get to know one another and find out what makes the other person excited and want to talk more, or what makes them back of and end a conversation.

What are some small talk topics?

For some people, making small talk is challenging and not something that they look forward to. However, making small talk is a good way to start a conversation and get to know people, including new acquaintances, your best friends, and your partner. Some popular small talk topics include:

What is your favorite thing to eat?
What is your favorite restaurant?
Do you have any favorite animals?
What was the last movie that you saw? Did you like it?
What was the best birthday gift you were ever given?
If you could have a superpower in real life, which superpower would you choose?
If you could travel anywhere, where would you go?
What is your ideal date night?
Would you rather go on a hike or sit on the beach?

How do I find topics for small talk?

Finding topics for small talk doesn’t have to be hard, here are a few tips to help you get the conversation rolling. While you can look online for topics and questions to ask, it may be better to look at the person in front of you and start the conversation there. Ask them about something casual, maybe a piece of clothing they are wearing, a common experience you are having, or even something as mundane as the weather. Once you have done that, if the person engages well, you can begin to move on from the initial question and start discussing more things.

While most topics are good for starting small talk, it may be helpful to avoid discussing family, relationships, or work. These topics can be potential landmines, you may ask if they are married and they say they just got divorced, you as how work is going, but they just got fired. All of these situations are conversation killers. It is better to let the other person bring these up organically.

What are small talk examples?

Small talk is a casual, light-hearted conversation that serves as an icebreaker and helps build rapport. Here are some examples of small talk topics:

Weather: "Nice weather we're having today, isn't it?"
Weekend Plans: "Any exciting plans for the weekend?"
Hobbies: "Do you have any hobbies or interests you enjoy?"
Compliments: "I like your shirt, where did you get it?"
Movies or TV Shows: "Have you seen any good movies lately?"
Travel: "Have you been on any interesting trips recently?"
Food: "Have you tried the new restaurant downtown?"
Sports: "Did you catch the game last night?"
Current Events: "What do you think about the recent news story?"
Pets: "Do you have any pets? I love dogs!"
Books: "Have you read any good books lately?"
Music: "What kind of music do you like?"
Weekend Activities: "Did you do anything fun over the weekend?"
Plans for the Day: "Any exciting plans for the rest of the day?"

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