What Is Al-Anon? Support For Family And Friends Affected By Alcoholism

Alcohol use disorder (AUD), formerly called alcoholism, is a medical condition typically characterized by a limited ability to control or reduce alcohol use, even when it impacts a person’s health and social life. AUD may impact not only the person with the disorder, but also their family members, friends, and support network. For families or friends affected by another person’s alcohol use, it can be important to take steps to improve mental health and well-being. 

Perhaps few others understand the impact of alcohol use disorder better than those closest to a person living with AUD. For these individuals, joining a support group like Al-Anon can aid recovery and reduce mental and social impacts. In this article, we will explore what Al-Anon is and how connecting with a support network can benefit loved ones impacted by another person’s AUD.      

What is Al-Anon?

Al-Anon is a support group specifically designed for families and friends of alcoholics, which is an outdated term for people living with AUD. Alcohol use disorder may be considered a family illness, and while Alcoholics Anonymous (AA)  is concerned with individuals recovering from alcohol addiction, Al-Anon focuses on the people affected by someone else’s drinking, even if that person is not seeking treatment or in recovery. Like AA, Al-Anon meetings are usually self-supporting, with Al-Anon members leading and participating in each meeting.

While attending Al-Anon, participants may work on improving their communication skills, practicing detachment and changing attitudes, and connecting with others facing similar challenges. This can reduce isolation while providing families with added hope during challenging times. Common challenges addressed during Al-Anon meetings include boundaries and guilt, allowing members to share the strategies that have been effective in their experience.  

Why is alcoholism often described as a family disease

Alcoholism may be described as a family disease because it often impacts the whole family, including individual family members as well as the family unit, not just the person who is suffering from addiction.

How alcoholism affects relationships and the household

In families where addiction is present, it may become the focus of the entire family. Problems may not be discussed openly; instead, family members may deny or minimize them. In some cases, children may have to fend for themselves, and routines can be interrupted by unexpected behaviors or events. This can lead to a lot of uncertainty and anxiety. 

Effects on other family members

Family members may take on certain roles, and those roles can determine how they are affected. Some common roles and the effects they may experience can include: 

• Hero: The hero is the person who tries to make the family proud and may try to overcompensate for the family’s challenges by striving to be perfect or overachieving. This can lead to intense anxiety and pressure and have a significant impact on the hero’s overall well-being. 
• Scapegoat: The scapegoat is often a nonconformist. They may be rebellious and act out, and may have addiction problems. If they are not the family member with AUD, they may act out in an attempt to divert attention away from the family member who does.
• Lost child: In families with addiction, the lost child may be a loner who isolates and withdraws from the family to escape. They don’t require much attention, may appear content, and often take care of themselves.
• Caretaker: In families with alcoholism, the caretaker role is commonly filled by one of the parents or the partner of the person with AUD. They may make excuses for them, clean up their messes, or attempt to protect them from the negative consequences of their own actions. 

Who Al-Anon is for, and what qualifies you?

If you are affected by someone else’s drinking 

Al-Anon groups are open to anyone impacted by another person’s alcohol use. This could include the following individuals: 

• Spouses or partners of people with alcohol use disorder
• Parents or guardians of individuals struggling with alcohol misuse
• Adult children of alcoholics (often called ACoAs)
• Siblings, grandparents, or other relatives affected by a loved one's drinking problem
• Friends, coworkers, or roommates who are impacted emotionally, mentally, or financially by someone’s alcohol use
• Anyone who is concerned with or feels confused, hurt, stressed, or overwhelmed about someone else’s drinking

What to expect in your first meeting

If you’re interested in attending an Al-Anon meeting, in-person and online meetings are available. Regardless of the type of meeting you attend, here are some general things to expect and keep in mind, according to Al-Anon.

The common bond of people who faced similar problems

Anyone who is concerned about someone’s drinking can attend an Al-Anon meeting. Some meetings may specify that they are meant for certain groups, such as adult children, people of color, or families and friends only, but Al-Anon clearly states on its website that “While some groups choose to have certain Attendees selected, they will welcome anyone looking for help.”

Sharing experience, strength, and hope

Everyone who attends an Al-Anon meeting is considered an equal and has faced similar problems with someone else’s drinking. If you attend a meeting, you are free to ask questions, share as much or as little as you want. You can even just say that you would just like to listen until you feel comfortable sharing.

Because what happens in meetings is expected to remain anonymous, you can feel free to speak freely without fear of the details of your story being shared outside of the meeting. The condition of anonymity can help create a common bond, building a community where people can experience strength and hope, where everyone knows that their feelings matter.

Giving comfort, giving understanding, and encouragement

Generally, people at Al-Anon meetings are not expected to give advice, as everyone is seen as being equals. When people share, it can help to understand that they are looking for someone to offer comfort, understanding, and encouragement, not tell them what to do.

Other considerations

According to Al-Anon’s Tradition Seven, “Every group ought to be fully self‑supporting, declining outside contributions.” Al-Anon is not affiliated with any political entity or outside group to help ensure it remains solely focused on its mission, with no outside influence. The organization does not charge any membership dues and runs exclusively on group members’ own voluntary contributions. 

How to decide if a group is a fit

Every Al-Anon meeting is different. While Al-Anon provides guidelines for fostering unity, each group has the freedom to run itself as its members choose. Al-Anon recommends attending at least six different meetings to help find the right fit. Here are some signs to look for to tell if a group is the right one for you:

• The group focuses on the idea of a “higher power” in a way that aligns with your beliefs. Al-Anon is not a religious program and is not affiliated with any religious group, but the idea of a “higher power” may resonate more with some groups than others. 
• You feel comfortable sharing your story with group members. 
• You feel that other members of the group respect its anonymous nature. 
• You do not feel pressure to share when you don’t want to.

Al-Anon and Alateen

Both Al-Anon and Alateen are under the umbrella of Al-Anon Family Groups, and while they are very similar, they serve different populations. 

Al-Anon Alateen options for teens and families

Al-Anon and Alateen are both support programs for those who are affected by another person’s drinking, and they share the same principles. The primary difference between the two is that Al-Anon is geared toward adults, while Alateen is specifically for young people, providing a safe space for them to share their experiences. While they are generally run by the teens in the group, groups operate under the supervision of adult sponsors. 

When Alateen may be recommended

Alateen may be recommended for families and friends between the ages of 12 and 19 who are affected by others’ drinking. It offers an environment for teens to open up without parental influence and a place where teens can focus on how addiction is impacting their own lives rather than on the problem drinker or other aspects of the family.

Understanding the twelve steps and the idea of a greater power in Al-Anon

Like Alcoholics Anonymous, Al-Anon uses the twelve steps as a tool for spiritual growth. Al-Anon believes that changed attitudes can aid recovery, and the twelve steps can offer guidance for moving forward.

Why are the twelve steps used in Al-Anon?

In Al-Anon, the twelve steps can be seen as a framework for self-discovery to help members work toward recovering from the emotional damage of someone else’s drinking. The steps can provide a structured path to help people separate themselves from the negative effects of another person’s AUD, establish healthier boundaries, and find peace.

Understanding “power greater” in a personal way

According to Al-Anon, groups “avoid discussion of specific religious doctrine, and members of all faiths (or of none) are welcome.” While the twelve steps ask people to find a “power greater than themselves” to help them find serenity and solve problems, each member can define this power in their own way.

Practical benefits for loved ones

Al-Anon can help people who are affected by another’s drinking in various ways, helping them get the support they need from others who are experiencing the common problems that may arise in families of addiction.

Boundaries, detachment, and self-focus

Families of people with AUD often revolve around that person and their alcohol use. The needs of other family members may go unmet, and they may have difficulty advocating for themselves. Al-Anon can help people learn to recognize what they can and cannot control, and to set and enforce boundaries to ensure they are taking care of themselves and meeting their own needs.

Reduced isolation and improved coping

If someone in the family has a problem with alcohol, it can be isolating. Often, the family may attempt to hide the problem or act as if it is not an issue, and people may not talk openly about the challenges affecting individual family members or the family as a whole. Al-Anon can help people in this situation feel less alone, giving them a space to share with others who may understand what they’re going through and to learn possible coping skills from others' experiences.

How well does Al-Anon work, and how can you find an Al-Anon group? 

A recent membership survey conducted by Al-Anon found that participation in Al-Anon improved overall quality of life. Specific findings include: 

• 80% of responding members report improvement in their mental health within the first year of attending meetings
• 91% of members with four or more years of involvement report improved mental health,
• Of that 91%, about three out of five indicated significant improvement

If you or a loved one is experiencing abuse, contact the Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233). Support is available 24/7.

Strategies to find an Al-Anon or Alateen meeting

Individuals searching for an Al-Anon or Alateen meeting can generally find them online through the Al-Anon Family Groups website. Various regions may also have an Al-Anon helpline or office that can walk you through finding a meeting that fits your needs. There may be multiple meetings near you, and attending a few meetings in different locations can be beneficial before deciding on a group to attend regularly. 

Connecting with a mental health professional

Individuals who are impacted by another person’s alcohol use may benefit from connecting with a mental health professional. A therapist can evaluate, diagnose, and treat mental health conditions, including anxiety and depression. However, it’s not necessary to have a diagnosable disorder to seek help. 

It can be challenging for busy individuals to attend in-person therapy sessions at a brick-and-mortar office. Online therapy sessions can take place from any location with a personal device and an internet connection. This means that you can get the care and support you deserve with added convenience, and you can also choose between video, audio, and online chat sessions to suit your comfort levels.

Research suggests that online therapy can be an effective way to improve mental health and reduce anxiety or depression, which are common conditions experienced by loved ones of people with AUD. Whether you prefer in-person or online care, don’t hesitate to reach out for support.