Christian Marriage Counseling: Faith-Based Counseling for Couples

Christian marriage counseling is a form of couples therapy in which the principles of Christianity are incorporated into the therapeutic process. Faith-based marriage and family therapy can help Christian couples better communicate, foster physical and emotional closeness, and address potential areas of conflict—all while nurturing their spiritual connection.

If you and your partner are seeking couples therapy that emphasizes the role of your Christian religious affiliation, this type of marriage counseling may help you cultivate a fulfilling, healthy relationship. Below, we’re providing an overview of Christian marriage counseling, discussing the potential benefits of this form of therapy, and offering advice to help you find the right faith-based counselor for you.  

An overview of Christian counseling

Christian counseling and spiritual wellness

Faith-based counseling can help individuals better connect with their spirituality, which studies indicate may have benefits for mental and physical health. For example, research suggests that spiritual community participation, regardless of faith type or denomination, may result in reduced depression and substance use as well as increased life expectancy. It’s thought that a spiritual practice can provide people with purpose, support systems, and a sense of meaning. Faith-based counseling that reinforces a person’s spirituality may help people foster spiritual wellness as they learn more about what their faith means to them. 

What is Christian marriage counseling?

Christian counseling allows participants to apply the principles of their faith as they address mental health and life challenges. This approach can be particularly desirable when it comes to marriage, which is viewed by many Christians as a sacred institution. Christian marriage counseling allows couples of this faith to navigate conflict, improve communication, foster intimacy, and continue to develop a solid spiritual connection. 

How faith-based marriage and family therapy works

As with many types of therapy, Christian marriage counseling is centered around discussions between the therapist and the participants. Through these discussions, a Christian counselor can help a couple identify any present issues or potential areas of focus and address these by applying the tenets of the Christian faith. Using Biblical insight and God’s Word to complement principles of psychology, the counselor guides the couple through problems in their marriage. 

Identifying challenges with a Christian marriage counselor

A Christian couples counselor can help participants identify sources of conflict or tension in their marriage. Some common challenges married couples face include the following: 

• Financial concerns
• Lack of emotional or physical intimacy
• Communication challenges 
• Infidelity
• Mental health concerns 

Christian counselors can also help engaged couples prepare to get married through premarital counseling.

Techniques used in Christian marriage counseling

Many tenets of Christianity can help guide couples as they aim to promote harmony within their marriage. A primary example of this is the vital role of forgiveness in the Christian faith. A couples counselor can discuss the way forgiveness is emphasized in the Bible, pointing to instances where it helped facilitate the healing process or develop a bond between people. The professional can then help the couple find ways to apply this principle in their relationship.

Evidence-based couples therapy tools

In some cases, a Christian marriage counselor may combine faith-based counseling techniques with evidence-based psychotherapy methods. This requires the counselor to have a background in psychology in addition to their knowledge of scripture. Some of the science-backed methods that may be incorporated into Christian marriage counseling include: 

• Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) for couples
• The Gottman method
• Emotionally focused therapy
• Mindfulness practices
• Solution-focused brief therapy
• Trauma-informed counseling

Faith-based practices in sessions

Even when traditional psychotherapy methods are used in Christian marriage counseling, the focus typically remains on the couple’s religious and spiritual beliefs. This focus is reflected in various practices used in sessions, including: 

• Guided reading of God’s Word through scripture
• Prayer, with and without the counselor’s direction
• Other religious practices, which may vary based on denomination

Between-session practices at home

As with other forms of counseling, Christian marriage counseling may include “homework” assignments for couples to perform between sessions. These assignments may combine both traditional and faith-based components of marriage counseling. Examples of common assignments might include: 

• Reading scripture together or independently
• Prayer and meditation
• Practicing communication techniques such as active listening
• Employing conflict resolution methods when arguments arise

What to expect in your first session

Your first session of Christian marriage counseling may be similar to an initial session of any other type of counseling. Unless you’re being counseled by your pastor, you will probably be meeting your counselor for the first time. After initial introductions, your counselor will likely ask you to explain the core issues that brought you to counseling. The counselor may listen actively and even take notes during the conversation. They may also begin building rapport that will shape your counseling experience going forward. 

What you might talk about

Aside from the core issues that brought you to counseling, you may discuss other topics during your first session of Christian marriage counseling. For example, the counselor may ask questions about your personal faith and any goals you have for the counseling experience. They may talk about the structure of future sessions, what homework assignments to expect, and how progress will be monitored. You can feel free to ask questions about anything you don’t understand during this initial session. 

Biblical principles that may shape counseling

In Christian marriage counseling, you can expect God’s Word to remain at the forefront of the counseling process. While science-backed therapeutic methods may be employed, the counselor will focus on sharing Biblical truth and reminding the couple what God says about marriage. The goal is for each partner to come away with both Biblical insight and practical techniques to strengthen the relationship. 

Using Biblical insight without bypassing emotions

A skilled Christian marriage counselor knows how to integrate Biblical truth into the counseling process while still validating the emotions of each partner. Rather than preaching scripture, the counselor may ask the couple to interpret passages within the context of their own relationship and personal faith. In session, each partner will be given space to express and explore their own feelings about God, themselves, and each other. 

Examples of Biblical principles couples may explore

Using God’s Word as a guide, a Christian marriage counselor may center sessions around Biblical principles such as: 

• Sacrificial love
• Forgiveness and grace
• The marriage covenant
• Honesty
• Humility
• Serving one another

Who are Christian marriage counselors?

Various types of mental health professionals, clergy members, and other professionals may be able to provide Christian guidance on marital concerns. However, it can be important to know the difference between licensed marriage counselors and faith leaders, who may or may not have the training to conduct marriage and family counseling. Your choice of counselor could heavily impact the overall counseling experience. 

Clergy members and other faith leaders

Many clergy members provide guidance—including marital advice—to congregation members as part of their duties. Sometimes, faith leaders have the expertise and qualifications to administer professional, evidence-based marriage counseling to couples, but this isn’t always the case. For certain relationships or mental health concerns, a minister or priest may refer a couple to a licensed professional. 

Christian faith-based marriage and family counselors

Marriage and family therapy is a discipline centered around enhancing relationship functioning through various techniques. Often, a Christian couples counselor is a marriage and family therapist who has a personal and, in some cases, professional training background in Christianity. Some marriage and family therapists are former clergy members, while others are practicing Christians who provide professional counseling as their career. 

Other mental health professionals

Psychologists, psychiatrists, social workers, and several other types of professionals may also have the training necessary to incorporate religious principles into the therapeutic process. It may be advisable to ask about the experience and qualifications of a given provider in your consultation session with them.

Potential benefits of Christian marriage counseling

Faith-based marriage counseling can provide couples with a safe space in which to address relationship concerns and core issues. The following could be considered some of the potential benefits of Christian marriage counseling for Christian partners or spouses. 

Enhanced communication

Many of the core tenets of Christianity—including an emphasis on community, mutual understanding, forgiveness, etc.—highlight the importance of communication. By building on these, counseling can help couples learn how to apologize to each other and forgive each other, and it can also help partners better understand one another and feel heard. 

Conflict resolution

Christian marriage counseling can help participants address present issues in their relationship. Counselors can also help couples develop techniques for alleviating tension during disagreements. This might involve traditional couples therapy strategies, such as using “I” statements instead of blaming language. It may also involve connecting conflict resolution to certain Biblical concepts, such as hope, joy, love, and understanding. 

Spiritual wellness

A connection to a higher purpose can be beneficial for spouses. This approach may potentially provide them with a sense of purpose, contribute to their understanding of themselves, and give them a foundation upon which to build their marriage. 

Practicing gratitude

Many Christian concepts are tied to practices that may enhance spiritual wellness. For example, a belief in God’s provision can lead to feelings of gratitude, which may have significant health benefits. According to an article on the topic from UCLA Health, regularly practicing gratitude may be correlated with reduced symptoms of depression, better sleep, and other potential benefits. 

Faith-based couples counseling can also help participants learn more about the role of Christian values in their relationship. For example, a counselor may help partners focus on forgiveness, connecting it to their marriage as well as to their lives as individuals. 

Mental wellness

Mental health challenges can lead to significant challenges in daily life, such as functional impairment, emotional distress, and physical health concerns. Additionally, individual psychological challenges can sometimes contribute to conflict in a marriage. For example, when one spouse is living with a mental illness like depression or anxiety, they may struggle to participate in the marriage as constructively as they would like. 

Developing coping strategies

A Christian counselor can help both spouses develop coping strategies to address symptoms of mental health conditions, if applicable. They may also help the couple explore ways in which their faith can help them promote mental wellness. For example, they may encourage the couple to participate in church fellowship groups so that they can seek social support.  

When extra support is important

It could be important to understand that Christian marriage counseling alone can’t resolve every issue in a marriage. In cases of abuse, whether physical or emotional, leaving the relationship may be the healthiest resolution. If there are safety concerns, support is available. Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 or text BEGIN to 88788.

How to find Christian marriage counselors

If you and your partner are interested in meeting with a Christian counselor, there are several options to consider. One way to pursue faith-based marriage counseling is through your church. As discussed above, some Christian clergy members are trained to provide counseling so that they can help members of their congregation address challenges. 

You and your spouse can also ask for a referral from your primary care provider or another medical or mental health professional. If your insurance covers mental health care, you may be able to use the provider directory to find faith-based professionals. You can also find counselors through professional organizations like the American Association of Christian Counselors or the Christian Association for Psychological Studies. 

Questions to ask when seeking a counselor

As discussed above, not everyone who provides Christian marriage counseling is licensed to provide talk therapy. It can help to ask the individual about their qualifications and counseling experience. You may also want to ask about the strategies in psychology they use, such as cognitive behavioral therapy or narrative therapy. 

Fit and comfort factors

Keep in mind as well that one of the most important considerations when choosing a marriage counselor is your comfort with the professional. A strong therapeutic alliance between you, your partner, and the therapist can be key to constructive sessions. Most people also prefer that their marriage counselor hold shared values and beliefs regarding spirituality and religion. Other factors to consider may include session structure and the therapist’s personality and style of communication. 

Participating in Christian counseling online

For many couples, making time to find a faith-based therapist and then regularly commuting to and from counseling sessions in person can be difficult. Online therapy can be a more convenient alternative in such cases. It makes it easy to connect with the right Christian marriage counselor for you and your partner, which can be helpful if you’re worried that you’ll waste time commuting or sitting in a waiting room instead of benefiting from the counseling experience.

What online couples therapy can include

Depending on the therapy platform you use, there could be many different tools available to you in online couples therapy to enhance the counseling experience. In addition to video or audio sessions, you may also be able to message your therapist between sessions or participate in a live chat. Other resources may include worksheets, online journals, and group sessions.

Potential benefits of online Christian marriage counseling

Using an online therapy platform like BetterHelp (for individuals) or Regain (for couples), you and/or your partner can connect with a faith-based counselor by indicating your preference for a Christian mental health professional when completing your initial questionnaire.

The efficacy of online relationship therapy 

The results of a growing number of studies suggest that online therapy can help partners strengthen their relationship and improve their emotional well-being. In one study, for instance, the findings suggest that couples who participated in an online relationship therapy program experienced increases in relationship satisfaction along with decreases in symptoms of depression, anxiety, and stress.  With online therapy, there’s hope for lasting joy in your relationship.