Understanding Gender, Biomantic Orientation, And Romantic Attraction

The spectrum of sexual and romantic identities is vast, and people can approach relationships in various unique ways. Romantic orientation can describe how people experience romantic attraction and develop romantic feelings toward others. A biromantic orientation, or “biromantic identity,” is one such orientation that may be helpful to understand when determining how you approach relationships and whom you’re attracted to. For professional support in navigating your romantic orientation or identity, consider speaking with a licensed therapist.

What are romantic orientation and romantic attraction? 

Romantic orientation generally refers to the genders to which a person is romantically attracted. Romantic attraction usually involves the desire to partake in traditionally romantic activities with another person, such as kissing, going on dates, and falling in love. Often, emotional intimacy is a significant part of one’s romantic attraction toward others. A person may crave emotional openness, close communication, and commitment with the people to whom they’re romantically attracted.

What is the biromantic orientation? Beyond sexual attraction 

Each person has the right to define what biromanticism means to them. In addition, being biromantic doesn’t necessarily mean someone identifies as bisexual as well. Some people might be homosexual and a biromantic person or biromantic and heterosexual. For many, it’s about attraction towards people based on their personality, emotional connection, and bond rather than on gender.

How is romantic orientation different from being sexually attracted to someone? 

Romantic orientation can differ from sexual orientation because this form of attraction doesn’t necessarily involve sexual attraction. Sexual attraction generally refers to the desire to have a sexual relationship or engage in sexual activity with another person. Because one’s romantic and sexual orientations can differ, using only one label might not be efficient in describing their experiences and dating preferences. 

Are romantic and sexual orientation always the same? 

For many people, the genders to which they are romantically and sexually attracted are the same. In this case, a romantic orientation label might not be used, as the person may group their romantic attraction with their sexuality. However, some people have different romantic and sexual orientations. For example, men who only feel romantic attraction towards men but feel sexually attracted to both men and women might identify as homoromantic and bisexual.

Biromantic identity vs bisexual and other identities 

Romantic attraction aside, there may be misconceptions around gender and sexual identities in relationships beyond typical cisgender monogamy. Gender and sexuality can occur on a spectrum, with some experiencing little to no sexual attraction to others, while others experience sexual attraction to multiple different genders and sexual orientations. Additionally, individuals in non-monogamous relationships may be involved with multiple people of the same or various genders (romantically, sexually, or both) at once. 

There are also often misconceptions about the differences between “opposite sex” and “opposite gender,” independent of relationships. Opposite sex refers to the biological classification (male or female) based on chromosomes and anatomy. Unlike one’s sex, gender isn’t always associated with a male and female dichotomy, so what is considered an “opposite gender” can be shaped by social, cultural, and personal identities. In other words, while sex is biological and generally binary, gender is a social construct that can be a spectrum.

What is the asexual sexual orientation? 

People who are asexual typically experience little to no sexual attraction, according to the Trevor Project. Asexual people may fall on a spectrum. Some people who identify with this label sometimes experience sexual attraction, whereas others do not. 

Other labels, like demisexual and grey-asexual, might also be used to describe someone’s relationship to asexuality. Demisexuality can mean not forming sexual attraction until a strong romantic or emotional connection is formed, and grey-asexuality refers to experiencing a spectrum of sexual attraction that may be considered atypical. Some asexual people identify as both asexual and aromantic. 

What is the aromantic orientation? Understanding a lack of romantic attraction 

A person who identifies as aromantic generally does not experience romantic attraction and may not desire a romantic relationship. People who are both asexual and aromantic may not experience sexual or romantic attraction at all but might desire other forms of connection with people, such as a queer platonic relationship (QPR) or friendship.

Are all asexual people aromantic? Sexual orientation and aromanticism 

Not all asexual people are aromantic, and vice versa. Asexual people can and do have romantic connections and long-term relationships. Many asexual people have different romantic orientations, such as biromantic, homoromantic, heteroromantic, or panromantic. People with these orientations may not require a sexual connection to build romantic and emotional intimacy. 

Are all biromantic people asexual? 

Not all biromantic people are asexual, although some individuals identifying as biromantic asexual may use this label to describe experiencing romantic attraction to more than one gender without sexual attraction. Other sexualities with which people might identify can include, but aren’t necessarily limited to, the following: 

• Homosexual: Sexually attracted to one’s same gender  
• Bisexual: Sexually attracted to two or more genders
• Pansexual: Sexually attracted to people regardless of their gender identity 
• Heterosexual: Sexually attracted to a gender different than one’s own

People may identify with labels beyond the above, although these are the most common. Some bisexual people are also biromantic and may use both labels to be more inclusive and express how their attraction can look in different forms. 

How does biromantic attraction feel?

Like other types of romance, biromantic attraction might not develop in the same way for everyone, but there are some commonalities. For example, individuals experiencing romantic attraction of any kind might experience a growing romantic interest alongside a nervous, fluttering feeling in the stomach (“butterflies”) or warmth in the chest or throughout the body. Their adrenaline might surge upon encountering the other person, causing sweaty palms and an increased heart rate. 

Some people experiencing romantic attraction might have a heightened awareness of the other person’s scent, touch, and appearance, especially when forming strong emotional connections.

Sometimes people who are romantically in love might experience a "high" or intensely happy feelings, often compared to being under the influence of dopamine. They might have uncontrollable thoughts about the person and want to share their most personal hopes, fears, and secrets. 

Navigating expectations in biromantic relationships

Individuals identifying as biromantic might face challenges similar to those of other “minority” orientations. For example, they might experience societal biphobia or heteronormative pressures around who they are romantically involved with. They may need to navigate how to talk to family members, friends, or others who might feel confused about their romantic orientation. Some people might encounter complications if they become romantically attracted to individuals with whom they have previously had platonic but intimate relationships, such as deep friendships. 

If you experience such challenges, open, honest communication may help. Try discussing your identity and what it means for your relationship, particularly regarding emotional attraction. Consider establishing boundaries around comfort levels as the relationship evolves, including defining expectations for emotional intimacy and, if applicable, sexual activity. To cultivate trust, you might validate your commitment to your partner, as misconceptions about romantic orientation might lead to worries around dedication. 

Self-discovery and common questions: Understanding and exploring your sexuality, gender, and romantic orientation

Discovering to whom you’re attracted, whether romantically or sexually, can be a journey. Some people may feel confused or still identify as questioning while they explore what their preferences and attractions look like. Below are a few tips for learning more about the people to whom you’re attracted. 

Read about other biromantic people attracted to two or more genders

Several online resources are dedicated to educating others about the LGBTQIA+ community, including orientations like biromanticism. For example, The Trevor Project offers educational articles on topics such as sexual orientation, gender identity, and mental health. The Human Rights Campaign website offers many resources on coming out, LGBTQIA+ laws and legislations, and challenges LGBTQ+ individuals may face in the workplace or within the healthcare system. It also offers resources about LGBTQIA+ symbology, including flags indicating sexual orientation, such as the bisexual flag, and romantic orientation, such as the biromantic flag.

Journal about your sexual attraction, gender, romantic orientation, and LGBTQIA+ identity 

Self-reflective journaling can be one way to learn more about yourself without judgment or expectations. Consider the following journaling prompts: 

• What traits and qualities am I generally attracted to in others? 
• What is my experience with sexual attraction? 
• What does romantic attraction mean to me?
• What do romantic relationships mean to me? 
• When do I feel like my most authentic self? 
• What does “love is love” mean to me? 
• What feelings and thoughts arise when I think about other biromantic people? 
• What does my ideal relationship look like?
• What does my ideal partner act like? 
• When did I first know I was part of the LGBTQIA+ community? 
• What about my orientation is difficult for me, if anything? 
• What would coming out as biromantic mean for me? 
• How is my romantic or sexual orientation connected to my own gender?
• Are there any parts of labeling myself that make me uncomfortable? 
• What about the biromantic orientation resonates most with me? 
• What is most comforting to me about my identity? 
• Do I know any other biromantic people? 
• Has my romantic or sexual orientation changed or fluctuated over time? If so, how? 

Find the LGBTQIA+ community and support

Having other LGBTQIA+ people with whom to talk may also help you better understand and navigate your romantic orientation or sexuality. Consider looking for a queer community center, local LGBTQIA+ group, or events that queer people often attend. At these events or groups, consider taking a moment to talk to others about your journey of exploring your romantic orientation. You might meet others with a similar identity or get advice on exploring who you are more deeply. In online communities, people from around the world can share experiences and help each other gain a sense of what it means to have gender, sexual, and romantic orientations that don’t align with societal norms. 

Mental health support while exploring romantic identity

Identity is often a deeply personal topic, and exploring who you are can be challenging, especially if people in your life aren’t accepting or understanding of you. This process may involve understanding your emotions better, nurturing self-acceptance, and making sense of how different aspects of your identity fit together. Talking to a therapist can be one way to receive validation and support and learn more about your identity. If you struggle with finding a therapist in your area, you can also try therapy online through platforms like BetterHelp.

BetterHelp can match you with a provider within 48 hours. In addition, you can specify if you’d prefer to work with a therapist who has experience supporting the LGBTQIA+ community or a therapist who identifies as LGBTQIA+ themselves. 

Research suggests that online therapy, particularly LGBTQIA+-affirmative care, can be highly effective for sexual and gender minority (SGM) populations, with some studies showing 82–87% improvement or recovery rates in anxiety and depression. It may also increase access for underserved, rural, or marginalized individuals, offering specialized support from the comfort of home.