Why Do I Hate My Father?
When you ask, 'Why do I hate my father?' you recognize that there is something missing from or wrong about your relationship. Never feel guilty for asking the question. This recognition is the first step towards resolving the relationship or letting it go. When you know why, you can begin to answer the question 'What's next?' Here are a few of the possible reasons you might feel that way.
You Feel No Connection with Him
Many grown children feel completely disconnected from their fathers. Sometimes, the problem takes root because the father gives too much of his time and energy to his career. If your father abandoned you completely, you may hate him even more. It might seem odd that you can feel so apart from him and at the same time feel deep anger and resentment towards him. Although your father wasn't a part of your daily life, you needed him to fulfill the role of father. For whatever reason, he let you down.
He Hurt You When You Were Vulnerable
Children are dependent on their parents in several ways. As a child, you need your parent to take care of your physical and emotional needs that you aren't yet equipped to fulfill yourself. You also need to be taken care of with love and compassion. If your father hurt you physically or emotionally at the time you most needed him to meet those needs, it's perfectly understandable that you feel hatred for him.
Others Talked Him Down
Consider that your father may not have deserved to be hated. Look at his behavior objectively and think logically about how he treated you. Sometimes, others are so down on our parents that we believe their stories of our parents' bad behavior. You may have no reason at all to hate your father if the person putting him down did it out of selfish motives.
He Didn't Deal with Your Teen Rebellion Appropriately
Most children go through a period of rebellion during their teen years. A wise parent knows or learns how to deal with it well so that everyone can come back together when the rebellion is over. They may learn skills to help them diffuse arguments. They realize your need to be both independent and accepted. If your father didn't have these skills or know how to deal with your rebellion, what might have been a temporary bump in the road might lead to a lifetime of resentment instead.
He Hurt Someone You Love
Any father who is abusive to a child's mother shouldn't be surprised if their child hates them. The same can be true if they hurt anyone who was important in your life. Forgiving them may just be the hardest thing you will ever do, but you need to make peace with the past to move on competently.
What to Do When You Wonder 'Why Do I Hate My Father?'
If you hate your father but don't know why, it's best to find out as soon as possible. Talk to a counselor in your local area or online at BetterHelp.com to find the answers you need. When you discover the reasons for your feelings, you can make a better assessment about whether you want your father in your life now that you're an adult. At the same time, you can begin to heal the hurts you experienced as your father's child.