No One Cares About Me: What Can I Do To Find Support?
By: Sarah Fader
Updated February 10, 2021
Medically Reviewed By: Stephanie Deaver, LCSW
It is natural to want people to care about you. When you think or say the words, "No one cares about me," you may find yourself feeling lonely, or sad. But reaching out to a healthy support system is possible. It will take time to gather support for yourself, but it's well worth the effort.
Why Don't They Care?
The first thing to do is to consider why you feel that no one cares. You can start by evaluating any close relationships in your life as if you were describing them to someone else. If you feel that a relationship has grown distant or less caring, consider possible contributing factors, such as geographic distance, significant life changes (on your part or theirs), family issues or obligations, personal or work-related stress, etc. Is it really true that they don't care? Or can it be that something is keeping them from currently showing it?
Maybe you feel hurt or angry because of their absence, or you're feeling invisible. You have a right to your feelings. Sometimes, though, our feelings mask our ability to see things clearly. Read on to learn more about coping with feeling like no one cares.
Wanting People To Care
Whether they admit it or not, everyone wants others to care about their feelings. If you express your needs to your support system of friends and family and feel as if they do not hear you, that's a frustrating feeling. If you find that someone close to you is ignoring your emotions, you're allowed to be hurt. Furthermore, it's your right to express these feelings.
You can start by saying, "I don't feel heard." That simple statement can help open up a dialogue. It's natural to want your friends and loved ones to hear your feelings. In addition to sharing your feelings with your support system, you can talk to a licensed mental health professional. A therapist can help you work through feelings of loneliness or frustration if others aren't being caring towards you.
Look To Your Extended Family
If you feel that no one cares about you, you may have already depleted possible sources of support from your immediate family members. Feel free to branch out. Do you have extended family members who would spend time with you and lend a listening ear if they knew you needed them? Think about reaching out to a cousin you haven’t caught up with in a while, or an older relative who might be able to offer their life wisdom. Make sure to do your best to provide a listening ear in return—whether you talk with a close family member or someone more distant, a two-way conversation is a much better foundation for closeness than a one-sided vent or rant.
Join A Support Group
Do you have a specific challenge that others might be facing? Do you have interests that others might share? Look online or in your local area for support or interest groups. Joining in on group conversations can help you find people who are familiar and sympathetic to situations like yours.
Shift Your Focus
Sometimes we get extremely focused on what we want or need from others. You might be able to quell feelings of loneliness or isolation by getting involved in helping others. Not only will serving others help them, but you will also gain a greater sense of yourself and your own worth. Also, service may be a great way to meet people and make new friends. Realizing that you can have a positive impact on others and in the community will help you feel better about yourself, and this positive energy will attract others towards you.
If you want to help others, but aren't sure where to get started, check out sites like United Way or Just Serve that can provide you with volunteer service opportunities in your area. If participating in something big seems too overwhelming, it's perfectly fine to start small. Maybe you know someone who is going through a hard time and your listening ear can make a big difference. Even if you're going through difficult circumstances, serving others gives you a new perspective and can help you feel good about yourself.
Have Realistic Expectations Of Others
Having realistic expectations of what others can do for you is imperative to protecting yourself from feeling unloved, lonely, or overlooked. Avoid the temptation of comparing yourself to other people. It's important to realize that everyone's situation is different and there may be things going on that you don't know about, and that's why it's important not to make assumptions. Sometimes you don't know the struggles other people are going through. Something may be preventing them from reaching out to you, but it's not because they don't care.
Be Aware Of Thinking Errors
The way you interpret your experiences can have a great impact on your emotions. Sometimes, our minds trick us into believing certain things are true, but in reality, we are narrowly focused on one small aspect of a situation or viewing it through a distorted lens. When you catch yourself having feelings of loneliness, give yourself a reality check. For example, did one person forget to call you, and now you feel like nobody cares? This is called “All or Nothing” thinking: when a person views events in terms of extremes. Just because one person lets you down does not mean all people will let you down. Another thinking error is relying on "Should Statements." You may have thoughts about what other people should do, and when they don’t behave exactly in those ways, you feel upset. Learning to catch these types of thoughts and working on reframing them into more rational thoughts can help you to experience more positive feelings and behaviors. Working with a counselor to help you identify any cognitive distortions could be greatly beneficial.
Talk To Someone Who Knows How To Care
If you think that patient, caring support may help you develop healthier communication habits with your loved ones, especially if your feelings of loneliness are building to feelings of anxiety or depression, you may want to consider working with a therapist or counselor through a service like BetterHelp. Recent studies have found that individual online therapy can reduce symptoms of depression by 50 percent and symptoms of anxiety by 57 percent over a four-month period. Think about how much better you could feel in four months or less—let alone how much healthier and happier your relationships could become—with the support and guidance of a licensed mental health professional.
Online therapy can provide you with a nonjudgmental, compassionate expert who can help you work through your feelings, on your own schedule and in your own comfort zone. You won’t have to worry about getting across town to an appointment and sitting in a crowded waiting room when you can log onto any device with internet access and reach your therapist from the comfort and privacy of your own home. A therapist with BetterHelp can guide you through strategies to reframe negative or self-derogating thoughts and build your self-esteem. If you have ever thought, "No one cares about me," know that an online counselor will gladly work alongside you to break through negative feelings. You deserve to feel valued and loved, and online counseling can help. Read below for some reviews of BetterHelp counselors from users who have sought help with self-esteem issues.
Yvonne helped me hone in on the root of the issues I was dealing with and helped provide me with tools to improve my outlook and self-esteem. She helped me realize the ways of thinking that were not serving me and take steps to overcome my fears and insecurities. She's also been great at providing me with perspective. I have loved working with her and have received much solace. I highly recommend working with Yvonne!
"I've been working with Samantha for 5 months now and not only is she diligent about setting up appointments, but she also is diligent about the content of her sessions. She is extremely supportive and uplifting. She challenges me to think about the reasons behind my emotions and presents possible explanations as to why I feel a certain way. Samantha also remembers the small details about my life and brings them up at later points when relevant in our conversation. It feels like I am speaking with a trusted friend. Although she is amiable, she remains completely unbiased and does not push her opinions or beliefs on me. She truly has made a difference in my life and I am happy to have worked with her. I will continue to have sessions with her for the foreseeable future."
Learning how to communicate your feelings and needs in assertive, constructive ways can improve your relationships and your outlook. Waiting around for others to reach out to you can lead you to feel that no one cares, but with the right tools and the right approach, you can take steps to strengthen your relationships with the people you care about. Take the first step today.
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