No One Cares About Me: What Can I Do To Find Support?
Updated August 01, 2019
Reviewer Stephanie Deaver, LCSW
It is natural to want people to care about you. When you say the words, "No one cares about me," you may find yourself feeling lonely, or sad. But reaching out to a healthy support system is possible. It will take time and effort to gather support for yourself, but it's well worth the effort.
Why Don't They Care?
The first thing to do is look at why you feel that no one cares. You can start by looking at your life situation as objectively as you can. Is it really true that they don't care? Or can it be that they just aren't good at showing it? You might feel like no one cares about you if you've just moved to a new location and don't know anyone yet. Or perhaps you've chosen to be around people with too many problems of their own to notice your emotional pain.
Maybe you're hurt or angry, or you're feeling invisible, and this could be a reason that you feel nobody cares about you. Sometimes our feelings mask our ability to see things clearly. Maybe someone does care about you, but you're unable to see it because of the hurt you're feeling. This does not mean that you are to blame at all, we're just going through the process of examining life situations. There are many other reasons why you might believe that nobody cares and we're going to explore these in this article.
I Want People to Care
Whether they admit it or not, everyone wants others to care about their feelings. If you express your needs to your support system of friends and family, and feel as if they do not hear your pleas--that's a frustrating feeling. If you find that someone close to you is ignoring your emotions, you're allowed to be hurt. Furthermore, it's your right to express these feelings.
You can start by saying, "I don't feel heard." That simple statement can help open up a dialogue. It's natural to want your friends and loved ones to hear your feelings. You deserve that care and concern. In addition to sharing your feelings with your support system, you can talk to a licensed mental health professional. A therapist is a great person to help you work through those feelings of loneliness or frustration that others aren't being caring towards you.
We want you to know that the counselors at BetterHelp genuinely care about your feelings. They want to validate your emotions and show you that it's okay to have them. You can express anything that you're thinking and feeling to your online therapist. They're here to help support you through your life challenges. When you have the thought, "Nobody cares about me," know that when it comes to your online counselor, that's not the case. Your therapist cares. Read below for some reviews of BetterHelp counselors.
"Lori has been so supportive, and I am so grateful to be matched with her. She always replies in a timely manner and is also very understanding. I love that she guides me to think about my situation instead of telling me what to do or how to think. I think I have grown a lot since talking to Lori. I would recommend Lori to anyone who'd seeking guidance in difficult times."
"I've been working with Samantha for 5 months now and not only is she diligent about setting up appointments, but she also is diligent about the content of her sessions. She is extremely supportive and uplifting. She challenges me to think about the reasons behind my emotions and presents possible explanations as to why I feel a certain way. Samantha also remembers the small details about my life and brings them up at later points when relevant in our conversation. It feels like I am speaking with a trusted friend. Although she is amiable, she remains completely unbiased and does not push her opinions or beliefs on me. She truly has made a difference in my life and I am happy to have worked with her. I will continue to have sessions with her for the foreseeable future."
There are other places to find support, too.
Look to Your Extended Family
If you feel that no one cares about you, you've probably already exhausted the possibilities of support from your immediate family members. Yet, there may be members of your extended family who are caring and compassionate. Do you have family members who would spend time with you if they knew you needed them? Think about everyone you know. If someone seems like they could possibly be a good friend, give them a chance to get to know you better.
Join a Support Group
Do you have a specific challenge that others might be facing? Do you have interests that others might share with you? Look online or in your local area for groups or chat rooms where you can connect with others like you. If you join in on the conversation, you can get to know people who understand your situation in a way people outside the group can't fathom.
Shift Your Focus
Sometimes we get extremely focused on what we want or need from others. You will feel empty if you are unable to look outside of yourself. One thing that you can try is helping others. Not only will serving others help them, but in return you will also gain a greater sense of yourself and your own worth. Also, service may be a great way to meet people and make new friends. Realizing that you can have a positive impact on others and in the community will help you feel better about yourself and this positive energy will attract others towards you.
If you want to volunteer to help others, but aren't sure where to get started, try checking sites like United Way or Just Serve that can provide you with service opportunities in your area. If participating in something big seems too overwhelming, it's okay to start with something small. Maybe you know someone who is going through a hard time and you listening to them can make a big difference. Even if you're going through difficult circumstances, serving others gives you a new perspective and can help you feel good about yourself.
Have Realistic Expectations of Others
Having realistic expectations of what others can do for you and how they should treat you is imperative. It's important when it comes to protecting yourself from feeling unloved, lonely, and forgotten. Avoid the temptation of comparing yourself to other people. You may know someone who always seems to be getting attention and help from other people and this may cause you to feel jealous or frustrated. However, comparing yourself to them will only make you feel worse. It's okay to learn from them. How do they ask for help when they are need? Do they do anything that helps them build relationships with people that put them in a better situation to receive support? However, it's important to realize that everyone's situation is different and there may be things going on that you don't know about, and that's why it's important not to make assumptions.
In addition, realize that everything you see on TV is not how things usually work in real life. It seems like on television the main character often has an involved support system who seems to know just how to help him or her at just the right time. Unfortunately, this is not usually very realistic. In real life, everything does not revolve around you as it would if you were the main character of a television sitcom. People are not perfect. Although they may care, they may be so wrapped up in their own problems that they are unable to always be there for you, even if they would like to. Sometimes you just don't know the struggles that other people are going through that may be preventing them from reaching out to you, but it's not because they don't care.
Be Aware of Thinking Errors
The way you interpret your experiences can have a great impact on your emotions. Sometimes, our minds trick us into believing certain things are true, but in reality we are very narrowly focused on one small aspect of a situation or viewing it through a distorted lens. Next time you catch yourself having those feelings of loneliness, give yourself a reality check. Are you using any distorted thinking? For example, did one person forget to call you, and now you feel like nobody cares? This is called "All or Nothing thinking", where you view things in extremes. Just because one person lets you down, does not mean all people will let you down. Another example is using the error of "Should Statements." You have thoughts about what other people should do and when that doesn't happen, you feel upset. Learning to catch these types of thoughts and working on reframing them into more rational thoughts will lead to you having more positive feelings and behaviors. Working with a counselor to help you identify these cognitive distortions could be greatly beneficial.
Communicate Your Needs
If you feel unloved, most likely people probably don't know you feel this way. Learning how to communicate your feelings and needs in an assertive way can make all the difference in whether or not you get what you need from other people. Instead of passively hoping someone will reach out to you, try being assertive. It can be scary to reach out when you aren't sure how someone else will respond, but don't let feelings of fear or rejection hold you back. Tell someone, "Hey, I've been feeling like I need to be more social lately and was wondering if you'd like to go out to dinner one night this week." If it doesn't work out don't take it personally or read too much into it, just try again with someone else! Waiting around for others to reach out to you can make you feel very hopeless and defeated. Sometimes you need to be the one to make the first step. Who knows, someone else may be feeling the same way you are.
Talk to Someone Who Knows How to Care
A licensed therapist is someone who has spent at least a part of their adult life giving people caring support. Chances are, they wouldn't be in the profession if they didn't have a genuine feeling of compassion for others. They also know how to help you learn to manage feelings you might have, that you're unlovable or worthless. As you build your self-esteem, you'll be better able to find the support you need to feel healthy and happy.