Been There Done That: How To Not Care So Much

Medically reviewed by April Justice
Updated March 5, 2024by BetterHelp Editorial Team

While many of us may have a vision of the life we want to lead, the opinions of others can sometimes make us doubt ourselves or even change our course. Research suggests this is common to some degree, and it may have had a role in our evolution. According to Harvard social scientist Arthur Brooks, “We are wired to care about what others think of us.” However, thinking excessively about what other think about us can sometimes lead us to make decisions that aren’t aligned with what we want in life. 

To counter this tendency, some people have cultivated the art of remaining true to themselves despite external pressures. Below, we’ll discuss how to not care anymore and how to live according to your own goals and interests.

Can I not care about what other people think?

Whether we realize it or not, it can be easy to fulfill certain expectations placed on us by others, whether implicitly or explicitly. This may entail expectations like going to college, choosing a certain career, or buying a car. 

These are just a few of the things that we may have been told we are supposed to accomplish to be worthy or successful. While this advice may lead to fulfillment for some people, many others have built meaningful lives outside of such expectations. “Success” and happiness can look different for each person.

With the right tools, anyone can learn how to stop caring too much about others’ expectations and follow their own instincts. Although you may still sometimes be hurt or frustrated by what other people have to say, you may be much more likely to find genuine happiness when you listen to your own inner voice.
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Are you too worried about what others think?

How to not care anymore

Below are some steps to take to not care excessively about others’ opinions and to make the best decisions for yourself:

Figure out who you are

Many people who feel a void in their lives don't know what to do about it. This may be because they are living their lives as dictated by others and have no idea where to make changes because they don’t know themselves well. To live the life you want, you may have to do some self-discovery to know who you are first. You might take some time to discover yourself and learn more about your desires and values. Once you know who you are, it may be easier to pursue what you want.

Find your people

Next, it may help to seek out others who understand you. No matter how different your life plan is from societal norms, there are more than likely others out there like you. You might surround yourself with like-minded people who appreciate what you are trying to do in life. Connecting with others who have common values may be validating and give you the strength to pursue your dreams.

Learn to say “no.”

It can be difficult to do the things that are important to you if you are bogged down by obligations that you feel compelled to agree to. If you care too much about what others think, then saying no can be difficult. However, this may be necessary to move forward with your goals. One recommendation based on research published in the Journal of Consumer Research is that using the words “I don’t” instead of “I can’t” when saying no can not only empower you but also diminish resistance to what may otherwise sound like an excuse. Some examples might be “I don’t have money in my budget for that,” or “I don’t drink during the week.” Saying “I don’t” puts you on offense instead of defense.

Set goals that you can’t be swayed from

When you don't have clear goals, it can be easy to give up on creating the lifestyle that other people want for you. Instead of living a life for others, you might set goals for yourself that will guide you to the life that you have always dreamed of. When you are excited about your goals and your future, it may be easier to not care what other people think.

Stay in the present

A lot of our negative thoughts tend to come from thinking about the past or worrying about the future, and this can take up precious time we could use to do the things we want to do in the present. To this end, it may help to practice mindfulness, which typically involves focusing on your present thoughts and feelings without judgment. Not only can mindfulness help with mental health concerns, such as depression and anxiety, but it may also help you become more productive to achieve your goals.

Getting help

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As you think about implementing some of these tips, it may help to reach out to a licensed counselor who can help you care less about what others think and establish goals aligned with your personal goals and values.

Additionally, one of the hurdles to learning not to care what others think may be low self-esteem, which can sometimes result from not feeling like you meet other’s standards. One possible method for improving self-worth is through the use of cognitive behavior therapy (CBT). With CBT, a licensed therapist may be able to help you identify the causes behind low self-esteem and reframe any negative thoughts you’re experiencing. As part of your therapy, a counselor may also help you improve assertiveness and other social skills that lead to a life more focused on your goals instead of others’ expectations.

Online therapy has grown considerably in recent years, and numerous studies have demonstrated it to be effective for a variety of mental health challenges. One study published in the Journal of Medical Internet Research found that “users of BetterHelp experienced significantly reduced depression symptom severity after engaging with the platform.” 

Online therapy also tends to be more affordable than in-office therapy, as sessions are conducted remotely from your computer, phone, or tablet. With BetterHelp, you can also contact your therapist at any time via in-app messaging, and they’ll respond as soon as they can.

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Are you too worried about what others think?

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Takeaway

It you sometimes find yourself caring too much about what others think, know that you’re not alone. This is a common concern that many people experience at times. As you think about your goals and what you want out of life, it may help to speak with a licensed therapist, whether in person or online. Whether you are experiencing low self-esteem or difficulty caring too much about what others think, you can be matched with an online therapist who has experience helping people create goals aligned with their own interests and values. Take the first step toward living the life you want to live and reach out to BetterHelp today.
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