How To Tell Someone You Love Them

By Michael Arangua

Updated February 06, 2020

Reviewer Ann-Marie Duncan

Before you decide to tell someone that you love them, it is important that you are 100% sure that you do. It seems like everyone is saying "I love you" to each other, even those people who talk to each other online and have not even met yet! That is not real love. It is essential to know what love is before you go telling someone that you love them. We use the word love for all kinds of things and it seems like we use it many times a day. How many times have you said, "I love this song," or "I love that pizza?" So, it seems like love can mean many different things. But the truth is, it can't.

The casual way that we use the word love has become a bit too much and we forget that it is such a big deal. We have used it so much for so many different things that we aren't even sure what it means anymore so how can we know if we are feeling it or not? And you don't want to tell someone you love them when you don't because this can be misleading. For example, what if you tell your partner that you love them when you don't, and they start expecting more from you than you want to give? Like marriage and monogamy.


So, before you attempt the endeavor, be sure that you know that you love the one that you are with. Telling someone that you love them when you are actually unsure can be damaging to a relationship as your partner becomes more attached and then deeply heartbroken if you decide to break it off.

How to Know When You Are in Love

First of all, if you have not even met the person in person, you cannot possibly be in love with them. People act differently online and on the phone than they do in real life. In fact, many people lie about who they are and even use fake names and photos online, so you may not even be talking to who you think you are. Similarly, if you have only known this person for a few weeks, you are probably just feeling lust, or you may just really like this person. In truth, it may take months before you actually know the real person behind who they want you to see. Some people try to act like they believe you want them to be at first and their real personality does not come out for a long time. Therefore, it is going to take longer than a month to know this person that you believe you are in love with.

To determine whether you are in love, you can discuss your feelings with your partner or you can consult with a therapist at BetterHelp. Sometimes talking with someone outside of your relationship can help you see how you and your loved one are coming along. It is far better to wait until you are completely sure, and then think up a way to tell your loved one how you feel. The planning is important, but not nearly as much as the meaning and assurance of the words.


Telling someone that you love them is a big deal in a relationship. It means that you are moving on to something more serious and possibly even long-term. Drawing up the courage to make that next step can be difficult, and that is not taking into consideration just how you are going to say those three small words and how your sweetheart is going to react to the news.

Some Tips to Help You

There a few ways in which you can express your love for someone as was presented by LovePanky's article, "How to Tell a Special Someone You're in Love with Them." You can tell them directly either when you are sitting down with them or holding them. You can tell them before or after a date, whichever you feel more comfortable with. You can just casually tell them while you are doing something you both enjoy such as walking together on the beach or watching a movie. One of the best times to tell them would be after they had gone away for a while, like on a vacation. While they are gone, you may find that you miss them a lot and wonder if they had felt the same way. The discussion that follows may lead to something big.


You can also tell someone that you love them through writing. When you are saying those three words for the first time, it is perceived as more meaningful if you write it out by hand rather than through text, social media, or over the phone. A full-length letter featuring your truest feelings can be intimate and romantic, but if presented prematurely, may frighten your partner and push them away. So, if you choose to express yourself through writing, be sure that you are serious about how you feel and that it not too soon in the relationship for you to say it.

Is there a perfect time to tell your partner you love them? That depends on your relationship and both of your personalities. Some people are more casual about things than others and you may just feel comfortable just telling them outright while you are talking about something else. Sometimes, if you are nervous about it, making it not such a big deal can make it easier on both of you. Just casually saying, "Oh by the way, I love you," may not be right for everyone but in some relationships, this may be perfect.

Perfect Timing or Not

Of course, love may not always have the best timing. There will be situations where either you or your partner exclaim your love at a time where the other is unprepared for it. Should this happen, it is considerate to not expect an "I love you" back as they may not be there yet. Being too expectant will cause your partner to feel rushed or lie, both of which can ruin your relationship. No matter when and how you tell them, do not do it just because you want them to say they love you too. Some people may be unable to say it for a long time and some people may never be able to just say it outright. Be prepared to not hear the same thing repeated back to you because you may not both be on the same page.

Always let your sweetheart know that it is okay that they do not feel the same way as you do and that you will love and support them regardless of their decision. Even though it may hurt you to know that the one you love does not love you, it may just be that they are not ready to tell you yet. So be patient and just keep loving them.

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