How To Know When Love Is Gone & What To Do About It
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At its core, love is one of the greatest foundations of any healthy relationship. Countless individuals throughout history have fallen in love, fallen out of love, and even dedicated years of their life to understanding the concept that is love and how it comes into being. However, there comes the point in certain relationships where the love ceases to exist. This can happen for a variety of reasons and under varied circumstances. Nevertheless, the ability to recognize when love is gone and what to do about it is paramount for health and wellness in one's life. Thankfully, there are warning signs and indicators that the relationship may no longer be healthy and loving.
The Importance Of Recognizing The Signs of Lost Love
Despite the importance of recognizing the signs of when love has left a relationship, it often isn't easy to identify or admit. The desire to hold onto a relationship which one has been invested in for years can be very strong. However, without love, the dynamics of any ongoing interactions with another person will undoubtedly change. Romper affirms that failing to heed the warning signs of when it's time to let go can be more hurtful than ending the relationship, as painful as that can be.
Contentment When They're Absent
One of the most obvious indicators that love is gone is the feeling of contentment or relief when your partner is absent. When two people are on amicable, loving terms, they want to see each other. They enjoy each other's company, so they spend time together while partaking in various activities. However, this changes when love ceases to exist.
When love is gone, each partner may dread the other's company or simply tolerate it. They may also feel a sense of relief when their partner isn't around.
A codependent relationship is never healthy; it's okay to experience happiness and positive emotions with people outside of your relationship. However, if your contentment decreases in the presence of a specific person and increases in their absence, this is a very strong sign that love is gone in your relationship. Of course, there are many other reasons you might feel this way. For example, an introverted person will feel happier when they're alone on occasion, no matter who is absent in that moment.
Lack of Communication
Similar to feelings of love, communication is essential in any relationship. Without healthy communication, a relationship will invariably suffer. An ongoing lack of communication or lack of healthy communication, such as an inability to resolve conflict, is another good indicator that love may be gone.
When people truly love and care for each other, they want to talk with one another and listen to what the other person has to say. The desire to call each other, spend time together, and simply to hear the other person's voice is both healthy and normal. When this desire goes away, it is often a sign of some problem or crisis within the relationship.
When a lack of communication occurs in a relationship, the individuals can take one of three steps. First, they can actively work to increase communication and strengthen contact with one another, often with the help of a counselor. They can also remain in denial, afraid to leave what is comfortable, or they can end the relationship.
Your Vision of the Future Does Not Include Your Partner
The manner in which one speaks or views their future can also be very telling regarding the amount of love in a relationship. When two people have a bond and care for each other, they usually want to spend their future together. This may involve living together, having a family, or simply being with each other on a regular basis.
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However, when love is gone or dwindling in a relationship, people often don't see the other person in their future. They may view their future as "unknown," and they may even cringe at the thought of their current partner being in their future. In and of itself, this is a clear indicator that love has left the relationship.
If you find yourself doubting whether or not love remains in a relationship, think about whether or not you can realistically see your partner with you in the future and what that would look like. Does it bring dread or happiness?
What to Do When the Love Is Gone
Realizing that love is gone from a relationship can be unsettling, hurtful, and disappointing. This is especially applicable if you're emotionally invested in the relationship, having spent years and years with your partner.
Decide if the Relationship Is Worth Saving
In many cases when someone determines that feelings of love and affection are gone in their relationship, they may decide that the relationship has run its course and that moving on is the appropriate next step.
However, not everyone chooses to go down this path. Some people believe their relationship is worth saving, so they're willing to take whatever steps are necessary to restore the love they once felt. Relationship counseling is often the first step because it's usually helpful to have an objective third party provide feedback on the unhealthy aspects of the relationship, along with suggestions for improvement.
When it comes to saving the relationship, one partner may be more committed than the other. Therefore, it's crucial for both partners to share their feelings and be honest about how much they're willing to invest in improving the relationship.
Mourn the Loss… And Then Move On
When a relationship ends, it doesn't mean there's anything wrong you (or your partner for that matter), nor does it mean that the time spent in the relationship was wasted. In fact, the end of a relationship can be positive if you consider the fact that there is probably someone out there who is a better fit for you. It's an opportunity for you to spend some time thinking about yourself and your needs. When a relationship doesn't work, we discover what we want (and don't want) in future relationships, and we learn more about who we are.
It's completely normal to feel sadness in this situation. This is especially true when a long-term relationship ends. However, regardless of the quality, extent, or longevity of the partnership, getting on with life is a critical step that you must eventually take after a breakup. The inability to move on can have damaging emotional, mental, and even physical effects.
What Else Can You Do?
- Talk about the breakup. It can be therapeutic to unload the burden of your breakup story, but don't let telling it repeatedly weigh you down. Also be constructive. Getting stuck in the victim role won't help you recover.
- Reconnect with friends and family. Socializing will give you a positive outlet for your newfound free time, and it will keep your mind from dwelling on the breakup. Plus, let's be honest: Your friends and family have probably been missing you.
- Start a journal where you can make notes about what you learned from the relationship and discovered about yourself. Try creating a gratitude list regarding your relationship (or your decision to end it), so you can reference it whenever you need it. It may seem silly, but there are scientifically proven benefits to practicing gratitude.
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Seeking Help
If you are not sure what you want to do about your relationship, you can connect with a therapist online at BetterHelp. Our licensed counselors can also support you if you need help making a clean break or if you would like to work with your partner to make your relationship healthy again. Reach out today to get the support you deserve. Below are some reviews of BetterHelp therapists from people experiencing similar issues.
Counselor Reviews
"Dr. Harrell was there for me and helped me get to the issues of my problems and triggers. I am a much better person and feel like a new person. I am pursuing a dream that I never thought would be possible to achieve. Me and my wife are again on speaking terms with a small glimmer of hope. I honestly wouldn't be where I am now without her support."
"A year ago I was experiencing difficulties in my relationship, which highly affected my psychological state and interfered with my work. At one point, I decided to try BetterHelp.com. My counselor Dr. Brewer helped me to see some things I couldn't on my own and encouraged me to prioritize myself. It was a huge help for me at that point, which led to the decisions I am happy about."
FAQ Section
How do you know if the spark is gone in a relationship?
The beginning stages of a relationship tend to feel fun and exciting. You may feel a spark with the other person. This is often referred to as “puppy love” or “young love”. Eventually, that spark may seem like it’s fading away. You may think this means that love fades over time. However, it’s not always that love is fading, it’s a sign that the relationship is growing and progressing.
But there are times when the spark might just be gone from a relationship. A warning sign to look for is that you’ve just lost all interest. It may not be that your relationship is growing but that you’ve gotten to know the person better and just don’t feel like it’s a fit. With the initial spark gone, you may realize that it’s the wrong person for you.
Can love fade away and come back?
While many couples decide to call it quits because they think they’re falling out of love, the relationship may be changing. As you get to know the other person more and some of the new and exciting signs of love start to wear off, it’s time for the relationship to progress. This is when you take it to the next step and chose to keep loving the other person even when you don’t have those warm and fuzzy feelings that you had in the beginning. It’s just a new stage of love and it doesn’t mean that love has faded.
It’s normal in relationships to feel like love fades when the reality of daily life hits. Things like working late, in-laws, finances, children, and even family pets can add stress to daily life. It can be easy to confuse falling out of love with this stage of life.
However, successful long-term relationships move through these stages. So it’s normal to feel love changing from time to time. If you continue to invest in your partner and the relationship after the initial signs you’re in love have vanished, you’ll likely start to feel love grow stronger and deeper in other ways.
How can I regain my love?
There are many ways that you can find love again with your same partner. Doing the same things you did when you fell in love in the first place can help with falling in love again. Spend more time together, pay attention to your partner, talk to each other, and make time to do things that you enjoy together. Work on developing your communication skills and make sure that you’re making them a priority in your life.
If you feel like you’re falling out of love and want to fix your relationship before it’s too late, talk to a couples therapist. They can help you identify things that you can do to save your marriage and reconnect again.
When intimacy is gone in a relationship?
When intimacy is gone in a relationship, it’s a sign that the relationship needs work if it’s going to continue on in a successful way. You may think you’re falling out of love. These aren’t necessarily signs the love is gone, but it is a sign that you’ll want to start making changes.
First it can be helpful to determine why the intimacy is gone. Is it just that you haven’t been making time for each other? Was there a major problem like an affair that you’re struggling to work through? Or, does it just seem like you’re no longer in love all of a sudden? When you can identify what you’re feeling and vice versa for your partner, it can help you know what steps to take. It could be as simple as making time for each other or it could be going to counseling for professional help.
If you’ve reached a point where you realize that you don’t love him anymore and you’ve lost interest on even trying, then it might just be that it’s time to call it quits and move on. If you’re dating and reach the point of knowing that you don’t really care anymore the same way you used to and your partner feels the same way, there might not be a real reason to keep making an effort.
Why do couples lose interest in each other?
There are many reasons why couples lose interest in each other. As two people get to know each other better, they may realize that the signs of love are gone. They may have been caught up in the excitement of a new relationship but just aren’t a good fit for making it work long term.
Sometimes there are specific things that might make you realize that you don’t love him anymore. It may be that you have gotten to know him better and don’t like some of the things that you’re seeing. Or it might be that the more you get to know about each other the more you realize you don’t have in common. Those initial feelings of falling in love can only carry a relationship so far. If there isn’t anything real there to sustain the relationship, it’s time to move on.
Can lost feelings come back?
If you feel like you don’t love him anymore, but you don’t want it to be over, you don’t have to end the relationship. There are many things that you can do to help the lost feelings return depending on why they left in the first place.
If you’re feelings didn’t really leave but just changed as your relationship grew, you’ll find that they may continue to deepen in other areas. It might not be that you lost the feelings and are no longer in love but that the love you feel is changing.
You may also feel the love coming back when you begin to invest more in a relationship if you’ve been neglecting it. Focusing on the positives about your partner and taking time to appreciate them and what they do for you can help you to feel more feelings of love for them as well.
If you want the feelings to return and are struggling to make it happen, talk to a therapist for help.
Can you stop loving someone overnight?
While it’s possible to stop loving someone, you don’t fall out of love overnight. If you truly loved a person, even if they do something that hurts or upsets you, there are still lingering feelings that need to be dealt with. If you’ve just ended a relationship you may want to be able to move on quickly and may find it helpful to work with a therapist to process through your feelings.
Can you fall in love with the same person twice?
Some people believe that you can fall in love with the same person twice and others believe that it’s more that you never stopped loving them in the first place. If you found in the past that you didn’t love him anymore and ended the relationship but now want him back, it may be that your feelings never really left. Something may just have happened that brought your feelings to the surface again.
If you feel like you really have stopped loving the other person, it’s still possible to fall in love with them again. If you are trying to work your relationship out, a therapist can help you learn to get in touch with one another again.
Do you ever stop loving someone?
It is possible to stop loving someone, but it’s not as easy as you may want it to be. It’s also usually something that takes some time and often involves processing through different feelings and situations. And even when you’re not in love with them anymore, you may find that you still love them.
Can a relationship be saved?
Relationships can be saved with work and if both partners are willing to work at it. The first thing you need to determine is if your relationship is worth saving. If you’re in an abusive relationship, you need to address your safety before you worry about saving the relationship.
If your relationship is in crisis and you want to save it, you may benefit from working with a licensed couples therapist. They can help you identify areas of the relationship that need to be addressed. Many times, by investing time and work into your relationship, it can be saved.
How does a man act when he’s falling in love?
While every man can be slightly different, some of the signs that he might be falling in love include:
- Introducing you to friends and family
- Tries to impress you
- Jokes less and gets more serious
- Prioritizes you over other people or activities
- Asks about your day
- Talks about the future with you
These are just a few examples that you can look for.
What makes a man fall deeply in love with a woman?
Not every man is the same. But with that in mind, here are some things that can make a man fall in love:
- Feeling respected and appreciated
- Sexual chemistry
- Enjoy the same activities
- Feeling needed as a protector or provider
- Believes he can make the woman happy
- Can be authentic together
Many of the things that make a man fall in love are the same thing that make women fall in love.
What is a sexless relationship called?
A sexless relationship doesn’t have just one meaning. Some believe it’s when a couple is abstaining for sexual relations and others believe it’s when a couple has sex less than 10 times in a year.
What is intimacy to a man?
Intimacy does not need to be physical. It’s technically about connecting with someone on a deep level. However, for many men, the physical relationship plays a large role in it. For some men, sex results in intimacy where for most women, intimacy can result in sex. Intimacy for men typically still includes feeling safe and secure within the relationship.
What causes loss of intimacy?
Loss of intimacy can be caused by lack of attention within a relationship or if a partner breaks trust. Anything that results in a partner not feeling safe or secure in a relationship, such as abuse, can cause a loss of intimacy as well.
Why do husbands lose interest in their wives? Or Why do guys lose interest?
There are many reasons why husbands lose interest in their wives or why wives lose interest in their husbands. It can be because they get too busy and stop investing time in their relationship. They may get caught up in work or hobbies that they enjoy. Sometimes it’s because wives begin to focus more on their children and start to neglect their husband and marriage. It can also be that the feelings of love feel like they are fading so the husband stops giving his wife the same level of attention.
There are many reasons why this can happen. If it does, there are many things that can be done for a husband to fix it if he is willing to. A therapist can be a good resource to help improve the relationship.
What to do if the spark is gone in a relationship?
If the spark is gone in your relationship the first thing you need to do is determine if you care. If you don’t care that it’s gone and don’t want the relationship to continue, then it’s time to move on. However, if you want to get the spark back, a little work and attention can go a long way. Prioritize your partner and relationship. Attend therapy to learn other strategies that you can use to improve your relationship.
How do you know when you’re losing feelings for someone?
If you’re losing feelings for someone you may stop caring about things that you used to care about. You may not care if you have their attention or not be as interested in talking to them or hearing from them. You may start to prioritize other things or people over your partner. Overall, you may just realize that the good feelings that you once had no longer remain.
How do I get the spark back?
If you want to stay with your boyfriend and don’t feel like you love him anymore, you may be wondering how to get the spark back. One of the best things that you can do is invest in the relationship. Spend time together, focus on reconnecting together, and prioritize one another. It’s also helpful to remember that love goes through stages as your relationship develops and you’re not always going to get those butterflies in your stomach and that’s OK.
If you’re struggling to reconnect with one another, working with a couples therapist can help.
How do you know whether you love someone?
A good way to know if you love someone is when you start to prioritize them in your life. You can about them and want them in your life. And you’re willing to deal with their imperfections because you accept who they are as a complete person.
Conclusion
Life does not end when love fades in a relationship. Recognizing the warning signs and taking the appropriate course of action can help you find greater happiness. There is also support available to you regardless of the path you choose. Take the first step toward having a truly fulfilling relationship today.
