How To Know When Love Is Gone, And How To Proceed

Medically reviewed by Melissa Guarnaccia, LCSW
Updated January 13, 2023by BetterHelp Editorial Team

Romantic love can be a complex human emotion and chemical brain process found at the core of many relationships. Although love can feel powerful, exciting, and meaningful, it may fade in some relationships. As love might simultaneously be an emotion, a choice, and a stage of a relationship, knowing when you no longer love someone can feel confusing. 

Deciding What To Do After Falling Out Of Love Is Challenging

Signs You No Longer Love Someone  

Identifying or admitting when you no longer love someone can feel challenging.

The desire to hold onto a relationship may feel overpowering, even if you know you no longer feel the same. You might want to save your partner's feelings or try to bring love back. The phenomenon of falling out of love can be challenging to understand and may change the dynamics of your relationship overall. 

One or both parties in a relationship might experience the sensation of falling out of love. If you suspect you no longer love your partner, identifying it and communicating your experiences could be the healthiest option. If you're still unsure, there are a few signs you can look out for. 

Contentment When They're Absent

It can be normal in any relationship to experience happiness and positive emotions when you're not around your partner. Valuing your individuality doesn't necessarily mean you do not love your partner. However, if contentment or joy significantly decreases each time you're in your partner's presence, you may benefit from examining your relationship more closely. 

In a romantic relationship, though each party may sometimes ask for alone time, there might be a desire to spend time with each other or partake in activities together. If love is not present, each partner may search for solo plans and activities frequently and feel relieved when their partner isn't around.

Lack Of Communication

Studies show that communication is essential to relationship well-being. An ongoing lack of healthy communication, like unwillingness to discuss your concerns, might indicate that you no longer love your partner. If you dread conversations with your partner and feel irritated by everything they say, it could also signify a change in feelings. 

However, many individuals who love their partner could also struggle with communication. You can actively work to increase communication and strengthen contact with your partner through the professional guidance of a relationship counselor. If you're worried about a lack of communication, reaching out for support could be rewarding.

You Don't See A Future Together

How an individual sees and talks about their future may lend insight into how much love they feel. For example, if either party imagines a future without the other or dreads the idea of spending more years together, it could be a sign that love is no longer present. Additionally, if you imagine yourself in a scenario where you are focused on other relationships, traveling, or being away from your partner for long periods, it could be that you are not feeling ready to commit.  

When love is dwindling, envisioning the other person in your future might be challenging. However, relationships can go through rough patches, and you may struggle with other areas of closeness, such as commitment, life milestones, or understanding your values. A discussion about your goals for the relationship could help you and your partner come to an understanding. 

What To Do If Love Has Gone From Your Relationship  

Realizing that love has disappeared from a relationship may be unsettling, hurtful, or disappointing. If your partner has fallen out of love with you, unrequited love can be painful. If it is a mutual decision, you might both decide that the relationship has run its course and moving on is the appropriate next step.

Others may be willing to take steps to restore the love and save their relationship. In these cases, they may use coping mechanisms and communication skills or talk to a professional counselor for further advice.   

Conversing With Your Partner

Before deciding the state of your relationship, you and your partner might have a conversation about how each of you feels. Tell your partner if you feel less love or are struggling to connect. If you have fears about intimacy, commitment, or future plans, tell them what you hope can change in your relationship. Although there may be a chance that the conversation ends in a decision to break up, you might find that your partner is also open to changes. 

Moving On

If you or your partner no longer feels love or you've decided to end your relationship, it may not mean that it's your fault or that you have wasted your time. Relationships can teach life lessons and may carry happy memories. You and your ex-partner could also decide to be friends. 

It could be beneficial to reconnect with friends and family as a positive outlet for newfound free time or start a journal, so you have a place to express your emotions during the breakup. Individual therapy can also be a helpful tool, as it can provide a safe person to talk to as you process life changes.  

Counseling Options 

If you're still trying to decide if you've fallen out of love or don't know how to proceed in a relational conflict, you can connect with a counselor online or in person. For those who experience barriers to treatment, such as distance or cost, online therapy may be the most accessible. In addition, online couples therapy can make coordinating schedules for sessions more manageable and is proven effective. You can choose between phone, video, or live chat sessions with your licensed therapist and a time that works best for you.  

Couples therapy can be advantageous if you and your partner want to work on reigniting love or reconnecting through intimacy. Through a platform like BetterHelp, you can find individual therapeutic support from a database of over 30,000 counselors. A platform like ReGain can offer the same support for couples and married pairs who seek support and guidance.  


Understanding whether you have lost love in your relationship can feel stressful, heartbreaking, and confusing. In these cases, having open conversations with your partner and leaning on your support system can be beneficial. If you're still unsure or seek support after a breakup, consider reaching out to a counselor for further guidance. 

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