Romantic love can be a complex human emotion and chemical brain process found at the core of many relationships. Although love can feel powerful, exciting, and meaningful, it may fade in some relationships, even if your partner is still your best friend. As love might simultaneously be an emotion, a choice, and a stage of a relationship, how to know when the love is gone can be difficult to determine.
How to know when the love is gone: Signs to look for
The desire to hold onto a relationship may feel overpowering, even if you know you no longer feel the same. You might want to save your partner's feelings or try to bring love back. The phenomenon of falling out of love can be challenging to understand and goes beyond physical intimacy, it may change the dynamics of your relationship overall. In some cases, no matter how hard you try to develop feelings again, it may seem that the spark in your relationship is in the past.
One or both parties in a relationship might fall out of love or feel like there is no love anymore. If you suspect you no longer love your husband or partner, identifying it and communicating your experiences could be the healthiest option. If you're still unsure, there are a few signs you can look out for in your relationship.
You feel content when they're absent
It can be normal in any relationship to experience happiness and positive emotions when you're not around your partner. Valuing your individuality doesn't necessarily mean you do not love your partner. However, if contentment or joy significantly decreases each time you're spending time together, or if you find yourself seeking ways to be away from your partner, you may benefit from examining your relationship more closely. This may be a sign that you’re losing feelings for your partner.
In a romantic relationship, though each party may sometimes ask for alone time, there might be a desire to spend time with each other or partake in activities together. If love is not present, each partner may search for solo plans and activities frequently and feel relieved when their partner is in a different location.
Lack of communication
Studies show that communication is essential to relationship well-being. An track record of unhealthy communication, like unwillingness to discuss your concerns, is one of the signs you can look for that might indicate that you no longer love your partner. If you dread conversations with your partner and feel irritated by everything they say, it could also signify a change in feelings. While it can be normal for feelings to change over time, having no desire to speak with your partner and not caring whether you stay connected may indicate a need to address the potential issues in the relationship.
However, many individuals who love their partner could also struggle with communication, don't just wonder and think to yourself: "My wife doesn't love me anymore", go ahead and ask your wife. You can actively work to increase communication and strengthen contact with your partner through the professional guidance of a relationship counselor. If you're worried about a lack of communication, reaching out for support could be a good step toward rebuilding the love between yourself and your partner.
You don't see a future together anymore
How an individual sees and talks about their future may lend insight into how much love they feel. For example, if either party imagines a future without the other or dreads the idea of spending more years together, it could be a sign that love is no longer present. When you fall in love, you usually imagine a future with your partner, but when the love is gone, those fantasies of forever may fade away.
Additionally, if you imagine yourself in a scenario where you are focused on other relationships, traveling, or being away from the person you love for long periods, these could be signs you are not feeling ready to commit long-term.
When love is dwindling, envisioning loving the other person in your future might be challenging. However, relationships can go through rough patches, and you may struggle with other areas of closeness, such as commitment, life milestones, or understanding your values. A discussion about your goals for the relationship could help you and your partner come to an understanding regarding your love life.
What to do if love has gone from your relationship
Realizing that love has disappeared from a relationship may be unsettling, hurtful, or disappointing. If your partner has fallen out of love with you, unrequited love can be painful. If it is a mutual decision, you might both decide that the relationship has run its course and moving on is the appropriate next step.
Others may be willing to take steps to restore the love and save their relationship. In these cases, when all that was left is empty love, they may use coping mechanisms and communication skills or visit a professional counselor for further advice.
You’ve probably heard a song or album written about lost or dwindling love, or seen dramatic videos or movies about it. While it can be a tough thing to navigate, it is a common problem in romantic relationships, and it doesn’t mean there is something wrong with you or your partner.
Conversing with your partner about love now and in the future
Before deciding the state of your relationship and if loving again is a possibility for you and your partner, you two might have a conversation about how each of you feels. Tell your partner if you feel less love or are struggling to connect. If you have fears about intimacy, commitment, or future plans, tell them what you hope can change in your relationship. Although there may be a chance that the conversation ends in a decision to break up, you might find that your partner is also open to changes, which may mean that you can stay together.
Moving on from lost love
If you or your partner no longer feels love or you've decided to end your relationship, it may not mean that it's your fault or that you have wasted your time. Relationships can teach life lessons and may carry happy and loving memories. You and your ex-partner could also decide to be friends, although it may take time to reach the point of a healthy friendship. If you and your partner have children, you may still have a relationship with them beyond the breakup, as you may both take part in raising your kids.
It could be beneficial to reconnect with friends and family as a positive outlet for newfound free time or start a journal, so you have a place to express your emotions during the breakup. Individual therapy can also be a helpful tool, as it can provide a safe person to talk to as you process life changes.
Show up for yourself with counseling
If you're still trying to decide if you've fallen out of love or don't know how to proceed in a relational conflict, you can connect with a licensed clinical psychologist or counselor online or in person. For those who experience barriers to treatment, such as distance or cost, online therapy may be the most available.
In addition, online couples therapy can make coordinating schedules for sessions more manageable and is proven effective. You can choose between phone, video, or live chat sessions with your licensed therapist and a time that works best for you.
Couples therapy can be advantageous if you and your partner want to work on reigniting love or reconnecting through intimacy. Through a platform like BetterHelp, you can find individual therapeutic support from a database of over 30,000 counselors. A platform like Regain can offer the same support for couples and married pairs who seek support and guidance.
Takeaway
Understanding whether you have lost love in your relationship can feel stressful, heartbreaking, and confusing. In these cases, having open conversations with your partner and leaning on your support system can be beneficial. If you're feeling like the love in your relationship is gone but want to work through things with your partner, consider reaching out to a counselor for further guidance.