What Should I Do If My Wife Doesn't Love Me Anymore?

By: Stephanie Kirby

Updated October 20, 2021

Medically Reviewed By: Lauren Guilbeault

Your wedding day is supposed to be the start of your "happily ever after". It's supposed to be the day that solidifies that you have found the person that you love, that loves you, and that you will spend the rest of your life with. Not surprisingly, love is the main reason why people want to get married. So, what happens if you find yourself thinking, "My wife doesn't love me anymore"?

Love is hard, especially in a marriage when there are many other factors in play. Whether you are having issues arise with family, money, or day-to-day things, a licensed professional can help strengthen your marriage.

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Relationships are hard. There's no doubt about it. And it's not uncommon for couples to find themselves in a place one day of having to decide what they're going to do about their relationship. If you find yourself in this place right now, wondering "Does my wife love me?" There are a few options on how you can move forward.

Signs Your Spouse Doesn't Love You Anymore

It's important to remember that you should never assume you know how your spouse feels, even if it seems like your spouse doesn't love you. The following can be signs that your spouse isn't in love with you anymore, but there is no way that you can know that is actually how she feels unless you hear it from her.

If your spouse is showing some of the signs below, it's a good indicator that you need to talk with her to find out what's going on.

  • She stops talking with you as much.

    If your wife used to share the details of her day with you and ask you for advice on things and has stopped doing it, it could be a sign that she's lost that feeling of connection with you.
  • Her attitude towards you has changed.

    Look for signs that your wife's attitude has changed towards you while she still treating other people the same. That could be a sign that her feelings have changed.
  • She's not available to you.

    If you feel that she's withdrawing from you and isn't physically responsive with you, it could be a sign.
  • She's cheated.

    This is a clear sign that she's not feeling the same way about you. While it doesn't necessarily mean your relationship has to be over, it can't successfully continue without major changes.
  • She doesn't pay attention to you.

    If your spouse used to want to know your schedule and cared about what you were doing and has lost interest, it could be a sign that she isn't concerned about what you do anymore. This could be a sign that she isn't feeling in love anymore.
  • It's all about her.

    If her attention has shifted from what's best for the marriage to what's best for her, it could be a sign that things have changed.
  • She doesn't argue with you anymore.

    It might seem like she isn't affected by your past and present issues and doesn't care about you or the marriage.

Now that we addressed some changes and signs that you can watch for, remember that these don't necessarily mean anything. It might just be that your relationship could use some work.

Don't Make Assumptions

If you think that your spouse is not in love with you anymore, the first thing that you need to do is talk to her about it. It's easy to misconstrue feelings and assume that you know what another person is thinking, but you don't really know. This is why you mustn't make assumptions when it comes to understanding someone else's feelings.

Be upfront and ask your spouse how she is feeling. Then together, you will be able to decide on what your next step is. You may find out that it's not that she doesn't love you anymore and that there is something else going on with her.

Look At Your Own Actions

Did you give your spouse a reason to feel this way? If you have broken trust or done something else that you feel caused your spouse to fall out of love with you and you want to continue the relationship, you need to take steps to address it. If you haven't taken responsibility for your wrongdoing yet, this is your first step. You have to own what you did and ask forgiveness.

But, if you broke trust in your relationship, don't think that this is going to solve the problem. You will need to take additional steps, which we will talk more about below.

Look For Ways To Show Her Love

If you're thinking "my wife doesn't love me anymore", you can start to show her love. In the book, The Five Love Languages, Gary Chapman talks about how there are five different ways that people feel love. They include physical touch, words of affirmation, quality time, gifts, and acts of service. Your spouse may not feel loved because you aren't doing the right things that make her feel loved. If your spouse doesn't know your love language, she might not be able to make you feel truly loved, either.

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Here are some examples of what showing love in her love language would look like:

  • Physical touch

    Give her back rubs, hold her hand when you walk places together, and give her hugs.
  • Words of affirmation

    Write notes saying what you love about her, give her compliments, and post on social media why she is the most amazing woman.
  • Quality time 

    Ask her about her day, participate in her favorite activity with her, and take her away overnight.
  • Gifts

    Surprise her with gifts for no specific reason except to show her that you love her. It doesn't have to be big things; it could be small little gifts.
  • Acts of service

    Put gas in her car for her, bring home dinner so she doesn't have to cook, and look for other ways to lighten her load.

Sometimes, getting her to fall back in love with you is as simple as learning the best way to show her love. It takes unselfish action on your part to show her love when she might not be returning it to you at the moment. But, if you want your relationship to continue and improve, you might need to make the first move.

Date Her Again

It's easy as the newness of the relationship wears off to stop giving it the attention that you did in the beginning. If you want to rekindle the feelings that you and your wife used to have, it could be as simple as giving your relationship more attention.

Remember, just because you are married doesn't mean you have to stop dating her. Treat her the way you did when you were still trying to win her over. Don't take her for granted. Think back to the things that you did to get her attention and get her interested in you from the start. Then start to recreate those things. Take her back to the place you went on your first date. Buy her flowers. Let her know that you're thinking about her.

Be Consistent

Remember that if you want to improve your relationship, it's not going to be as simple as doing something once or twice. You need to be consistent in your activities, even if your spouse doesn't reciprocate at first. This is especially true if you've been neglecting to treat your wife this way in the past. She might have a hard time believing that your actions are real at first. But, if you stick with it and show that you are changing your behavior and not just trying to get something out of it, she will start to see that you are for real.

Stop Trying To Change Her

A large part of unconditional love is loving someone for who they are. If you've been pushing her to change in certain ways in the past, nagging her, or criticizing things about her, stop. Start accepting her for who she is and showing her that you love her for the person she is and nothing else.

Don't Give Up

Even if your wife has lost her feelings of love for you, it doesn't mean that all hope is lost. Relationships go through difficult times and many people don't realize that there are multiple stages of love. So, they think that when their relationship loses those feelings that it had in the beginning that it means they aren't really in love. In reality, it's that the relationship has moved to another stage.

No Matter What I Do, It Seems Like My Wife Doesn't Love Me Anymore.
It's Okay To Get Help. Click Here For A Licensed Marriage Counselor Online Now.

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Talk to an Expert 

If you are struggling in your relationship or if your wife isn't in love with you anymore, the two of you will need to make a decision. As long as both of you are willing to work on your relationship, couples' therapy could help you make the progress you need. An experienced therapist can help both of you identify areas that you need to improve and learn strategies to improve your relationship, like communication skills. Research shows that online therapy can be an effective tool to strengthen relationships. 


You may access the full study here: A Randomized Controlled Trial of the Web-Based OurRelationship Program: Effects on Relationship and Individual Functioning

Therapy is only going to work, though, if you are willing to invest the time and effort into it. Simply attending therapy sessions and listening during the session will not be enough to improve your relationship. You are going to need to take the steps that the therapist recommends and look for ways to make changes.

Being open and honest is always the most important step in improving a relationship. And, you'll need to make sure you find a therapist that both you and your spouse will be comfortable as well. If your spouse is unwilling to work on the relationship, meeting with a therapist or doing online therapy can still help you as you process how to move forward.


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