How To Get Your Wife Back And Rekindle Your Love

Medically reviewed by Krista Klund, LCSW
Updated November 30, 2023by BetterHelp Editorial Team

Marriage often represents a significant commitment full of beautiful moments, happiness, and comfort. At times, however, it may be full of hurdles and challenges. While some individuals may decide that separation or divorce is the best way forward, other couples work on rekindling the spark in their relationship with effective communication and support options, such as marriage counseling or couples therapy and dance.

It may take time, energy, and compromise, but you may be able to regain a connection with your wife after an argument or breakup. By learning how to communicate effectively and prioritizing individual needs in the relationship, your partnership may grow stronger in the long run.

When Relationships Struggle, Stress Mounts

Why Is My Relationship Struggling? 

Preventing a separation before it happens may save you time, energy, and pain. By showing interest in regaining the spark that your relationship once had, you may be able to begin a conversation to make immediate changes. 

One potential first step is recognizing why your relationship is struggling. There are some common relational issues that you may relate to, including the following. 

Poor Communication

It may be helpful to remember that most marriages don't deteriorate in a day. Often, conflict accumulation may lead one or both people in the relationship to decide that separation is necessary.

One common reason for marital conflict is poor communication or lack of communication. Studies have shown that even in relationships with serious commitment, long-term marital satisfaction was only possible when communication was also present. 

When a partner's needs are unmet, it may cause resentment, hurt feelings, and disappointment. Both you and your spouse or partner may feel unappreciated or neglected in some regard.

To avoid damaging conflicts and harsh words, consider expressing your emotions to each other in a healthy way. Many couples benefit from professional help when attempting to improve their communication, especially in the context of a relationship.

It may be challenging to learn communication if you haven't partaken in it in the past. Learning about your attachment style and how it impacts speaking to others may also help you learn effective communication. 

Lack Of Quality Time

Another reason couples may struggle is prioritizing other aspects of life over the relationship. Quality time and staying connected are often vital in intimate relationships. 

Consider finding ways to show your wife love and discover what makes them feel appreciated and safe in your partnership. By trying to understand their needs on a deeper level, you may give your relationship a chance to grow for the better. You might also consider taking a "love languages" test to learn more about how you and your partner feel most loved. 

Trying To Control Your Partner

Realizing what you can control in a relationship and what is out of your hands may benefit you. You may not be able to manage your partner's actions, but you can often control your own. 

Taking responsibility for your behavior and showing your partner that you care doesn't necessarily mean ignoring your needs. Instead, it can mean recognizing that there is hurt between you and your partner and that someone has to take the first steps to heal. 

When you are focused on paying attention to your partner, take some time to focus on yourself. Work on being the person you want to be. By balancing your desires with your partner's needs, you may help your relationship thrive.

Learning Effective Communication And Conflict Resolution Strategies 

For many people, there are growth opportunities when it comes to communicating with their partners. You may start by learning the difference between seeking to understand versus trying to "win" or prove the other person wrong during an argument. Many individuals wish to be heard and understood, which is why active listening can be a helpful tool. 

Getty/MoMo Productions

By being a good listener and having a clear understanding of your mistakes, you may be able to shed light on possible solutions more effectively. Studies show that constructive conflict resolution strategies increase marital satisfaction immensely. Instead of looking at discussions as arguments, try approaching them as conversations.

Creating an opportunity to discuss some of the issues in the relationship that have been rocky in the past might be a start in improving the relationship. If your partner does not want to discuss the relationship, you could start with less emotionally heavy topics to ease into more difficult conversations. Try to remain patient and stay calm.

If you and your partner have difficulty seeing eye-to-eye when you attempt to communicate, counseling may be a valuable resource for you moving forward. 

Though many people seek counseling when a significant issue is present in the relationship, it could benefit many couples. Therapy often gives you and your partner a chance to have these conversations with another who may help guide your conversations so that you both feel acknowledged.

Rebuilding Your Relationship After A Separation

Your situation may feel dire if you and your partner are currently separated. Some feelings of regret or longing can be expected when a relationship ends. However, before reconnecting with your ex-wife or ex-partner, consider whether it is the healthiest choice.  

If you’re wondering how to get your wife back, you may want to consider why it has resulted in a separation in the first place. At times, individuals may try to rekindle their romance because they miss an idealized version of what the relationship was. Knowing why it ended and what issues were present can be vital to your healing process.

If you decide to move forward with regaining your wife’s heart, there is hope to get your wife back after separation. It can help to be on the same page while you re-establish the connection you once had. If your ex does not wish to speak with you or asks you to leave them alone, respect their boundaries. Repeatedly contacting someone who has asked you to stop may be considered harassment or stalking behavior

Consider starting small if your ex-wife is willing to work on the relationship. Taking baby steps and spending more time together can allow you to develop a closer bond. If a large part of the relationship ending had to do with hurtful behavior on your part, consider being patient with your partner as you rebuild their trust. By being consistent in new ways, you may rebuild their confidence in your ability to be the partner they desire.  

For example, if they felt that you didn't spend enough time with your children, be there for their activities, and be on time to pick them up. If they complain that you made them feel unwanted, pay attention to the words you use when you speak to them, and consider using their love language. If they thought you weren't financially responsible, consider working on your spending habits. 

If infidelity or another breach of trust has occurred in the relationship, it may take longer to re-establish a healthy connection. It can feel challenging for a person to understand their partner's actions, and it may take continued compassion to heal. Time and space may allow you and your partner to process and decide what will be needed to move forward. 

In many cases, both partners may need to make efforts to resume a relationship after a break. Rather than taking these steps with the expectation that you will win back your partner, consider re-entering the relationship with the expectation that you will also consider your partner's needs. Consider checking in through communicative conversations every so often to see how they feel about your relationship's new beginning. 

When Relationships Struggle, Stress Mounts
Ryan Black, LICSW
Ryan has helped me realize many of my personal issues and conflicts and has helped me to learn to listen to myself. My relationship with my wife has become much stronger and through the teachings of communication and understanding, our love life has greatly improved as well. Thanks to both BetterHelp and Ryan for being there for me.”

How Counseling Can Help

Counseling is not a sign of failure or weakness. It can be a proactive tactic to work on something you care about. If your partner is willing, speaking with a licensed couples' counselor together can help. Having a mental health professional to facilitate your conversations can help keep communication flowing effectively and help give you tools to get stronger as a couple. 

Even when it works, talking to someone outside of the relationship about your problems may feel uncomfortable. Doing so in a strange place may make it feel more awkward. For this reason, many couples decide to seek out online therapy. Using teleconferencing technology, you and your partner can meet with a professional counselor from the comfort of your home.

Online therapy has been shown to work in improving relationship dynamics, too. Relationships often improve when partners receive online counseling regarding their communication. If you're ready to start counseling, you might choose to sign up for an online platform such as BetterHelp for individuals or Regain for couples. 


Therapy may offer guidance if you've already been through a separation or want to reconnect with your partner before finalizing a breakup. Having a non-judgmental space to work through your issues can allow you to grow together rather than apart. If you find it hard to seek help, you can imagine the countless people who have faced similar situations in their relationships. Understanding that you are not alone in these struggles may provide a sense of comfort and reassurance. Even if your partner can't attend counseling with you, individual therapy may benefit your relationship. Focusing your energy on your overall wellness through counseling can help you take care of yourself and those you love.

Marriage can come with complex challenges

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