How to Get Your Partner Back And Rekindle Your Love

Medically reviewed by Krista Klund, LCSW
Updated January 4, 2023by BetterHelp Editorial Team

Marriage often represents a significant commitment full of beautiful moments, happiness, and comfort. At times, however, it may be full of hurdles and challenges. Though some individuals may decide that separation is the best way forward, other couples work on rekindling the spark in their relationship with effective communication and support options, such as couples art therapy and dance

It may take time, energy, and compromise, but you may be able to regain a connection with your partner after an argument or breakup. By learning how to communicate effectively and prioritizing individual needs in the relationship, your partnership may grow stronger in the long run. 

When relationships struggle, stress mounts.

Why Is My Relationship Struggling? 

Preventing a separation before it happens may save you time, energy, and pain. By showing interest in regaining the "spark" that your relationship once had, you may be able to begin a conversation to make immediate changes. 

One potential first step is recognizing why your relationship is struggling. There are some common relational issues that you may relate to, including the following. 

Poor Communication

It may be helpful to remember that most marriages don't deteriorate in a day. Often, conflict accumulation may lead one or both people in the relationship to decide that separation is necessary.

One common reason for marital conflict is poor communication or lack of communication. Studies have shown that even in relationships with serious commitment, long-term marital satisfaction was only possible when communication was also present. 

When a partner's needs are unmet, it may cause resentment, hurt feelings, and disappointment. Both people involved in the relationship may feel unappreciated or neglected in some regard. 

To avoid damaging conflicts, consider expressing your feelings to each other healthily. Many people benefit from professional counseling when attempting to improve their communication, especially in the context of a relationship. 

It may be challenging to learn communication if you haven't partaken in it in the past. Learning about your attachment style and how it impacts speaking to others may also help you learn effective communication. 

Lack Of Quality Time

Another reason couples may struggle is prioritizing other aspects of life over the relationship. Quality time and staying connected are often vital in intimate relationships. 

Consider finding ways to show your partner that you care about them and discover what makes them feel loved and safe in your partnership. By trying to understand their needs on a deeper level, you may give your relationship a chance to grow for the better. You might also consider taking a "love languages" test to learn more about how you and your partner feel most loved. 

Trying To Control Your Partner

Understanding what you can control in a relationship and what is out of your hands may benefit you. You may not be able to manage your partner's actions, but you can often control your own. 

Taking responsibility for your behavior and showing your partner that you care doesn't necessarily mean ignoring your needs. Instead, it can mean recognizing that there is hurt between you and your partner and that someone has to take the first steps to heal. 

When you are focused on paying attention to your partner, take some time to focus on yourself. Work on being the person you want to be. By balancing your desires with your partner's needs, you may help your relationship thrive.

Learning Effective Communication And Conflict Resolution Strategies 

For many people, there are growth opportunities when it comes to communicating with their partners. You may start by learning the difference between seeking to understand versus trying to "win" during an argument. Many individuals wish to be heard and understood. That's why active listening can be a helpful tool. 

By allowing a conversation to go both ways and listening to what your partner is trying to communicate to you, you may work through conflict in an effective manner. Studies show that constructive conflict resolution strategies increase marital satisfaction immensely. Instead of looking at discussions as arguments, try approaching them as conversations.

Creating an opportunity to discuss some of the issues in the relationship that have been rocky in the past might be a start in improving the relationship. If your partner does not want to discuss the relationship, you could start with less emotionally heavy topics to ease into more difficult conversations. Try to remain patient and compassionate.

If you and your partner have difficulty seeing eye-to-eye when you attempt to communicate, counseling may be a valuable resource for you moving forward. 

Though many people seek counseling when a significant issue is present in the relationship, it could benefit many couples. Therapy often gives you and your partner a chance to have these conversations with another who may help guide your conversations so that you both feel acknowledged.

Rebuilding Your Relationship After A Separation

Your situation may feel dire if you and your partner are currently separated. Some feelings of regret or longing can be expected when a relationship ends. However, before reconnecting with your ex-partner, consider whether it is the healthiest choice.  

At times, individuals may try to rekindle their romance because they miss an idealized version of what the relationship was. Knowing why it ended and what issues were present can be a vital part of your healing process.

If you decide to move forward with regaining your ex-partner's trust, communicate that to them. It can help to be on the same page while you re-establish the connection you once had. If your ex does not wish to speak with you or asks you to leave them alone, respect their boundaries. Repeatedly contacting someone who has asked you to stop may be considered harassment or stalking behavior

Consider starting small if your ex-partner is willing to work on the relationship. Spending more time together can allow you to develop a closer bond. If a large part of the relationship ending had to do with hurtful behavior on your part, consider being patient with your partner as you rebuild their trust. By being consistent in new ways, you may rebuild their confidence in your ability to be the partner they desire.  

For example, if they felt that you didn't spend enough time with your children, be there for their activities, and be on time to pick them up. If they complain that you made them feel unwanted, pay attention to the words you use when you speak to them, and consider using their love language. If they thought you weren't financially responsible, consider working on your spending habits. 

If infidelity or another breach of trust has occurred in the relationship, it may take longer to re-establish a healthy connection. It can feel challenging for a person to understand their partner's actions, and it may take continued compassion to heal. Time and space may allow you and your partner to process and decide what will be needed to move forward. 

When relationships struggle, stress mounts.

In many cases, both partners may need to make efforts to resume a relationship after separation. Rather than taking these steps with the expectation that you will win back your partner, consider re-entering the relationship with the expectation that you will also consider your partner's needs. Consider checking in through communicative conversations every so often to see how they feel about your relationship's new beginning. 

When To Seek Relationship Counseling

Counseling may be viewed as a last resort for couples facing a breakup. However, this does not have to be the case. Even if the issues in your relationship feel minor or insurmountable, talking about them with a therapist may allow you to tackle them as a team. 

Counseling is not a sign of failure or weakness. It can be a proactive tactic to work on something you care about. If your partner is willing, speaking with a licensed couples' counselor together can help. Having a mental health professional to facilitate your conversations can help keep communication flowing effectively and help give you tools to get stronger as a couple. 

Even when it works, talking to someone outside of the relationship about your problems may feel uncomfortable. Doing so in a strange place may make it feel more awkward. For this reason, many couples decide to seek out online therapy. Using teleconferencing technology, you and your partner can meet with a professional counselor from the comfort of your home.

Online therapy has been shown to work in improving relationship dynamics, too. Relationships often improve when partners receive online counseling regarding their communication. If you're ready to start counseling, you might choose to sign up for an online platform such as BetterHelp for individuals or ReGain for couples. 


Therapy may offer guidance if you've already been through a separation or want to reconnect with your partner before finalizing a breakup. Having a non-judgmental space to work through your issues can allow you to grow together rather than apart. 

Even if your partner can't attend counseling with you, individual therapy may benefit your relationship. Focusing your energy on your overall wellness through counseling can help you take care of yourself and those you love. 

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