The Truth About How To Get Your Wife Back

By Patricia Oelze

Updated December 07, 2018


Let's talk about the number one key to getting your wife back-making the attempt to gain back her affection before you get divorced. It is rare that a couple reunites after a finalized divorce, so let's focus on what you can do to prevent that from happening. If you and your wife are separated or experiencing relationship difficulties and you want to continue the relationship, you have to take responsibility for your choices and actions, even if you don't entirely agree with your wife's behavior currently. You may just find that once you put in the effort, so will she. Here's the truth about how to get your wife back.

Regaining your wife's affection

The important thing to understand is what you can control in a relationship, and the things you can control are the decisions you make. You cannot control your wife's actions or what she thinks of you. Instead of trying to change what she thinks about you, change your own thoughts and actions. If you are truly invested in the relationship, show her that you care about her.

Thinking about your actions and showing her that you care does not mean ignoring your own needs. It means recognizing that there is hurt between you and your wife, and someone has to take the first steps to healing those hurts. Even though you are focused on paying attention to your wife, you should save some of your focus for yourself. Work on being the person you want to be, what you consider the best version of you. It may be difficult, but you should take the time to consider where you may have fallen short as a spouse. And then work to improve yourself and show your efforts at self-improvement because, again, you are the only factor you can control.


How to get your wife back after a separation

If you and your wife are currently separated, your situation may feel even more desperate. But that makes it even more important for you to stay calm and not act out your desperation. Begging your wife to come back will not work. She has already formed reasons about why she wants to leave. You need to give her a reason to stay.

That means really showing her that you have made the changes you say you have. Not only that, you have to show her that these changes are not just temporary ploys to get her to stay a little longer. You do that by being consistent in your new ways, so that you can rebuild her trust in you. If she complained that you didn't spend enough time with the kids, be there for their activities and be on time to pick up them up if you are sharing parenting time. If she complained that you made her feel unwanted, pay attention to the words you use when you speak to her. If she felt like you weren't financially responsible, change your spending habits.


Remember that both partners have to be interested in resuming the relationship. Rather than taking these steps with the expectation that you will win back your wife, just go into it with the expectation that you will treat her the best you can and consider what she wants. If your wife is willing, speaking with a licensed couples' counselor together can help.

Previous Article

Are There Steps On How To Find A Husband?

Next Article

When To Try Marriage Counseling And How To Find A Couple’s Therapist
For Additional Help & Support With Your Concerns
Speak with a Licensed Counselor Today
The information on this page is not intended to be a substitution for diagnosis, treatment, or informed professional advice. You should not take any action or avoid taking any action without consulting with a qualified mental health professional. For more information, please read our terms of use.