Learn How To Stop Being Needy In Relationships
By: Michael Arangua
Updated December 10, 2018
Medically Reviewed By: Lauren Guilbeault
Neediness in a relationship can have several different roots. You may feel insecure about yourself and crave constant affirmation from your partner that you are worthy of love. You may feel jealous of your partner's time with other people, including friends, family, and co-workers, and that may drive you to clamor for all their time. Or you may feel anxious about completing certain tasks and constantly ask your partner to take care of things that they expect you to be able to handle on your own. Let's take a look at each of these reasons so you can learn how to stop being needy in relationships.
How to stop being needy and insecure
Most of us have gone through a self-esteem issue at some point. That's normal and okay. But when you are in a relationship, issues that are yours become their issue, too. And if you let your lack of confidence get the best of you, then you're not the only one suffering. Your partner suffers, too. Your significant other should not be held entirely responsible for your self-esteem. Of course, how you feel should be important to them, but if they are choosing to be with you and have not shown signs that they find something about you unappealing, then trust that they would tell you if there is an issue.
Learn to cope with jealousy
Jealousy can cause serious problems in a relationship. And it's usually unwarranted. If you are in a healthy relationship with a partner you trust, then jealousy can drive a wedge between you quicker than nearly any other issue. Jealousy is often rooted in another underlying emotion, such as fear. If you're afraid that your partner will leave you or find someone better, you may attempt to prevent them from spending time with other people. But that's not fair to your significant other.
Eventually, your attempts at controlling how they spend their time will drive them away from you, and you end up hurting your relationship yourself when there really wasn't an issue. Your partner has a full life that you are a part of, but not the only part of. They have friends, family, and work. The best way to cope with jealousy is to find other hobbies, interests, and responsibilities that you need to take care of when your partner is not around. Or, spend your time apart doing something nice for your partner to surprise them when you are together again.
Dealing with dependent tendencies
If you suffer from anxiety, everyday tasks can sometimes seem like too big of a burden to accomplish. And the fear associated with your anxiety may cause you to lean on others to help you with getting things done. It's okay to ask for help when you need it. But if you find yourself constantly asking your significant other to do things like make phone calls for you or complete a simple task that you could learn to do on your own, then you may be doing your relationship a big favor by getting help for your anxiety.
Whether you're dealing with insecurity, jealousy, or anxiety, it's a good idea to get outside help for your struggles. Being less needy takes a burden off your partner and can improve your relationship. Consider chatting with a licensed counselor to learn strategies for reducing needy behaviors.
Develop your own network of friends
If you are finding that you are spending all of your time with or thinking about your partner, this will foster your feelings of neediness. Developing your own social support network is imperative. Hanging out with friends that have common interests can help take your mind off of focusing solely on your partner. It's healthy to engage in peer relationships with others.