Are There Steps On How To Find A Husband?

Medically reviewed by April Justice
Updated February 21, 2024by BetterHelp Editorial Team

Having a spouse and a healthy marriage can be a wonderful part of life. However, when looking for a partner, it can be important to look for the right reasons and in the right places, whether you prefer to meet people online or in person. It may help to clearly communicate your intentions, focus on the present moment, be yourself, and continue enjoying the other parts of your life. If searching for a spouse has resulted in difficult emotions or mental health challenges, you may wish to consider online therapy.

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Has your search for a spouse brought up challenging emotions?

The first step in finding a spouse is knowing your intentions

There is nothing wrong with wanting a spouse or desiring a happy marriage. These can be amazing, healthy parts of life. However, when striving to find a spouse, it can be best to ensure that you're looking for the right reasons. Many people can fail to realize how greatly these reasons can impact their eventual outcomes.

Before you start searching for a spouse, it can be important to understand what you are looking for and why. You might spend some time in self-reflection, clarifying what you expect and hope for out of a marriage.

Please know that with time and patience, you're likely to find happiness. However, if you're looking for a spouse because you feel sad, lonely, or want to fulfill others’ expectations, that can be problematic.

Some individuals find themselves entering marriages, even when their intuition tells them the person or situation isn’t quite right. There are various reasons that people may jump into marriage, from feeling like it's what they are “supposed to do” or that marriage is simply the next logical step in their long-term relationship. They might fear being single or desire the change in status that comes with being married. 

If any of these factors contribute to your desire to find a spouse, you may be more likely to sacrifice your standards or settle for a relationship that may not be right for you. This awareness may help you check in with yourself and remind yourself of what you truly want rather than leading you to make decisions from a place of fear or external pressure.

Where to look for a spouse

Maybe you are wondering where you should go to seek a compatible partner.

Online dating seems to be continuously growing in popularity, as many people utilize dating apps and websites to seek romantic partners. This is one potential avenue to consider, as it can connect you with many interesting individuals you may not meet in everyday life. 

A 2019 study found that 12% of Americans entered a committed relationship or marriage with someone they met online. That’s more than one in ten people, so it’s entirely possible that you could start a lasting relationship with someone you meet online. However, online dating can also come with challenges and frustrations. Some people may conclude that online dating doesn't work well for them, which is perfectly okay.

Some individuals may find that they are more comfortable meeting potential dates in person, where they can connect in a way that feels more organic. One survey revealed that 60% of participants met their future spouse through an organized group setting, such as school, work, a religious community, or a social organization. Along the same lines, you might consider joining a fitness club, becoming part of a Meetup organization centered on one of your hobbies, or taking a class. All these avenues can provide opportunities to connect with like-minded individuals.

Communicate your intentions

When you are on a date with a potential romantic interest, it can be vital to be clear about your intentions and what you’re ultimately searching for. Some people may feel like they should “go with the flow” so that they don’t appear too intense or scare off a potential partner. However, it can be crucial to be upfront and clear about your goals for a relationship, as this provides the opportunity to assess whether the two of you are aligned in this respect. If they are not seeking a long-term commitment, it may be better to know that sooner rather than later.

Focus on the present moment

Even though you may be looking for your forever person, that doesn't mean the process of dating has to be extremely serious and heavy. You might try your best not to lose sight of being in the present moment, , and enjoy getting to know your date. It can help to take things one step at a time. Though you may start evaluating whether this person has long-term potential, you might try to avoid making premature judgments when you've only just met someone. Rather than letting your mind become too fixated on the future, it can be better to truly be in the present and remain open to what could develop.

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Be yourself

One of the most important things people may forget in their search for a spouse is to be themselves. It can be possible for people to believe that they need to change or adapt themselves to become more appealing or desirable to potential partners.

It may help you to remember the following. First, when you get married and have a spouse, you likely want a relationship that will allow both people to be seen and accepted as their full selves. This can mean that you shouldn't try to be something you're not to attract a partner. Presenting yourself as you truly are from the beginning can help you determine whether there is enough alignment and compatibility to continue the relationship.

This can be why it's so critical for people to be themselves and not get too wrapped up in the quest to find a spouse. There may be someone out there looking for someone just like you. You may run the risk of missing out on that special someone if you become too preoccupied with changing key parts of who you are for the sake of gaining the attention or favor of a partner. 

When seeking a spouse, loving yourself, being confident in yourself, and being yourself can be paramount. Otherwise, you may be doing yourself a disservice.

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Has your search for a spouse brought up challenging emotions?

Don't forget to live life in the meantime

While it can be perfectly okay to put time and energy into finding a spouse, it can also be important to continue living your life in the meantime. Staying grounded in your life can be crucial, especially as you meet potential partners. As you begin a relationship, it can be essential to maintain a sense of individuality and not abandon the things central to who you are. In most cases, a relationship should not become your entire life, but instead, be a delightful addition to an already full life. 

That being said, you might choose to continue spending time with your friends and family, pursuing your passions, moving toward your career goals, and generally doing what you love. The right person may be able to come along and support you and enhance your life. In the meantime, it may not benefit you to put your life on hold, expecting someone else to swoop in and complete it.

Continuing to live life as you search for a spouse can keep you from getting discouraged if your search takes longer than you may have expected. Sometimes, it can take months, years, or even decades to find the right person. Not having your entire world revolve around finding a spouse can ensure that you remain a happy, healthy, and well-functioning individual.

Online therapy may support you as you look for a spouse

The process of finding a spouse may be accompanied by feelings of fear, frustration, or insecurity. In some cases, it may be beneficial to seek professional support to address any challenges you may be experiencing in the context of finding a partner. Therapy can be a wonderful way to get this support, and today, it’s possible to choose either traditional or online therapy. With online therapy, you may connect with a licensed therapist who can assist you in processing difficult emotions around dating and addressing any barriers that may be holding you back from meaningful connections with others. Perhaps best of all, you can do all of this on your phone or computer from anywhere with an internet connection.

If you’re experiencing stress or anxiety related to your search for a spouse, you may be interested in this study, which focuses on the efficacy of internet-based psychotherapeutic interventions. It found that online therapy could be effective for a variety of psychological concerns, but especially for the treatment of anxiety and stress effects.

Takeaway

Many people choose to search for a partner they can live with, but approaching the search for a spouse from the wrong perspective may lead to stress and other challenges. To avoid compromising your mental health as you keep an eye out for a lifelong partner, the following strategies may help you:

  • Make sure you’re looking for the right reasons.
  • Seek out new people with common interests online or in person.
  • Communicate your intentions when on a date.
  • Focus on the present moment, rather than the future.
  • Be yourself so that you can make authentic connections.
  • Enjoy the other parts of your life, even as you look for a partner.

It’s possible that looking for a spouse could result in difficult emotions or mental health concerns in some cases. If this has been your experience, please know that online therapy may be an effective way of getting the help and support you deserve.

Marriage can come with complex challenges
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