Dreaming Of An Ex: What It Really Means

Have you ever woken up feeling shocked by who you dreamed about? Maybe you even dreamed of getting back together with your ex. A situation like this can be confusing and unsettling. It might even make you ponder, "Why do I dream about my ex?" 

Even though we may have since moved on in our life, our exes can sometimes show up in our dreams. Some people may think this is their subconscious desires manifesting themselves as dreams—that the dream must mean they want to be reunited with their ex. This isn’t always the case. 

What do dreams signify?

You have probably also had a random dream before about your high school math teacher for no reason you are aware of. Those dreams may be easier to brush off as random dreams. When it is about an ex, though, it can give one pause for thought. Dreaming of an ex doesn't necessarily mean that you want them back. There is no one main reason you dream of them; they may appear in your mind due to a range of factors, some of which have nothing to do with wanting the person back in your life. It may be helpful to understand the context and avoid over-analyzing.

Dreaming about a single individual could mean your thoughts are consumed by something this person represents rather than the person themselves. Maybe you wake up from a dream, realize that you and your ex are not together anymore, and start to wonder if it means that you want to be with that person again. There are other possibilities to consider, though. You may miss being in a relationship, for example. You might also miss that time, in your life when things felt easier and safer.

Alternatively, you could have simply been flipping through a yearbook earlier that day and run across a picture of your ex. Maybe you and a friend were talking about past relationships. Some dream experts believe that dreams are nothing more than a "rinse cycle" of recent events and therefore do not have any deep meaning. The meaning of dreams is heavily debated in the psychology and mental health communities; experts have different opinions about the meaning of dreams.

When you find yourself dreaming of an ex, it may be beneficial to reflect on the context of your past relationship.  Consider the circumstances, including whether or not your ex was your first love. Think about the life you had when you were together. Perhaps you were significantly younger with fewer responsibilities than you have now.

Following a break-up, we often come to realize that we may have taken certain aspects of our partners for granted. For example, you may have since moved on to another partner, but they may lack a specific characteristic that your ex had. If this is the case, when we dream of an ex, we could be subconsciously longing for certain qualities that are missing in our new relationships. When our subconscious realizes that we may have taken these qualities for granted, they can often manifest in dreams in the form of the person who embodied them the most.

How to stop dreaming of an ex

Although we have no control over our subconscious thoughts, we can take certain steps in order to stop dreaming of an ex-partner. 

First, you may want to pinpoint exactly what it is that your dreams could be represented, whether that’s a quality you long for in a current partner, a circumstance of life that you feel nostalgia for, or some other factor. Whatever the circumstances, once you realize what it is your ex-partner represents, you can take the necessary steps in order to bring that characteristic back into your current life. 

Many times, dreaming of an ex represents our youth— the times when life was less complicated, and our overall happiness was much higher. If you feel that dreaming of an ex may represent this, then you can evaluate your circumstances to better address your wants and needs. Perhaps there is something in your life that you can let go. 

It may also be a time of reflection for you. This could be a good time to examine your current relationship and evaluate how satisfied you are. It might also be a good time to focus on your wants and needs, to ensure they’re being fulfilled. Maybe you could prioritize your responsibilities and allow more time for fun and relaxation.

Just because you dream about an ex does not mean you want to get back together with them. Still, there is the possibility that it does. This is something only you will know, and it may take some time to determine. It can be helpful to talk to a friend or a professional counselor and to journal about your dreams and feelings.

How therapy can help you stop dreaming of your ex

If, despite your efforts, your ex-partner continues to appear in your dreams in one way or another, it may be wise to speak to a professional regarding what these dreams might symbolize. In some cases, it may be indicative of depression or unresolved heartache from the end of that relationship. It could also be that there are unfinished aspects of your previous relationship that you need to address. 

If your dreams are keeping you up at night, you may find it difficult to make it to a therapist’s office for a session, though. These offices keep regular business hours and may be unavailable when you need them the most. That’s where online therapy comes in. With internet-based counseling, you can get mental health services anywhere you have an internet connection and at a time that’s convenient for you. 

This type of therapy has been researched by experts in the field with promising results. A comprehensive meta-analysis of studies found that online therapy is effective for a variety of mental health conditions. In some cases, this type of therapy rivals in-person counseling regarding positive outcomes.