My Boyfriend Broke Up With Me: Now What?

By Michael Arangua|Updated June 14, 2022
CheckedMedically Reviewed By Laura Angers, NCC, LPC

When the person you were closest to breaks up with you, it can leave you feeling lost, confused, stressed, and like your life is lacking in direction. That person was probably the center of your everyday life and an important part of your plans for the future. When you go over the memories you’ve shared, it can, at times, just seem like too much.

So, what can you do to ease your pain and confusion when you cry out, “My boyfriend broke up with me!?” You can start by looking within. If you need help through this process, seeking advice from an online therapist can be useful.

Who Are You Without Him?

 

If he had been your boyfriend for a very long time, you probably have a very good idea of who you were when you were with him. You may have found it easy to be funny, caring, or smart when you had him by your side. Now, you need to find out who you can be when you are by yourself and with other people. If the relationship spanned across many years, it might take some serious effort and time to understand your individual identity now. You are not the person that you were before him, but you are not the person that you were when the two of you were together, either. This can be a really scary concept to buy into immediately following a breakup, but it can also be incredibly liberating when you consider all of the possibilities ahead of you. The canvas of your life and your future now have blank spots where you previously assumed there was permanent art. What are you going to create for yourself?

What Are Your Personal Priorities Now?

With your boyfriend is out of the picture, your life path may seem like a road leading nowhere. It’s common to feel this way. Now is a good time to think about what you want for yourself. What kinds of people do you want in your life? What events or activities would you like to attend or participate in? What type of work would you like to pursue? After you answer these questions, make a list of priorities for your new life. Then, let the list guide you as you plan each day, week, and month.

Your relationship likely took up a considerable portion of the pie chart that is your life. It can be helpful to consciously try to replace that time and energy with healthy and productive choices. Nature abhors a vacuum. That free space WILL be filled with something, and if we are not mindful about our choices, it can end up being filled with things that are either not helping us achieve our goals or, far worse, working against our goals. Are you going to resume your membership at the gym? Or are you going to end up on the couch watching television?

How Do You Get Over Him? 

If you are no longer in love, getting over someone is far easier than when you are blindsided by a breakup. If you do find yourself having difficulty getting over your ex, practice these skills, in order, as a way to help move on after your relationship has ended.

  • Even if you still love your ex-partner, avoid them at all costs. No calls, no letters, no texts, no sleeping together, no trying to be friends. Nothing. Staying friendly with an ex is admirable, and it is possible, but any friendship will occur further down the road when you are no longer in romantic love. Keep in mind that although this step is difficult, it is also the most important. Be kind to yourself.
  • When you find yourself thinking about your ex, distract yourself immediately. Try to throw yourself into an activity that demands your full attention to help avoid multitasking, which allows you to think about your ex while also doing something else.
  • If you find distraction is not effective, then try to redirect your mind toward thinking about your ex’s undesirable qualities. If this sounds harsh, remember this: You are not together for a reason, after all, and the reason is not that things were going too well. Consider the things about your partner that annoyed you, think about the fact that they broke things off with you, think about them sleeping with a new partner, etc. Focus on ANYTHING that helps you begin to associate your ex with negative feelings.
  • Going a bit further than step one, avoid contact with ANYTHING that reminds you of your ex. Avoid the places you used to go, the places you planned to visit, hanging out with mutual friends, and the pictures, texts, mementos, and emails you shared. (Have you ever seen the movie Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind? Just like that. If you have not seen this film, check it out. It is a fantastic movie.)
  • Stop telling people how much you still love or miss your ex, and also stop saying it in your own head. “Unfriend” on Facebook and “unfollow” on Twitter and Instagram.
  • If you do run into your ex, do not go out of your way to hug them or be super friendly toward them. Be polite, be courteous, but then quickly move along. There will be a time for the “high road” and potential friendship, but you are not there yet.
  • Rinse and repeat.

There you have it. Faithfully doing these steps will go a long way to getting over an ex, and you may be pleasantly surprised how quickly you will feel strong enough to move forward.

I Feel Depressed Since My Boyfriend Broke Up With Me

 

Going through a breakup is difficult, and you may feel many intense emotions when your partner leaves you. These emotions are a natural part of losing touch with someone who mattered to you. Depression can sometimes follow a breakup too. People experiencing depression face more than sadness. Some symptoms of depression include:

  • Being excessively worried, agitated, anxious, or irritable (Consider whether your feelings only relate to the ending of the relationship or you have felt these emotions more generally across other areas of your life)
  • Feeling indifferent to what happens in your life
  • Having low energy
  • Feeling guilty
  • Having trouble concentrating.
  • Having trouble making decisions, especially decisions that are relatively minor or used to come easily to you
  • Isolating yourself (Some isolation makes sense as you process what has happened and give yourself time to grieve. You are mourning a loss and taking stock of your life now. But, you also need support from the people who care about you, and it is hard to get that support if you are alone.)
  • Having unexplained pain
  • Loss of or increase in appetite
  • Insomnia or sleeping too much
  • Thoughts of suicide or engaging in self-injurious behavior (SIB)

If you begin to experience symptoms of depression, be patient with yourself, and understand what you’re feeling is common. If you or a loved one are experiencing suicidal thoughts, reach out for help immediately. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline can be reached at 1-800-273-8255 and is available 24/7.

Talk With A Counselor

Sometimes you may need help to cope with the reality of a breakup. If you’re having a hard time getting over your breakup or other things are going on in your life that are affecting your mental health, consider talking with a counselor.

Reluctant to reach out to a counselor or meet with a therapist? In 2020, more and more people are turning online in search of a convenient way to speak with a trusted therapist without having to leave the comforts of home. Recent studies show that electronically delivered cognitive behavioral therapy reduced depression and anxiety symptom severity more effectively than face-to-face therapy. The analysis considered 17 randomized controlled study trials, “evaluating the clinical effectiveness of eCBT compared to face-to-face and considered a wide range of outcomes including severity of symptoms, adverse outcomes, clinically relevant outcomes, global functionality, participant satisfaction, quality of life, and affordability.”

On BetterHelp, you can easily connect with your counselor anytime, anywhere. Set up your meetings in the method you prefer, including live phone, video, chat, or messaging. BetterHelp therapists take your confidentiality seriously and are committed to upholding your privacy, no matter what. You can always feel safe talking with your counselor. Read these reviews of BetterHelp counselors from people like you.

“Julia is a very open-minded, understanding and warm-hearted person. She listened with kindness and without judgement. Her advice helped me tremendously through a bad break up and ensuing personal problems. Her advice and understanding has been very helpful in guiding me to a healthier mind frame.”

“Nadine has been a fantastic support through the months following a painful breakup. She is an excellent listener, truly encouraging, and knows when to ask the most thought provoking questions to allow meaningful self-reflection. I’ve been most blessed by the way she has cared about me – her empathy for the pain of others is obviously earnest and that concern has never wavered through several months of sessions and discussions. I highly recommend her!”

Conclusion

A licensed BetterHelp therapist can help you assess your mood and determine the steps you can take to recover from a breakup and move forward to create a fulfilling life apart from your ex.

Helpful mental health resources delivered to your inbox
For Additional Help & Support With Your Concerns
Speak with a Licensed Therapist
The information on this page is not intended to be a substitution for diagnosis, treatment, or informed professional advice. You should not take any action or avoid taking any action without consulting with a qualified mental health professional. For more information, please read our terms of use.