Why Do Men Cheat? Understanding The Psychology Behind Infidelity

It can be painful if your partner cheats, and you may find yourself wondering why they engaged in infidelity. Many men who cheat still claim to care deeply for their partners, which can create confusion and emotional pain.

Sometimes, cheating can be the result of many factors that develop over time, and sometimes it may be a one-time mistake. While there’s a negative stigma that most guys cheat or that people who cheat are mostly married men, that isn’t necessarily the case. Although some research suggests that men report cheating more frequently than women, and a person of any gender may cheat on a partner. Understanding common reasons men cheat and the emotional consequences of infidelity can be a first step toward healing. If things feel heavy right now, you’re not alone, and support is available.

Common reasons why men cheat

Cheating can present in various forms, from extramarital affairs to emotional affairs to serial infidelity, and it can affect people of any gender. Research has identified a number of common motivating factors behind infidelity, including the following:

Regardless of the reason for cheating, you may benefit from the help of a licensed mental health professional in working through the resulting emotional pain.

Feeling emotionally disconnected

A sense of distance in a relationship can sometimes push people toward seeking closeness elsewhere. Many men may struggle to articulate unmet emotional needs. Rather than talk openly about feeling isolated or rejected, they may look for validation or connection outside their relationship.

Long-term relationships can require energy, effort, and even financial resources to maintain. Couples’ lives can change drastically with the addition of children or changes in jobs and routines, and these changes can sometimes get in the way of connection and communication.

Someone can feel a strong emotional connection with their partner and still not have all of their needs met. Love and connection may still matter, even when someone goes outside the relationship agreements around commitment. Some men who cheat may not intend to replace love, but rather to fill a void in connection. If you’re noticing distance in your own relationship, connecting with a licensed therapist may be one way to begin rebuilding that closeness.

Unmet physical intimacy needs

Levels of sexual desire can vary widely from person to person. If those needs are not being met within their relationship, then some people may seek satisfaction elsewhere. This does not necessarily mean that the person who has been betrayed is in the wrong, however, and it may often reflect mismatched expectations rather than blame.

Infidelity may be the result of unmet expectations or needs in an otherwise loving relationship. In these situations, the partner feeling neglected can consider initiating a conversation around the topic to address the unresolved issues. If the couple still has an emotional connection, it’s possible they can work together to come up with a plan that feels fair to both partners.

Low self-esteem or need for validation

A shaky sense of self-worth can leave some men seeking reassurance in ways that harm their relationships. When someone experiences low self-esteem, the attention of a new person can offer a temporary boost, making them feel desired or valued in a way they may not feel at home. This kind of external validation can become something a person seeks out repeatedly, even when it conflicts with their values.

The relief that comes from this validation tends to be fleeting, and it often gives way to guilt or shame once the excitement fades. Understanding this pattern doesn’t mean the infidelity doesn’t hurt, but it can offer context for why it happened.

Difficulty with commitment

Committing to one partner or to marriage can feel overwhelming for some people. Committing to others is not always easy, and some people may see it as losing a part of themselves or giving up their freedom and individuality. You may have heard of people getting "cold feet" before a wedding, and this type of infidelity could be related to those types of feelings, which may stem from fear of vulnerability or past relationship patterns.

It’s possible for some people to find staying faithful in monogamous relationships challenging. Sometimes these feelings have to do with emotional immaturity or just not feeling ready to settle down. Even if someone is interested in a different type of relationship structure, it doesn’t necessarily excuse cheating when it takes place in a relationship that was meant to be monogamous.

Thrill-seeking or excitement

Some people who engage in infidelity may find it exciting. Many people are drawn to the thrill of cheating itself or the potential of being caught. Doing something that feels forbidden can seem enticing, and it can even become something they feel they can’t get enough of. People who cheat in relationships repeatedly may fall into this category.

Conversely, there may also be people who can’t seem to stop cheating, even if they feel deep shame about their actions after the excitement is over. This type of behavior may stem from difficult childhood experiences, poor self-worth, or mental health challenges. If you are experiencing trauma, support is available. Please see our Get Help Now page for more resources.

Compulsive sexual behavior

Another possibility could be that your partner experiences compulsive sexual behavior. Like other patterns of compulsive behavior, compulsive sexual behavior can lead to many negative consequences in a long-term relationship, not just for the person experiencing it, but also for others in their lives. Compulsive sexual behavior disorder may present with sexual behavior challenges, including multiple affairs, compulsive masturbation, or compulsive pornography use.

This type of pattern can make it difficult for people to stop seeking sex, even if it means cheating on their partner. They may even feel a deep sense of shame because of this behavior, but they may still feel compelled to seek out sex wherever they can find it. Overcoming compulsive sexual behavior can be difficult, and it often requires the help of a licensed mental health professional.

Situational factors or opportunity

Finally, it could be the case that your significant other’s cheating was a mistake tied to circumstances. It’s likely you’ve heard of situations in which someone drank too much and did something that they later regretted when reality set in. Situational factors like travel, high stress, or substance use can lower a person’s inhibitions and create opportunities they might not otherwise pursue.

While this type of infidelity may not have been premeditated or purposeful, it can still be hurtful, and circumstances don’t excuse the behavior. If your partner cheated once and deeply regrets their actions, then it may be an isolated incident. Understanding these surface reasons can be helpful, but it can also be worth looking at what drives them beneath the surface.

Understanding the deeper psychology behind infidelity

Beneath the reasons a man might name, there are often deeper psychological drivers at work. Psychology can play a role in cheating behavior among some men, and biological drives, social pressure, and psychological attachment styles can all be influencing factors too, in some cases.

A person who cheats is not necessarily defined by that action, and people who care about their partners can still make harmful choices. Many people may compartmentalize their relationships, loving their partner while exhibiting cheating behaviors due to shame, escapism, or avoidance. Understanding this type of mindset may help partners make sense of the dynamics that led to the infidelity and begin to heal.

Warning signs and risk factors

While no single factor can predict infidelity, certain patterns may indicate that a relationship or an individual could be more vulnerable. It can help to remember that these risk factors don’t guarantee cheating, and awareness may allow couples to address vulnerabilities together before they grow. Here are some individual and relationship risk factors that researchers and clinicians have observed:

• A history of past infidelity in previous relationships
• Certain attachment styles that make closeness or commitment feel difficult
• Unaddressed mental health challenges, such as depression or low self-esteem
• A breakdown in communication between partners
• Major life transitions, such as new parenthood, job changes, or relocation
• Growing emotional distance or a sense of disconnection over time

Noticing one or more of these signs doesn’t mean a relationship is doomed. Instead, it can be an invitation to open a conversation or seek support before challenges deepen.

How infidelity affects long-term relationships and marriage

Infidelity can appear in long-term relationships, including marriage, where the stakes and pressures may feel especially high. Marriage often involves shared finances, children, and family expectations, all of which can create unique strains. Here are some factors that may make marriage and long-term relationships more vulnerable to infidelity:

• Husbands, fathers, or partners with kids can experience intense emotions when balancing family expectations and unmet emotional needs.
• A person’s childhood can influence the way they view relationships and infidelity.
• The family systems people were raised in, and witnessing their parents’ relationships, may subconsciously shape their view of fidelity.

These pressures can build quietly over time, and they can also affect how both partners experience the emotional fallout when cheating occurs.

Emotional consequences of cheating

There can be emotional consequences of cheating, both for the person whose trust was broken and for the person who betrayed that trust. Acknowledging these effects for both people can be an important part of moving toward healing.

For the person who was cheated on

Discovering that a partner has been unfaithful can carry lasting emotional and mental health effects. Someone who learns they’ve been cheated on may often feel deeply hurt and betrayed. They may have difficulty trusting in the future, and they may also experience a loss of self-esteem.

For the person who cheated

In many cases, there can be emotional and mental health effects for the person who cheated, as well. Secrecy and guilt may lead the cheating partner to experience anxiety, depression, or self-blame. Talking with a therapist can help someone explore the real reason behind their infidelity, and it can often help promote accountability and emotional repair.

Healing after infidelity: Steps toward recovery

While infidelity is often disruptive and painful, recovery can be possible, and a mental health professional can help along the way. Enlisting the support of a therapist can help you as you navigate feelings of betrayal, anger, or insecurity. A therapist can help you:

• Get to the root causes of why the infidelity happened
• Communicate constructively about feelings and thoughts
• Learn coping strategies for going forward, such as setting boundaries, taking time to rest, and focusing on shared goals

Healing can look different for the person who was betrayed and the person who cheated, and it can help for both to take responsibility for their own part in moving forward. Whether a couple chooses to stay together or part ways, giving the process time and honesty can often make a meaningful difference.

Rebuilding trust and communication

Restoring a sense of safety after betrayal often starts small and unfolds gradually. Rebuilding trust can begin with reestablishing physical intimacy slowly, by first spending time communicating and giving and accepting small gestures of affection. You might want to start with non-sexual touch, such as hugging or holding hands, until both partners feel comfortable. Improving transparency can also be important, such as being honest and expressing your feelings clearly. The partner who was cheated on may want some additional openness about how the other partner is spending their time and with whom.

Rebuilding emotional intimacy can matter just as much. Taking the time to identify relationship stressors is another helpful step, since knowing what your stressors are can help reduce reactive behaviors. Practicing active listening and setting aside regular time to check in with one another can support healthier, more conscious communication.

When to seek professional support

Some couples find they can work through the aftermath of infidelity on their own, while others may benefit from outside guidance. It may be worth considering professional support if conversations keep escalating into conflict, if trust feels difficult to rebuild, or if one or both partners are experiencing anxiety, depression, or persistent distress. Reaching out for help can be a sign of strength, and it can open the door to tools that make healing feel more manageable.

How online therapy can support healing from infidelity

A therapist can often be a helpful source of support if you're struggling to cope with the emotional aftermath of an infidelity. However, if you have a busy schedule, attending in-person sessions might be difficult. In this case, online therapy may be beneficial because it often allows you to schedule sessions at times that may not be available at a traditional therapist’s office. Plus, there's no commuting required.

With an online therapy platform like BetterHelp, you can connect with a licensed therapist from one of the world's largest networks, which includes over 30,000 qualified providers. Sessions can take place from the comfort of your home, via phone, video, or live chat, which may feel more comfortable when discussing intimate relationship details.

Some providers on BetterHelp may be in-network with certain health plans, and co-pays average about $23/session for eligible members. Coverage varies by plan, provider, and therapist availability, so it can help to check your in-network status on the BetterHelp site. Without insurance, the cost of online therapy via BetterHelp ranges from $70 to $100 per week, billed weekly or monthly, with costs based on your location, referral source, preferences, any applicable discounts, and therapist availability.

BetterHelp now also offers psychiatry services through Uplift, an additional care option available alongside therapy that can be part of a holistic mental health care experience for individuals ages 18 and older. Not everyone needs or benefits from medication, and medication decisions are personalized based on a provider’s evaluation.

Medication availability and coverage may vary by member location, clinical appropriateness, and individual pharmacy/insurance benefits. Prescribing decisions are made by the treating clinicians. We do not guarantee that any specific medication will be prescribed or covered by a member’s insurance plan.

*Based on finalized paid psychiatry visits with a copay. Insurance availability, coverage, and costs vary by state, plan, provider network, and provider availability.

Understanding online therapy research

If you're considering online therapy as an option for care, you might wonder about the effectiveness of this type of support. According to research, online therapy may often be similarly effective to in-person therapy. For instance, one study in Psychotherapy Research reports that "internet-delivered therapy may be a viable alternative to in-person therapy" in many cases because it has the potential to produce comparable outcomes.