Will I Ever Get Married? What To Do When You Feel Unlovable
By: Julia Thomas
Updated February 24, 2020
Medically Reviewed By: Chante’ Gamby, LCSW
Being single can be a fun, happy time. But, for many people though, being single feels like a cosmic rejection. They wonder 'Will I ever get married?' They feel as if there might be something wrong with them that has kept them from forming deep romantic relationships. If being single makes you feel left behind, different from others, and unlovable, take these steps to enjoy your life more.
Appreciate the Advantages of Being Single
It can be very easy to fall into the trap of considering all the perks and benefits which come along with a relationship. Of course, there is nothing wrong with desiring a companionship and a healthy relationship; however, the desire can become problematic when you start to feel it weighing on you or otherwise bringing you down. You should never feel sad or feel as though you are beneath someone else simply because they happen to be in a relationship. For now, appreciate the time which you have to grow and focus on yourself; when the time is right, the relationship will come. Being single does not mean that you are unlovable and will never get married.
Right now, you might be obsessing about how much better your life would be if you were married. Yet, being single has its own advantages. Many people who are married desire for the freedom to be themselves and make their own decisions without someone else's input. Instead of focusing on what you don't have, make a list of the positive aspects of being single and start enjoying your single life.
If you feel like there's something unlovable about you that's keeping you from forming a committed relationship, why not work on that aspect of yourself? You can improve your grooming and choose clothing more suited to your body type. You can work out at the gym or take long bicycle rides. You can develop new skills and learn more about communicating with others. It's a wonderful way to spend the extra time you would be devoting to a loved one if you were married. You'll also boost your self-confidence.
Using your time as a single person to improve yourself has many benefits. You have the opportunity to learn, grow, and discover more about who you are. You have the privilege of going out, doing new things, and meeting new people. While marriage and relationships can be lovely, there is so much more to life. Ironically, you could actually wind up meeting your future significant other or spouse by actually going out, partaking in events, and using your time as a single person to better yourself. In many cases, some of the best relationships happen when we least expect them to.
Make Sure You Bring Something to the Table
It is completely natural and normal to desire a great relationship or marriage. However, in order to attract the best, you need to be the best. In layman's terms, you need to make sure that you bring something to the table.
Bringing something to the table does not mean that you have to be rich or earn billions of dollars each year. What it does mean is that you should be an interesting and fun person to be around. Have your own hobbies, interests and things going for yourself. Make sure that you're able to have an interesting conversation and as great a partner to your significant other as you'd want them to be to you.
Sadly, this is something which many people neglect to do. So many folks become so caught up in their preferences, desires, and wants that they forget to consider what someone of that stature may want. This often leads to disappointment when people wind up in relationships which do not suit them or fulfill them.
As human being, we attract what we are. If you want a great partner, be a great person. If you want an interesting, loving, and exciting significant other, BE an interesting, loving, and exciting individual.
Appreciate Who You Are
You can change many things about yourself. But, you also need to appreciate yourself for who you are at each point along the way. Give yourself credit for the good things you do for other people. Remember that no one is quite like you. Spend time with friends who care for you as you are. When you love yourself, the feeling can be contagious. Others see you as lovable, too. You deserve to be loved just for being who you are.
Self-appreciation is so important and really makes a difference. Aside from loving yourself and being comfortable with who you are, you're going to want to attract a significant other who also loves and respects who you are. It has been proven time and time again that people who do not appreciate themselves or love themselves have a tendency to attract toxic and unhealthy relationships.
People who mean harm have an uncanny sense of being able to sniff out desperation or a lack of self-love. These individuals then manipulate their victims and use their issues against them. This is a very common theme in unhealthy relationships and the best way to protect yourself from this type of danger is to be in a good emotional state and be appreciative of everything that makes you who you are.
Feeling unlovable might be an indication that your mood is very low. You might be feeling momentarily sad, or you might be clinically depressed. Watch for signs like changes in appetite or sleep patterns, feelings of sadness, hopelessness, helplessness, and/or indecisiveness for an extended period of time.
Depression is very harmful and dangerous. Ensuring that you live a balanced lifestyle is one of the best ways to avoid falling into this deeply insidious and disempowering state. This means being healthy, going out, spending time with friends, and making sure that you are well-rounded and generally content. Similarly to people who don't appreciate themselves, depression can also attract toxic or abusive individuals who may initially come off as saviors or people who genuinely have your best interests at heart. In order to experience a happy marriage or relationship, you must first be at peace with yourself. That sets the precedence for everything else.
Learn more about the symptoms of depression and talk to a counselor if you notice them in yourself.
Talk to a Counselor About Why You're Asking, 'Will I Ever Get Married?'
Your question about whether you'll ever get married might be a passing thought. However, if you continue to think about it for a week or more, it can signal the beginning of a serious emotional problem. Talk to a therapist to explore your feelings and find ways to overcome them. Your happiness doesn't have to revolve around having another person in your life. You can learn to love yourself first. The rest will follow in appropriate time.