Will I Ever Get Married? What To Do When You Feel Unlovable

Medically reviewed by Julie Dodson, MA
Updated March 23, 2024by BetterHelp Editorial Team

Our years of being single can be a fun and happy time for many. However, for some, being single might seem like rejection. An individual may wonder, ‘Will I ever get married?’ and worry that there might be something wrong with them that has kept them from forming deep romantic relationships. 

If being single leaves you feeling left behind, different from others or unlovable, it can be helpful for you to consider the tips contained in this article—all of which are listed with the goal of helping you to elevate your quality of life. Read on to learn more.

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Feeling undesirable or unlovable?

Work on improving yourself

Self-improvement can be a powerful way to spend the time you would otherwise be devoting to a loved one if you were married or in a committed relationship. During this process, you can boost your self-confidence and self-esteem, which can be useful when you do decide to date or get into a relationship. You’ll also get the opportunity to learn, grow and discover more about who you are. 

Not sure where to start? You can go out, try new things and meet new people. Ironically, you could even wind up meeting your future significant other or spouse by partaking in events. Some relationships may begin when we least expect them.

Focus on what you bring to the table

Many people become so caught up in their preferences, desires and wants in a partner that they may forget to look inward and consider what potential partners may be seeking. This can lead to disappointment when people wind up in relationships that do not suit them or fulfill them.

It can be natural to desire a happy relationship or marriage. However, to attract the a person who is a great compliment to you, it can be important to ensure that you are who you want to be, and know yourself well. 

Recognizing what you bring to the table can boost your self-esteem, helping you to realize that your relationship status doesn’t generally define your worth as an individual. It can allow you to focus on your positive traits and become comfortable in your own skin. Additionally, the hobbies, interests, passions and qualities you have can make you interesting and unique and may eventually draw another person to you. 

Appreciate who you are

Getty/Vadym Pastukh

While you may have the power to change many things about yourself, it can be important to practice self-acceptance and appreciate who you are at each point along your journey. Learning how to love yourself and have compassion despite your mistakes can allow you to make improvements as needed while still holding space for the person you are in the present moment.

Aside from loving yourself and being comfortable with who you are, it’s likely you’re looking for a significant other who might also love and respect who you are. Appreciating yourself and having a healthy level of self-love can help you recognize the healthy type of love you deserve. 

If you’re feeling unlovable or excessively overwhelmed, this might be an indication that you are living with an anxiety disorder or low self-esteem. While it’s possible that you might be feeling momentarily sad, you may find that your symptoms are more severe, or long-lasting—possibly indicating the presence of clinical depression. To determine your next right step, you may watch for signs like changes in appetite or sleep patterns, feelings of sadness, hopelessness, helplessness, and/or indecisiveness for an extended period. It is advised that you consult with your doctor if you notice such symptoms occurring.

Online therapy with BetterHelp

Your question about whether you’ll ever get married might just be a passing thought. However, if you continue to worry about your future relationships or develop depression or anxiety as a result, you may consider speaking with a counselor who has experience working with singles and people in loving relationships. 

With online therapy through a platform like BetterHelp, you don’t necessarily have to do the work of searching for a therapist on your own. Instead, you can simply fill out an online form and get matched with a provider who meets your preferences and needs. Then, from the comfort of your home or anywhere else you have a Wi-Fi connection, you can begin getting the support and advice you need. 

The efficacy of online therapy 

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Feeling undesirable or unlovable?

If you’re worried about never getting married, it’s possible that you might be lacking confidence in yourself and doubting what you have to offer to another person. In these instances, online therapy could be beneficial. 

In one study, researchers found that an internet-based cognitive behavioral therapy intervention was efficacious in improving self-esteem, self-compassion and quality of life. It also decreased symptoms of depression and anxiety disorder.

Takeaway

Wanting to be married or in a committed relationship one day can be a natural feeling that lots of other people have. However, when this desire is all you can focus on, or you believe your singleness says something about your worth, it may become detrimental to your mental health.
While being married can bring a lot of joy and happiness with it, it can also be possible to find contentment—whether you’re single or in a committed relationship. Working with a therapist can help you figure out how to maintain your self-confidence and self-esteem regardless of your relationship status. 

Reaching out to a counselor might feel intimidating at first but can go a long way toward pinpointing the elements in your life that are preventing you from leading a full life. Online therapy can be instrumental in this process, allowing you to receive care from anywhere at any time. BetterHelp can connect you with an online therapist in your area of need.

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