Will I Ever Get Married? What To Do When You Feel Unlovable

Medically reviewed by Nikki Ciletti, M.Ed, LPC
Updated August 26, 2023by BetterHelp Editorial Team

Our years of being single can be a fun, happy time. However, for some people, being single feels like rejection. An individual may wonder, “Will I ever get married?” and worry that there might be something wrong with them that has kept them from forming deep romantic relationships. If being single makes you feel left behind, different from others, or unlovable, consider the tips contained in this article to help yourself enjoy life more deeply and appreciate all you have to offer.

Feeling Undesirable Or Unlovable?

Appreciate The Advantages Of Being Single

When we desire something we don’t have, it can be easy to fall into the trap of only focusing on the perks and benefits of that thing without seeing its drawbacks or downsides. The same can be true of a relationship. While there is nothing wrong with desiring companionship and a healthy relationship, the desire and longing for romantic love can start to feel like a weight and bring you down. Although you may be surrounded by others who are in relationships, this doesn’t mean you’re worth any less than them. 

If you’re obsessing over how much happier your life would be if you were married to a loving partner, it may be helpful to acknowledge the unique advantages of being single. For example, living a single lifestyle can give you time to grow and focus on yourself and your interests. It can also offer flexibility and more control over your time.

Many married people desire the freedom to be themselves and make their own decisions without someone else’s input. Rather than focusing on what you don’t have, you could try making a list of the positive aspects of being single and attempt to concentrate on those instead. 

Work On Improving Yourself

If you feel like there’s something unlovable about you that’s keeping you from forming a committed relationship, you may consider working on that aspect of yourself. For instance, if you wish you were more active, you could try a new form of exercise, like a spin class or water aerobics. If speaking to strangers is intimidating, you may focus on developing new skills and learning more about communicating effectively with others. 

Self-improvement can be a powerful way to spend the time you would otherwise be devoting to a loved one if you were married. During this process, you can boost your self-confidence and self-esteem, which can be useful if you do decide to date or get into a relationship. With the extra time you have, you can go out, try new things, and meet new people. Ironically, you could wind up meeting your future significant other or spouse by partaking in these events. Some relationships begin when we least expect them.

Focus On What You Bring To The Table

Many people become so caught up in their preferences, desires, and wants in a partner that they forget to look inward and consider what potential partners may be looking for. This can lead to disappointment when people wind up in relationships that do not suit or fulfill them.

Rather than always focusing on the traits you want in a partner, it can be important to consider your own positive and negative traits. Everyone possesses different positive qualities and figuring out what makes you unique can help you discover where you shine. It can also enable you to determine areas for growth. 

Recognizing what you bring to the table can boost your self-esteem, helping you realize your relationship status doesn’t define your worth as an individual. It can allow you to focus on your positive traits and become comfortable in your own skin. Your hobbies, interests, passions, and personality help make you interesting and unique, and that may eventually be what draws another person to you. 

Appreciate Who You Are

While you may have the power to change many things about yourself, it can be important to practice self-acceptance and appreciate who you are at each point along your journey. Learning how to love yourself and have compassion despite your mistakes can allow you to make improvements as needed while still holding space for the person you are in the present moment.

Feeling unlovable might be an indication that you are living with anxiety or low self-esteem. You might be feeling momentarily sad, or your symptoms might be more severe and could be a sign of clinical depression. Watch for signs like changes in appetite or sleep patterns, feelings of sadness, hopelessness, helplessness, and/or indecisiveness for an extended period, and consult with your doctor.

Online Therapy With BetterHelp

Your question about whether you’ll ever get married might just be a passing thought. However, if you continue to worry about your future relationships, it can be helpful to talk to a counselor who has experience working with singles and people in loving relationships. With online therapy through a platform like BetterHelp, you don’t have to do the work of searching for a therapist on your own. Instead, you can simply fill out an online form and get matched with a provider who meets your preferences and needs. Then, from the comfort of your home or anywhere else you have a Wi-Fi connection, you can begin getting the support and advice you need. 

The Efficacy Of Online Therapy 

If you’re worried about never getting married, you might be lacking confidence in yourself and doubting what you have to offer to another person. In these instances, online therapy could be beneficial. In one study, researchers found that it also decreased symptoms of depression and anxiety.

CBT is an approach to therapy that seeks to identify the underlying thoughts or feelings contributing to mental health concerns. Once an individual can recognize and change their unhelpful thoughts, they can choose more productive behaviors and thinking patterns, which may improve their mental well-being—including the beliefs they have about themselves. 

Read these testimonials from patients like you who have benefited from meeting with one of BetterHelp’s counselors.

Therapist Reviews

“I started out as a real mess, but Pam led me through a whole bundle of problems and now I’m much more healthy. I started out being alone and lonely, then started some light dating, found a girlfriend who is now my fiancé, and we got a Marriage License last Saturday. We’ll have an outdoor ceremony overlooking the ocean in a couple of weeks. All is good, and Pam helped me get from there to here!”

“I worked with Sara for some months last year, while struggling a lot with depression, relationship issues and my self esteem. It was a really difficult time in my life, but I must say that Sarah really helped me a lot. From before I had some bad experiences with therapists, feeling that they didn’t really see me and understand what I needed help with, but with Sara it was soooo different! From the very first session I felt like she got me, knew what I needed and that she managed to see the connection between my issues and my background. Working with her truly helped me a lot with moving out of my depression, battling the issues in my relationships and maybe most importantly, getting my self esteem back and truly loving myself. I’d absolutely recommend Sara, and I’d most definitely trust her again if life gives me lemons again!”

Feeling Undesirable Or Unlovable?


Many people desire to be married one day, but when this desire is all you can focus on or you believe your singleness says something about your worth, it may impact your mental health. While being married can bring joy and happiness with it, it’s also possible to find contentment whether you’re single or in a committed relationship. Working with a therapist can help you figure out how to maintain your self-confidence and self-esteem regardless of your relationship status. Online therapy can be instrumental in this process, allowing you to receive care from anywhere at any time.

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