What Should I Do With My Life? Thinking Ahead, Goal Setting, And Mental Health

While it might be seen as an important rite of passage, finding your purpose and direction in life isn’t always easy (or possible), and it can be stressful when you experience pressure to figure it all out. However, the issue is timelessly relevant, particularly for young adults in their twenties and post-grad years. You aren't alone if you feel lost and are questioning the path forward. This article will explore why determining what to do with your life is such a common challenge and offer suggestions for coping with the stress so you can go forth with a balanced perspective, aligned priorities, and the motivation to achieve your goals. 

Experiencing pressure to figure out what to do with your life?

Online therapy can help you find perspective

Why do people experience pressure to find a purpose in life?  

Expectations around finding a life purpose may stem from a combination of factors. For example, society typically emphasizes finding a grand, life-changing purpose, which can be daunting and may lead to added stress if that purpose is not immediately clear. In addition, humans are naturally curious and inclined to look for meaning and purpose in life, leading to a sense of urgency for some. Finally, the search for purpose often involves making significant life decisions, which can add pressure when one fears failure or the possibility of making the wrong choice. 

Societal pressures and finding a “dream career” 

For many, expectations from family, friends, and society can create significant pressure around pursuing a particular career path, even if it doesn’t align with one’s inner goals and values. For example, family and friends may emphasize career development in a role that provides financial stability and the ability to support a family, which may overshadow one’s passions. 

Societal success is often measured by job titles, salary, and professional recognition, which can create pressure to achieve high-status positions. Additionally, constant exposure to social media and the "success" of others can contribute to a sense of pressure to achieve similar levels of success. 

When you think you know what you want 

When making career decisions, consider your willingness to weather the challenges that come with it. For example, one may want to become a lawyer, but that goal might be deterred by burnout if one can't effectively cope with the stresses of law school. That doesn't mean the person can't still pursue a career in law if that's what they want; it simply means they must work to overcome the adversity that comes with it.

The myth of one true path to your dream job (or life) 

There is no one single “calling” or perfect plan for your entire life, and “purpose” can be plural and evolving. Many people begin working in a field about which they are passionate, only to find that it doesn’t evolve with their changing lifestyle or interests. Conversely, some people take a job they aren’t passionate about as a stepping stone to a different path, only to find out later the job aligns exactly with their values. 

There’s no rule that says you must develop a full-fledged career in order to be happy and fulfilled. Some people choose to focus on cultivating other parts of their lives while keeping a full-time job simply to meet living expenses.  

Goal setting and timelines 

Exploration and the advantages of uncertainty

Although exploration and curiosity can be conducive to finding meaningful answers in life, staying open and willing to take things as they come when experiencing pressure can be challenging. While uncertainty can be uncomfortable, it can also serve as a gateway to learning, self-discovery, and self-improvement. Research suggests that people who are exposed to different kinds of lower-stakes uncertainty experience a type of “good” stress that increases receptivity to new data, boosting productivity and problem-solving skills. 

Using intuition to find your purpose in life

Small interests, hunches, or fascinations can act as guideposts throughout the search for your life’s purpose. To tap into your intuition, pay attention to your emotions. Consider when, where, and why you experience telling emotions like fear, anxiety, excitement, and joy. Also, note any physical sensations like tingling or tension in the body. Pay attention to recurring thoughts, dreams, and intuitions. Take some time to reflect on what these experiences might be telling you by writing in a journal or confiding in a friend. 

Goal setting in alignment with your values  

While outcome-driven choices may be necessary or preferable in some cases, when it comes to designing a fulfilling life, making choices according to your values may ensure your efforts lead to long-term satisfaction and a sense of purpose. Values-driven choices generally prioritize core beliefs and principles, while outcome-driven choices typically focus on desired results or consequences. Values-driven decisions can guide actions, even when outcomes are uncertain, while outcome-driven decisions are guided by the desired result, which may not always align with personal values. 

Discovering your values through self-awareness

Core values and beliefs aren't always apparent and may take a little research, time, and self-reflection to discover. Begin by considering the meaningful experiences you’ve had in your life. Think about the times when you felt happiest, most proud, or most fulfilled. What values were present in those moments? Analyze your past choices and actions. Were they aligned with your values? Ask friends and family for their perspectives. Their insights can reveal values you might not have consciously recognized.

Self-discovery as a process, not a destination  

Self-discovery isn't something you "complete." It's an ongoing journey of reflection, identity shifts, successes, and failures. As we experience new situations and interactions, our understanding of ourselves and the world around us evolves, and the path before us changes. During the process of self-discovery, one may realize they must break down societal expectations and conditioning to find their authentic selves.

Mental health implications 

Pressure, uncertainty, and self-doubt are common challenges people face when trying to plot a meaningful course for the rest of their lives. When the individual isn't equipped to cope or doesn't have a support system to help, such challenges can have long-term mental health implications. Learning how to use those challenges to foster growth and learning can be key.

Mental health disorders like anxiety and depression

Studies suggest that people with a sense of purpose typically experience less stress, anxiety, and depression. People with depression and anxiety disorders may struggle to form and maintain a sense of purpose, and a lack of purpose can contribute to or worsen these conditions. The constant pressure to find a purpose can lead to anxiety related to the future and fears of not measuring up to societal expectations. This can also contribute to depression, particularly when individuals sense that they are falling short in their pursuit of purpose. 

Low self-esteem and inadequacy

The pressure to find a purpose can be particularly damaging to self-esteem, especially if individuals believe they aren’t "successful" or "fulfilled" in their chosen path. This can lead to a sense of inadequacy and low self-worth. Additionally, the societal emphasis on finding a purpose can leave individuals feeling stuck or lost if they don't have a clear or grand vision for their future. This can lead to dissatisfaction and a lack of direction, which can further impact mental well-being. 

Burnout and isolation

Pursuing a purpose can become a source of stress and burnout if individuals constantly strive for something that seems unattainable or doesn't align with their values. This can also lead to social isolation as individuals withdraw from activities or relationships that don't align with their perceived purpose. Some may also isolate themselves because they feel overwhelmed or drained in the pursuit of their goals. 

The value of self-care 

Caring for yourself means getting plenty of sleep, exercise, and nutrition. It also means being kind and treating yourself as you would a good friend. Many people become self-critical when faced with existential challenges, such as figuring out what to do for the rest of their lives. Stay mindful of any negative self-talk that might arise. A mindfulness practice, such as meditation or regular journaling, can help you identify negative thoughts and beliefs, challenge them, and reframe them into more positive, realistic ones. 

Seek positive feedback from friends and loved ones, and participate in activities that nourish and bring you pleasure (even if that’s just playing video games on the sofa for a while). Try learning something new, spending time in nature, or doing something creative that's outside of your comfort zone. The key may be to refrain from self-judgment and remember that there's no one answer, but many ever-changing possibilities.

Finding motivation and meaning with professional guidance 

Finding your purpose in life is a significant undertaking, often fraught with challenges and barriers along the way. Outside pressure, low self-esteem, and demotivation can contribute. Some people struggle to fully understand themselves and their values, making it difficult to connect their actions with a larger purpose. The process can be overwhelming and demotivating, and it may take a toll on mental health and well-being.

Mental health professionals can help individuals explore their past experiences and challenges to gain a deeper self-understanding. In therapy, people can also learn how to manage stress, improve coping skills, and build resilience. In addition, therapy can help individuals build self-confidence, self-efficacy, and motivation. In essence, therapy can provide a safe and supportive space for you to explore your emotions, challenge limiting beliefs, and develop the skills and tools you need to shape a fulfilled life based on personal motivation and meaning.

Experiencing pressure to figure out what to do with your life?

Online therapy can help you find perspective

Overcoming obstacles and moving forward

Some people might significantly benefit from counseling but experience barriers to treatment that deter them from trying it. For example, some people have accessibility issues, scheduling challenges, or affordability concerns. Others may feel reluctant to attend therapy due to mental health stigma or the belief that it just won’t work for them. 

Studies suggest that internet-delivered counseling can offer solutions to many of these barriers. For example, a 2021 analysis published in the Journal of Medical Internet Research found that online interventions offer several advantages over face-to-face (F2F) therapies, including the following:

• They are accessible from remote locations, require less of a time commitment, and offer increased flexibility for both clients and therapists 
• They reduce the risk of stigma  
• They encourage users to begin counseling earlier
• They promote treatment adherence 

Online therapy platforms like BetterHelp provide users with access to a broad selection of therapists with diverse backgrounds and specialties. Users can attend therapy on a schedule that fits their needs from the comfort of their homes, often for less than traditional in-person treatment without insurance coverage.