Marriage And Relationship Counseling Goals For A Stronger Partnership

Marriage counseling can provide a safe space to explore relationship issues and challenges with things like communication, trust, emotional intimacy, and parenting differences. During these sessions, couples can set long-term goals, which may help the pair stay motivated as they work on their marriage. Nearly half of all married couples attend marriage counseling at some point, with 70% of them finding that relationship counseling positively impacts their relationship.

Common challenges addressed in therapy

Many couples experience relationship problems and disagreements and disputes that can be difficult to resolve without the help of an unbiased, licensed professional. The following are some of the most common reasons couples seek out therapy: 

Communication skills

Communication is often seen as the foundation of healthy relationships. However, communication skills may be eroded over time by things like breaches of trust, resentment, fear of abandonment, pursuer-distancer dynamics, financial challenges, yelling, parenting differences, or unwillingness to compromise. 

Emotional intimacy challenges

Emotional intimacy is important for establishing and maintaining trust, safety, comfort, connection, and happiness in relationships. Without it, couples may feel distant or argumentative with their partner. 

Physical intimacy challenges

Unlike emotional intimacy, physical intimacy is not always considered essential to relationship satisfaction.

Life changes 

Major life events, such as the birth of a child or job loss, can harm mental and physical health in the short or long term. In some cases, stressful life changes may reduce marital satisfaction and increase rates of depression. 

Trust issues 

Many couples seek out marriage counseling due to underlying challenges with trust. While the cause for these challenges can vary, those who struggle to trust others may have experienced trauma, abuse during childhood, challenging romantic relationships, or infidelity in their marriage. If you find your marriage is marked by infidelity, frequent jealousy, suspicion, accusations, avoidance, anxieties, and abandonment fears, it may be helpful to talk with a therapist. 

Finances

Finances can cause significant stress and relationship strain, and longitudinal data from the National Survey of Families and Households indicates that financial strain may be a strong predictor of divorce. To cope with financial stressors, some people may turn to avoidant behaviors, which can make problems worse. A counselor can work with couples to address these challenges by offering actionable solutions and reestablishing healthy communication and problem-solving.

Parenting differences 

While parenting differences can vary, disagreements often arise from a disparity in parenting styles. There are a number of parenting style classifications, but a commonly accepted model comes from Psychologist Diana Baumrind. Baumrind posited that there are four common parenting styles: authoritative, permissive, uninvolved, and authoritarian. Differences in styles may cause conflict, which may be helped by seeking out the assistance of a therapist. 

Trauma

The American Psychological Association defines trauma as “an emotional response to a terrible event…”, after which individuals may see long-term ramifications. Trauma can impact all types of relationships, including those of a romantic nature. Relationship therapy can be an effective way to address the impact of trauma on a marriage. In many cases, mental health professionals can provide ways to address and manage the emotions surrounding traumatic events in order to reduce their negative impact. 

If you are experiencing trauma, support is available. Please see our Get Help Now page for more resources.

“The Four Horsemen” 

Dr. John Gottman, couples therapist and creator of the Gottman Institute, identified four characteristics he defined as the “Four Horsemen” of marital decline: criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling. If you recognize any of these behaviors in your relationship, it may be beneficial to consider booking a therapy session to talk with a marriage counselor. 

Considering ending the marriage

For couples deciding whether it’s time to separate, discernment counseling is a type of therapy that can help evaluate the relationship with more clarity. Through discernment counseling, couples can learn what is needed to heal their relationship and make an informed decision about divorce. If both parties decide to stay together and work on their marriage, traditional marriage counseling is usually recommended to address relationship challenges. 

Goals of relationship counseling

When it comes to goals for couples therapy, couples may have a diverse array of relationship counseling goals. When these goals are the same and understood by both parties, they can provide direction and clarity about each spouse’s needs. 

Finding the type of therapy that suits your relationship

After you’ve decided to try couples therapy and know your goals for couples therapy, you may find yourselves overwhelmed by the different techniques practiced by licensed therapists. Some common methods utilized during couples therapy include:

• Emotionally focused therapy (EFT): EFT can be particularly useful for couples experiencing disconnection, as it emphasizes improving attachment and bonding. 
• Gottman method: The Gottman method aims to replace harmful conflict patterns with positive interactions and conflict management skills. 
• Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT): CBT can help couples identify negative automatic thought patterns that lead to unhealthy behaviors. By questioning and reframing these thoughts, couples can effectively improve problem solving and behaviors. 
• Behavioral couples therapy (BCT): This approach involves identifying and discouraging harmful behaviors while rewarding and reinforcing behaviors that improve relationship satisfaction. 

In addition to emphasizing different types of therapeutic approaches, couples therapists may allow clients to attend sessions in-person or online. When choosing between the two, consider the following:  

• In-person therapy: Marriage counseling can be a helpful outlet to learn relationship skills, and research shows that 70% of couples who attend in-person therapy experience positive relationship outcomes. 

If you don’t have reliable internet or space free from distractions (such as pets, children, or roommates), you may prefer in-person couples therapy. 

• Online therapy: A 2021 study found that in-person and online couples therapy are equally effective, with participants experiencing the same therapeutic alliance, mental health benefits, and relationship satisfaction improvements between the two. Additionally, a 2019 study on the experiences of attending online couples therapy found that the physical distance from therapists can help couples feel more relaxed and in control of their sessions. 

If you have difficulty coordinating schedules to meet during standard business hours, or if your insurance doesn’t cover couples therapy, you may prefer online therapy. Additionally, online platforms like BetterHelp let you use in-app messaging to reach out to your therapist at any time, and they will respond as soon as they can. This feature may be helpful if you often experience marital conflict outside of your therapy sessions.