Reviving Romance: Rediscovering And Reigniting The Love Spark In Your Relationship

Medically reviewed by April Justice, LICSW
Updated April 29, 2024by BetterHelp Editorial Team

When you feel like the love you once felt for your partner is dwindling, it is natural to feel stressed and confused. If you are not ready to end your relationship and you want to learn how to fall back in love, there are many things you and your partner can do. 

Learning new ways to express undying love is going to take a fair amount of dedication and attention from both of you. Read on to discover how to reignite the spark in your relationship.

Wondering how to rekindle the spark in your relationship?

What is "the spark" in a relationship?

The spark refers to the special connection and natural high couples feel at the beginning of their relationships. During this time, the body secretes the hormone dopamine which contribute to the excited and energetic feelings you experience as you develop respect, honesty, and friendship. Typically, this spark is felt when the relationship is brand new, exciting and filled by intimacy, and passion. These good feelings keep the relationship alive as they enhance the intimate connection and passion.

However, as time goes on, this excitement may fade and the relationship can feel routine, even boring. Because the initial effort put into the relationship was based on these excited feelings (or hormones), many couples do not know how to put more effort into their relationships at this turning point.

Some partners have an expectation that feelings of love arrive effortlessly and do not understand that a relationship requires effort. Therefore, they grow to believe that what they and their partner feel is a sign that the relationship is ending when this may not be the truth.

As a result, they struggle in moving forward in their relationship because it requires them to get out of their comfort zone and work to keep the spark.

Let date night make a comeback

If you are wondering how to fall in love again, setting aside a night once or twice a week to go on a date could be the perfect remedy for you. Relationships often improve when they are nurtured. When you choose a night, make sure it is a time when both of you will be engaged and energetic. Avoid choosing a night when you either have had a full day of work, appointments or obligations. You want to go into the date night with a clear mind and a bright heart.

Choose to do activities that you have never done before to bring in novelty or adventure. For example, you can plan on a hike at a park you have never visited or a restaurant you have not visited. Making new memories together will strengthen your love. Developing new experiences and having adventures together helps you add passion and romance to your routine.

Communication is key

As we settle into the comfort of a long-term relationship, you may fall into the complacent habit of not talking about your feelings with your significant other. If this has happened to you, open up and communicate with your partner. You may be worried that you might make matters worse by talking, move forward and speak. 

You may be holding back your feelings for fear of how your partner will react or you simply do not know how to talk to them about it. You could consider, in this instance, consulting a licensed professional to assist you.

A counselor, therapist, or relationship coach is someone that can act as a mediator when you have conversations with your partner. They may also be able to suggest exercises and other strategies that can help strengthen and rebuild your love. A broken relationship can be mentally exhausting and having a mediator may help reduce the stress. If you or both of you are wondering if you can rekindle your love, counseling may be the answer.

Recognition matters

When you are trying to learn how to fall back in love, recognition is key. Both your partner and you will be taking extra special care to make sure both of you are feeling happy and safe in these stages. You might not be able to get butterflies again, but you can reach a point where you can trust, support, and love. If you hesitate in acknowledging those efforts, you could be hurting your relationship in the long run.

If you notice your partner doing something special, like asking how your day was or cooking dinner after a long workday, say thank you. You want to be sure they know that you recognize the effort that they are putting in and that you are grateful for it. Have patience with each other as you work through this time and rebuild your connection.

If you feel you are being underappreciated, let your partner know. They may not be aware that you want to be recognized and, again, communication is key. If you are in the habit of holding things inside, take the risk and open up. Your partner may surprise with openness and attentiveness. 

Working through conflict: Listen and be grateful

If you are prone to arguments in your relationship, make it a rule to not walk away from one another until the issue is resolved. This may not be an extra step you usually take, because it is not something that is required of you. One strategy is to change your perspective of your loved one in conflict as someone who is trying to hurt you and is self-absorbed. Often, partners in an intractable conflict may perceive each other as enemies. But, once one person in the conflict opens their mind and heart to being supportive and seeing their partner as a friend, both of you may come to a peaceful resolution. 

Another common occurrence in a broken relationship is not paying attention to one another. Over the years, the novelty of having a partner in your life can fade. The normal way of day-to-day life becomes mundane, and you forget to be thankful for your partner.

You want to be sure you are not taking for granted the relationship that you do have. Show your partner love, and they will do the same in return. Listening to your partner and expressing your gratitude for their presence in your life can mend the gap and heal any pain that is lingering between the both of you. 

Forgiveness and letting go of the past

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Over the years, there have undoubtedly been many things that have happened to hurt you or things you may done to hurt your partner. As the tallies rise, it can be easy to hold a grudge. If your goal is to learn how to fall back in love, though, it is time to let those go.

When you decide to move forward with your loved one and try to salvage your relationship, you need to forgive. If you want to make it even better, you can go one step further and find it within to let go of the bad situation completely.

When you choose to forgive your partner and essentially forget the problem, you are making a big step toward your love being able to blossom again. When you choose to have no hard feelings against each other, you can forget the bad things and focus on the healthy future you want to build with one another.

Anticipate your partner’s wants and needs

No matter how hard you try, you will not always be able to know exactly what your partner wants and needs (this is where honest communication comes in), but you can certainly try!

Do not make your partner tell you more than once what they need to feel happy and safe. If you are continually having the same conversations, it will only be detrimental to your relationship. You want to be anticipating things that your partner will need, and the only way you can do that is by truly taking to heart anything the two of you speak about.

When you go the extra mile to make sure your loved one feels supported and safe, your partner will most likely open up to you again and your relationship grows. A good place to start is communication. Learn to become an active listener to remain more engaged in your conversations and become intensely curious about your partner and their life and future goals. Pay close attention to what they are saying and try not to lose track of the conversation. The attention will help your partner feel more appreciated.

Have fun together

It might seem obvious, but many couples struggle to do the essential thing that a relationship brightens both your lives: have fun with one another!

The spark between the two of you is most likely still there and just needs to be rekindled to achieve rekindled love. You could be mistaken for feeling bored with one another with not being in love anymore. For many couples, this is the case.

You do not need to go anywhere or do anything to accomplish this; having fun can be completely free. You can let your guard down and relax around this person that loves you. Make jokes while cooking dinner or watching a movie, or if you both are the type of person that loves pranks, pull them!

Do all the things you remember doing when you were just beginning your relationship, even if it feels like a chore. There are so many important things that we do when we are just meeting someone that fall by the wayside when we are together for several years.

If the two of you can figure out how to bring that back, you have a chance of leaving the question “how do we get back to love?” in the past!

Spice up your sex life

Wondering how to rekindle the spark in your relationship?

Sexual intimacy is an extremely important and often overlooked part of any happy and healthy relationship. Even though your problems may not happen in the bedroom, many of them may begin there.

If you are not having sex at all or one of you is avoiding sex, you or your partner may feel unwanted or undesired. This can cross over to almost any other part of your relationship. If you are not feeling in the mood, talk to your partner about it and come to an understanding about underlying issues. If you need the help of the counselor to get to the root of the problem, reach out to a licensed professional.

You may also try more subtle and smaller gestures of physical intimacy to keep that spark alive. After all, people of all walks of life and relationships feel more sexual energy when it is slowly built up. Therefore, find other ways to exhibit physical affection such as a reassuring caress, a hug, cuddling, or kissing. Even just a squeeze of a hug or touching your partner’s back gently can have a positive effect. These other forms of affectionate physical contact can help your partner feel more attractive and open to intimacy.

You can also work to enhance every form of intimacy. Though most couples associate intimacy with physical touch, it is so much more than that. For example, you can have deep conversations to grow intimacy that is emotional or intellectual base. Or you can experience aesthetic intimacy by seeing a sunrise together or walking in nature together. And of course, you can try new things in bed or schedule more sex to keep that sexual intimacy alive.

A sex therapist may be able to help you rekindle a relationship. 

Seeking help from a professional 

A final way to rekindle a relationship is by talking to a professional. There may be underlying issues that are preventing you and your partner from keeping your love alive. Talking to a therapist or relationship coach can help uncover those concerns and bring about tools and strategies that redevelop closeness. Just make sure that all parties involved want to work with a therapist and are on the same page when it comes to creating an action plan to rekindle the spark. BetterHelp has licensed therapists who can work with you today to help you and your partner grow again together in love.

If you and your partner find it difficult to meet with a professional in person, consider online therapy. Studies have shown that online couples therapy can have a profound and positive impact on those who are experiencing relationship distress. 


Relationships won’t always feel exciting, and that’s okay. 

When falling in love, date nights at the beginning of your relationship often provide many new life experiences and may develop into a long-term relationship. However, even a healthy relationship may wane over time and to rekindle your relationship, you may choose to seek help from a mental health professional to bring the spark back.  

If you feel like your relationship has gone stale but you know you still want to be with your partner, then consider using some of the advice above to return some excitement and passion. With a little work, you may be able to fall in love with them all over again.

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