Reviving Romance: Rediscovering And Reigniting The Love Spark In Your Relationship
When you feel like the love you once felt for your partner is dwindling, it is natural to feel stressed and confused. If you are not ready to end your relationship and you want to learn how to fall back in love, there are many things you and your partner can do.
Learning new ways to express undying love is going to take a fair amount of dedication and attention from both of you. Read on to discover how to reignite the spark in your relationship.
What is "the spark" in a relationship?
The spark refers to the special connection and natural high couples feel at the beginning of their relationships. During this time, the body secretes the hormone dopamine which contribute to the excited and energetic feelings you experience as you develop respect, honesty, and friendship. Typically, this spark is felt when the relationship is brand new, exciting and filled by intimacy, and passion. These good feelings keep the relationship alive as they enhance the intimate connection and passion.
However, as time goes on, this excitement may fade and the relationship can feel routine, even boring. Because the initial effort put into the relationship was based on these excited feelings (or hormones), many couples do not know how to put more effort into their relationships at this turning point.
Some partners have an expectation that feelings of love arrive effortlessly and do not understand that a relationship requires effort. Therefore, they grow to believe that what they and their partner feel is a sign that the relationship is ending when this may not be the truth.
As a result, they struggle in moving forward in their relationship because it requires them to get out of their comfort zone and work to keep the spark.
Let date night make a comeback
If you are wondering how to fall in love again, setting aside a night once or twice a week to go on a date could be the perfect remedy for you. Relationships often improve when they are nurtured. When you choose a night, make sure it is a time when both of you will be engaged and energetic. Avoid choosing a night when you either have had a full day of work, appointments or obligations. You want to go into the date night with a clear mind and a bright heart.
Choose to do activities that you have never done before to bring in novelty or adventure. For example, you can plan on a hike at a park you have never visited or a restaurant you have not visited. Making new memories together will strengthen your love. Developing new experiences and having adventures together helps you add passion and romance to your routine.
Communication is key
As we settle into the comfort of a long-term relationship, you may fall into the complacent habit of not talking about your feelings with your significant other. If this has happened to you, open up and communicate with your partner. You may be worried that you might make matters worse by talking, move forward and speak.
You may be holding back your feelings for fear of how your partner will react or you simply do not know how to talk to them about it. You could consider, in this instance, consulting a licensed professional to assist you.
A counselor, therapist, or relationship coach is someone that can act as a mediator when you have conversations with your partner. They may also be able to suggest exercises and other strategies that can help strengthen and rebuild your love. A broken relationship can be mentally exhausting and having a mediator may help reduce the stress. If you or both of you are wondering if you can rekindle your love, counseling may be the answer.
Recognition matters
When you are trying to learn how to fall back in love, recognition is key. Both your partner and you will be taking extra special care to make sure both of you are feeling happy and safe in these stages. You might not be able to get butterflies again, but you can reach a point where you can trust, support, and love. If you hesitate in acknowledging those efforts, you could be hurting your relationship in the long run.
If you notice your partner doing something special, like asking how your day was or cooking dinner after a long workday, say thank you. You want to be sure they know that you recognize the effort that they are putting in and that you are grateful for it. Have patience with each other as you work through this time and rebuild your connection.
If you feel you are being underappreciated, let your partner know. They may not be aware that you want to be recognized and, again, communication is key. If you are in the habit of holding things inside, take the risk and open up. Your partner may surprise with openness and attentiveness.
Working through conflict: Listen and be grateful
If you are prone to arguments in your relationship, make it a rule to not walk away from one another until the issue is resolved. This may not be an extra step you usually take, because it is not something that is required of you. One strategy is to change your perspective of your loved one in conflict as someone who is trying to hurt you and is self-absorbed. Often, partners in an intractable conflict may perceive each other as enemies. But, once one person in the conflict opens their mind and heart to being supportive and seeing their partner as a friend, both of you may come to a peaceful resolution.
Another common occurrence in a broken relationship is not paying attention to one another. Over the years, the novelty of having a partner in your life can fade. The normal way of day-to-day life becomes mundane, and you forget to be thankful for your partner.
You want to be sure you are not taking for granted the relationship that you do have. Show your partner love, and they will do the same in return. Listening to your partner and expressing your gratitude for their presence in your life can mend the gap and heal any pain that is lingering between the both of you.
Forgiveness and letting go of the past
Over the years, there have undoubtedly been many things that have happened to hurt you or things you may done to hurt your partner. As the tallies rise, it can be easy to hold a grudge. If your goal is to learn how to fall back in love, though, it is time to let those go.
When you decide to move forward with your loved one and try to salvage your relationship, you need to forgive. If you want to make it even better, you can go one step further and find it within to let go of the bad situation completely.
When you choose to forgive your partner and essentially forget the problem, you are making a big step toward your love being able to blossom again. When you choose to have no hard feelings against each other, you can forget the bad things and focus on the healthy future you want to build with one another.
Anticipate your partner’s wants and needs
No matter how hard you try, you will not always be able to know exactly what your partner wants and needs (this is where honest communication comes in), but you can certainly try!
Do not make your partner tell you more than once what they need to feel happy and safe. If you are continually having the same conversations, it will only be detrimental to your relationship. You want to be anticipating things that your partner will need, and the only way you can do that is by truly taking to heart anything the two of you speak about.
When you go the extra mile to make sure your loved one feels supported and safe, your partner will most likely open up to you again and your relationship grows. A good place to start is communication. Learn to become an active listener to remain more engaged in your conversations and become intensely curious about your partner and their life and future goals. Pay close attention to what they are saying and try not to lose track of the conversation. The attention will help your partner feel more appreciated.
Have fun together
It might seem obvious, but many couples struggle to do the essential thing that a relationship brightens both your lives: have fun with one another!
The spark between the two of you is most likely still there and just needs to be rekindled to achieve rekindled love. You could be mistaken for feeling bored with one another with not being in love anymore. For many couples, this is the case.
You do not need to go anywhere or do anything to accomplish this; having fun can be completely free. You can let your guard down and relax around this person that loves you. Make jokes while cooking dinner or watching a movie, or if you both are the type of person that loves pranks, pull them!
Do all the things you remember doing when you were just beginning your relationship, even if it feels like a chore. There are so many important things that we do when we are just meeting someone that fall by the wayside when we are together for several years.
If the two of you can figure out how to bring that back, you have a chance of leaving the question “how do we get back to love?” in the past!
Spice up your sex life
Sexual intimacy is an extremely important and often overlooked part of any happy and healthy relationship. Even though your problems may not happen in the bedroom, many of them may begin there.
If you are not having sex at all or one of you is avoiding sex, you or your partner may feel unwanted or undesired. This can cross over to almost any other part of your relationship. If you are not feeling in the mood, talk to your partner about it and come to an understanding about underlying issues. If you need the help of the counselor to get to the root of the problem, reach out to a licensed professional.
You may also try more subtle and smaller gestures of physical intimacy to keep that spark alive. After all, people of all walks of life and relationships feel more sexual energy when it is slowly built up. Therefore, find other ways to exhibit physical affection such as a reassuring caress, a hug, cuddling, or kissing. Even just a squeeze of a hug or touching your partner’s back gently can have a positive effect. These other forms of affectionate physical contact can help your partner feel more attractive and open to intimacy.
You can also work to enhance every form of intimacy. Though most couples associate intimacy with physical touch, it is so much more than that. For example, you can have deep conversations to grow intimacy that is emotional or intellectual base. Or you can experience aesthetic intimacy by seeing a sunrise together or walking in nature together. And of course, you can try new things in bed or schedule more sex to keep that sexual intimacy alive.
A sex therapist may be able to help you rekindle a relationship.
Seeking help from a professional
A final way to rekindle a relationship is by talking to a professional. There may be underlying issues that are preventing you and your partner from keeping your love alive. Talking to a therapist or relationship coach can help uncover those concerns and bring about tools and strategies that redevelop closeness. Just make sure that all parties involved want to work with a therapist and are on the same page when it comes to creating an action plan to rekindle the spark. BetterHelp has licensed therapists who can work with you today to help you and your partner grow again together in love.
If you and your partner find it difficult to meet with a professional in person, consider online therapy. Studies have shown that online couples therapy can have a profound and positive impact on those who are experiencing relationship distress.
Takeaway
Relationships won’t always feel exciting, and that’s okay.
When falling in love, date nights at the beginning of your relationship often provide many new life experiences and may develop into a long-term relationship. However, even a healthy relationship may wane over time and to rekindle your relationship, you may choose to seek help from a mental health professional to bring the spark back.
If you feel like your relationship has gone stale but you know you still want to be with your partner, then consider using some of the advice above to return some excitement and passion. With a little work, you may be able to fall in love with them all over again.
Is it possible for the spark to come back?
Yes, it is possible for the spark to come back in a romantic relationship. Some people may expect love to be effortless and do not understand that a relationship requires effort. If the spark is gone, it does not necessarily mean it’s gone for good!
How do you recover a lost spark in a relationship?
Every couple is different, so there isn’t one surefire way to get the spark back in a relationship, but there are many ways to rekindle a romance. Commit to having regular date nights to nurture the relationship (and try something new and fun, like a dance class), focus on communication, give your partner what they need according to their love language, and recognize when your partner does something special for you. Try to remind yourself what made you fall for them in the first place. It can help to work with relationship experts if you are having a difficult time letting go of the past, forgiving, or working through conflict.
What causes loss of spark?
As time goes on, the excitement of a relationship can fade, and things can start feeling routine, which is totally normal. The beginning of a relationship is powered by hormones and excitement. When these fade, couples face a turning point. Some couples may not realize that they need to put effort into their relationships to keep the spark alive.
Should I break up if the spark is gone?
Not necessarily. Couples can spend quality time together to bring the spark back to their relationship. If both people in the relationship hope it can work and want to try, they may also want to consider going to couples therapy to get the support and resources they need to work on bringing their relationship back to life.
How do I know if I lost the spark?
Determining if you lost the spark will be different for everyone. Some people may feel bored or annoyed with their partner. Some couples may stop having sex or being intimate, while others may find that they have nothing in common with their partner anymore. Communication can suffer, and partners may have difficulty forgiving or getting over things from the past.
Can a guy lose feelings and get them back?
Yes, it is possible to lose feelings and get them back, but this is unlikely to happen without time and effort from both partners. If your feelings toward your partner have changed, it may be time to sit down and talk about it. If you and your partner agree that it is worth spending time on saving the relationship, consider trying some of the suggestions in the above article. You may also want to consider couples therapy so you can work on your relationship with the support and guidance of a professional in the room. Working with a certified sex therapist may help you learn about a new toy or technique that can rejuvenate your love life may also be an option.
Is a relationship over when the spark is gone?
Not necessarily. Relationships evolve. The hormones and excitement at the beginning of a relationship fade over time. That doesn’t mean the relationship is over; it just means it has changed. Some people may not realize that maintaining a long-term relationship takes work. If you feel like the spark is gone, talk to your partner and try some of the suggestions in the above article to get it back.
How to make him love you again?
You cannot make someone love you, but you can talk openly and honestly with your partner about how they feel. If your partner is unsure about the relationship or feels that the spark is gone, you will have to decide together whether you are going to try to work to get the spark back.
Why did I suddenly lose interest in him?
Relationships change, and transitioning from the excitement and anticipation of the honeymoon phase of a relationship to the complexities of a long-term relationship can be challenging. You may have suddenly lost interest in your partner because neither of you is nurturing the relationship to maintain the spark, or the relationship may have just come to an end.
Is it bad if I don't feel a spark?
Not necessarily. If you go out on a first date with someone and don’t feel a spark, even when you kiss, it doesn’t necessarily mean it’s not there. Some people may get extremely nervous on the first few dates and need time to connect with someone. If you don’t feel attracted immediately but are still interested in the person, give it some time before you decide to stop dating them.
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