I Feel Like No One Will Ever Love Me
By: Patricia Oelze
Updated March 02, 2021
Medically Reviewed By: Melinda Santa
Love can be hard, but know that you are lovable, there are people out there who love you and there will be others in the future. Navigating a lack of love can be difficult, but a therapist can help you understand the emotions you are experiencing and find ways to cope with them. On top of that, therapy can be a great way to take control of your life and empower yourself to address any other challenges like anxiety, stress, or even sleep disturbances.
If you feel that nobody will ever love you, first of all, you are wrong. People already love you. Your parents love you, your siblings love you, and you probably have some great friends who love you too. Of course, we all have some days that are worse than others, and we may just be feeling lonely and sad after a bad day or a rough breakup. However, if you feel like no one cares about you all the time or you do not believe that anyone will ever love you, this article is for you.
One of the reasons that you may feel this way is if you have low self-esteem. This is very common, and in fact, almost everyone has had a bout with low self-esteem, especially in the teenage or young adult period of our lives. Low self-esteem can have a major impact on your quality of life and your happiness as well as your success. If you believe that you are not worthy of love or happiness, you will not look for it and will likely give up before you ever find it. You cannot be happy if you believe that you do not deserve it, and it is hard to find someone who loves you if you do not love yourself.
Signs Of Low Self-Esteem
You may not even know you have low self-esteem. It may be natural for you to feel like you are unworthy of any kind of happiness because that is how you have always felt. It may be that you were brought up that way. If you were brought up in a family with people who belittle or criticize you, the chances are good that you will grow up to feel that way. Here are some of the signs of low self-esteem:
- Experiencing severe shame if you fail
- Feelings of defeat and worthlessness
- Focusing too much on your problems
- Chronic fatigue or general ill feelings
- Withdrawing from others, isolating yourself
- Feeling negative about yourself
- Overly sensitive to any kind of criticism
- Sleeplessness or sleeping too much
- Headaches or other body aches
- Second guessing everything you do
- Feeling unsure about your decisions
Fear Of Rejection
Most people have been rejected once or twice in their lives, and they can accept it and move on with no problem. In fact, rejection is a good way of learning things. However, those with low self-esteem do not see rejection that way. They see it as them being a failure, and they take it to mean that they cannot do anything right. That is because they do not know how to process the rejection, so they fixate on it, letting it consume them. However, sometimes rejection is unwarranted anyway. Who is to say that the person who rejected you is right?
In many cases, that person was just having a bad day, knew someone who looked like you once that hurt them, or maybe they just don't like your name. Rejection does not always have to be right. Everyone has their own opinion, and if you ask several people about the same thing, you will likely get three different opinions.
You may be suffering from depression. This is a serious and common mental health disorder that is very treatable, but you have to realize that you have it before you can get help. According to the Anxiety and Depression Association of America (ADAA), almost 15 million people suffer from depression. However, it can be difficult to realize that you have depression because you are so used to feeling sad, tired, and blah, that you are used to it and think it is normal. You may even think everyone feels this way, so you do not seek help. Others believe that it will just go away on its own if you ignore it. And many people think that it is all in "their head" and that they should just "get over it." None of these are true. Not everyone feels sad all the time, it will not go away on its own, and it is not something that you can just get over.
Symptoms Of Depression
Depression is a real illness, and, in many cases, it is caused by an imbalance of chemicals in the brain that regulates your emotions and feelings. It is not your fault, and you cannot just "cheer up," as some people say. Some of the symptoms of depression include:
- Chronic fatigue
- Weight gain or loss
- Eating more or less than usual
- Lack of interest in favorite activities
- Feelings of worthlessness or failure
- Anxiety, restless, agitation
- Inability to make decisions
- Trouble concentrating
- Isolating yourself from others
- Memory loss
- Feeling guilty for things that are not your fault
- Overthinking past mistakes
- Slowed thinking or talking
- Chronic feelings of sadness or hopelessness
- Crying for no obvious reason
- Thoughts of self-harm
Causes Of Depression
If you have depression, you can get help, and you will be surprised how quickly you can feel better with some therapy and maybe some medication. Depending on the cause of your depression, you can be feeling better in a few days. Some of the causes and risk factors include:
- A chemical imbalance in the brain
- Family members with mental illness
- Previous mental illness
- Medical conditions like heart disease or cancer
- Brain trauma or injury
Social Anxiety Disorder
There are other reasons you may feel that nobody will ever love you. It could be that you are unable to have a relationship because of a different disorder. Maybe you have a social disorder such as social anxiety disorder that can keep you from being able to have lasting relationships. Are you constantly worried that others are judging you or talking about you? You may have a social anxiety disorder. Here are some of the other signs:
- Avoiding others
- Believing that nobody likes you
- Extreme shyness or fear of talking to others
- Constantly worrying about how others feel about you
- Shaking, sweating, blushing, nausea
- Refusing to be the center of attention
- Avoiding social situations like parties or get-togethers
- Analyzing your performance after a social situation
- Expecting the worst to happen in a social situation
Causes Of Social Anxiety Disorder
There are many causes of social anxiety disorder, but none of them are proven to be 100% right, just like with any other mental health issue. It could be that you were brought up in an unstable home where you were neglected or abused, or maybe you were bullied in school. It can also be inherited from someone in your family who has a similar illness. Whatever the reason, it is important to get help because it is very treatable. With therapy, you can be feeling surer of yourself within one or two sessions, and you will be shocked at how quickly you can feel better.
Nobody goes out of their way to avoid you or to "not love you" for any reason. At least not anyone worth caring about. Sometimes, it is just that those you want to love you are unable to show love the way you want them to. If you are interested in someone who is not interested in you, it may be that you need to let go of that person because they are just not interested. It may not be you at all. In fact, it is probably the other person who has the issue, not you. Let go of those who do not want to be around you because it is not worth chasing people to try to make them like you or love you. You cannot make someone have feelings for you that they do not have.
Accept Your Faults
The main thing that you need to know is that you have to love yourself. If you do not love yourself, how do you expect anyone else to love you? That is like a salesperson who is trying to sell something they do not believe in. If you do not believe in you, how do you expect anyone else to believe in you? No matter what your faults are, and we all have them, other people have faults too. Many people have more faults than you do, and others have less, but it does not matter. Nobody is perfect, and you need to accept that. You cannot expect to be perfect, and even if you were, that would not make those people who don't love you change their minds and love you. It is not something you can change. You just have to accept it and move on.
Talk To Someone
Whether you have depression, low self-esteem, social anxiety disorder, or you just feel like nobody loves you, it is important for you to reach out and talk to someone. If you do not feel like you have someone you can talk to; you can contact a professional who is experienced in these kinds of issues. At BetterHelp.com, we have thousands of licensed mental health care experts who can help. Just reach out, and you can have someone to talk to right away. No appointment needed and you can do it from home.
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