How To Stop Feeling Like No One Will Ever Love Me

Medically reviewed by Elizabeth Erban, LMFT, IMH-E
Updated May 11, 2024by BetterHelp Editorial Team

Do you ever have the thought, “No one loves me?” Many people feel this way at one point or another in life, especially during difficult times. While you may face challenges making friends or finding romantic love, that doesn’t mean that no one loves you. Navigating a lack of love can be difficult, but several different resources exist to help you work through these feelings. 

In this article, you’ll learn how to accept the past, nourish your relationships with your friends and family members, and create a happier, healthier life by improving your self-worth. This may enable you to stop feeling as if no one loves you.

iStock/Ivan Pantic
Do you feel like no one loves you?

Reasons for feeling “no one loves me”

Everyone can feel lonely, down, or unloved every now and again. If you feel unloved and lonely, know that you are not alone. The many loneliness quotes are an indication that many are experiencing the same situation or emotion. If you feel like no one cares about you or do not believe that anyone will ever love you, your emotions could come from several different sources. Most likely, these negative thoughts are not based on reality and can be explained by one or more of the following factors. 

Low self-esteem

Many people who think “no one loves me” tend to be unhappy in life in general. They may not have many friends or may feel like their family isn’t there for them. Perhaps they have yet to find individuals who accept them as they are. They may be stuck in the past and constantly wondering why a happy life feels impossible and why everyone else seems to be happy but them.

In many cases, if you believe you are unloved or unloveable, you may have self-esteem issues keeping you from knowing how to accept yourself and your past. Low self-esteem issues are very common. In fact, almost everyone has had a bout with low self-esteem, especially in the teenage or young adult period of our lives. Here are some of the signs of low self-esteem you might be experiencing: 

  • Feelings of defeat and worthlessness

  • Chronic fatigue or physical feelings of illness including headaches, insomnia, or hypersomnia

  • Withdrawing from others or isolating yourself

  • Feeling negative about yourself

  • Overly sensitive to any kind of criticism

  • Experiencing severe shame if you fail

  • Second-guessing everything you do

  • Feeling unsure about your decisions

Low self-esteem can have a major impact on your quality of life, happiness, and success. If you believe that you are not worthy of love or happiness, you may not look for it and are likely to give up before you ever find it. It’s difficult to be happy if you believe that you do not deserve it. Additionally, it’s important to love yourself before looking for someone else to love you and fill a void. To do this, you might consider practicing self-care, which can consist of a number of activities, such as journaling, meditating, and using positive affirmations. 

Fear of rejection

Many people who think “no one loves me” and who wonder "Will anyone ever love me?" are afraid of the possible lives they could be leading. Mostly, they’re afraid of rejection, especially by a person they admire and/or desire. They may even feel fear or rejection among their friends and family.

Most people have been rejected once or twice in their lives, and they can accept it and move on with no problem. In fact, rejection can be just one way to learn. However, those with low self-esteem do not see rejection that way. They may see it as being a failure and take it to mean that they cannot do anything right. Since they do not know how to process the rejection, they fixate on it, letting it consume them. 

However, sometimes rejection is unwarranted anyway. Who is to say that the person who rejected you is right? In many cases, that person was just having a bad day. People can be wrong when they reject another person. Everyone has their own opinion, and if you ask several people about the same thing, you will likely get three different opinions. Ultimately, rejection is part of life, and it can hurt. However, it doesn’t mean that someone’s opinion of you is the truth.

It’s important to accept that and be able to move on from rejection in your past. Then, you can focus your energy on making friends and renewing relationships with past friends and family.

iStock/valentinrussanov

Depression

When people are at a point in their lives where they think “No one loves me,” it could be a case of depression. Depression is a common mental health disorder that is very treatable, but you have to realize that you have it before you can get help. According to the Anxiety and Depression Association of America (ADAA), almost 15 million people experience depression.

Some of the causes and risk factors include:

  • A chemical imbalance in the brain

  • Family with mental illness

  • Previous mental illness

  • Medical conditions like heart disease or cancer

  • Brain trauma or injury

However, it can be difficult to realize that you have depression because you are so used to feeling sad and tired that you believe it is normal. You may even think everyone feels this way, so you do not seek help. Maybe you believe that it will just go away on its own if you ignore it. Many people, even family or friends, may think that it is “all in your head” and that you should just “get over it.” None of these things are true. Not everyone feels sad all the time, it won’t always go away on its own, and it is not something that you can or need to “just get over.” To be in a relationship with someone who has depression could be sometimes challenging. However, there are several tips for dating someone with depression to maintain a healthy relationship.

A person who lives with depression may have a great deal of trouble coming to terms with the fact they may be depressed, but it is essential to accept the possibility and seek out a diagnosis from a mental health professional. Depression is a real illness, and, in many cases, it is caused by an imbalance of chemicals in the brain that contribute to your emotions and feelings. Some of the symptoms of depression include:

  • Chronic fatigue

  • Weight gain or loss

  • Eating more or less than usual

  • Lack of interest in favorite activities

  • Feelings of worthlessness or failure

  • Anxiety, restlessness, agitation

  • Inability to make decisions

  • Trouble concentrating

  • Isolating yourself from others

  • Memory loss

  • Feeling guilty for things that are not your fault

  • Overthinking past mistakes

  • Slowed thinking or talking

  • Chronic feelings of sadness or lack of hope

  • Crying for no obvious reason

  • Thoughts of self-harm

Usually, therapy, medication, or a combination of the two are common treatment options for depression. A team of medical professionals can come up with an effective plan of treatment for you.

Social anxiety disorder

There are other reasons you may feel that nobody will ever love you. It could be that you are unable to have a relationship because you have a social disorder such as social anxiety disorder that keeps you from being able to have lasting relationships. Are you constantly worried that others are judging you or talking about you? You may have a social anxiety disorder. Here are some of the other signs:

  • Avoiding others

  • Believing that nobody likes you

  • Extreme shyness or fear of talking to others

  • Constantly worrying about how others feel about you

  • Shaking, sweating, blushing, nausea

  • Refusing to be the center of attention

  • Avoiding social situations like parties or get-togethers

  • Analyzing your performance after a social situation

  • Expecting the worst to happen in a social situation

People with anxiety may have trouble knowing how to accept things that are out of their control. Yet it’s vital to learn to accept that what has passed is in the past. Focusing on the present can be difficult but learning to accept that is all we can control is essential to combating anxiety.

There are many causes of social anxiety disorder. It could be that you were brought up in an unstable home where you were neglected or abused, or maybe you were bullied in school. It could also be inherited from your parents, although having a parent with a disorder doesn’t necessarily mean you will have it, too. Whatever the reason, it is important to get help because it is a treatable mental health condition.

If you or a loved one is experiencing abuse, contact the Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233). Support is available 24/7.

If you are experiencing trauma, support is available. Please see our Get Help Now page for more resources.

Self-fulfilling prophecy

If you find yourself thinking that no one loves you, this may lead you to behave in certain ways that lead to more loneliness. You might isolate yourself more than you realize, which may lead others to think you’re not interested in getting to know them. This is a phenomenon called a self-fulfilling prophecy. 

By recognizing your patterns, you may find that you can incorporate new behaviors that lead to more fulfilling relationships. It may help to speak with a counselor about how to navigate this process. 

Letting go and accepting your faults

Feeling like no one will ever love you could be an indication that you haven’t let something from the past go. The past is in the past, and it’s important to learn how to accept that. Sometimes, it is just that those you want to love you are unable to show love the way you need them to, like losing them in life and asking yourself while grieving "Will I ever find love again?"

If you are interested in someone who is not interested in you, you may need to let go of that person because they are just not interested. It may not be you at all. Let go of those who do not want to be around you because it is not worth chasing people to try to make them like you or love you. You cannot make someone have feelings for you that they do not have. Learning to move on from the past and accept it can be powerful for your personal growth.

Beyond this, many people who struggle with self-love fail to accept their faults, as they may see this as an admission of some kind of wrongdoing or blame for their situation. However, you must accept all of yourself in order to attain self-love. Nobody is perfect, and you shouldn’t expect that from yourself or anyone else. Working with a therapist may help you cope with and overcome situations from your past that you’re having trouble moving on from.

iStock/PeopleImages
Do you feel like no one loves you?

Online therapy may help with self-love

Whether you have depression, low self-esteem, social anxiety disorder, or simply feel like nobody loves you, it is important for you to reach out for support. Accepting that you need help can be a positive step in the right direction. "Will I ever find love again? Why do I feel like no one loves me?" If you feel like no one loves you, you may not have anyone to confide in. However, you can connect with a licensed therapist through BetterHelp, an online counseling platform. With online therapy, you can often get connected with someone more quickly, allowing you to get care sooner. No appointment is needed, and you can do it from the comfort of your home.

The effectiveness of online therapy 

Online therapy can be a viable option for those struggling with a variety of mental health concerns. One study assessed the efficacy of an online group psychotherapy program on the mental health of people with varying attachment styles. Researchers found that participants experienced an increase in their self-esteem and a reduction in the severity of their psychiatric symptoms. Those experiencing anxiety and avoidance in their relationships also saw improvements. 

Takeaway

Believing that no one will ever love you can leave you feeling hopeless. There are many different reasons someone might feel this way, all of which are valid. Although these disheartening feelings are normally not based in reality, that doesn’t make them any easier to cope with. An online therapist can help you address challenges related to shame, depression, or low self-esteem so that you can begin to move forward. 

This process may begin to make you feel loved and help you form healthy relationships that nurture your self-esteem. If you don’t feel comfortable with traditional in-person therapy at this time, you might consider online therapy. With BetterHelp, you can typically be matched with a therapist within 48 hours. Take the first step toward feeling truly loved and reach out to BetterHelp today.
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