Will I Ever Find Love Again? Finding Love After The End Of A Marriage

Medically reviewed by Kayce Bragg
Updated February 21, 2024by BetterHelp Editorial Team

When a marriage ends, a grieving process may begin. You may be wondering how to move forward and find love again as you navigate the many adjustments to your daily life. Perhaps you need to heal from prior relationship wounds or pain, or maybe you are experiencing some nervousness as you consider rejoining the dating pool. Most people might even be wondering, "Will anyone ever love me again?"

No matter how complex your emotions are regarding your new life stage, therapy can help you process them and move forward towards a new, healthier relationship—not only with a new partner, but also with yourself.

Looking to find love again after the end of a marriage?

How to prepare to date again

If you’re considering dating after a marriage ends, you might wonder where to begin. To prepare for a healthy potential relationship, consider these tips:

  • Try new activities: Changing up your routine may help boost your self-confidence and self-esteem while creating opportunities to meet new people. 
  • Know what you’re seeking: Before you begin dating after a breakup, it can be helpful to list qualities that you value in a relationship. For example, perhaps you value self-love, kindness, or clear communication. Understanding the kind of person and relationship you are looking for can help you begin relationships from a place of stronger personal understanding.
  • Take time to process previous relationships: While everyone’s grieving process and timeline look different, it’s important to allow yourself the time you may need to grieve your marriage. The American Psychological Association recommends journaling to help people cope with and move forward from grief. 
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Tips for finding love again after the end of a marriage

If you do find someone with whom you hope to form a loving relationship after the end of your marriage, you may have to approach the relationship in a different way from your previous one. Here are helpful tips for promoting a healthy relationship with your new partner.

Wait for the right time

If you jump into online dating or download dating apps without processing your prior relationship, you may project your desire for your old partner or previous relationship issues onto someone new. According to The Atlantic, humans are neurologically hardwired to repeat ourselves; the brain creates pathways based on our behavior, making it more likely we will repeat our previous behavior in future relationships.

When it comes to relationships, this may mean you instinctively look for a new partner who is similar to your prior spouse. It may also mean you inadvertently fall into the same conflict resolution patterns, allocations of household tasks, and gender roles that you established in your prior marriage. Some people may be afraid that because of this, their new relationship may be a repeat of the last. 

If there’s anything you want to change about your new relationship, taking the time to talk it out and process your past relationship may help you to recognize your patterns and establish new ones. It may be helpful to take time to get to know yourself again, separate from a partner. For example, you might consider your passions, hobbies, or goals for the future. 

Supporting your mental health after the end of a marriage with therapy or grief support groups may help you realize the true nature of your past relationship better and empower you to make new decisions with your new partner.

Keep an open mind

When you believe you’ve found love with someone new, you may experience passionate feelings of infatuation towards your new partner. Having chemistry is important, but it's important not to forget about compatibility. 

It may be tempting, and even totally normal, to look for a new partner who resembles your previous spouse, but by putting your focus on a specific type of person, you could be ignoring a fulfilling new relationship. You and your previous partner might have been an ideal match, but you’re probably different now than you were when you met them.

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Looking to find love again after the end of a marriage?

Avoid rushing into marriage

Taking the time to date can help you determine if you and your new partner are emotionally compatible before getting married. It may also help you see whether this person will be a harmonious partner in your day-to-day life without leaving things to luck or chance. 

If you have certain things you expect in a relationship or things that it may be impossible for you to live without, like your partner earning a certain income or enjoying travel, dating can help you determine whether your new partner meets these expectations.

If you decide to give yourself some time to figure out a new relationship before getting married, it may help you decide whether these expectations are unimportant or whether you’d rather be with a partner that fits your desired expectations.

Find the right support

Having a strong support system as you re-enter the dating pool can help make the process more enjoyable and productive. Asking a friend or family to act as a relationship coach or to offer support in finding a compatible partner may be helpful for some people.

Your friends or families may also be able to help you move past some preconceived notions about potential partners. If you think, for instance, that you will only be well-matched with someone else who has been previously married, you may miss out on a partner you’d have chemistry with.

Getting additional support through counseling may point you in the right direction, helping you find the self-confidence to start dating again after the end of a marriage. In counseling, you could strengthen your skills in effective communication, identify red flags, or get what may be considered the best advice on maintaining emotional intimacy.

Research shows online cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) can be effective in treating many mental health conditions stemming from relationships ending, including symptoms of anxiety, depression, or relationship trauma. A supportive online therapist can help you move forward from your past marriage and look ahead toward a new, healthy relationship. Therapists may be able to help men, women, or people of any gender determine the best way to date again after a marriage. 

If you are wondering "Will I ever find love again?" after the end of a marriage, you are not alone. Many people look for support in navigating their romantic relationships, whether it be from loved ones or a professional. Online therapy platforms such as BetterHelp may help you grieve a prior marriage, change your relationship patterns, or find a new partner.

When you are trying to meet someone new, it can be difficult to find the time or a moment away from work for in-person therapy. However, online therapy may remove barriers such as transportation and scheduling challenges while remaining just as effective as in-person sessions. 

Counselor reviews

William Solari, LPC
William has helped me through pandemic anxiety, work-related success, healing after divorce, and moving forward to new love over the past few years. I still meet with William consistently and continue to experience benefits from our sessions. I always feel that William is on my side."

Takeaway

Dating again after marriage can be challenging in multiple ways, but support is available. There is no shame in reaching out to someone with dating questions or concerns. Many people have been in a similar position, and have felt empowered after receiving guidance from a neutral online counselor. Consider reaching out to BetterHelp for empathetic, nonjudgmental dating support, available at a time that is convenient for your schedule.

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The information on this page is not intended to be a substitution for diagnosis, treatment, or informed professional advice. You should not take any action or avoid taking any action without consulting with a qualified mental health professional. For more information, please read our terms of use.
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