Is He Cheating Or Am I Paranoid? How To Know For Sure If They Cheated

By Robert Porter|Updated April 18, 2022
CheckedMedically Reviewed By Avia James, LPC

Is your partner or boyfriend cheating? Are you starting to feel paranoid that there are signs they may be having an affair? Perhaps their behavior has been a bit unusual lately, and you don’t feel like you’re as close. These feelings could be signs that something is amiss. It’s also possible that these signs might be that you are experiencing some relationship-related anxiety, and your partner is being faithful. It can be difficult to determine the truth, but you need to know for sure. This article will discover some tools you can use to determine the signs and answers to both these questions.

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You Deserve A Fulfilling And Lasting Relationship

Is My Partner Cheating? Approach the Situation Pragmatically

Are they cheating, or am I paranoid?” are two different questions. It’s best to look at these questions individually. The first question (are they cheating?) is about their behavior. The second question (Am I paranoid?) is a mental health issue you can deal with on your own.

Though it’s natural to feel insecure in your relationship from time to time, it’s important to understand where the root cause lies.

The Difference Between Paranoia and Suspicion

Intense anxiety and fear are symptoms of paranoia. For people who experience this, it may be overwhelming at times to cope with their thought patterns. Though most people experience anxious thoughts from time to time, paranoia can cause persistent intrusive thoughts that may feel impossible to combat. It can also affect a person’s behavior and the way that they react in stressful situations. People who struggle with paranoia will sometimes become aggressive or hostile, have difficulty trusting their partners, and find it difficult to navigate through their emotions.

The suspicion that occurs from a change in your partner’s behavior is not the same as paranoia. If your partner feels distant or has been a significant change in their actions, this shift can be concerning. People who are cheating will sometimes become defensive or pull away from their partners.

It’s important to communicate to your partner how you feel because this could result from many factors. A shift in relationship dynamics isn’t always the result of someone being unfaithful.

is he cheating?

Do You Mistrust Him Even When He Shows No Signs He Has Been Unfaithful?

If you’re worried that your partner may be cheating, you may start scrutinizing his actions more intensely. It can start with simply questioning whether they’re being honest with you and escalate to you feeling the need to look through their private emails in hopes of finding something problematic. Though it’s not a good feeling to be worried that your partner is being dishonest with you, these behaviors can become obsessive and problematic for your mental health.

These actions can also cause tension in your relationship. Your partner may struggle to understand why you can’t trust them, and it may be difficult to find the right way to ease your concerns. Some people who deal with an anxious attachment style may find that they fear abandonment in their relationship, even where there is seemingly nothing wrong. They may become suspicious when they aren’t with their partner and want to know where they are at all times.

If your partner hasn’t shown any clear signs that they’re cheating, it may be a good time to ask yourself why you don’t feel like you can trust them. Are there ways that they could help you feel more secure? How does talking about these feelings with your partner make you feel? Working through these emotions with a therapist can help decipher where the suspicion stems from.

What Proof Would He Need To Provide To Satisfy You?

Think for a moment about what kind of proof you need to stop feeling betrayed. Would anything prove it to you? It can be challenging to communicate exactly what we need from our partner a lot of the time. By taking the time to reflect on what would make you feel safer in the relationship, you can approach your partner compassionately. For some people, this may be asking for solid quality time together without distractions. Others may need to hear certain words of affirmation to feel more comfortable with the situation.

If your partner is unwilling to have these conversations with you or reacts angrily or aggressively when you bring up your concerns, it may be time to think about if it’s possible for you to feel secure with them.

It’s also important to note that if there is a history of trust issues within a relationship, whether due to cheating or otherwise, it can take some time and patience to recover that. By working as a team with your partner, you can find ways to combat your intrusive thoughts together. Your willingness to find solutions together can make your relationship stronger than ever.

Though frequent paranoia is a mental health issue that should be worked through with a mental health professional, some ways have been proven to combat the negative thought patterns associated with it.

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You Deserve A Fulfilling And Lasting Relationship

Taking Care of Yourself Is Important

There are a few practical steps you can take to fight paranoia. Perhaps the best is eating a healthy and balanced diet. You might also want to limit your caffeine intake since that has led to an increase in paranoia for some people. Getting a good night’s rest is also imperative. Try to get around seven or eight hours of sleep per night. If you’re depriving yourself of sleep, then your paranoia is likely to worsen over time. Be sure to get to bed at a reasonable time to don’t disrupt your normal routine.

Staying Busy

When people’s emotions feel big and uncomfortable, it can be overwhelming. Sometimes this causes people to feel less productive because they feel distracted by their thoughts. As much as possible, try not to let paranoia take over your day-to-day life.

Doing things that you enjoy can help you keep your mind busy and help you enjoy other aspects of life outside of your relationship. For some people, this may be cooking a nice meal or going for a walk. For others, this could be writing in their journal or taking a long warm bath. Whatever it is that helps you feel calm and comfortable, doing so in moments where you feel anxious or paranoid can allow you to calm your nervous system.

Seeking Out Support

One of the greatest difficulties for people who deal with paranoia is its strain on their relationship and their partner. Seeking out support from loved ones and a therapist can help you vocalize your fears without your partner feeling that they’re being accused. By working through your emotions effectively, you can find ways to work through your paranoia over time.

Therapists can give you tools to work through unhelpful thoughts and emotions as they occur and be proactive in preventing any emotional outbursts. Your emotional health and wellbeing are important, and by prioritizing them in your life, you can move forward healthily.

BetterHelp has online counselors that you can speak to from the comfort of your home. Read some popular reviews below.

Therapist Reviews

“Within just a few sessions with Monica, I was in a much better place emotionally, mentally, and had renewed hope. After a strong rift with my husband, I needed a compassionate ear that wasn’t my friends or family. She listened, gave me good feedback, and assigned helpful habits. So far, everything she suggested has been working well. Thanks to her, I’ve made great progress, and I’m excited to continue until I’m back to me. I’m so glad and thankful to better help for providing therapy at a price I could afford but having sessions from home, which has been important for me since all of this, has made me paranoid about seeking help. I know I have more work to do, but with Monica and BetterHelp, I’m more hopeful now than I have been in about two years. That’s priceless to me.”

“I’ve only had two sessions with Linda but have learned a lot about my relationship with my husband, and she has given me a lot of food for thought and different ways to look at the situation as well as ideas on communication. She has been very helpful!”


If you feel your partner is cheating and are seeing many signs, it can be painful to deal with. Remember, saying that someone your boyfriend is cheating is not a light statement. Most cheating people won’t admit to it even when questioned, and having proof or signs of cheating on a phone can be hurtful. By communicating your fears with your partner, you can better understand whether or not you feel that your trust can be re-established after signs that they are cheating.

Have you cheated or been cheated on? It's normal to feel lost and not know how to move forward. No matter what, you can move forward from a cheated relationship to a fulfilling one with therapy. Take the first step with BetterHelp.

Therapy is a personal experience, and not everyone will go into it seeking the same things. But, keeping these nine things in mind can ensure that you will get the most out of online therapy, regardless of your specific goals. If you’re still wondering if therapy is right for you and how much therapy costs, please contact us at BetterHelp specializes in online therapy to help address all types of mental health concerns. If you’re interested in individual therapy, please reach out to

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