Discussing Mental Health At Work: How To Navigate Difficult Conversations
A person’s job is often a significant part of their life, and it’s not uncommon for mental health challenges impacting work performance, mood, and stress levels to occur. In some cases, a worker may benefit from asking for accommodations, support, or understanding from management or higher-ups in a company. However, the thought of having this type of conversation at work can lead to stress or anxiety about stigma or rejection.
Understanding how to open up with your manager about your mental health while remaining professional and respectful can be the first step to receiving the understanding and care you seek. For additional guidance, consider reaching out to a licensed therapist.
The benefits of being open about mental health at work
According to the World Health Organization, around 15% of working-age adults live with a mental illness, amounting to around 45 million people.
In addition, 56% of US workers in a corporate or government position report being burned out, which can be a sign of complex long-term or chronic stress. Whether an employee is living with a mental illness or not, personal life challenges like moving, traumatic events, divorce, grief, sickness, and other difficulties may also cause mental health challenges to arise.
Mental health challenges can lead employees to quit positions, take significant time off work, or isolate themselves to avoid rejection or stigma from their workplace.
According to the American Psychological Association, a toxic work environment can lead to sickness, fear, and the desire to quit a position. It can be crucial for workplaces to implement mental health policies and offer trauma-informed, neurodivergent-informed, and mental health-informed training to management.
When an employee seeks to report their mental health challenges to management, it can seem daunting and scary. Some people may fear the loss of their job, judgment, or not being taken seriously. In these cases, it may be helpful to have steps to follow to communicate your needs professionally. If your workplace treats mental health as a stigma or rejects your attempts at communication, it may be helpful to report these challenges to HR or consider a new job.
How to talk to management or HR about mental health needs
Below are a few ways you might approach management when you’re ready to talk about your mental health at work.
Prepare yourself beforehand with the DEARMAN DBT skill
Dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) is a therapeutic modality that primarily focuses on emotional regulation, interpersonal effectiveness, mindfulness, and distress tolerance.
Although it was originally developed to support individuals living with borderline personality disorder, the following skill from DBT may be helpful in a professional environment.
The DEARMAN skill is generally used to ask someone for a favor or express your boundaries professionally and concisely. Below are the steps:
- Describe the situation to the person you hope to persuade through a question. For example, you might say, “Do you know how I have missed more work lately?” Doing so allows them to respond “yes” or “no” and further opens the discussion.
- Express your feelings about the situation and why it matters without assuming they already know it.
- Assert yourself and ask for a specific accommodation or request. For example, you might say, “I am going through a difficult life transition, and I am here to ask you if I may take this week off to work through these challenges.”
- Reinforce the individual by offering “rewards” or positive consequences ahead of time. For example, you might say, “I will work extra hours when I return,” or “If there are any projects I can work on from home, I can dedicate a few hours to them each day.”
- Be mindful. Pay attention to the other person’s body language, and don’t interrupt them. Focus on your goals and maintain your boundaries without giving in.
- Appear confident by using a calm tone of voice, healthy posture, and eye contact.
- Negotiate if needed and be willing to give something in return. For example, you could say, “I’m happy to take some shifts for others who need time off in the future.”
If the individual continues to say “no” to your request, you may be faced with a personal decision: whether to let go, accept the situation, or leave the job. Consider whether the final decision aligns with your values and current mental health needs. If your job is causing you significant distress, it may be helpful to consider other options.
Understand your work-life balance boundaries
Each person has unique boundaries at work related to their personal and professional lives. You may have situations in your personal life that impact how you act at work. Consider the following areas of your life and how important they are to you in comparison to your workplace performance:
- Life transitions, such as marriage or having a child
- Maternity or paternity leave
- Workplace benefits and personal health needs
- Life difficulties, such as bereavement or divorce
- Therapy and mental healthcare
- Quality time with family, friends, or a romantic partner
Ask yourself which areas are negatively impacted by your workplace stress or emotions. When talking to management, it may be helpful to note the values you hold behind your request for accommodation or support.
Use professional and empathetic language
When approaching your manager, request a formal appointment, such as a Zoom call, to discuss your needs. Let them know beforehand what you want to discuss. You might say, “Can we have a quick check-in about workplace stress and productivity?”
Use professional language, such as “I” statements, during the meeting. Try not to directly blame or accuse your manager or workplace for your mental health struggles, even if you believe they factor into your challenges. If you are concerned about a policy or communication, bring it up as a problem that might be solved as a team.
For instance, you could say, “I noticed there is often a climate of unhealthy competitiveness in the promotion process,” or “I find myself feeling stressed when my schedule is changed at the last minute, and I’m looking for a way that we can work together to ensure company and personal needs are met.”
Communicate openly
Be honest and direct when you speak to management. Don’t hide information you need to express, such as specific boundaries about your time, energy, and mental health. In addition, try to communicate before or when the challenge occurs rather than after the fact. For instance, you might message your manager to ask for a mental health day at the start of the week or over the weekend instead of taking time off and only letting them know why after you return to work.
Avoid trauma-dumping and unnecessary details
It may be tempting to describe every detail of your experience to your workplace to help them understand why you are struggling or asking for support. However, it can be crucial to remain professional and avoid sharing details that might be traumatic, scary, or intense for others to hear. Instead, you might use neutral statements like, “I have been going through a traumatic event,” or “I am having an extremely difficult life transition.”
By avoiding intense details, you may remain professional when asking for accommodation. Know that you do not have to offer intimate details of your life if your company demands it. However, you might be required to have a doctor's or therapist’s note if you submit an official reasonable accommodation request.
Support options
Navigating workplace stress and mental health can be challenging. However, support options are available outside of the workplace. Some individuals may avoid in-person therapy due to workplace schedules, time constraints, or financial challenges. In these cases, online therapy through a platform like BetterHelp may be more accessible. You may schedule sessions at any time that works for you, including outside of standard business hours. In addition, online therapy is often more affordable than out-of-pocket costs for face-to-face care and provides the opportunity to attend therapy on your lunch break or at home after work.
Online therapy can be effective in treating burnout, a common symptom of chronic stress, depression, and other mental health challenges. In one study, web-based therapy “reduced the risk for burnout in participants compared with the control group,” with participants generally experiencing a 26% reduction in symptoms.
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