How To Offer Hope And Healing During National Bereaved Parents Awareness Month
The death of a child may be among the most terrible tragedies that many people can imagine — one that many of us might prefer not to think about at all. Yet it’s a reality that millions of parents may live with every day. National Bereaved Parents Awareness Month primarily exists to honor their grief and make space for them to share and reflect on their experiences. If you know someone who’s experienced child loss, this could be a good time to reach out and offer comfort.
Experiencing bereavement as a parent can be a major psychological strain that may lead to a variety of mental health complications. It typically carries a substantial risk of prolonged grief disorder, in which feelings of sorrow or detachment can interfere with your life for far longer than is typical. Seeking support from friends, loved ones, and mental health professionals may make it easier to cope.
How common is parent bereavement?
Because people are often reluctant to discuss the premature death of children, it’s a phenomenon that is often overlooked. However, statistics indicate that it may be more common than many realize. According to the Evermore Institute, a nonprofit dedicated to supporting bereaved people, around 9% of Americans experience the loss of a child by the time they’re 60 years old. By the time they reach 80, that figure has climbed to approximately 18%.
These numbers tend to be different between various populations, with about 29% of Black families reporting the death of at least one child, compared to 17% of white families. This difference may be due, in large part, to the same structural inequalities that can produce disparities in wealth and health between ethnic groups in the United States.
The impact of parental bereavement
It’s often hard for those who haven’t experienced it to imagine what the death of a child is like. Along with the loss of a beloved individual, it can mean the sudden end of treasured hopes for the future, such as seeing the child graduate from school, get married, or have children of their own. A bereaved parent may sense that a part of their own identity has been taken from them.
This can be the case even for those who lose children in midlife or beyond. Having a child die before you, no matter when it happens, often seems like a disruption of the expected order of life.
Parental bereavement and complicated grief
Parents who lose children may be at a higher risk than many other types of bereaved individuals for feelings of long-lasting, intense, and debilitating grief. This phenomenon is often known as complicated grief or prolonged grief disorder. It can substantially impair an individual’s ability to function in everyday life and maintain a robust sense of well-being.
According to the American Psychiatric Association (APA), prolonged grief disorder can include the following symptoms:
- Difficulty accepting the death
- Habitual avoidance of reminders that the person has died
- Intense negative emotions, such as anger, sadness, or resentment
- Strong feelings of loneliness
- Challenges with engaging in everyday life, such as difficulty returning to work or lack of interest in former hobbies
- Sense of emotional numbness or detachment
- Believing that life has lost its meaning
- Disruption of personal identity, such as a sense that part of them is dead
- Persistent or intrusive thoughts about the loss
Some researchers and clinicians argue that complicated grief can be better understood as a variation of the normal grieving process, and that treating it as a medical problem is unlikely to be helpful. Still, most experts agree that people experiencing prolonged and intense grief may require more support than those with more typical bereavement responses.
The benefits of greater awareness of parental bereavement
National Bereaved Parents Awareness Month was created in 1989 by a group of grieving parents who hoped to help others in the same situation receive the support they deserved. This yearly observance is largely meant to raise awareness of the challenges faced by those mourning a child.
Learning to live with the death of a child is often an intensely lonely experience. Studies on the psychology of grief have found that this feeling of isolation may be a significant contributing factor to difficulty coping effectively with grief. Bringing greater attention to the experiences of bereaved parents may help them sense they are not alone in their pain.
How to find support as a bereaved parent
There may be no easy path to feeling whole again after you’ve lost a child. However, certain resources may help you maintain your mental health despite the pain you’re experiencing.
Peer support groups
Support groups can offer the chance to discuss your grief with other parents who have had similar experiences and understand what you’re going through. Other members in these groups may be able to offer new perspectives or coping strategies that have worked for them. They can also provide a sense of community.
Research on the effectiveness of support groups for bereavement has had mixed results, but those aimed at people experiencing prolonged or complicated grief have generally been found to provide some positive effects. Though they may not work for everyone, some individuals may benefit a great deal from sharing their feelings in a supportive environment.
Bereavement counseling
While painful emotions following a child’s death aren’t necessarily indicators of psychological illness on their own, you may benefit from mental health services during your time of grief. A licensed therapist may provide useful suggestions for managing your emotions while honoring your child’s memory. Counseling can also give you a safe space in which to express your thoughts.
Researchers have found evidence that bereavement counseling can lead to significant reductions in symptoms of complicated grief and post-traumatic stress. Achieving these effects may take time and reflection, but many people who receive this type of treatment experience greater psychological adjustment afterward.
Family and friends
It may seem a bit impersonal to think of your friends and loved ones as a “support system.” Yet psychologists have repeatedly found that difficult life experiences — including complicated grief — can be easier to live with when you have a robust sense of social support. You may be tempted to withdraw from others when you’re grieving, but leaning on your loved ones may be an important way to support your psychological health.
Spiritual resources
While not everyone has religious or spiritual beliefs, those who do may find them an important source of resilience during times of bereavement. Some studies have found that engaging in spiritual practices following the death of a child can reduce at least some of the mental health effects of severe grief. If religion or spirituality is meaningful to you, you may find hope in activities like the following:
- Prayer
- Meditation
- Attending worship services
- Participating in funeral rites or other grief-related rituals
- Consulting clergy members
- Discussing your grief with others in your congregation
- Attending religious, meditative, or spiritual retreats
How to provide support for bereaved parents
National Bereaved Parents Awareness Month can provide a helpful reminder to reach out to people in your life who have undergone the tragedy of losing a child. The following suggestions may help you provide effective support.
Be present, even if you don’t know what to say
Sometimes, the simple act of showing up for another person during their time of grief can be a potent source of emotional support. Being there for a parent in mourning can send the message that they’re not alone. Even if you believe you have nothing meaningful to say, sitting in silence with the bereaved might be very comforting.
Follow the other person’s lead
Not everyone grieves in the same way, and trying to impose a specific structure on the process may increase rather than decrease a person’s feelings of loneliness.
If the other person wants to talk, you can talk; if they want to be quiet, you can be quiet. Leaving them alone when they need space, laughing with them when they turn to humor, and letting them cry when they feel like crying can all be forms of support.
Share memories of their child
One of the biggest sorrows for many bereaved parents may be the fact that they’ll never be able to have new experiences with their child. Some may fear that their loved one will be forgotten. Offering stories and memories of the time you spent with their child may help them recognize that the one they’ve lost is still present in their lives. Sharing photos, videos, creative works, or other tangible reminders of the deceased could have a similar impact.
Invite them to do things with you
A tendency to withdraw from ordinary life can be both a symptom of prolonged grief disorder and a factor in prolonging it. Many experts say that engaging with others and participating in everyday activities can play a role in the healing process.
Inviting a bereaved parent to join you for walks, meals, social gatherings, leisure activities, and other shared activities may give them a chance to reintegrate with life. They may decline, in which case it might be best not to push them. You can continue to reach out, leaving the door open until they’re ready.
Offer mental health resources
Providing helpful resources for your loved ones during their time of grief may be helpful. You might send them reputable articles or links to applicable websites, or you could gently suggest they seek professional help.
One convenient way to seek help from a licensed mental health professional may be to connect with them online. With online therapy, it’s generally not necessary to leave the house. Those who are deep in grief may find it challenging to travel to an in-person appointment, so an online session with a therapist may be a better option.
A 2021 systematic review and meta-analysis found that internet-based interventions for grief after bereavement typically resulted in large improvements in symptoms of grief, depression, and post-traumatic stress.
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