Why Am I Always Late? Using Time Management To Make Positive Changes
In a fast-paced world, appointments and commitments can quickly add up to a full schedule. However, being on time for these commitments can be difficult, especially when barriers like stress, mental health challenges, a lack of focus, or time management challenges arise. Time management skills can take effort to learn but are often effective in reducing tardiness and improving productivity. If you’re struggling to learn time management strategies on your own, working with a licensed therapist may be helpful.
Why am I always late?
Being late can have many causes, and no person is the same. However, the following causes may be common:
- Chronic stress and mental burnout
- Attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD)
- Chronic pain
- Mental illnesses like depression and anxiety
- A lack of knowledge or implementation of time management skills
- Taking on more commitments than you have time or energy for
- A lack of interest or motivation
- Dissatisfaction in your professional or personal life
- Relationship issues
- A lack of resources, such as a car or income
Being late can be seen as a behavioral challenge, so time management strategies may help you manage your time more effectively, even when the delay is related to a mental health condition or circumstances outside of your control.
Procrastination and lateness: Not just personality traits
Procrastination can result in lateness for some people. When someone procrastinates, they generally put off tasks until the last minute. While updated evidence may be needed, it’s thought that approximately 20% of Americans are chronic procrastinators.
Individuals who frequently procrastinate may find themselves waiting to get ready for obligations until the last minute or putting off leaving until it’s impossible to be punctual.
In addition, chronic procrastination can mean being unable to leave for a commitment until other necessary tasks have been completed, which can result in a person being late. Over time, a build-up of tasks can contribute to stress and anxiety, which may cause someone to avoid further demands and commitments altogether.
The psychology behind the planning fallacy and time blindness: Neurodevelopmental conditions and being late
Some mental health conditions, such as neurodevelopmental disorders like autism spectrum disorder (ASD) and ADHD, tend to be more heavily linked to behaviors like being late. Those with these conditions may experience altered time perception, often referred to as “time blindness,” and a phenomenon called “demand avoidance,” which can arise when someone becomes overwhelmed by the pressure of daily demands.
Time blindness can occur when someone becomes hyperfocused on their interests or a specific task and forgets about or puts off other tasks. In addition, people with ADHD may seek dopamine more frequently, which can lead to the avoidance of tasks deemed “boring.” Being late can occur when someone doesn’t notice time passing, doesn’t put certain tasks on their priority list, or doesn’t use time management strategies like setting alarms and using timers to keep them on track.
Other mental health conditions and potential reasons people are late
Other mental health conditions can also lead to lateness due to the symptoms they involve, including conditions like major depressive disorder (MDD) and anxiety disorders. Depression can reduce motivation, which may make getting out of bed in time for an appointment difficult. Anxiety can involve fears about social situations, work, and other demands, which might lead to avoidant behaviors.
Difficulties with time management
Time management difficulties aren’t always related to mental illness. Some people struggle to manage their time because they haven’t learned time management skills or because how they’ve organized their lives doesn’t fit their current scheduling needs. Areas where people often struggle with time management can include the following:
- Not knowing how to prioritize tasks
- Not knowing how to make the most of the time available
- Not knowing how to set boundaries related to time
- Not knowing when perfectionism isn’t necessary
- Not knowing how to make effective plans
- Experiencing rigidness and a refusal to adapt
Prioritization can be an essential part of time management. For example, a website developer for an IT company might struggle with time management if they spend more time on the website’s appearance instead of the overall code. They may submit their work late, only to find the code log failed because they didn’t manage their tasks correctly. They may discover that because they didn’t prioritize the most important aspects of the website, and because they didn’t schedule time to check their code before submitting it, their work was inadequate and didn’t achieve what it was meant to do.
How to use time management to improve your schedule: Avoiding the planning fallacy and accommodating your brain
If you have trouble with time management and are frequently late to meetings, appointments, and other obligations, consider using the following time management strategies.
Schedule everything
Schedule all the parts of your day, even those you believe “should” be habitual, like getting out of bed, washing your hair, or brushing your teeth. This strategy is often called “time blocking” and generally allows you to put each responsibility into its own block of time so you can see how much time each task takes. Schedule leisure time into your day, including time to unwind and practice self-care. Doing so can ensure you’re not burning yourself out with responsibilities.
Give yourself enough time to get ready to avoid the reason people are often late
Some people are late to appointments because they struggle to discern how long it will take them to prepare beforehand. If you tend to get distracted when you’re getting ready for the day, try setting your alarm earlier to account for the extra time. Time yourself getting ready on a typical day to see how long it takes you. You can do this a few times and then tally up the average amount of time it takes you to get ready.
Then, account for that time by waking up that amount of time before you must leave, plus an extra 30 minutes to an hour. You might also trick yourself into being punctual by penciling your appointments into your calendar an hour before the actual time so that you arrive early or on time for the appointment instead of being late.
Accommodate your unique brain and personality traits
If you’re someone with ADHD or another form of neurodivergence, you might benefit from accommodating yourself instead of trying to fit a mold of who you believe you “should” be. Ways to accommodate yourself for time could include the following:
- Only scheduling one appointment in a day instead of stacking up appointments
- Reading stories about other people with ADHD and how they accommodate themselves in similar conditions
- Reducing time spent on chores by modifying them (running the dishwasher before it’s full, putting clean laundry in organized bins instead of folding it, or hiring a cleaner for your home)
- Saying no to tasks you know you won’t be able to handle
- Asking for accommodations at your workplace or school
- Letting loved ones know how your brain works and how they can help you
- Using project management and task-tracking apps made specifically for neurodivergent individuals
Don’t take on extra commitments
Some people are late because they take on too many commitments and struggle to manage all of them. Ambition can be a healthy way to create growth in your life, but too much ambition can lead to burnout. Don’t take on commitments outside of what you know you can usually handle.
If you tend to be most knowledgeable about your energy level in the moment, you might ask others in your life if they can request favors closer to when they are needed instead of planning far in advance. Try not to schedule hangouts with friends for weeks or months in advance if you often cancel at the last minute due to low energy levels.
Take it one day at a time
Take your schedule one day at a time. If you become overwhelmed by planning your entire week or month, it may be a sign that you’re taking on too much at once. Some people might outline their day when they wake up in the morning. After outlining your day, follow your schedule and focus on each moment instead of looking at what you will do in the next minute, hour, or day. Being present in the moment can be a form of mindfulness and may reduce stress and anxiety for some people.
Use visualization practices inspired by psychology
Visualization practices can be a way to gain motivation and drive. Visualize yourself succeeding in your goals and consider what that would look like. For example, if you want to get a promotion at work, visualize each step you’d take and what you’d do after getting the promotion. Would you have a party for yourself? Would you use your increased salary to buy a new car? Find ways to get excited about the future, which may make you a more active participant in your daily life.
Therapy for time management and mental health
Time management can be challenging, and you’re not alone if you struggle with being late to work, appointments, school, or hangouts with friends. A therapist can help you build a time management strategy that works for you and enables you to make positive changes. You don’t have to have a mental illness to go to therapy, and therapists are typically trained in many aspects of motivation, goal setting, and visualization.
If you are often late to in-person appointments due to barriers like time, distance, or stress, you might try online therapy through a platform like BetterHelp. With an online platform, you can connect with a therapist from home, so you don’t have to get ready to go out, saving you time. In addition, you can book sessions around your existing schedule, including outside of standard business hours.
Research suggests that internet-based therapy can be highly effective in improving quality of life and reducing anxiety and depression, both of which can contribute to lateness.
Takeaway
Frequently being late can be stressful and may contribute to conflict with coworkers, friends, and family. Anxiety, depression, ADHD, stress, and a lack of time management skills are a few reasons why individuals may often be late for their obligations. Techniques like time blocking, accommodating yourself, and talking to a therapist can help individuals become more punctual. For tailored guidance, contact a therapist online or in your area.
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