A New Relationship Over The Holidays: Holiday Traditions & Self-Care

New relationships often cause a whirlwind of joy and excitement. People tend to want to spend lots of time together as they fall in love. However, when starting a relationship before or during the holidays, dating can be tricky. You and your love interest might be uncertain about what qualifies as too much time to spend together. You may also worry about how to combine each other’s traditions and schedules during this time while not abandoning your other plans or self-care. If you’re newly dating and haven’t yet solidified your relationship status, you might wonder when the other person expects, especially if you hope that your relationship is going to grow. Should you invite them to holiday dinner? Would they feel comfortable being in the world of your friends and family? Or would that be too much too soon?

Below, explore ways to navigate a new relationship over the holidays while simultaneously keeping your other plans intact and looking after your mental health. 

Potential impacts of the holidays on your feelings and mental health

Those in a new relationship may not be aware of the other person’s holiday situation yet, which can bring up conflicting desires for holiday plans. In addition, past negative relationship experiences may come up in the emotion of the holidays, and being in the early stages of a relationship can lead to misunderstandings. Being aware of these factors may be helpful when figuring out how to navigate a new relationship over the holidays without letting past relationships, past experiences, or stress impact your connection.  

The chemistry behind love and new romantic relationships: maintaining emotional and sexual health

Understanding what happens neurologically in a new relationship as you build emotional intimacy may be helpful. When you first fall in love, the brain releases dopamine frequently as you spend time with the individual or think about them, creating a sense of euphoria. As you get to know them and share affection and physical intimacy with each other, your brain releases oxytocin, which is a bonding hormone that can make you feel sleepy, comfortable, and calm. Because of these chemical reactions in the brain, you might experience strong urges to be around the person often.

Being aware of these tendencies in romantic relationships may help you manage them—especially around the holidays. For example, if your desire to spend time with this person eclipses your desire to stick to family holiday plans you already made, you might consider whether changing them is the best choice for your emotional health and the health of your other relationships. Or, if your desire to be close to this person tempts you to engage in risky sexual behaviors or in being physically intimate before you’re ready, you might take a step back before acting to preserve your emotional and sexual health.

How to discuss traditions and holiday plans in a new relationship

Before the holidays, you might consider whether your relationship with your partner, girlfriend, or boyfriend is at a point where you’re comfortable discussing traditions, religion, and holiday wishes with your love interest. Some couples might decide to spend the holidays apart and take things at their own pace if their relationship is new. Others might be comfortable discussing the possibility of having holidays together. Consider your relationship status and what you feel comfortable with if newly dating. During the holidays, dating can feel challenging, but it can help to discuss your feelings with your partner honestly.

If you do plan to celebrate together, some of the best relationship advice to consider is to discuss it beforehand. Here are a few questions you might ask in conversations focused on growing a healthy relationship: 

• Will either of you want to spend the holidays with your family? 
• Who will host the holiday traditions or parties if you live in separate homes? 
• Are any religions or spiritual beliefs important to either of you? Are any of these beliefs conflicting, and if so, how will you cope with the conflict? 
• Do either of you work on any major holidays? 
• Do you want to celebrate holidays with family on one day and with each other on a different day? 
• Do either of you have food sensitivities or allergies to be aware of when making holiday meals? 
• Do either of you want to decorate together for the holidays? 
• Are there any traditions you always do on the holidays that you would like to share or not share? 

Meeting the Family: Setting Boundaries and Expectations

If you have a large family, you may be accustomed to having a house full of people during the holidays. Still, it's essential to remember that your new love interest likely has their own holiday traditions. Not everyone has a large family, and their way of celebrating may be completely different from yours.

If your parents are pushing you to bring your new love interest around for the holidays, set boundaries to support the wishes of your partner, girlfriend, or boyfriend. If they do not feel comfortable being around your extended family at this point, your family members need to respect their wishes. If your relationship continues toward marriage, you may still need to maintain these boundaries, even if they become your husband or wife or if you have kids. 

How to Handle Relationship Status Questions

Whether or not your new partner is willing to attend a large family gathering, you will likely be faced with questions about your relationship status. If your partner is willing to meet your parents, friends, or extended family, discuss with them ahead of time what they feel comfortable saying. It can also be helpful to discuss your relationship with your family beforehand and speak to them honestly about it. For example, you can tell them that it is new and that you don’t know where it's headed, but that you really like your new partner and are still getting to know them. Some new couples may be anxious that someone will ask them about marriage, but speaking openly and honestly ahead of time can help make these situations less awkward.

Balancing Time Between Family, Friends, and Your Partner

The holiday season can be busy, and balancing your time between friends, family, and your new partner can require intentional effort. You may have a work party, a family dinner, or a traditional night out with friends to attend, and while your new love interest may be interested in joining you, this might not be the case.

If your partner does not yet feel comfortable joining your family for dinner, you can invite them to join you later in the week for a meal or fun activity. For example, rather than buying them a present, you may surprise them by making a home-cooked meal, taking them ice skating, or watching holiday movies by the fireplace. The way you spend this first holiday together with just the two of you can establish new traditions you can carry out through the rest of your relationship. 

Creating New Traditions as a Couple

Creating new traditions can be a way to feel connected to your new partner amidst the significant amount of busyness and stress that the holiday season brings. While gift giving and a holiday dinner can be traditions that can last throughout the years, there are countless things that you can do together that can last throughout the rest of your relationship. For example, you can focus on bringing hope to the world by volunteering at a food bank or collecting gifts for children’s charities, or sending holiday cards to people in the military or residents in a local nursing home.

Prioritizing self-care and mental health while still valuing your relationship 

A new relationship absolutely can be exciting and make you want to spend all your time with the person, but this may not always be wise. Spending too much time with someone at the beginning of a relationship may be harmful to your mental health and could create a sense of dependency. 

Instead, it can be helpful to continue to value the routines you had before the relationship, including self-care, work schedules, time alone, rest, family time, and hobbies. You might aim to be true to your personal story and not let the relationship cut you off from who you are. The holidays in particular can be chaotic, so if you struggle to find time to include everything, be patient with yourself. The reality is that it can be easy to feel overwhelmed. Having a routine over the holidays that resembles similar routines in your daily life may help you reduce stress and keep your nervous system regulated.

Remember as well that self-care doesn’t only mean taking care of your body by eating, drinking water, and exercising. Self-care can also mean taking time to relax or partake in enjoyable activities. For example, writing in your journal, taking deep breaths and meditating, reading a book by the window, sitting by a fireplace, or playing with a pet are all ways to practice self-care alone and can help you feel comfortable and have hope while navigating the stress of the holiday season. It may also help to give yourself some nights to sleep alone and process your feelings and thoughts about the person and your holiday experiences, so you can keep a clear head.

Fun ways to build emotional and physical intimacy with a new partner over the holidays 

In reality, the holiday season can be stressful, and it can be easy to feel overwhelmed. Managing holiday stress together can be a way for you and your new partner to feel more connected. While coping skills like taking deep breaths, getting enough rest, and practicing mindfulness to stay in the present can help, talking honestly with your new love interest about how you feel can also help you decide how to support each other and maintain hope during this difficult season.

Below are some ideas on how to have fun with a new partner over the holidays. These ideas can be enjoyable for both those in long-term relationships and those who have recently started dating. 

Enjoy new romantic relationships by crafting together 

A structured activity like a holiday craft can be a fun way to bond. For the holidays, you might try making a gingerbread house, painting dreidels, decorating a Christmas tree, building a snowman, or decorating cookies. You could also take a holiday painting or craft class in your area if available. You could make holiday-themed alcoholic or non-alcoholic drinks and listen to festive music to celebrate while you work on your crafts together. 

Go ice skating 

Some cities have ice skating rinks that hold holiday public skates. If you live near one, you and your date could consider visiting to skate under sparkling lights while listening to holiday tunes. This type of date can also be a photo opportunity. You might wear your nicest winter clothes, gloves, and scarf and take a cute picture together to commemorate the beginning of your relationship. 

Have a holiday meal to share each other’s cultures and family dishes

If you and your partner have different cultures or family backgrounds, you can use the holidays to learn about each other’s traditions. For example, perhaps there’s a delicious dish from your home country you’d like to make for your date, or maybe they have a unique tradition with their family that they want to show you. 

Have holidays on different days to prioritize both partners’ feelings, self-love, and mental health 

You don’t have to celebrate the holidays on the holidays themselves. For example, if you usually celebrate Christmas with your family on December 25 and aren’t ready for your date to go with you just yet, you might consider scheduling a separate celebration with them the night before or the following weekend.

View the holiday lights with your new relationship partner

Many cities and neighborhoods put up holiday light displays for people to enjoy. You might consider going to one with your partner. If you can’t find one near you, you can also drive around and listen to holiday music while looking at lights on houses in a neighborhood that decorates. 

Do winter activities together to increase physical intimacy and improve sexual health

Winter activities can be fun for couples who like to be active together. For example, you might go skiing, sledding, or snowboarding. If you live near nature trails, you may be able to go on a winter hike. Some people also enjoy winter activities like snowball fights, making snowmen, and taking their dogs out in the snow. Physical activity can increase the release of endorphins in the brain, which may also increase sexual chemistry between couples who have or plan to develop a sexual relationship.   

The Role of Communication in Strengthening Your Relationship

Communicating honestly can help you and your new partner feel connected during the holidays and throughout your relationship. When deciding how to spend your holidays, talk to them about what they feel comfortable doing. If they are pushing you to do something that you're not ready for, set boundaries, take deep breaths, and discuss the reality of what you feel ready to do. While they may hope that you will join them, it is important that they listen and respect your wishes.

How talking to a therapist may be helpful for new couples over the holidays 

The holidays can be stressful, and they may also put pressure on a new relationship. When you’re still getting to know someone, you might be unsure of how to navigate more complicated discussions about the holidays. If you’re looking for support in how you approach a new romantic connection, holiday stress, or other challenges, you might consider meeting with a therapist. They can:

• Offer techniques to help you regulate your emotions and build emotional intelligence,
• Share relationship advice if desired
• Support you in exploring your goals for a casual or committed relationship with the person you’re dating

Mental health support for individuals and couples

If you’re considering therapy, finding an in-person therapist might be difficult—especially during the busy holiday season. In such cases, online therapy through a platform like BetterHelp for individuals or Regain for couples may be more convenient. 

Through an online platform, you can get matched and then schedule sessions with a licensed therapist at times that work for you. In addition, you can choose between phone, video, or live chat sessions. Research also suggests that online therapy can often be as effective as in-person therapy.