Coping With Birthday Depression: Mental Health Perspectives and Support
Experiencing depression around your birthday is a more common occurrence than one may expect. For some, it's a temporary feeling that fades with time. However, it can be long-lasting for others.
In some cases, birthday depression is considered an invalid emotional experience by peers and family members. This might occur for many reasons, including the social expectation that a birthday is a pleasant event. However, your feelings of birthday depression are valid, and you're not alone.
It may help to pay attention if you're experiencing birthday depression, as this may indicate chronic depression or anxiety. For some, birthdays are a trigger for past trauma, and for others living with chronic depression, these days can incite symptom relapse.
What causes the birthday blues or birthday depression?
There are a few potential causes of birthday depression, including the following:
Clinical depression and how a mental health professional can help
Although the term "birthday depression" uses the word "depression", it isn't an existing condition in the diagnostic manual used by professionals (DSM-5). However, depression can be a cause for experiencing more severe symptoms during special events like birthdays. Seeking support from a mental health professional can help manage these symptoms.
With over 280 million people worldwide living with depression, it is a common and treatable mental illness. You might be experiencing depression if you live with many of the following symptoms for most days spanning more than two weeks:
- Feelings of profound sadness that don't disappear
- Difficulty smiling, laughing, or enjoying your time with others
- No longer enjoying previously-enjoyed activities
- Withdrawal from social situations
- Difficulty caring for your hygiene
- Sleep schedule changes
- Low energy
- Appetite changes
- Feeling numb, empty, or apathetic
- Thoughts or urges to end your life*
If you or someone you know is struggling or in crisis, help is available. Text or call 988 or chat 988lifeline.org. Support is available 24/7. If you are experiencing trauma, support is available.
Anxiety disorders and how they can contribute to birthday sadness
Anxiety disorders may increase feelings of sadness during a special event, such as birthdays. Depending on the circumstances and the level of anxiety present, a birthday celebration can be exhausting and lead to depression. Anxiety disorders in the DSM-5 include the following:
- Panic disorder
- Generalized anxiety disorder (GAD)
- Specific phobias
- Social anxiety disorder
- Separation anxiety disorder
- Selective mutism
- Agoraphobia
- Substance or medication-induced anxiety disorder
- Anxiety disorder due to another medical condition
- Other specified anxiety disorder
An introverted personality
If a birthday summons an uncomfortable level of socializing (for instance, a surprise party), it can leave some feeling burned out. In addition, the anticipation of the birthday might feel anxiety-inducing. For many introverts, an intimate birthday party may be more enjoyable.
Illness
Whether you're experiencing a mental illness or a physical illness, any state of being that presents a challenge to celebrating your birthday might cause you to experience feelings of depression. It can be frustrating when you want to participate in your birthday as usual, but can't.
Discomfort about aging and gerascophobia
For various reasons, some people don't want to accept the physical and mental changes accompanying aging. However, beyond mild discomfort or aversion lies a condition known as gerascophobia, a specific phobia of growing older. This affects adults and children and can cause depression and anxiety during your birthday.
Expectations and pressure around "milestones"
Many societies recognize “milestone birthdays” for specific achievements. From taking your first steps to reaching adulthood to hitting retirement, pressure to achieve these benchmarks might bring significant feelings of depression and anxiety.
Along with societal expectations, your expectations might be a source of depression around your birthday. For example, plans to own a home or cross items off a "bucket list" by a certain age might occur, pressuring you to feel you've met your goals by the time your birthday arrives.
Reviewing your life's progress to find that you haven't achieved everything you planned up to that point may be disappointing, and if you are unkind to yourself, it might lead to intensely negative feelings. In addition, a birthday can increase feelings of despair if you struggle with finding your life's purpose or meaning, or worry about your own mortality.
Social dynamics
Depending on the nature of your relationships, gatherings can be a source of stress. If you're worried about how your family and friends will behave when they're together or how they'll treat you, you might feel depressed when your birthday comes around.
Feelings of isolation
It can be challenging to make friends as an adult. Perhaps you've lost close friends or family as time has passed and haven't been socially inclined since. Whatever the reason, birthdays can be difficult to celebrate without friends. The same feelings can arise when you don't get attention or recognition from your loved ones on your birthday. If the day passes unnoticed, you might feel lonely and unappreciated. In addition, if you planned a large party and no one showed up, you might feel that others don't consider you.
Faulty nostalgia and its role in birthday depression
You might recall happy, carefree times when you reflect on your childhood birthdays. However, nostalgia and memory can be unreliable, and people may sometimes long for an event or feelings that didn't exist the way they remember. Nostalgia can increase feelings of sadness or depression if your current situation fails to bring happiness to your memories. This kind of longing can worsen birthday depression, especially with the fear of social situations.
Coping with birthday depression, such as speaking to a mental health professional
The best ways to cope with birthday depression may vary between individuals, and what works for you may not work for someone else. Often, the goal is to cultivate a positive experience for yourself in your own way without denying or ignoring your feelings. A few ways to do so may include the following:
- Speak to a mental health professional about your feelings about your birthday.
- Keep your daily routine on your birthday if you don't want to celebrate.
- Change up your routine if you want to make the day unique.
- Practice self-kindness and compassion.
- Partake in activities that bring you joy.
- Congratulate yourself on your accomplishments, and ponder potential future accomplishments.
- Treat yourself.
- Arrange a small, informal social gathering to celebrate.
- Don't celebrate at all if you don't want to.
- Foster healthier relationships in your life if you feel that your family and friends are acting unhealthy on your birthday or not showing you love.
Mental health counseling options for birthday sadness
Birthday sadness may be indicative of a more encompassing concern. Many people living with generalized anxiety or major depressive disorder find that significant events like a birthday can incite a spike in their condition and a decline in their mental health. If you're not used to experiencing birthday depression, explore why you think it might be a factor this year. Writing down your feelings or confiding in a trusted loved one can help. If you find the depression lingers or deepens into more intense feelings, speaking to a therapist might also be beneficial.
Takeaway
Is it fine to feel extremely unhappy on your birthday?
Feeling depressed on your birthday is a valid emotional response that some people experience. It's okay to acknowledge those feelings rather than dismiss them. If this experience is intense or persistent, it may be beneficial to explore these feelings with a therapist to understand the underlying cause and find healthy coping mechanisms in case depression could be part of the cause.
Why do I feel let down on my birthday?
Feeling let down on your special day can stem from various factors, like high expectations for the day that aren't met, reflections on personal achievements, or memories of past celebrations that seem happier in retrospect.
It's important to acknowledge these feelings and remember that other people can feel this way, too. If this letdown is affecting you deeply or you start to experience depression, talking to a therapist may help you navigate these emotions and set realistic expectations for future occasions.
Why do I feel like my birthday is a burden?
Feeling like your upcoming birthday is a burden can stem from a variety of factors, including the pressure to socialize, the stress of planning an event, or the expectations others may have of you on this day. You might also feel a sense of obligation to appear happy or grateful, even if you aren't actually feeling excited. If you feel ashamed or like you don't deserve to celebrate, it could also come from past hurtful experiences with a family member or loved one.
Remember, it's okay to set boundaries and celebrate in a way that feels authentic. However, if these feelings are overwhelming or persistent, it could be a sign that there are underlying mental health disorders at play. Speaking to a therapist can be a helpful solution to uncover the deeper meaning behind your feelings and develop coping strategies to self-soothe.
What do you do if no one cares about your birthday?
If you feel that no one cares about your special day, consider reaching out to connect with friends or family in a low-pressure setting. Sometimes, others may not realize the significance of the day to you. Alternatively, you can treat yourself to an activity you enjoy, reflect on your personal achievements, or volunteer your time to a cause you care about to get a sense of fulfilment and connection. It can be helpful to remember that your worth is not measured by others' recognition.
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