Birthdays And Birthday Depression: You're Not Alone

Updated October 8, 2022 by BetterHelp Editorial Team

On your birthday, you may feel birthday depression or sadness. Experiencing depression around this date is known as birthday depression. Depression on your birthday is real and nothing to be ashamed of. This birthday-related depression is common.

There's a lot of pressure on your birthday, and if your birthday doesn't live up, that can lead to depression.

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Birthday Depression & Birthday Blues

We sometimes call it the birthdayblues or birthday sadness, but birthday depression is often caused by fear of uncertainty, aging, or being alone on your birthday. Softer terms like these can undermine the difficult reality many people experience on their birthdays. What's more, the transient nature of sadness makes it even easier to brush off.

It is significant whether sadness arises from that specific date (your birthday) or chronic depression. It can increase feelings of sadness, hopelessness, and other negative emotions, possibly evolving into a depressive episode. This is why it's important to take depression seriously, even on your birthday, and approach it with kindness and understanding. No matter the duration of your depression, we will touch upon some of the causes and concerns later in this article.

Being Sad On Your Birthday

Anyone can experience birthday depression. Some people who commonly experience this include chronic or recurring sadness around your birthday.

If you've ever struggled with chronic depression, it can have a significant impact, especially on your birthday. And if depression runs in your family, genetics could also be a factor for birthday depression.

Anxiety Can Increase Depression Around Your Birthday

Anxiety, whether it's social anxiety or otherwise, can increase your feelings of sadness surrounding your birthday. A celebration can make your birthday an exhausting day, depending on your triggers. This gives depression an opportunity to take hold on your birthday.

Introversion

Introverts are often labeled as anti-social, but that is not necessarily true. Many introverts are social, just like anyone else. They have less of a capacity for stimulation than extroverts. Introverts may feel alone in a crowded room if they can't connect with anyone there, and may not feel lonely, even after alone time.

A birthday usually comes with more socializing than an introvert wants (and needs)! This can leave them feeling burnt out. The anxiety of anticipating the birthday party can also be stressful.

Mental Illness

If an individual struggles with another mental illness, it's possible for them to feel depressed around their birthday. If you or someone you know is already struggling, consider getting support from a licensed professional to lessen the impact of any depressive symptoms.

Physical Illness

Having a chronic illness is already a challenge. So you can imagine how frustrating it can be when their birthday arrives and they're unable to celebrate it in the way they want. While celebrating a birthday can still be possible, a little encouragement and compromise will be needed to avoid birthday depression.

Birthday Depression: Why Does This Phenomenon Occur?

Reasons Birthday Depression Happens

Why would anyone feel depressed on their birthday? After all, with your birthday comes gifts, friends, and maybe a complimentary latte at your favorite café! But for people experiencing depression, a birthday doesn't compensate for the unpleasant reminders it can bring. Let's take a look at a few of the reasons why some people may feel birthday depression around their birthday.

Denial About Age On Your Birthday

The adage "age is just a number" isn't much help for those who experience depression on their birthday. The age might be a number, but there's no denying the physical changes that come with aging. We take more notice of this around birthdays, especially if we're actively comparing our bodies to our younger selves. A fear of aging isn't something we're born with-our ageist society creates incredible pressure to value youth. This means that it's not your fault you're experiencing these feelings; you can address them by recognizing where the outside pressure comes from and moving forward.

Expectations And Pressure

There's quite a lot of freedom in creating a path for yourself. From your career to your family to your finances, you are in control of your life once you reach adulthood. However, there is still a fair amount of pressure from society to accomplish and hit certain milestones by specific times. A spouse, a house, a family, and even a 401K are things that we "should" obtain by a certain age. If you don't reach these milestones within the expected timeframe, this birthday may be a source of depression.

When we feel happy, it's an easy and wonderful experience, but you can't force the best time of your life. That goes for everything, including other milestones and important events. If you wanted something much better than what you received, it could be easy to get down about your celebration.

Feelings of Failure

Time is fleeting, and many of us have yearly plans and goals we expect to meet. A birthday can often remind us that we may not have accomplished as much as we had wanted. And if you are extremely far behind on your plans, it may hit hard.

Family Dynamics

We can choose our friends, but we can't choose our families. Sometimes, our family-our very first social setting is a source of tension, stress, and depression. This usually gets highlighted during a birthday.

Feeling Alone On Your Birthday

As adults, it can be hard to make friends. Perhaps you've lost close friends as time has passed, and you haven't managed to replace them. Without close friends to celebrate with, our birthdays can feel lonely and isolated. You can always try reaching out to an old friend-you may be surprised by the results. At best, you'll reconnect. At worse, you're in the same situation as before. This is where making new friends comes in. Although it may seem difficult, there are apps to make it easier.

Existential Crisis

A birthday can increase feelings of hopelessness or despair if you struggle with finding your life's purpose or meaning. People crave purpose early in life and have not found it over time can cause anxiety and depression. This experience can be heightened when you feel you haven't hit certain expectations.

Feeling Unloved

We shower our children with love and affection but may hold back when it comes to adults. You may notice a decline in how your friends or family (or even your significant other) express their affection for you when you're older. If they aren't vocal and don't get super excited around your birthday, this can lead to feeling unloved and unimportant when the big day rolls around.

Nostalgia

When you reflect on your childhood and birthdays, you might recall happy, carefree times. Nostalgia is often a blurry painting of our past, and we often long for something that didn't exist. Nostalgia can increase our feelings of depression if our current situation fails to bring happiness to our memories.

Milestones

People can be scared to turn a certain age, like 25, 30, 40, 50, etc. While birthdays are supposed to celebrate important arrival points in life, they can cause anxiety, fear, and sadness instead. For example, the big 5-0 might make you nervous and worried, whereas 51 comes and goes painlessly.

Please Don't Feel Ashamed About It.

As you can see, many reasonable factors contribute to birthday depression. Still, people can feel ashamed of this psychological struggle. Here are some reasons why depression is often accompanied by shame:

You're "Not Supposed to Feel Sad"

Society expects you to be happy on your birthday, and if you are not, then there must be something wrong with you. However, there is no specified way you should feel or act on your birthday.

Having depression doesn't make you ungrateful. A lot of people who experience depression live otherwise healthy, productive lives. You just need to evaluate why you feel this way and what can be done to help you alleviate these symptoms.

We Feel Bad For Feeling Bad

We're very good at pushing ourselves to be and feel certain. We might feel bad about feeling bad when we don't feel happy. But you don't experience emotions at random, and they are not superficial. Your emotions and state of mind occur for a reason.

It's okay to accept and respect what you feel, and experience-whether it's your birthday or not.

It's Misunderstood

For better or worse, some people can't relate to feelings of depression on or around their birthdays. There's nothing wrong with that, but those who do not get sad may not understand what you're going through. To avoid rejection and judgment, we might pretend we're okay or deny our depression experience entirely.

Skills For Spending A Birthday Alone Or Sad

Birthday depression can be a struggle for some. Fortunately, there are ways to live with your depression and cultivate positive experiences for yourself without denying or ignoring your authentic, true self. Here are some simple ways you can deal with depression:

Plan Ahead

If your birthday is usually a time of anxiety and depression, plan to ensure you'll get through this experience safely and responsibly. You might consider getting professional help from a licensed and certified therapist in the months leading up to your birthday to help you prepare.

Keep It Secret

This one's a bit tricky if you use social media, but if all the birthday attention stirs up feelings of sadness, consider keeping your birthday to yourself.

Keep Your Routine

As appealing as a break from routine, the change can be hard to cope with and may throw us off rather than relax. If possible, stick to your routine, especially if it includes activities that make you feel good, such as regular mealtimes, sleep patterns, and exercise.

Show Yourself Compassion

It's easy to be hard on yourself, but on your birthday-and especially if you're feeling depressed-it's important to be gentle with yourself. Yoga, a spa appointment, or a massage can be a wonderful way to relax and enjoy the day.

Be Kind To Yourself

You might want others to pamper you and make you feel special, but why wait when you can do that yourself? Do you have a favorite cafe? Is there something you have on your wish list? Now's the time to treat yourself to a little TLC for your birthday and relieve some of that sadness.

Focus On Accomplishments

You might not have kept your resolutions, earned that promotion, or hit other milestones you expected, but focusing on shortcomings will only result in negative feelings. Instead, focus on what you've done. Count your big and small accomplishments and feel proud of your strengths and capabilities.

What You Can Do

Birthday sadness is attributed to the day itself, but it can lead to a real depressive episode down the road if the warning signs aren't recognized, and preventative measures aren't taken. To ensure you don't slip into a depressive episode, here are three great tips that will help prevent sadness from gaining traction once your mood changes.

Exercise and Eat Healthy

Many of us know that exercise is one of the best ways to battle depression but will skip our daily workouts due to a lack of time or motivation. However, when you are fighting sadness, exercise and a healthy diet are necessary to ensure your mental health is on track. As little as a walk in the sunshine for 30 to 45 minutes a day can do wonders for your state of mind.

Socialize

As social creatures, interacting with other humans is vital to our happiness and allows us to work through issues with the right support and perspective. If you are feeling down during your birthday as well as before and after, make sure to schedule plans with friends and family to keep yourself looking forward to something as you overcome your sadness.

Reach Out To BetterHelp To Feel Better About Aging & Getting Older

The professional therapists at BetterHelp understand that sadness can be tough. If you feel as though you need support or expert guidance to help you navigate your sadness, you can easily reach out to connect to BetterHelp to receive the advice and tools you need to thrive. Using the BetterHelp online platform, you can avoid the hassle of researching and finding a therapist in your area. This allows you to connect with a therapist when it works best for you. Read below for some reviews of BetterHelp therapists.

Does Your Birthday Bring Up Some Challenging Emotions?

Talking With A Therapist Can Help

Therapist Reviews

"Daniel helped me gain perspective on my experiences and feelings. His feedback was very helpful and instrumental in my decision-making, growth, and enlightenment. He has helped me better care for my mental health, and I greatly appreciate that."

"Stacy has been so accommodating throughout my sessions. She has helped me with the depression and anxiety issues that I have been having lately. I was in such a dark place, and Stacy is helping me cope with all the issues professionally yet respectfully."

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)

Feeling sad on your birthday is often described as "birthday depression." It's okay to feel your authentic feelings on any given day. This is just as true for those feeling sad or facing the blues as it is for those who don't feel sad or face the birthday blues. Several things could lead to someone feeling sad on their birthday. A person may feel sad because they feel alone, live with depression and feel sad as a result, or feel sad for another reason. Feeling sad or having the blues could relate to something other than being alone or living with depression, like aging or past events that make you feel sad. It's okay to count on other people and reach out to a friend to talk. You can also count on anonymous peer support, a therapist, or someone else for a conversation about how you feel, whether you're sad, feel alone, or something else.

If you feel down or sad on an ongoing basis, it's important to see a medical or mental health professional. Outside of feeling down or sad, symptoms of depression might include but aren't limited to isolation, changes in appetite, changes in sleep, loss of interest in activities, feeling hopeless or worthless, and irritability. Depression can make you feel alone, whether feeling alone is due to isolation or other symptoms. A professional like a therapist might be able to help you identify the root of feeling sad or alone, the root of your birthday blues or they can help you with feeling sad continuously and ongoing symptoms of depression. There are different types of depression, such as major depressive disorder, seasonal affective disorder (SAD), postpartum depression (which differs from the baby blues), and PMDD.

Sometimes, realizing that you feel sad, alone, or like you have the blues can highlight a need to reach out, which can be a positive thing in the end and leave you feeling less alone. Regardless of what you're going through, you don't have to do it alone. Even when your feelings are attributed to the blues or sadness more so than a clinical diagnosis, having someone to talk to can still be advantageous; we all need a safe space to sort our feelings out when we feel sad, overwhelmed, and so on.

Why do I feel lonely on my birthday?

Birthdays are often celebrated with others rather than alone. Even if you typically enjoy being alone, a birthday can where you alone make these feelings arise, or you may feel sad because of this if the count of people you'd like around isn't there. If it's not about the count of people or being alone physically, it's also possible to feel lonely and sad. You may feel sad, lonely, or alone even if you're among others. After all, it's possible to feel lonely, sad, or both when you're not alone. If you feel alone or sad consistently, it's important to reach out to someone who can help. Even if you feel alone or sad right now, it does not have to mean that you feel like this forever. If depression is something that you experience, treatments are available, like therapy, that can help reduce depression symptoms.

Why does my birthday give me anxiety?

The anticipation of an event may heighten symptoms if you live with an anxiety disorder. For example, knowing that you're seeing other people may heighten signs of social anxiety disorder, leaving you increasingly distressed while counting the days until your birthday. It may be useful to have coping skills you can count on. For example, breathing exercises where you breathe in to a count of five, hold your breath for a count of five and release your breast to a count of five. Or exercises like the 4-7-8 breathing exercise, where you breathe in to a count of four, hold your breath for a count of seven and release your breath to eight. You can also count on skills like positive affirmations, relaxing activities, like spending time outdoors or art, and reaching out to someone you can count on, whether that's a therapist, a friend, or someone else. Many of these can be used for feeling sad or when you have the blues, as well as symptoms of anxiety. Feeling sad or facing the blues can pair with anxiety at times, too.

If you experience symptoms of depression and anxiety or feel anxious or sad on an ongoing basis, make sure that you reach out to a professional who can support you. You don't have to have a formal diagnosis of depression or anxiety to start getting help. If you can't find coping skills that work for you when you feel sad or anxious alone, or even if you have found some that work alone and want to add additional skills to your tool kit for when you feel sad, anxious, or experience the blues, a professional can also help you build them up.

Is it okay not to celebrate your birthday?

Just like some count down the days until their bday and love to celebrate, some people choose not to celebrate, which is okay. There are various reasons someone might do this, including negative past associations with birthdays, the birthday blues, or simply being busy in their daily life on their birthday. Even if it can be attributed to the birthday blues or feeling sad, this isn't always the case. One thing to consider or count on is that you don't have to celebrate in a traditional way to have a good time. You can also count on self-care and do something fun for yourself. If you want to celebrate alone, you might do something fun for yourself, like going to a salon alone, a movie, or a nice dinner. Some people value alone time and don't have much time for alone time. For example, parents might not get the alone time they want as frequently as they'd prefer to have alone time. Some people's partners, spouses, or friends, even give gifts that can give a person alone time, like a gift card for a solo activity that someone can do alone.

If not wanting to celebrate is based on the birthday blues, or if you feel alone or sad on your birthday, make sure to care for yourself in the best way you can. It isn't uncommon to feel sad on your birthday; the birthday blues are something many people endure. There are ways to self-soothe when feeling sad or alone, but reaching out to someone you can count on when you feel sad or need support may also help.

How can I feel happy on my birthday?

There are some things you might be able to identify to look forward to, such as the count to three to make a wish when you blow out candles on a cake or, if you aren't celebrating alone, the people you're with. If you do feel alone, you aren't alone in that many say that they feel sad on their birthday, so if you're not counting down the days in excitement, it's not just you. If you do feel sad consistently or face symptoms of depression, it isn't something you have to go through alone. Types of therapy such as cognitive-behavioral therapy and acceptance and commitment therapy have been shown to reduce symptoms of depression, like feeling down or sad, irritability, and loss of interest in activities. Other self-care can be advantageous if you feel sad leading up to your birthday. The birthday blues or feeling sad don't have to keep you from engaging in activities that make you feel happy.

Positive Activities

Sadness can take the enjoyment out of activities you love, but you cannot let that discourage you when facing a potential episode. Do your best to keep engaging in activities that typically bring you joy, even if it takes a little more effort. Talking to a professional to work through these feelings can give you tools to work through them, and you can begin to find more joy once you realize what feelings are impacting your overall well-being on this day. You are not alone and deserve to feel joy.

Conclusion

Experiencing sadness around your birthday is not uncommon and certainly not untreatable. Once you figure out the cause of your negative emotions and develop the right plan to tackle them, you are certain to dispel your sadness and change how you look at your day! Take the first step today.

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