Coping With Birthday Depression: The Reality Of "The Birthday Blues"
Experiencing depression on or around your birthday is sometimes referred to as birthday depression or "birthday blues." Birthday depression can be common, and for some, it's a temporary feeling that fades with time. However, it can be a vivid, intensely unpleasant experience for others.
In some cases, birthday depression is "swept under the rug" or considered an invalid emotional experience by peers and family members. This invalidation might occur for many reasons, including the social expectation that a birthday is a pleasant event, regardless of one's feelings. However, your feelings are valid and experienced by many people, and you're not alone.
Pay attention if you're experiencing the birthday blues, as it may indicate a more profound concern like chronic depression or anxiety. For some, birthdays are a trauma trigger, and for others living with chronic depression, birthdays can seriously impact and incite symptom relapse.
What Causes "The Birthday Blues?"
There are a few potential causes of birthday-related sadness, including the following.
Clinical Depression
Although the term "birthday depression" uses the word "depression," it isn't an existing condition in the diagnostic manual used by professionals (DSM-5). However, depression can be a cause for experiencing more severe symptoms during special events like birthdays.
With over 280 million people worldwide living with depression, it is a common and treatable mental illness. You might be experiencing depression if you live with many of the following symptoms for most days spanning more than two weeks:
- Feelings of profound sadness that don't disappear
- Difficulty smiling, laughing, or enjoying your time with others
- No longer enjoying previously-enjoyed activities
- Withdrawal from social situations
- Difficulty caring for your hygiene
- Sleep schedule changes
- Appetite changes
- Feeling numb, empty, or apathetic
- Thoughts or urges to end your life*
*If you are experiencing suicidal thoughts or urges, call the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline at 988 or text 988 to talk to a crisis provider over SMS. They are available 24/7 to offer support. 988 also offers an online chat for those with an internet connection.
Anxiety Disorders
Anxiety disorders may increase feelings of sadness during a special event. Depending on the circumstances and the level of anxiety present, a birthday celebration can be exhausting and lead to sadness. Anxiety disorders in the DSM-5 include the following:
- Panic disorder
- Generalized anxiety disorder (GAD)
- Specific phobias
- Social anxiety disorder
- Separation anxiety disorder
- Selective mutism
- Agoraphobia
- Substance or medication-induced anxiety disorder
- Anxiety disorder due to another medical condition
- Other specified anxiety disorder
An introverted Personality
Introverts are sometimes labeled as anti-social. However, many introverts are social people with less capacity than extroverts for repeated or high-energy interactions. Introverts may feel uncomfortable in a crowded room if they can't connect with anyone there, and they may feel lonely, even when surrounded by people.
If an introvert's birthday summons an uncomfortable level of socializing (for instance, a surprise party), it can leave them feeling burned out. In addition, the anticipation of the birthday might feel stressful and anxiety-inducing. For many introverts, an intimate or low-key party may be more enjoyable.
Illness
Whether you're experiencing a mental illness or a physical illness, any state of being that presents a challenge or barrier to celebrating your birthday might cause feelings of sadness. It can be frustrating when you want to participate as usual, but an illness limits your ability.
Discomfort About Ageing And Gerascophobia
For various reasons, some people don't want to accept the physical and mental changes accompanying aging. However, beyond mild discomfort or aversion lies a condition known as Gerascophobia, a specific phobia of growing older. This mental illness affects adults and children and can cause severe depression and anxiety surrounding birthdays.
Expectations And Pressure Around "Milestones"
Many societies recognize birthdays as milestones for specific achievements. From taking your first steps to reaching adulthood to hitting retirement, pressure to achieve these benchmarks might bring significant feelings of depression and anxiety.
Feelings Of Failure Or An Existential Crisis
Along with societal expectations, your expectations might be a source of depression around your birthday. For example, plans to own a home or cross items off a "bucket list" by a certain age might occur, pressuring you to feel you've met your goals by the time your birthday arrives.
Reviewing your life's progress to find that you haven't achieved everything you planned up to that point may be disappointing, and if you are unkind to yourself, it might lead to intensely negative feelings. In addition, a birthday can increase feelings of hopelessness or despair if you struggle with finding your life's purpose or meaning.
Social Dynamics
Depending on the nature of your relationships, gatherings involving friends, family, or both can be a source of stress. If you're worried about how your family and friends will behave when they're together or how they'll treat you, you might feel sad when your birthday comes around.
Feelings Of Isolation
It can be challenging to make friends as an adult. Perhaps you've lost close friends or family as time has passed and haven't been socially inclined since. Whatever the reason, birthdays can be difficult to celebrate without friends. The same feelings can arise when you don't get attention or recognition from your loved ones on your birthday. If the day passes unnoticed, you might feel lonely and unappreciated. In addition, if you planned a large party and no one showed up, you might feel that others don't consider you.
Faulty Nostalgia
You might recall happy, carefree times when you reflect on your childhood birthdays. However, nostalgia and memory can be unreliable, and people may sometimes long for an event or feelings that didn't, or don't, exist the way they remember. Nostalgia can increase feelings of sadness if your current situation fails to bring happiness to your memories.
Coping With Birthday Depression
The best ways to cope with birthday depression may vary between individuals, and what works for you may not work for someone else. Often, the goal is to cultivate a positive experience for yourself in your own way without denying or ignoring your feelings. A few ways to do so may include the following:
- Speak to a therapist about your feelings about your birthday.
- Keep your daily routine on your birthday if you don't want to celebrate.
- Change up your routine if you want to make the day unique.
- Practice self-kindness and compassion.
- Partake in activities that bring you joy.
- Congratulate yourself on your accomplishments, and ponder potential future accomplishments.
- Treat yourself.
- Arrange a small, informal social gathering to celebrate.
- Don't celebrate at all if you don't want to.
- Foster healthier relationships in your life if you feel that your family and friends are acting unhealthy on your birthday or not showing you love.
Counseling Options
Birthday sadness may be indicative of a more encompassing concern. Many people living with generalized anxiety or major depressive disorder find that significant events like a birthday can incite a spike in their condition and a decline in their mental health. If you're not used to experiencing birthday sadness, explore why you think it might be a factor this year. Writing down your feelings or confiding in a trusted loved one can help. If you find the sadness lingers or deepens into more intense feelings, speaking to a therapist might also be beneficial.
Some people feel trepidation about seeing a therapist. Traveling to and from an office, scheduling time for regular appointments, and discomfort over encountering others in a therapist's office can be deterrents to seeking help. If you're feeling this way, you might benefit from online counseling.
With time, experts have determined that the most effective alternative to in-person therapy is online therapy. With the rise in popularity of online therapy comes many platforms like BetterHelp that connect clients with mental health professionals with a wide range of backgrounds. Online therapy often offers convenient, affordable therapy tailored to your needs so you can learn practical, real-world strategies for coping with feelings of depression and anxiety, among many others.
Takeaway
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)
Below are several frequently asked questions regarding birthday depression.
Why Do I Feel Lonely On My Birthday?
Birthdays are often celebrated with others in many cultures. Even if you typically enjoy being alone, you might want to spend time with the people you care about on your special day. If you're alone on your birthday or notice that the people you've invited don't show up, it might make you feel that you're not important to those you love or that they don't consider you.
Some people also feel lonely around others or during an extravagant event. If this occurs, you might feel lonely due to a lack of consideration for your feelings or desires. If your party guests are only concerned with what they'll gain from the party or have pressured you into a birthday event you didn't want, you might feel lonely because you weren't respected. If you're experiencing extreme loneliness, contact a licensed mental health professional for support.
Why Does My Birthday Give Me Anxiety?
The anticipation of an event may heighten symptoms if you live with an anxiety disorder. For example, knowing that you're seeing other people may heighten signs of social anxiety disorder, leaving you distressed while counting the days until your birthday. In addition, you might feel anxious if your family or friends pressure you into a birthday celebration you're not looking forward to or don't want.
It may be helpful to have coping skills you can count on. For example, breathing exercises, mindfulness, or therapy may be beneficial while you prepare for the coming event. You can also try skills like positive affirmations, spending time outdoors, creating art, and reaching out to someone you can count on. Many of these coping mechanisms can also be used for depressive symptoms.
If you experience symptoms of depression and anxiety on an ongoing basis, contact a professional. You don't have to have a formal diagnosis of depression or anxiety to start getting support.
Is It Okay Not To Celebrate Your Birthday?
Everyone is different. Some people count down the days until their birthday and love to celebrate; others choose not to celebrate at all. Choosing not to celebrate your birthday is normal and okay. There are various reasons someone might do this, including past negative associations with birthdays, the birthday blues, or being busy with other priorities.
If you feel pressured by others to celebrate your birthday in a way they want, note that there may be non-traditional or other ways to celebrate. You don't have to give in to peer or family pressure to enjoy your birthday. For example, you might try practicing self-care or having an intimate night with your partner instead of attending a family celebration. If you don't want gifts or lavish displays of affection, let everyone in your life know what your boundaries are. Tell them they won't be allowed at further birthday events if they disrespect these boundaries.
If not wanting to celebrate is based on the birthday blues, or if you feel alone or sad on your birthday, care for yourself as best you can. Many people experience feelings of sadness on their birthday for various reasons. There are ways to self-soothe when feeling sad or alone, but reaching out to someone you can trust may also be beneficial.
How Can I Feel Happy On My Birthday?
You may be able to identify a few aspects of your birthday to look forward to, such as the birthday wish, family traditions, friendships, or the celebration of your achievements the year before. If you feel sad consistently or face symptoms of depression, you're not alone. Many people utilize therapeutic modalities like cognitive-behavioral therapy and acceptance and commitment therapy to reduce symptoms of depression, like feeling down or sad, irritability, and loss of interest in activities. Other self-care practices may also be advantageous if you feel sad leading up to your birthday.
Sadness can take the enjoyment out of activities you love. Do your best to keep engaging in activities that typically bring you joy, even if it takes effort. Talking to a professional to work through these feelings can also give you tools to work through them. You are not alone and deserve to feel joy.
- Previous Article
- Next Article