Living In A Multi-Generational Home: Blending Extended Family, Parents, And Children
Multi-generational living situations can take many forms. Sometimes, parents and children live with extended family. Sometimes, the household includes adult children caring for aging parents and younger children together. From cultural traditions to financial necessity, the reasons why people choose to live in a multi-generational household can vary. Regardless, the experience can be enriching, but it may also present challenges. This post discusses some of those issues, as well as strategies for maintaining harmony within the home and coping with mental health challenges associated with living in a multi-generational home.
The rise in multi-generational living
The influence of culture
Families with cultural traditions that strongly emphasize family, caregiving, and financial support within the extended family might be more likely to embrace maintaining a multi-generational household. While any family in any culture can hold such values, cultures that value collectivism, such as Asian, Latin American, and African cultures, tend to have stronger traditions of multi-generational living. Individualistic cultures, like in the US and parts of Europe, might be less inclined toward this arrangement. As cultures evolve and individuals become more exposed to different perspectives, the cultural dynamics of multi-generational living may shift.
The emotional landscape for adult children caring for aging parents
Living in an intergenerational household can come with mixed emotions. For example, many adult children find significant joy and a sense of purpose in caring for their parents later in life. At the same time, they might struggle with the mental and emotional challenges associated with caregiving. Statistics show this tends to be a common experience, with The Family Center Alliance reporting that 40% to 70% of caregivers may experience clinically significant symptoms of depression, with a quarter to half meeting the criteria for major depression.
Benefits of living in multi-generational households with extended family
Despite the stressors often faced by caregivers and dependents, a multi-generational living situation can be highly beneficial in several ways. Financially speaking, some find relief through reduced mortgage, rent, utility, and other household expenses. Extended families living together may also pool resources for transportation, childcare, eldercare, and other necessities. The potential social and emotional benefits are notable, as well. For example:
- Living under the same roof can offer more opportunities for interaction and connection between generations, fostering stronger relationships.
- Multi-generational households can provide a built-in support system for coping with shared challenges.
- Living with family can combat loneliness, particularly for seniors, who might otherwise be isolated.
- Older family members can provide childcare assistance, easing the burden on parents.
- Seniors can receive care and support from younger family members, allowing them to age in place and avoid the need for expensive assisted living facilities.
- Intergenerational living can help maintain family traditions and cultural heritage.
Challenges to emotional well-being for parents and children sharing a home
Several issues can contribute to emotional distress for an adult child taking on a caregiving role for an aging parent. For example, caring for aging parents can create financial strain for adult children, adding to their stress. These adult children may neglect their own needs and well-being, further exacerbating emotional burnout. Self-care can be critical for managing stress, which can contribute to mental health challenges like anxiety and depression. Support from family, friends, or professional resources can also be crucial.
Role shifts between parents and adult children
Changes in the parent-child relationship may shift overall family dynamics as parents age and their needs change, creating unique challenges for aging parents living with their adult children. As they age, parents may need assistance with daily tasks, which can lead to a sense of vulnerability and loss of control. Believing they are a “burden” on their adult children can impact a parent’s self-worth and self-esteem. Resentment can also arise when parents believe that their needs aren’t being met or their wishes are not respected.
On the other hand, adult children may struggle with understanding their new roles and how to balance their own needs with those of their parents. Adult children taking on caregiving responsibilities might also feel uncomfortable with certain aspects of caregiving because it may seem like they are intruding on their parents’ boundaries. Caregiver burnout may arise, potentially leading to resentment or emotional depletion.
Supporting harmony in multi-generational households
As with most relationships, communication is key to cultivating healthy relationships within the multi-generational family unit. Establishing healthy communication requires providing a space for every member to express their needs, concerns, and points of view. Regular family meetings discussing household matters and addressing issues can support this type of environment. Active listening, empathy, and clear communication can be key in such discussions.
Create healthy boundaries for parents and children
Respecting each other’s boundaries and expectations can award family members more safe space and autonomy. As such, members may wish to each have a personal space in the house where they can retreat conveniently, giving the family room to relax apart from each other. Additionally, you may work together to establish clear rules and expectations for shared spaces and responsibilities.
Share responsibilities with extended family members
If possible, household chores and other tasks should be distributed among family members, according to age and ability, to avoid overwhelm. You may consider having regular meetings to discuss finances and address any concerns. During the meetings, establish clear agreements on how household expenses will be shared and be transparent about financial matters to avoid misunderstandings.
Share activities that bring everyone together
Beyond household responsibilities, families in multi-generational households who share meals, hobbies, and other meaningful activities can experience stronger bonds. Such activities can create shared memories and offer opportunities to express affection and gratitude for each other’s contributions and support. With time, shared activities may become meaningful rituals or new family traditions. Acknowledging and celebrating family milestones and achievements together can also build a sense of legacy.
As an adult child, how should I decide whether to let my aging parents live with me?
Deciding whether to allow parents or extended family to live with you often involves balancing several areas, including financial stability, emotional well-being, and personal autonomy. It's often a complex issue with various potential benefits and drawbacks. To navigate the decision, you may need to reflect thoroughly on your individual needs and circumstances.
Consider your mental health
Do you have a history of anxiety, depression, or other mental health challenges that might be exacerbated by caregiving? Do you have a strong support network of friends, family, and other resources to help you cope with the emotional burden of caregiving? Are you comfortable setting boundaries to protect your well-being and saying no to requests that would overwhelm you?
Think about your financial position and long-term plans
Finances can significantly affect an adult child's decision to take in aging parents. Can you realistically afford or save money for the financial factors associated with taking in your parents, including potentially higher housing costs, medical expenses, and lifestyle changes? Adult children may need to consider practical matters related to long-term care. For example, you might review your parents' wills, trusts, and other legal documents and ensure they have appropriate legal and financial powers of attorney.
Think about your responsibility as an adult child in caring for your parents’ physical and mental health
Adult children taking on caregiving roles for their aging parents may be expected to protect their physical and mental well-being throughout the later stages of life. For example, you may need to work with your parents’ doctors and other healthcare providers to develop a plan for their medical care, including medication management and appointment scheduling.
Ensure your parents have access to reliable transportation and consider any mobility issues requiring home modifications for safety. Finally, encourage your parents to stay socially active, engage in activities that bring them joy, and ensure they can access a support network. Studies show that older adults who remain socially active tend to have less stress and better overall well-being. They may also live longer, be less likely to develop some chronic diseases, and experience slower or less cognitive decline.
Navigating caregiver burnout
Each person’s experience is different. However, research indicates that many people caring for aging parents in the home experience burnout. Caregivers can become mentally and emotionally drained when caring for an aging parent or another family member, especially since many neglect their own health while focusing on others. Prioritizing sleep, nutrition, and regular exercise can be critical for caregivers, as can making time to engage in enjoyable activities.
Finding time for stress-relieving activities and connecting with friends may reduce stress and maintain well-being. Sometimes, sharing experiences with other caregivers can offer emotional support and a sense of solidarity. Many reach out to a therapist or counselor for guidance on coping with the mental health challenges associated with caregiving.
Seeking online support from a mental health professional
Online therapy can be highly beneficial for busy members of multi-generational households. Platforms like BetterHelp offer convenient, accessible treatment with mental health professionals who specialize in addressing the unique needs of caregivers, as well as the complexities of multi-generational living. Individuals can attend sessions from the comfort of their homes on a schedule that fits their availability, and online therapy is often less expensive than traditional in-person treatment without insurance.
Several studies provide evidence that internet-delivered therapy targeted toward familial caregivers can be effective in reducing the symptoms of mental health difficulties like anxiety disorders and depression. For example, The Journal of Medical Information Research recently published a trial measuring the efficacy of an online acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) program tailored to people caring for an immediate family member with dementia. The researchers found that the ACT program led to positive effects on the mental health outcomes of family caregivers with depression. The researchers further noted that internet-delivered therapy could offer a good alternative to traditional methods, given the barriers faced by many caregivers in accessing in-person therapy.
Takeaway
What are three benefits of living in a multigenerational house?
There can be many benefits associated with a multigenerational living arrangement. Multigenerational living can promote stronger familial bonds, such as those between grandparents and grandchildren. It can more evenly distribute chores and other household responsibilities, and it can also lead to financial benefits.
Are multigenerational homes a good idea?
Multi-generational home plans tend to come with both pros and cons. It can be important to ensure that each member of the family has their own space in the living arrangement. Having safe spaces to retreat to, rather than spending all of one’s time with loved ones in common areas, can promote well-being.
What is a disadvantage of multigenerational families?
Any time many people live together in the same home, particularly when those people come from several generations and have varying perspectives, it’s likely that conflict will arise. A lack of safe space is another concern many people have when it comes to multigenerational living.
What are some disadvantages of multi-gen homes?
Less safe space, more noise, and family tension are a few potential disadvantages of multi-gen homes. However, a multigenerational home can offer many benefits as well.
What percent of Americans live in multigenerational homes?
As of 2021, around 18% of people in the US lived in multigenerational homes. These households are usually defined by their inclusion of two or more adult generations.
What are potential issues with mixed-aged households?
Caregiving responsibilities, a lack of boundaries, and the chance of interpersonal conflict are a few potential challenges associated with mixed-aged households. For example, conflict may arise between young people with children and the children’s grandparents, who may have different ideas about how the kids should be raised.
What are the challenges of a multigenerational household?
One of the most notable concerns associated with this type of living arrangement is the potential for a lack of boundaries. This may be especially challenging for introverts, who often need alone time to decompress.
How do you survive multi-generational living?
If it’s possible, having a floor plan that allows for safe space for each person in the household to spend time alone may reduce conflict. Separate entrances may further enable people to get the space they need to thrive. Meanwhile, accessibility features like wider doorways and grab bars in the bathroom can be helpful for older adults and those with disabilities. Establishing household rules and developing effective conflict-resolution skills can be beneficial as well.
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